drowning...

im drowning...in waves of emotion...

sadness and despair fills me up, making it difficult for me to breathe.
salty water trickle down my face, leaving a trail of sorrow.
each wave hits me and envelopes me and i wonder, will i ever be the same?
will i ever be able to swim away from my pain or will it drag me down
into the deep realms of hopelessness?

save me, help me.

for i'm drowning...in waves of emotion...

written by me...

COLOUR!!!

omg..i just realised i can add colour to my blog..how dumb can i be?

COLOUR!!!

Eat You Up

so obviously im procrastinating...

but anyways..this song is pretty hot rite now..found it when i was reading the PopSeoul blog..

rem BoA? the korean singer? i actually haf one of her albums and her songs are pretty catchy..well apparently she's hoping to break into the US market and this song is her first english single to be released there..

the song itself is interesting..the lyrics are kinda funny..the bad thing is her accent..but otherwise pretty good beat! very catchy..

but wat im more amazed at is the music video..absolutely love it! the dance moves in this video are HOT! apparently it's choreographed by the backup dancers behind..so dats pretty cool..ive been watching this mv lots the past few days..just cos of the moves..and the song is kinda addictive..haha..oh dear..not good when im trying to study..





things i gotta say abt this video:
i love the first min of the video..ahhh!! wish i could do those dance moves..and im super impressed by BoA since she looks just as good as the professional dancers at the back..and btw, the guy in red is kinda hot..hahaha..

the ballet part when they invade the ballet school kinda reminds me of step up..hmm..

and omigosh, BoA's body rolls are amazing! super flexible..esp the one at ~2:10..wow..

the lyrics are kinda flirtateous..haha it's funny..

and yea it's hot..wish i could change career rite now and be a professional backup dancer..now how cool would dat be?

ok..back to studying bones..

Edit Note: OMG! one of the backup dancers is the lead for centre stage 2!! it's the guy with the hat! will be out next yr! exciting!!!

i hate myself

i hate myself for so many things...

I Hate Myself for:
* sleeping too much
* being so slack
* not concentrating
* typing this right now
* being depressed
* being helpless
* watching music videos on youtube
* spending so much time on facebook
* wasting time on the internet
* not being determined enuf


(list to be continued...)

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a
class. The subject was 'What Heaven was like. ' I wowed 'em,' he
later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb.
It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving
home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in
Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed
but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family
portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think
we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of
the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life
after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know
I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.
There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small
index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by
author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from
floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different
headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was
one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping
through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the
names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I
was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my
life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a
detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled
with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring
their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and
regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was
watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have
betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird
'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have
Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in
their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I
couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I
Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised
by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I
hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it
be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or
even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in
my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I
realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed
tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the
file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the
vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill
run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its
size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost
animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see
these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In
insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to
empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it
on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled
out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my
forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel
With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost
unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long
fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.
They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I
cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file
shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this
room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I
saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly
as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch
His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw
a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read
every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at
me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I
dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked
over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He
didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end
of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over
mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to
say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't
be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive.
The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took
the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't
think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it
seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I
stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There
were still cards to be written.

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'-Phil.
4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.' If you feel the
same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also my
'People I shared the gospel with' file just got bigger, how about yours?

----------------------------------------

each time i get one of these forwarded emails, i reflect back upon my life and think, i'm a pretty poor christian..everyone sins including me and it's thru God's grace that our sins are forgiven and we can go to heaven..but sometimes i think i dnt deserve it and my daily actions speak for themselves..nevertheless i'm still thankful that there is someone up there who loves me enuf to sacrifice his own son for my everlasting life..

Forgive me Father for all my sins and I pray that you keep me strong and faithful through the tough times ahead..

Q&A & SS

my horoscope for the day:

"If the answer hasn't come to you yet, it's time to go in search of it. You'll find it if you look.."

wat if i dnt even kno wat the question is? how will i kno wat to look for? and even if i go searching? how will i kno where to look? and how will i kno when i haf found it?

on another random note, read this:

(from ask sam! - sydney morning herald blogs)

Finding that "special someone" - just a myth?

A few years ago I started to notice something going awry on Planet Singleton. It wasn't the proliferation of the new booty-call buddy systems, text-dumping or dating-in-the-dark parties that was getting my g-string in a knot (although they did give plenty of fodder for this column).

Rather I'm talking the fact that, when I started to ask singles what the heck they're still searching for, they often answered with the same deflated response: "I'm still waiting for that someone special" ...

Somewhere along the lines, the meaning of a good relationship got lost in translation. Instead of hankering after a meaningful, long-lasting union that took time, effort and tolerance to cultivate, singletons seemed to switch gears and be told that they should be after that magical concept of "someone special'' (SS), who may or may not exist in real life.

Hence instead of being happy with their lot, or settling with someone who ticks most of their boxes, many still spend their lives searching, searching, searching for that SS who is going to whip them off their feet ... and spend a tad too many depressing years doing so.

A case in point is my marketing manager friend Tom who, after dating his new girlfriend for about four months, which is a pretty long time by Tom's standards, suddenly decided she was just not "special'' enough for him.

When I asked him what in the world was wrong with his six-foot blonde (and smart to boot) girlfriend, he said that she had so many flaws he simply couldn't look past them.

"She can be so rude sometimes. And we don't share the same view of the world. I need someone who is going to be my best friend and my lover.''

Ah yes, a few arguments over where to go for lunch or why he stayed out so late on a Saturday night when he was meant to be seeing her and suddenly she's no longer worthy of relationship status.

"So do you think you're going to find that person?'' I asked him.

"Of course!'' he said, before adding that he just needed to go onto the internet and a million women would be there waiting to meet him.

At least that's what he thinks.

When I ask my recently married personal trainer friend, he told me that the SS theory was a bunch of codswallop.

"Someone special lasts for about three minutes of sex and then it's real life from then on in. Plus how long does someone special actually last? Certainly not forever.''

Of course when you're traipsing through the dating jungle in search of that someone special, we don't ever think it's going to last only a measly three minutes.

Instead, many whole-heartedly believe that their SS is just going to appear from thin air with no flaws, quips, emotional baggage, character issues, wrinkles, lines, cellulite or anything much that denotes the person is actually human, and not a genetically programmed designed specimen created on their latest techno-gadget.

And while we're all taught not to settle for anyone but the best and are encouraged not to worry about being single because someone will always come along, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of Kosher Sex and a relationships expert, has an interesting theory.

By his reckoning, it's attitudes like my friend Tom's that's the big problem.

Why do we all think we need someone so special when we're not so special ourselves?

He tells Afterword Magazine this typical story:

"I asked this guy, who's dated 200 women, why he's not married yet. He gave me the typical response: `I haven't yet met the right person. I want someone really special.'

"I said, 'Do you realise what you're saying? Only 1 per cent of the population is really special. 99 per cent of people are ordinary. You're part of the 99 per cent!'

"We don't realise these dumb statements like, 'I haven't met the right person.' Garbage! There are tons of people. There's something inside you that won't allow you to fall in love. Stop blaming the people. It's you!''

How do you know when you meet your SS?

When asked by the writer if you feel sparks immediately, Boteach says the answer is a resounding no.

"Have you ever heard of anyone falling in love with a job before they start doing the job? This kind of immediate gratification has no longevity. It never lasts. Putting work into the relationship actually has its reward.''

Instead, he blames the fast-moving way we date today on why we haven't been able to cultivate more long-lasting relationships.

"The way we date today is we date with no scruples and we end the relationship with no scruples. You meet someone through a friend, or you meet them, and they satisfy the basic criteria for someone who I think I could have a relationship with. Meaning that they're honest, they're attractive to me, they're kind, they listen well - great. Now I'll put time and effort into this relationship. This is why I tell people: 'Don't do the immediate dating and immediate stop-dating thing. Be perhaps more discerning about who you date, and then when you do decide to date someone, give them three or four dates.'

"And when people listen to me - the few that do - they usually find that someone who they never thought they'd be interested in after two dates, they ended up being interested in.''

And when it comes to women?

Boteach says this: "This is especially true of women. Women employ two primary criteria in dating. Confidence in a man is one, and a sense of humour in a man is the other, with listening being the third. Often, it takes more time for a guy to be more comfortable on a date. The first date he might be fumbling, he might not be as funny, might not be as confident. But by the second or third date, he's come into his own and he's like a mature wine.''

-----------------------------------------------------

i used to strongly believe in this idea but i dnt believe it anymore..for me to believe in a SS, it would mean this SS would have to think i'm his SS..and the likelihood of dat is pretty low..

i still believe dat there can be sparks in any relationship..but i dnt think dat each of us have our own special soulmates out there who are meant only for us..it's not feasible..wat happens if that soulmate dies early? wat happens if the timing is just really wrong? sometimes people just end up with the person they're with due to pure luck..it's like when u need to pair up for games or projects, u usually pair up with the person dat happens to be close by..

the soulmate idea appealed to me in my younger days but not anymore..i haf aunties who never got married..does dat mean they were not meant to be with someone? does dat mean they dnt have soulmates? maybe like wat the blog said, ppl give up a good thing in order to find their SS..maybe at the end of the day, SSs dnt exist..people only become SS if u make them special..

demoralised

had one of the worse days of the year..had my presentation today which didn't go quite as well as i had hoped..but screw it..it's over..

wat i hate is how it makes me feel..i spent so much time on the powerpoint and sometimes i feel dat it goes unappreciated..it's interesting how ppl tend to pick at bad points instead of commenting on the good points..now i feel like shit..and tired..and frustrated..and totally incompetent..how demoralising..esp when exams are in 2 and a half wks..counting down..

so im exhausted mentally and emotionally..and a lil bit exhausted physically..and yet im here in the comp lab trying to do my short cases..i figured hopefully ill be able to do some work in the comp lab rather than procrastinate at home..obviously i can still blog in the comp lab..

i just feel so sad and down..i cant wait for exams and 5th yr to be over..bring on the hols! (even if it's only for 2 wks) not much else to comment on..i may be more emo later and write a more depressing entry..see how the rest of the day goes..sigh..

sunshine

so instead of procrastinating on facebook, ive decided to procrastinate by blogging..sigh..not feeling very productive today..despite i haf a presentation on tues and my timetable is full on mon..so technically, ive gotta finish the presentation by today..*fingers crossed*..

it doesnt help either dat the weather outside is gorgeous..the sun is in full shine..the sky is blue..the trees are green..i wish i was sitting outside somewhere with my sunnies on..drinking ice coffee..mmm..i wish..

it's been a while since ive had to study for major exams..technically it's been a year..the last time i had to study was in 3rd yr..my current feeling of "sianness" reminds me of wat it was like studying in dnd..when summer was out and no one has the mood to study..wishing i was outside instead enjoying the weather..reality is im stuck in my room..trying to ignore the innocent pleasures of life of enjoying the sunshine..

ok..enuf talk of the sun..it gives skin cancer..haha..

the good thing is i have gold coast to look forward to..hoping to lie in the sun, swim in the pool and sea..go to all the "worlds"..and RELAX..it'll happen in another 4 wks..just gotta get thru exams first..

in the mean time, i can only enjoy the sun by looking out the window..anyone wanna help me do my presentation?? sigh..ok..enuf procrastinating for today..haha..who knos..i mite write another entry later..

i admit defeat...

today, ive come to the realisation dat i shuld get over it..i shuldnt freak out..i shuldnt have palpitations..

cos really, i highly doubt it'll happen..think i'm kinda over it anyway..strange..which makes me feel like there's something empty there..hmm..

so yea..i admit defeat..ive given up..it aint gonna happen no matter how hard i try..no matter how hard i hope..so why bother? ive lost the last glimmer of hope..

note: i realise this is a cryptic entry..it was done with intention..

eventful saturday

so i didnt exactly haf the best nite's sleep last nite..my long case was due this morn and i was finishing it up last nite when i found out at 12am dat oh shit..i was meant to do some research abt the topic and haf actual references..so i had a mini panic..adrenaline was pumping..and after a few hrs of crapping (with some cut and paste), i managed to finish it by 2.30am..but wat a long nite..and im suffering today becos of it..

and here i am now procrastinating even tho i haf a presentation to write up, pathology handout, short case, and i gotta study rheum cos i have clinic with the scary rheum consultant..sigh..my life is pretty bad..

so anyways..interesting things dat happened in the last few days..

first of all, we had the practice osce on sat..was feeling pretty sick dat day..not exactly sure why..maybe it was cos i had so much junk food the day before or maybe it was nerves? but anyways, i was being an examiner first..

so i paired up with another girl and somehow we got the gynae ed station..go figure! so we walked into our room and saw a couple of bananas there and we thot wow we have snacks! but wait, there's more..there was a brown paper bag filled with...condoms..guessed wat our station was yet? hehe..lo and behold, we had the condom education station..how funny is dat? and the bananas are meant to be the "condom trainers"..haha..so after seeing 24 students go around, attempting to be experts in the art of putting on a condom, i figured i shuld pretty much kno exactly wat to say (or do?) haha..

so here is my guide to putting on a condom (from the marking schedule and collected fr wat ppl talked abt):

step 1: check the expiry date! very impt..also check to see that the silver packet is not perforated..also, make sure to store ur condoms in a cool, dark place..not in ur wallet!

step 2: open the packet at the sides, making sure not to rip the condom..check dat the condom does not have any holes..(???)

step 3: make sure the "condom trainer" is erect before putting on the condom..and also be sure to put on the condom before any contact with the vagina..(couldn't think of a funny substitute)..may have pre-ejaculatory stuff..(eww)..

step 4: squeeze the tip of the condom to eliminate any air bubbles..and place on top of the condom trainer and roll the condom down..all the way to the bottom to ensure full coverage..(better for sti protection apparently)

step 5: ready for the naughty deed!

step 6: after *erhem*, make sure the "condom trainer" is withdrawn before it becomes too soft..to prevent leakage..and withdraw while holding onto the base of the condom so dat it doesn't slip off..

step 7: tie the condom up (only one guy said this, thot it was quite practical!) and wrap it up in tissue or toilet paper and throw it in the bin..pls do not throw it in the toilet bowl..not cool for the environment!

so there u have it, simple steps to safe condom use!

we had so much fun seeing ppl's initial reactions to the station..some were pretty knowledgeable and some were obviously clueless! hehehe..clearly shows who has experience? and by the morning, the poor banana was a bruised banana..hahaha..

so after going through 24 students, the 2 of us were pros! and then the next half of the day, we were the students going ard..dats another story all together..was a very tiring day but luckily entertaining for us in the beginning..

so then after a long day, i wanted to get some R&R, so decided to drag a fren out for a movie..took a while to decide which one but decided to go for journey to the centre of the earth 3D..since it scored over 80 on rotten tomatoes..was initially gonna go watch eagle eye but dat only scored like 20 something on rotten tomatoes..

so when we got to the cinema, there was a huge line! crowded as! and when we bought our tickets, we were shocked to hear the price! $18.50 for a movie ticket! we were like wat?!?! apparently it's dat price cos it's 3D..omg..this was prob the most expensive movie ticket i had ever bought..but we just decided wat the heck anyway..this better be good! we got the cool glasses and it was kinda exciting cos it's a 3D movie..and in the end, it was awesome! so many intense moments..so many cool things popping out of the screen..i was scared of the dinosaur..was a fun movie and the 3D experience was so cool! so in the end, we decided yea it was worth it..and a good break fr the study too!

so dat was my sat..my sun was spent celebrating hari raya at the open house..with lots of good food! and omigosh, the mood was so cool! and all the pretty bajus and kebayas! then after dat, went back home to do the case..and here we r back to square one..

ok..back to work now..sigh..

why geeks and nerds are worth it...

another random thing i came across..definitely a cheer me upper..

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In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models... They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo...”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind...”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

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hehehe..so wat do u think? go for the geeks and the nerds? according to a survey i did on facebook a long time ago, i attract geeks..interesting..maybe there's some sense in the randomness after all? hahaha..ok..really shuld do some study now..sigh..

note: i figured recently dat most ppl have diff definitions to the widely used terms geeks and nerds..so i thot i would give my own definition..

geek: person who dresses like screech..ever seen saved by the bell? screech is the ultimate geek..

nerd: someone who studies all the time, very hardworking, and doesn't have another life outside of study..(i consider myself a nerd..haha..sadly..)

hmm..maybe geeks need a makeover..haha..extreme makeover! kinda like beauty and the geek..haha..some geeks have amazing potential..just need a haircut and the proper grooming..whereas nerds, for me it's all abt the glasses..just wearing glasses makes me feel like a nerd..haha..ok this self conversation is going nowhere now..i shall stop before i blab on too much..

med 101: how to be treated like crap

i had an ok day today but it got ruined by a shitty ward clerk..

i had to go to the wards today to get some investigation results for my case patient. and i had a blister as well..so i thot id get one of those sticky dots to stop my "antalgic gait". so i went to the ward, looking for a sticky dot..went to the nurses station..and found a nurse who asked me wat i was doing..i told her i was a medical student and wanted a sticky dot..then she asked me if i was taking blood and i said no, i just haf a blister..anyways she got it for me..then i went outside on the couches to put it on..then out comes the ward clerk with that nurse, telling me off..saying how i can't just enter the nurse's station..and how i have to ask for permission cos apparently ppl haf been stealing drugs etc etc..(i already didnt have a very good impression of this particular ward clerk prior to this incident so i wasn't very happy already) but anyways, i persevered and then asked this ward clerk if i could go into the nurse's station to look up some results on the computer..then she tells me no i shouldnt cos they're really busy at the moment blah blah blah..(there was no one in the nurse's station when i went in before) then she tells me to try the other ward..at this point, i was like ok watever woman! so i went to the other ward and decided fine, i'll ask for "permission" to enter the nurse's station..except this time this ward clerk looked at me strangely and said to ask one of the nurses..who then told me to ask the house surgeon who very kindly gave me eclair access..so in the end i did get my patient's results..no thanks to the bitchy ward clerk!

the point of me venting my frustration is dat when did medical students ever need to ask for permission to enter the nurse's station?!?! how are we meant to do our cases if we can't even access patient files or even the computers for radiology and results? i felt so demoralised after my encounter with the evil ward clerk..medical students get treated like crap! we r seriously at the bottom of the hierachy..even the ward clerk gets to tell us off..wat is the world coming to? and we are paying high education fees to learn how to get treated like crap..

doctors may get treated like Gods but medical students def get treated like shit..medicine is so overrated..sometimes i question myself why did i even get myself in this situation..

OCTOBER?!?!

omg it's october already!!!!!!!!!!

KILL ME NOW! oh crap..only another month before exams..sigh..

my life officially sucks from now on.