$60 for 3 days

it's way too hot in chch..my house is literally becoming a furnace..it's supposedly 28 degrees today and def can feel myself melting away..i hope i dnt burn again tho..haha..been staying indoors most of the day..

in fact, now ive realised dat im slowly running out of moolah..(im trying to save for my super expensive elective u see..) i tried doing the budgeting thing allocating myself a set amount each month but it's not going too well this month. i blame xmas shopping..haha..actually i only bought stuff for myself..hahahaha..i sound so self obsessed. so now i have 60 bucks to last me till next pay day which is this fri i think? so hopefully i dnt get tempted into buying stuff dat i dnt need..my dad always say when any of us wants to buy stuff, "is it something you NEED?"..and it's usually not something we need but something we WANT..haha..

so plans to save money..cook at home..haha..avoid the mall..therefore drive less therefore save on petrol..entertain myself with free online dramas..haha..shall see how it goes for the next few days..

hey! listen mr boy...

hey! listen mr boy...



another catchy tune i discovered while randomly surfing..another female korean popstar..haha..the original mv doesnt do it justice so i prefer the live performances..

but i reckon lee hyori has star quality..the X-factor..even tho her singing isnt like whoa fantastic but cant help but watch her perform..maybe it's cos she looks really pretty (she's actually approaching 30)..but then again..she could look just like any asian singer..with the small eyes and short stature..haha..but i like her hair in this video..esp with the windblowing effect..haha..why is it when i get my hair curled dat it can never look like dat? haha..

in this vid, she in dat outfit kinda reminds me of britney spears back in the day from baby one more time..and yea britney is another with X-factor..she still has IT..esp in the womaniser video..dat prob deserves a post on its own..

but yea im currently addicted to this song..hey! listen mr boy...

ps: the title of the song is hey mr big..wonder if it has any reference to mr big from sex and the city..hmm..

michusoo

the latest hypnotic tune in my head..

lala michusoo lala michusoo..

son dambi is HOT! killer legs and i love her fringe..the sweeping kind..
and watch for the bodyrolls at 3:08..never realised bodyrolls were dat sexy..haha..hmm i sound a bit weird..

but the dance sequence is hot..motivation to get off my butt and work my abs (non existent abs).

blog posts from the past week.

R.I.P. baby (Monday)

Today I found out dat a patient died..and it was a newborn baby as well..i was there when they had to resuscitate the baby..traumatic enuf experience for me..i can only imagine wat the mum must be feeling..i prayed for the baby..hoping it would make it..guess baby wasn’t meant to live..

I pray dat baby is resting in peace..and dat the family will be able to get through this difficult and unfortunate death..

This just goes to show dat every birth is truly indeed a miracle and I am truly blessed that I made it this far in life..


Repeated Thinking (Wednesday)

Only 2 more days till my long awaited 2 week break..and wat am I gonna do during my holiday? Im gonna sleep and sleep some more..

Ive been thinking a lot during my time at timaru..thinking abt my life plans..wat im gonna do in terms of my future career..ive always been the type to work hard, the perfectionist, the type to aim really high..ever heard of the saying dat goes something like, aim for the stars so u’ll land among the clouds..something along those lines..u get the drift..so im still thinking abt the question of whether ill work in urban or rural area..i kno now dat ill get amazing clinical exposure working in a rural hospital..but then again, am I willing to sacrifice my personal play time for dat? Do u seriously see me as the type to live in a rural area and go mountain biking (can’t even cycle) or go tramping (can walk but im too much of a girly girl for the outdoors)? Yea I kno it’s great fun but it’s ok once in a while..ive always been a city girl..i grew up in a big city..to move to chch was already a huge change..moving to dnd was bigger..and now to move to an even smaller place? Whoa..so im weighing up my options..tough decisions..

A bit of a repeat yea? Just shows this has been on my mind for the past few days..and it’s a huge decision to be made..it’s my future..determines the rest of my life..

In the mean time, ill just stone..as I always do..hahaha..


My perfectionism… (Thursday)

The weather is brilliant outside..pity it doesn’t correlate with my current mood..

I reckon im too much of a perfectionist and I def take criticism to heart..i hate it when ppl think im dumb..sometimes yea it’s tru but I kno im more intelligent than most ppl..(omg, I sound so bigheaded) but seriously, since doing medicine, ive doubted myself more than ever, lack confidence and basically turned into a timid shy girl who is afraid dat ppl will think badly of her..and becos of dat, most of the time I keep my mouth shut, which in turn leads ppl to believe im quiet and boring..vicious cycle..it’s a shame really, dat I do bother abt how ppl think of me..id rather not and I really admire ppl who are not afraid to be themselves, to truly show their real side and not care wat other ppl think..im trying to learn to be like dat slowly..it’s a struggle each day to learn to be happy with who I am and be contented at wat I do each day..i blame the perfectionist streak in me..there are days when my best is not enuf..and there are days when criticism stabs me and compliments are regarded as ppl just being nice..today was one of those days..

the rural life...

so i've been doing a placement in a rural area..it's actually not even dat rural..it's only timaru..but omg the past week has made me realise a couple of things..

number one: im officially addicted to the internet..i have realised i cannot survive without checking my gmail or checking up on wat everybody is up to on facebook..dats the stalker tendency in me..a day without internet is a lil bit torturous..and made me appreciate the simple life at home..with my broadband internet..

number two: rural life is boring..which made me think oh crap, will i ever survive working in a rural hospital? the clinical experience is great..im getting to do loads of stuff and each time i get paged (and start swearing cos im getting paged at past 9pm at nite!), makes me feel like a real house surgeon..haha..i think if i was planning on being career driven, id def consider working in a rural area..but id need at least a fren there with me..cos heck it's really boring otherwise..if i wasnt intending on being career driven, then working in chch suits me fine..guess it all depends on wat happens in the next couple of months..which will determine where i go for work..decisions decisions decisions..i cant believe i have to make life changing decisions in a few months time..

number three: i get homesick..i miss my bed..my toilet..my basin with mixer taps and not separated hot and cold taps which really pisses me off..i miss my tv and my trustworthy vcr to tape the tv shows i miss..my radio..and my internet!! ok im back to number one now..haha..

so yea..dnt think the rural life suits me dat well..if only they had fast internet there, which would make my life a whole lot easier..

in the meantime, gotta pack and head back to timaru..only another week before the start of my 2 week holiday! which means more sleeping and stoning since there arent any alternative plans..and wow..only 11 days till xmas..and only 17 days till the new year..looks like it's gonna be a quiet holiday..

scars

wat do u do when u realise dat everything u used to believe in was all a big lie? to realise dat i was a stupid fool who was too naive and innocent to know any better.

well now i hope i have learned from the past..

yet now i carry the scars dat may fade but will always b there.

so wat do i do now? nothing.

too late

sometimes life happens dat when u have something precious, u dnt treasure it at all..instead u treat it like trash and take it for granted..and then when it's gone, u realise how precious it was in the first place but by then it's too late..

i call dat regret.....

sunburnt skin

i got sunburnt when i was in the gold coast..yes..me..sunburnt..even tho i had spf70 sunblock..must have missed the shoulders..but anyways..i got sunburnt and it was quite sore for the next few days..had to do the aloe vera thing..putting on the mist and gel..wasnt as soothing as i had hoped it would be tho..

now, the area of burn looks dark and the skin itself looks a bit weird like totally dried skin dat really needs moisturising..haha..looks like im not cut out to be a dermatologist..cant describe skin..haha..the point of the story is the weirdest thing happened ytd after my shower..i could peel off the dead skin..this may sound gross but it was kinda cool for me! haha..i was literally peeling off a layer of skin..felt like an amphibian peeling off their scales or skin or watever it is they peel off..like snakes! then i thot of dat guy off heroes..mohinder suresh..cos he's now got some skin side effects from injecting himself with super power stuff..and he's also peeling off some funky skin thing..also kinda gross..haha..

so the moral of the story is..dnt get sunburnt! use sunblock and pls apply every exposed area..yes yes i have now learnt my lesson..

ps: did u kno there are 2 past tenses of burn? burned and burnt..i still dunno which one is the proper one despite googling it..

edit note: i got sunburnt AGAIN!!!!! once bitten twice shy..now i think ive really learnt my lesson..slip slop slap and wrap!

5 weeks till xmas?!?!

while i was sleeping in today..basking in the sun streaming thru my window..i heard on the radio that it was another 5 weeks till xmas..

whoa..only 5 weeks till xmas?!?! and heck i have no xmas plans..u see, for the first time in forever, im not gonna be ard family for xmas..which is kinda sad really..ive always had either my family or my parents or my sister ard for xmas, whether it be in chch, in sg or even on holiday..so this time the rest of my family r in sg while im here in chch..mainly becos of stupid TI year which has to start in nov..i guess i have to start getting used to it since im gonna be working pretty soon..may even have to work on xmas! so usually during xmas, id ask my mum wat r we having for xmas dinner? but this time i cant ask her dat..instead i ask myself wat's for xmas dinner? hmm..maybe i shuld start planning..xmas dinner for one..

which brings me to another topic..dining out alone..ive had to endure this experience quite a number of times and each time id rather have a brown paper bag over my head..i always look at solo diners and wonder..why r they eating alone? i recall dat this topic has even been mentioned in sex and the city..and eating alone takes preparation..u need to have ur weapons when u're eating alone..be it a book or some other way to entertain urself since there is no one to talk to..sometimes i choose to eat alone becos i believe it builds character..haha..im strange i kno..being able to eat alone takes some form of guts..the ability to not care abt wat other ppl think and to simply enjoy the dining experience is something dat ive yet to master tho..and since im alone for the next 3 months, i shall push myself and build character..at least it will teach me dat i dnt need to depend on someone else in order to enjoy my life..

Lucky

ok i had to post this cos it was way too cute not to post..

absolutely love this song and this video makes me go gaga cute!



sigh..how i wish i was dat lucky..HAHA!

updates

so it's middle of november now and the last post was in october...loads to update on...

first of all, i had the dreaded exams and thank gawd they're over! the osce itself turned me into a bundle of nerves..screwed up a couple of stations but overall they went ok..the written made my hand cramp..the mcqs gave me a headache..BUT the good news is I PASSED! how awesome is dat! so my thank you speeches go out to God for giving me strength and guidance..my parents for bearing with my crappiness..and my frens for giving me support..yes altho i was a bitch some of the time, i do appreciate the support and well wishes..so sorry for being bitchy and super stressed out..

second of all, the post exam celebration! the first nite was spent shopping for the GC trip..then somehow ended up playing wii at a fren's place..stayed up till pretty late..but it was def loads of fun and now im seriously considering buying a wii with my first TI grant..but will weigh up the pros and cons..got lotsa things im thinking abt buying..

the next day was spent karaoking..and then class dinner at speights ale house..it's kinda scary cos dat was kinda like one of the last times the whole class would be together..the first quarter elective ppl are going off doing their thang..and at the end of the yr for the TI dinner, the 4th quarter elective ppl would be gone doing their elective thang..so yea it was good to see everyone esp since everyone was on a post exam euphoria..haha..

then after dat it was off to the GOLD COAST! i have to say this was a pretty fun trip..it took ages and stress to organise but most of it went well without a hitch! altho the weather wasnt dat fantastic with it raining on a few days..(even had to buy a blue poncho!) the theme parks were super fun and omigosh, i would go on the rides over and over again if it wasnt for the super long queues..best ride would def haf to be superman escape at movieworld! the time went by really quickly and soon 6 days at GC was over :(

so now im back in chch trying to enjoy the last week of hols before i officially become a TRAINEE INTERN! how freakishly scary is dat..i cant believe the day i become a TI is nearly here..i still remember the days when i was a first year health sci nerd..how time flies..and in a year's time, ill graduate! eek!!!!!! so scary...i still feel like a kid..omg..cant handle responsibility..

speaking of responsibility, ive been ditched by the parents..haha..they've gone back to singapore but are now in sydney for a stopover holiday..(since they're flying qantas) got a txt from them today..my mum is so cute..she even used "hehe" in her txt..haha..apparently they dnt like sydney cos it's full of ah bengs and ah lians..hahahahahaha..so yea im now an independent person living in her own big house..gotta cook and clean for myself..i cooked today for the first time in yonks..and omg..it's tiring..washing the dishes is such a pain..think im gonna eventually use the dishwasher..and it's kinda lonely not having anyone to talk to :( but oh well i shall get used to it! another 3 mths of this and then ill be off on my elective..which i still have to sort out..sigh..

so i shall try and enjoy my next week of hols..gonna pamper myself and get a pedicure and hopefully a massage done this week..will try and get my hair cut..it's dying for a cut..and do some household chores..get some exercise along the way..use the windsor pilates for once hopefully! so yea if im bored, ill post more..haha..

drowning...

im drowning...in waves of emotion...

sadness and despair fills me up, making it difficult for me to breathe.
salty water trickle down my face, leaving a trail of sorrow.
each wave hits me and envelopes me and i wonder, will i ever be the same?
will i ever be able to swim away from my pain or will it drag me down
into the deep realms of hopelessness?

save me, help me.

for i'm drowning...in waves of emotion...

written by me...

COLOUR!!!

omg..i just realised i can add colour to my blog..how dumb can i be?

COLOUR!!!

Eat You Up

so obviously im procrastinating...

but anyways..this song is pretty hot rite now..found it when i was reading the PopSeoul blog..

rem BoA? the korean singer? i actually haf one of her albums and her songs are pretty catchy..well apparently she's hoping to break into the US market and this song is her first english single to be released there..

the song itself is interesting..the lyrics are kinda funny..the bad thing is her accent..but otherwise pretty good beat! very catchy..

but wat im more amazed at is the music video..absolutely love it! the dance moves in this video are HOT! apparently it's choreographed by the backup dancers behind..so dats pretty cool..ive been watching this mv lots the past few days..just cos of the moves..and the song is kinda addictive..haha..oh dear..not good when im trying to study..





things i gotta say abt this video:
i love the first min of the video..ahhh!! wish i could do those dance moves..and im super impressed by BoA since she looks just as good as the professional dancers at the back..and btw, the guy in red is kinda hot..hahaha..

the ballet part when they invade the ballet school kinda reminds me of step up..hmm..

and omigosh, BoA's body rolls are amazing! super flexible..esp the one at ~2:10..wow..

the lyrics are kinda flirtateous..haha it's funny..

and yea it's hot..wish i could change career rite now and be a professional backup dancer..now how cool would dat be?

ok..back to studying bones..

Edit Note: OMG! one of the backup dancers is the lead for centre stage 2!! it's the guy with the hat! will be out next yr! exciting!!!

i hate myself

i hate myself for so many things...

I Hate Myself for:
* sleeping too much
* being so slack
* not concentrating
* typing this right now
* being depressed
* being helpless
* watching music videos on youtube
* spending so much time on facebook
* wasting time on the internet
* not being determined enuf


(list to be continued...)

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a
class. The subject was 'What Heaven was like. ' I wowed 'em,' he
later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb.
It's the best thing I ever wrote..' It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving
home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in
Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed
but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family
portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think
we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of
the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life
after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know
I'll see him.'

Brian's Essay: The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.
There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small
index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by
author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from
floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different
headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was
one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping
through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the
names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I
was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my
life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a
detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled
with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring
their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and
regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was
watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have
betrayed.' The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird
'Books I Have Read,' 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have
Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at .' Some were almost hilarious in
their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I
couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I
Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised
by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I
hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it
be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or
even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in
my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I
realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed
tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the
file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the
vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill
run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its
size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost
animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see
these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In
insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to
empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it
on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled
out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my
forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel
With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost
unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long
fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt.
They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I
cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file
shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this
room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I
saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly
as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch
His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw
a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read
every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at
me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I
dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked
over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He
didn't say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end
of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over
mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to
say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't
be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive.
The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took
the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't
think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it
seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I
stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There
were still cards to be written.

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'-Phil.
4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.' If you feel the
same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also my
'People I shared the gospel with' file just got bigger, how about yours?

----------------------------------------

each time i get one of these forwarded emails, i reflect back upon my life and think, i'm a pretty poor christian..everyone sins including me and it's thru God's grace that our sins are forgiven and we can go to heaven..but sometimes i think i dnt deserve it and my daily actions speak for themselves..nevertheless i'm still thankful that there is someone up there who loves me enuf to sacrifice his own son for my everlasting life..

Forgive me Father for all my sins and I pray that you keep me strong and faithful through the tough times ahead..

Q&A & SS

my horoscope for the day:

"If the answer hasn't come to you yet, it's time to go in search of it. You'll find it if you look.."

wat if i dnt even kno wat the question is? how will i kno wat to look for? and even if i go searching? how will i kno where to look? and how will i kno when i haf found it?

on another random note, read this:

(from ask sam! - sydney morning herald blogs)

Finding that "special someone" - just a myth?

A few years ago I started to notice something going awry on Planet Singleton. It wasn't the proliferation of the new booty-call buddy systems, text-dumping or dating-in-the-dark parties that was getting my g-string in a knot (although they did give plenty of fodder for this column).

Rather I'm talking the fact that, when I started to ask singles what the heck they're still searching for, they often answered with the same deflated response: "I'm still waiting for that someone special" ...

Somewhere along the lines, the meaning of a good relationship got lost in translation. Instead of hankering after a meaningful, long-lasting union that took time, effort and tolerance to cultivate, singletons seemed to switch gears and be told that they should be after that magical concept of "someone special'' (SS), who may or may not exist in real life.

Hence instead of being happy with their lot, or settling with someone who ticks most of their boxes, many still spend their lives searching, searching, searching for that SS who is going to whip them off their feet ... and spend a tad too many depressing years doing so.

A case in point is my marketing manager friend Tom who, after dating his new girlfriend for about four months, which is a pretty long time by Tom's standards, suddenly decided she was just not "special'' enough for him.

When I asked him what in the world was wrong with his six-foot blonde (and smart to boot) girlfriend, he said that she had so many flaws he simply couldn't look past them.

"She can be so rude sometimes. And we don't share the same view of the world. I need someone who is going to be my best friend and my lover.''

Ah yes, a few arguments over where to go for lunch or why he stayed out so late on a Saturday night when he was meant to be seeing her and suddenly she's no longer worthy of relationship status.

"So do you think you're going to find that person?'' I asked him.

"Of course!'' he said, before adding that he just needed to go onto the internet and a million women would be there waiting to meet him.

At least that's what he thinks.

When I ask my recently married personal trainer friend, he told me that the SS theory was a bunch of codswallop.

"Someone special lasts for about three minutes of sex and then it's real life from then on in. Plus how long does someone special actually last? Certainly not forever.''

Of course when you're traipsing through the dating jungle in search of that someone special, we don't ever think it's going to last only a measly three minutes.

Instead, many whole-heartedly believe that their SS is just going to appear from thin air with no flaws, quips, emotional baggage, character issues, wrinkles, lines, cellulite or anything much that denotes the person is actually human, and not a genetically programmed designed specimen created on their latest techno-gadget.

And while we're all taught not to settle for anyone but the best and are encouraged not to worry about being single because someone will always come along, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of Kosher Sex and a relationships expert, has an interesting theory.

By his reckoning, it's attitudes like my friend Tom's that's the big problem.

Why do we all think we need someone so special when we're not so special ourselves?

He tells Afterword Magazine this typical story:

"I asked this guy, who's dated 200 women, why he's not married yet. He gave me the typical response: `I haven't yet met the right person. I want someone really special.'

"I said, 'Do you realise what you're saying? Only 1 per cent of the population is really special. 99 per cent of people are ordinary. You're part of the 99 per cent!'

"We don't realise these dumb statements like, 'I haven't met the right person.' Garbage! There are tons of people. There's something inside you that won't allow you to fall in love. Stop blaming the people. It's you!''

How do you know when you meet your SS?

When asked by the writer if you feel sparks immediately, Boteach says the answer is a resounding no.

"Have you ever heard of anyone falling in love with a job before they start doing the job? This kind of immediate gratification has no longevity. It never lasts. Putting work into the relationship actually has its reward.''

Instead, he blames the fast-moving way we date today on why we haven't been able to cultivate more long-lasting relationships.

"The way we date today is we date with no scruples and we end the relationship with no scruples. You meet someone through a friend, or you meet them, and they satisfy the basic criteria for someone who I think I could have a relationship with. Meaning that they're honest, they're attractive to me, they're kind, they listen well - great. Now I'll put time and effort into this relationship. This is why I tell people: 'Don't do the immediate dating and immediate stop-dating thing. Be perhaps more discerning about who you date, and then when you do decide to date someone, give them three or four dates.'

"And when people listen to me - the few that do - they usually find that someone who they never thought they'd be interested in after two dates, they ended up being interested in.''

And when it comes to women?

Boteach says this: "This is especially true of women. Women employ two primary criteria in dating. Confidence in a man is one, and a sense of humour in a man is the other, with listening being the third. Often, it takes more time for a guy to be more comfortable on a date. The first date he might be fumbling, he might not be as funny, might not be as confident. But by the second or third date, he's come into his own and he's like a mature wine.''

-----------------------------------------------------

i used to strongly believe in this idea but i dnt believe it anymore..for me to believe in a SS, it would mean this SS would have to think i'm his SS..and the likelihood of dat is pretty low..

i still believe dat there can be sparks in any relationship..but i dnt think dat each of us have our own special soulmates out there who are meant only for us..it's not feasible..wat happens if that soulmate dies early? wat happens if the timing is just really wrong? sometimes people just end up with the person they're with due to pure luck..it's like when u need to pair up for games or projects, u usually pair up with the person dat happens to be close by..

the soulmate idea appealed to me in my younger days but not anymore..i haf aunties who never got married..does dat mean they were not meant to be with someone? does dat mean they dnt have soulmates? maybe like wat the blog said, ppl give up a good thing in order to find their SS..maybe at the end of the day, SSs dnt exist..people only become SS if u make them special..

demoralised

had one of the worse days of the year..had my presentation today which didn't go quite as well as i had hoped..but screw it..it's over..

wat i hate is how it makes me feel..i spent so much time on the powerpoint and sometimes i feel dat it goes unappreciated..it's interesting how ppl tend to pick at bad points instead of commenting on the good points..now i feel like shit..and tired..and frustrated..and totally incompetent..how demoralising..esp when exams are in 2 and a half wks..counting down..

so im exhausted mentally and emotionally..and a lil bit exhausted physically..and yet im here in the comp lab trying to do my short cases..i figured hopefully ill be able to do some work in the comp lab rather than procrastinate at home..obviously i can still blog in the comp lab..

i just feel so sad and down..i cant wait for exams and 5th yr to be over..bring on the hols! (even if it's only for 2 wks) not much else to comment on..i may be more emo later and write a more depressing entry..see how the rest of the day goes..sigh..

sunshine

so instead of procrastinating on facebook, ive decided to procrastinate by blogging..sigh..not feeling very productive today..despite i haf a presentation on tues and my timetable is full on mon..so technically, ive gotta finish the presentation by today..*fingers crossed*..

it doesnt help either dat the weather outside is gorgeous..the sun is in full shine..the sky is blue..the trees are green..i wish i was sitting outside somewhere with my sunnies on..drinking ice coffee..mmm..i wish..

it's been a while since ive had to study for major exams..technically it's been a year..the last time i had to study was in 3rd yr..my current feeling of "sianness" reminds me of wat it was like studying in dnd..when summer was out and no one has the mood to study..wishing i was outside instead enjoying the weather..reality is im stuck in my room..trying to ignore the innocent pleasures of life of enjoying the sunshine..

ok..enuf talk of the sun..it gives skin cancer..haha..

the good thing is i have gold coast to look forward to..hoping to lie in the sun, swim in the pool and sea..go to all the "worlds"..and RELAX..it'll happen in another 4 wks..just gotta get thru exams first..

in the mean time, i can only enjoy the sun by looking out the window..anyone wanna help me do my presentation?? sigh..ok..enuf procrastinating for today..haha..who knos..i mite write another entry later..

i admit defeat...

today, ive come to the realisation dat i shuld get over it..i shuldnt freak out..i shuldnt have palpitations..

cos really, i highly doubt it'll happen..think i'm kinda over it anyway..strange..which makes me feel like there's something empty there..hmm..

so yea..i admit defeat..ive given up..it aint gonna happen no matter how hard i try..no matter how hard i hope..so why bother? ive lost the last glimmer of hope..

note: i realise this is a cryptic entry..it was done with intention..

eventful saturday

so i didnt exactly haf the best nite's sleep last nite..my long case was due this morn and i was finishing it up last nite when i found out at 12am dat oh shit..i was meant to do some research abt the topic and haf actual references..so i had a mini panic..adrenaline was pumping..and after a few hrs of crapping (with some cut and paste), i managed to finish it by 2.30am..but wat a long nite..and im suffering today becos of it..

and here i am now procrastinating even tho i haf a presentation to write up, pathology handout, short case, and i gotta study rheum cos i have clinic with the scary rheum consultant..sigh..my life is pretty bad..

so anyways..interesting things dat happened in the last few days..

first of all, we had the practice osce on sat..was feeling pretty sick dat day..not exactly sure why..maybe it was cos i had so much junk food the day before or maybe it was nerves? but anyways, i was being an examiner first..

so i paired up with another girl and somehow we got the gynae ed station..go figure! so we walked into our room and saw a couple of bananas there and we thot wow we have snacks! but wait, there's more..there was a brown paper bag filled with...condoms..guessed wat our station was yet? hehe..lo and behold, we had the condom education station..how funny is dat? and the bananas are meant to be the "condom trainers"..haha..so after seeing 24 students go around, attempting to be experts in the art of putting on a condom, i figured i shuld pretty much kno exactly wat to say (or do?) haha..

so here is my guide to putting on a condom (from the marking schedule and collected fr wat ppl talked abt):

step 1: check the expiry date! very impt..also check to see that the silver packet is not perforated..also, make sure to store ur condoms in a cool, dark place..not in ur wallet!

step 2: open the packet at the sides, making sure not to rip the condom..check dat the condom does not have any holes..(???)

step 3: make sure the "condom trainer" is erect before putting on the condom..and also be sure to put on the condom before any contact with the vagina..(couldn't think of a funny substitute)..may have pre-ejaculatory stuff..(eww)..

step 4: squeeze the tip of the condom to eliminate any air bubbles..and place on top of the condom trainer and roll the condom down..all the way to the bottom to ensure full coverage..(better for sti protection apparently)

step 5: ready for the naughty deed!

step 6: after *erhem*, make sure the "condom trainer" is withdrawn before it becomes too soft..to prevent leakage..and withdraw while holding onto the base of the condom so dat it doesn't slip off..

step 7: tie the condom up (only one guy said this, thot it was quite practical!) and wrap it up in tissue or toilet paper and throw it in the bin..pls do not throw it in the toilet bowl..not cool for the environment!

so there u have it, simple steps to safe condom use!

we had so much fun seeing ppl's initial reactions to the station..some were pretty knowledgeable and some were obviously clueless! hehehe..clearly shows who has experience? and by the morning, the poor banana was a bruised banana..hahaha..

so after going through 24 students, the 2 of us were pros! and then the next half of the day, we were the students going ard..dats another story all together..was a very tiring day but luckily entertaining for us in the beginning..

so then after a long day, i wanted to get some R&R, so decided to drag a fren out for a movie..took a while to decide which one but decided to go for journey to the centre of the earth 3D..since it scored over 80 on rotten tomatoes..was initially gonna go watch eagle eye but dat only scored like 20 something on rotten tomatoes..

so when we got to the cinema, there was a huge line! crowded as! and when we bought our tickets, we were shocked to hear the price! $18.50 for a movie ticket! we were like wat?!?! apparently it's dat price cos it's 3D..omg..this was prob the most expensive movie ticket i had ever bought..but we just decided wat the heck anyway..this better be good! we got the cool glasses and it was kinda exciting cos it's a 3D movie..and in the end, it was awesome! so many intense moments..so many cool things popping out of the screen..i was scared of the dinosaur..was a fun movie and the 3D experience was so cool! so in the end, we decided yea it was worth it..and a good break fr the study too!

so dat was my sat..my sun was spent celebrating hari raya at the open house..with lots of good food! and omigosh, the mood was so cool! and all the pretty bajus and kebayas! then after dat, went back home to do the case..and here we r back to square one..

ok..back to work now..sigh..

why geeks and nerds are worth it...

another random thing i came across..definitely a cheer me upper..

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In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models... They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo...”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind...”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on...” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

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hehehe..so wat do u think? go for the geeks and the nerds? according to a survey i did on facebook a long time ago, i attract geeks..interesting..maybe there's some sense in the randomness after all? hahaha..ok..really shuld do some study now..sigh..

note: i figured recently dat most ppl have diff definitions to the widely used terms geeks and nerds..so i thot i would give my own definition..

geek: person who dresses like screech..ever seen saved by the bell? screech is the ultimate geek..

nerd: someone who studies all the time, very hardworking, and doesn't have another life outside of study..(i consider myself a nerd..haha..sadly..)

hmm..maybe geeks need a makeover..haha..extreme makeover! kinda like beauty and the geek..haha..some geeks have amazing potential..just need a haircut and the proper grooming..whereas nerds, for me it's all abt the glasses..just wearing glasses makes me feel like a nerd..haha..ok this self conversation is going nowhere now..i shall stop before i blab on too much..

med 101: how to be treated like crap

i had an ok day today but it got ruined by a shitty ward clerk..

i had to go to the wards today to get some investigation results for my case patient. and i had a blister as well..so i thot id get one of those sticky dots to stop my "antalgic gait". so i went to the ward, looking for a sticky dot..went to the nurses station..and found a nurse who asked me wat i was doing..i told her i was a medical student and wanted a sticky dot..then she asked me if i was taking blood and i said no, i just haf a blister..anyways she got it for me..then i went outside on the couches to put it on..then out comes the ward clerk with that nurse, telling me off..saying how i can't just enter the nurse's station..and how i have to ask for permission cos apparently ppl haf been stealing drugs etc etc..(i already didnt have a very good impression of this particular ward clerk prior to this incident so i wasn't very happy already) but anyways, i persevered and then asked this ward clerk if i could go into the nurse's station to look up some results on the computer..then she tells me no i shouldnt cos they're really busy at the moment blah blah blah..(there was no one in the nurse's station when i went in before) then she tells me to try the other ward..at this point, i was like ok watever woman! so i went to the other ward and decided fine, i'll ask for "permission" to enter the nurse's station..except this time this ward clerk looked at me strangely and said to ask one of the nurses..who then told me to ask the house surgeon who very kindly gave me eclair access..so in the end i did get my patient's results..no thanks to the bitchy ward clerk!

the point of me venting my frustration is dat when did medical students ever need to ask for permission to enter the nurse's station?!?! how are we meant to do our cases if we can't even access patient files or even the computers for radiology and results? i felt so demoralised after my encounter with the evil ward clerk..medical students get treated like crap! we r seriously at the bottom of the hierachy..even the ward clerk gets to tell us off..wat is the world coming to? and we are paying high education fees to learn how to get treated like crap..

doctors may get treated like Gods but medical students def get treated like shit..medicine is so overrated..sometimes i question myself why did i even get myself in this situation..

OCTOBER?!?!

omg it's october already!!!!!!!!!!

KILL ME NOW! oh crap..only another month before exams..sigh..

my life officially sucks from now on.

shoes and more shoes

ok im seriously bored. like seriously. to the point im doing quizzes on facebook. omg. im wasting so much time. i had all these goals of trying to do some work. it lasted for a while. then path just got too boring.

anyways..i read this blog called ask sam..it's a bit like a sex and the city blog column..highlights interesting guy girl issues..makes me laugh along the way..gives me a little perspective as well..

it's part of the sydney morning herald website..and one of the articles i read recently was kinda funny..

HOW TO TELL A MAN BY HIS SHOES

We all know first impressions count. Especially when it comes to sizing up a new date. And after yet another email from an anxious male reader begging me to enlighten him as to what the heck women look for in a guy (and why he is so often overlooked), I felt we needed to get back to basics.

While Channel Ten's latest reality show "Taken Out" attempts to answer that very question, and endeavours to whip up some excitement and scandal over the way female contestants superficially judge the male species (with little regard for the fact that we've been fighting against the way men do it to us for decades), it seems that aside from judging a gent by his looks, voice and walk, it's his shoes that many women look at the most.

While I'm personally not one to follow this method for choosing a date, (I'm more inclined to judge a man by the way he converses with me via email), it appears from the gaggle of women I've recently polled that most are quick to quip that a bloke's footwear is a definite telltale sign of his personality, compatibility and dateability.

While it all sounds a little absurd, (whatever happened to getting to know someone before judging what they'd be like in the bedroom?), apparently there's method to this madness.

This according to Donna Sozio, author, dating expert and self-dubbed Shoe-ologist, who says a man's footwear can speak volumes about his true love potential even before he opens his mouth. Her top tip? "Never trust a man in alligator loafers" ...

With a mix of horror, intrigue and a desperate bid to aid our forlorn reader on how to channel his inner Casanova, I decided to enlist Donna's expertise to enlighten gents on how exactly to put his best foot forward. After all, even the new queen of talk, Tyra Banks, has been taking Donna's dating advice.

By Donna's reckoning, not only can we tell if he'll match up to our intellectual expectations, but we'll even be able to tell how he'll perform in the bedroom ...

Me: So Donna, do women really look at a man's shoes to size him up?

Donna: Absolutely! And I've heard that many employers do the same too. Yet the majority of men don't understand the power of shoes because they haven't tapped into it. They resist it with by saying, "I just want to be comfortable." But they need to know that shoes are his ticket to ride and get him where he wants to go.

Me: Are there any shoes we should be fully aware of? What exactly do Alligator Loafers say about a bloke that makes you so weary of those that wear them?

Donna: What would you naturally do if you saw an alligator walking towards you? Personally, I would escape. I always ask myself the question, "Why is he attracted to the shoes that he's wearing? What do his shoes say about him?" When I think of the qualities of an alligator - solitary, opportunistic and territorial - I ask myself, "Do I really want those qualities in a man?"

Me: How can you spot a Player through his shoes?

Donna: Men who wear elongated flip-tip exotic skin loafers in bright colours are usually players. They say three things: "sex, sex and more sex."

Me: How can you spot a man that is a Keeper (and will go the long haul with you) through his shoes?

Donna: The way you can tell is using a method I call the Sole-ology Trickle Down Theory. This is looking at how he treats his shoes, which also indicates how he will treat you. Just like relationships, shoes need maintenance. A man who understands and appreciates that and has a good attitude about taking care of his shoes is a keeper and someone who will go the long haul. How well a man takes care of his shoes clues you in on how well he takes care of all things in his life. Including, you.

Me: You say you can tell how good a man is going to be in bed from the way he puts on his shoes. How so?

Donna: Being a good lover is a mixture of timing, technique and performance. Dressing yourself (just like undressing yourself) can be a sensual act in itself. Again, how a man does one thing is generally how he does all things. A man who gives himself the time and attention to leisurely slip on his shoes (rather than cram his foot in and then run out the door) will most likely be a skilled lover.

Me: You say his socks are an indicator of his "libido and prowess". How so?

Donna: Men's socks are the equivalent of women's lingerie. What do they look like? Feel like? Are they sheer and ribbed? Or slightly yellow ordinary tube socks? Men who achieve what I call "sock-to-shoe harmony" pay great attention to detail. Which makes for a good lover. For the same reasons why women wear lingerie even when we know no one will see, even "unseen" details make a difference and count. The socks men wear are also an indicator of libido. For example, European men do socks well. They also have a worldwide reputation for being good lovers.

Me: Finally, can a man tell a woman by her shoes? And if so, is there anything that women should be aware of?

Donna: Yes, this certainly works both ways. Men can tell just as much about a woman by her shoes. Only men aren't usually looking. One thing to look out for is this: While it's true at women wear high heels and tolerate some level of foot pain to feel sexy, women who consistently wear ridiculously painful high-heeled shoes will most likely be needy because she puts a man's attention above herself.

Ouch. Hear that ladies? Maybe it's time to don some ballet flats after all ...

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you can read more interesting entries at http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/asksam/

but yea do u notice shoes? well i kno i do..but then again, i have a thing for shoes..i probably have at least 30 pairs of shoes maybe even more lying ard the house..there's probably a few more in singapore as well..haha..and i love buying shoes..

men's shoes are slightly different..im at a hospital nearly everyday and it's interesting to note the diff types of shoes dat diff guys wear as well as the maintenance level of their shoes..whether or not it's polished or whether they r falling apart..

i have seen alligator loafers ard..haha..whether or not they r players..well..i think they think they r players? haha..it's tru to a certain extent i reckon..

but there are a few things dat really annoy me abt men and their shoes (and socks):
1. hate it when men wear black pants and black shoes and then wear WHITE socks..pls..the michael jackson trend is definitely not in..
2. hate it when men dnt wear high enuf socks cos when they cross their legs, they show some of their leg..eww..
3. hate it when men wear unmatching socks or sports socks when they r wearing formal wear..so weird.

then again there are certain things dat annoy me abt women and their shoes too:
1. same as 1 above..cant believe some girls actually make dat mistake..sigh..
2. same as 2 above..sigh..
3. same as 3 above..sigh..
4. hate it when women wear tights or socks with open toe shoes..so weird!

haha..im so critical..shuld go to overland to buy some shoes while im at it..

wat would u do?

while on the neuro run, i had the opportunity to talk to a pt who had a brain tumour..it was removed already but they found extra tumour bits on followup scans so she was brought in again to have those bits removed..

it turned out that these bits were of a higher grade than from the previous operation..i guess tht meant her brain tumour was progressing and she mite progress to the late stage..which has very poor prognosis..it then hit me soon after tht she is prob unlikely to survive past the next 10 years..

she was a young patient, married, no kids..i wondered wat would her husband feel..would they plan to have kids if they knew that she wouldn't survive long enuf to see them graduate, to see them get married?

brain tumours suck..i never liked brain tumours..i guess most ppl who end up with brain tumours are forced to rethink their life plans..i think most ppl dnt get to live dat long..

wat if the one you loved had a brain tumour? how would dat make u feel? would u stick with them even tho u kno dat they aren't gonna survive long enuf to grow old with u?

wat if u found out u had a brain tumour? how would dat make u feel? would u tell the one u loved abt it? or would u keep it quiet? would u break up with them becos u kno u could never grow old with them?

after all this time thinking abt it, i still don't kno wat i would do..thankfully i don't have to make those kinda decisions..

the man who can't be moved

so i have my neuro osce tmr but instead here i am procrastinating instead..blogging here and youtubing on another tab..the distraction of the internet..

so anyways..i was listening to the radio as i was driving to hospital today..it was an interview with the band called 'the script'..i had never heard of this band before..apparently they're irish and the interview itself was kinda funny cos they were saying how every irish music group gets compared to U2..well apparently the script's music is a blend btw U2 and timbaland..which is kinda interesting..

anyways, their song came on and then i realised oh yea ive heard their music before! but never really thot abt it u see..so they played this song called 'the man who can't be moved'

you can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKaVGvgMXY

the song is abt a guy who is still in love with his ex-gf and he's gonna wait on some street corner where he first saw his ex-gf until she comes back to him..hence the title the man who can't be moved (from the street corner)..

when u listen to the song and digest the lyrics, it's actually a pretty romantic song..demonstrating the guy's persistence and his seemingly undying love for his ex-gf..

then the radio djs had to ruin it (and make it funny) for me by saying dat if this situation happened in real life, the guy would seem like some kinda stalker..unable to move on..and yea the ex-gf would be pretty annoyed and they did break up for some reason obviously..haha..just shows how music can romanticise the cold hard truth of reality..haha..

so if this happened to me in real life, yea i would probably be freakin irritated by this guy..move on dude! even one of the comments on the youtube site was "the world's gonna move even if you don't move"..hehe..

regardless of all dat, i still like the song :)

dream catch me

i heard this song on the radio the other day..it was sung live with just the guitar and it sounded so beautiful..quite mesmorising..

u can watch it on youtube..

Newton Faulkner Lyrics - Dream Catch Me Lyrics

Every time I close my eyes
It’s you and I know now
Who I am

Yea yea yea and I know now

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I’m fallin
That’s where I’m goin
Where are you goin
Hold it close won’t let this go

Dream catch me, yea
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won’t come back at all

You do so much
That you don’t know
It’s true
And I know now
Who I am

Yea yea yea
And I know now

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I’m fallin
That’s where I’m goin
Where are you goin
Hold it close won’t let this go

Dream catch me, yea
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won’t come back at all

See you as a mountain
A fountain of God
See you as as a descant soul
in the setting sun
You as the sound

I’m young
There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I’m fallin

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be
But it is us I see
And I cannot believe I’m fallin
That’s where I’m goin
Where are you goin
Hold it close won’t let this go

Dream catch me, yea
Dream catch me when I fall
Or else I won’t come back at all


i love the poetic nature of songs..it's only when i analyse lyrics and watch the videos do i further understand the meaning behind it..

shut up pot

don't u hate it when ppl give u their opinion when u didn't even ask them for it? it's like, ooi, who told u to say anything? did i even ask u abt it? can u pls shut up and mind ur own business?

ppl think they kno u so well and they are always right..sometimes they shuld look at themselves and reflect before preaching to other ppl..it's like pot calling the kettle black..except the kettle dnt wanna hear it from the pot..the pot shuld go hide in the cupboard where it belongs..

having an angsty day..grr..

temporary happiness

there are some things in life that unexpectedly cheer ppl up..whether it's having someone smile back at u, the weather being good, or picking up money from the floor..

something like that happened to me today and i was smiling all the way after that..havent had that feeling in ages..and the fact dat it was so unexpected just made me glee all the way! think i started laughing to myself or even talking to myself..if ppl had seen me, they'd prob think im nuts!

it's nice to have those moments in life..wish i had more of those moments..

but then the more i thot about it, the more i made myself realise that it was a silly little thing..by midday, i was no longer smiling about it, i was sighing about it..

which made me think sometimes life is like being on drugs or being on a high..moments of euphoria that are so short lived that once u get over that initial high, life becomes back to normal and u think why do i even bother to get high?

currently listening to: miley cyrus - see you again

i've got my sights set on you and i'm ready to aim! lalalalala!!!

lightning & thunder

it was singapore national day recently and as part of the PM's speech, he talked abt this...


NDR - PM urges Singaporean to get married
news



With the need to improve Singapore's low birth rate, PM Lee said the first step is to encourage people to get married.

He said based on feedback from dating agencies, many singles do want to get married, but they face difficulties.

The prime minister said reasons cited included the lack of time and opportunity to meet people, as well as starting to date too late.

To help singles overcome the barriers, PM Lee announced that the Social Development Unit or SDU and the Social Development Service or SDS, will be merging.

"Now they are catering to different market - graduates non-graduates. SDU graduates, SDS non graduates. I think we shouldn't be so rigid I think we should merge the two. Have one. More critical mass more activities. And hopefully more pairings up and more weddings and more children".

The Prime Minister urged that young people should take the first step and not leave it too late.

He suggested that singles should make time to go out and meet new friends, or join a dating agency.


isnt it funny tht a PM has to urge ppl to get married? i mean im sure tht most single ppl in singapore are already stressing abt wanting to get married and they prob have enuf pressure from their parents and extended family abt it too..chinese new year is always a popular time to get quizzed by the aunties and uncles.."so got bf yet? when will u get married? ur mother already had u when she was ur age.." and so on and so on..

so apparently i heard fr a fren tht membership rates at dating agencies have skyrocketed since the PM's speech..even my sister has had to suffer some hinting from my parents..my dad actually forwarded her the PM's speech as a "reminder"..

my sis is single, has a good job, ain't ugly, and totally funny..technically she shouldn't be single..but the good thing is she's happy being single..content with living her life the way it is..even tho there is pressure coming fr all ends, she sticks to wat she wants and does not wanna become desperate enuf to end up with any tom dick or harry. she's waiting for the kinda love associated with lightning & thunder..u kno, the kind tht's like love at first sight, the kind u see on tv and in the movies, the kind u always wished and dreamed of..it's probably not realistic and im sure most relationships are not created based on 'lightning & thunder' but yea i do want tht kind of love too..is it really too much to expect in this day and age? i truly admire my sis for being strong enuf to resist social pressure..i wonder if i would be able to do the same if i reached her age and was still single..personally i dnt think im as strong as her in this aspect..in fact, i mite turn desperate in a few yrs time..sad!

im single rite now and im slowly learning to be happy being single..it's a slow process and im lucky tht i have single frens to keep me company..relationships are complicated things and it's prob in my best interests tht im single since i have exams in 2 mths time..but then again, im still looking out for the lightning & thunder..just cant help it i guess..it's tht lil bit of lingering hope..

farewell my fren...

i have tht feeling when there is so much inside me tht i wanna talk abt but i dnt kno where exactly to start..feeling kinda emo today..

a really good fren of mine is leaving for good..as in leaving nz to return home..which makes me think of all the frens who have come and gone..i rem many frens tht ive made in the past who are now in various places ard the world..and yet im still in nz..stuck here..i guess i made the move already from singapore to nz..i wonder wat it was like for my primary school frens when i made the big move to nz..i guess we were still so young then tht it didnt have tht much of an impact on our lives..i no longer have much contact with those frens and we have all moved on..then there are the frens who moved away when i was in high school..the really surprising thing is i am still frens with some of those ppl..pretty good frens too..but obviously not as close as before..and we all have our separate lives..i dunno wat it would be like if we met up again..whether we would be able to chat like old times or whether there would be awkward silences..which makes me sad cos the fren who is leaving this time is someone i talk to nearly everyday..her presence will definitely be missed..less one person for me to talk crap with..less one person for me to gossip with..less one person for me to act stupid with..

sometimes i wonder wat's the point of making so much effort to build frenships when everyone is gonna leave in the end..sad rite..

so the other day the girls and i had like a farewell dinner for this fren who was leaving..this fren mentioned tht she hadnt had oysters or crayfish all this time she was living in nz..which was pretty amazing since nz is like seafood paradise..

so i made this booking at octagon restaurant..hadnt been there before but they had oysters and i heard tht they have entertainment as well..which sounded kinda interesting..

this restaurant was amazing..one of the best restaurants i had been to in chch..the atmosphere is pretty romantic too..dimly lit, intimate..sigh..too bad we were all girls..haha..we were even saying tht this would be a nice place to have a wedding dinner or even romantic enuf to be proposed to at this place..they had live entertainment with a pianist and a singer..and she was singing ma vie en rose..which is like super romantic..sigh..anyways..full marks for atmosphere..food wise, omg, it was so good..no complaints really..we had entree oysters au natural..small sized but very fresh..then for main..i had the lobster trio which was really good too..altho quite pricey..er hem..i shall not mention how much..but i have to say it was really good..huge platter with lobster cooked three ways..then we even indulged in dessert..i had tiramisu which was one of the better tiramisus ive had in a while..so all in all..a really good dinner with really good atmosphere with really good company..service was good too altho a lil slow but not many complaints overall! thoroughly recommend this restaurant..it seems tht this place is quite popular too cos when we got there the restaurant was full already..luckily i made a reservation..

so tmr i will be at the airport farewelling this fren of mine..even tho we r still frens, i kno somehow tht things will be different..

it makes me think tht life is so unpredictable tht no matter how hard i try to make plans for my life, things always come up tht screw up my well made plans..but oh well, i wish this fren all the best in terms of her future and career and may our frenship live thru the distance..

Boundaries

in the last week, the topic of boundaries has been raised, in particular the patient-doctor relationship.

last week, i had my Professional Development meeting. there was a hypothetical scenario of a reg who thot a pt is attractive. should he/she get pt's phone number and ask pt out? should reg try and make contact with pt? wat if pt is on another team? and of cos it has to be mutual liking..

and then today, i was talking to my consultant abt personality disorders and somehow the topic drifted to patient-doctor relationships..apparently with borderline personality disorder pts, they like attention and seek it from ppl such as their therapists or doctors. as doctors who try to help, they fuel the pt's need for attention and gradually tht thin line gets crossed and well, the doc gets screwed over big time..struck off the medical list!

which is interesting really..how close shuld we get to our pts? it's unlike a frenship where it's 2 way..

anyways..just thot it was interesting dat it came up twice in a wk! hmm..someone up there must be trying to hint something to me..

songs in my head

currently the song in my head!



makes me wanna dance..miss the dancing days..

another song tht makes me wanna dance..



and one of the funniest songs on the radio at the mo..super duper catchy too!

it's been a while...

it's been a while...

haha..everytime i think of something interesting to write abt, im nowhere near a computer..everytime i'm online, i cant think of anything interesting to write about..all my good ideas have evaporated..

so anyways..a lil update on wat's been going on..

im on my psych run at the mo..pretty boring..and my mood is a bit depressed and my affect is congruent with my mood..haha..nah..but seriously i've realised tht psychiatry is definitely not for me..it's either depressing or crazy (literally)..altho the hours are good, i think i would end up with a mental illness the longer i stay there..i was thinking if ever i would need to be admitted to a psychiatry ward, i would prob end up getting worse cos i would be surrounded by depressed and crazy ppl..a lot of the pts are pretty scary and intimidating..but then again, some have really sad lives which makes me feel sad and depressed abt the world we live in..

on another note, i came back a few wks ago from my auck wkend trip..wat i realised abt auck is tht it's full of asians..but unlike wellington, the asians in auck are more the fobby kind..so i think if i ever wanted to move to the north island, i would prob move to wellington..haha..more my kind of scene i think..yea..im still undecided on where i would wanna go to after i graduate..gotta decide on city or rural first then decide on the place..life is sweeping by so quickly, ive gotta make this decision in less than a yr!

had the med ball last wkend as well..i think the best part of balls are the pre ball preparations..the dressing up, doing hair and makeup and sorting out which jewellery to wear etc etc..the ball itself was not too bad..altho i did wish there were more ppl we knew well there..theme was fire and ice..didnt dress according to theme cos didnt have a red or white dress..haha..so went with the black and white combo..all in all, it was a good nite!

otherwise not much else to report on..life's been pretty boring..nothing tht exciting..which i guess is good..dnt want the drama which can become quite distracting..i will def report back when something interesting happens, whenever tht may be..

platonic friendship

i recently finished watching this korean drama. the story was abt a man and a woman in their 30s who have been friends since young and due to circumstances, end up staying in an apt together as 'just friends'. as predictable, they end up liking each other and realise they belong together and cant live without each other and etc etc..happy ending!

this reminded me of a newspaper article that i read abt platonic friendships. does it work? it gave the classic example of monica and chandler from friends. they started out as good friends and then ended up together, marrying each other and happy ending! and then it talked abt when does friendship become a relationship. there's always tht fine line. and who makes the first move? and then there's the fear tht wat if the other person doesn't feel the same way? then does tht mean the friendship is over? these issues were all explored in the korean drama..ive been watching the drama over the last 2 wks already..

personally i have male frens. but i wouldnt call them my best friends. there's just too many things to worry abt..
1. if he is single and i'm not attracted to him --> fear he will end up liking me and i will have to reject him and then no more friendship
2. if he is single and i'm attracted to him --> has not happened before...LOL...but if it did, fear of him liking someone else and me stuck with a useless crush..not good..
3. if he is attached with a gf --> fear of making the gf jealous if i become too close and then becomes very bitchy..not good..
one kinda male fren i would like tho is the male gay fren. can do all the girl talk with him and ask his opinions as a guy with no fear of any potential relationship..still waiting for my male gay fren to show up..hahaha..

conclusion? no conclusion..im just being random. waiting for 'male gay fren' and 'male fren who is single and im attracted to' to show up. until then, keep hanging with my frens and i prob shuld stop thinking too much..haha..

on another note, i watched kung fu panda today! super duper funny...totally recommend it...prepare for awesomeness! heehee..

rejection

rejection sucks..big time..

i got rejected by one of my elective placements last wk..was lying in bed when i got the letter fr my mum who had just collected the mail..opening and reading the letter in bed just made me want to stay in bed..i wanted to stay in bed all day and sleep all day so i could forget abt it..

rejection fr other things in life gives me the same feeling..the sense of disappointment..the feeling tht u're not good enuf..the feeling tht nobody wants u..it's amazing how most ppl end up lying in bed after rejection..

i watched sex and the city last wk and when carrie got ditched..she slept..lots..i could def relate to tht..not wanting to face the world..not wanting ppl's pity..wanting to forget tht it even happened..

rejection makes ppl depressed..ive been rejected a number of times and i hate the feeling..absolutely hate it..been rejected in various aspects of my life..fr elective applications to summer studentship applications to friendship circles to relationships..they all hurt..bad..until i have to learn to expect rejection in order to prepare myself mentally for it..otherwise the shock would just kill me..

ppl say what doesn't kill u only makes u stronger..im not dead so i shuld be stronger..am i? i try to be..try to be tough and expect the worst so tht i dnt get disappointed..hence ive lost a lot of hope..hope in myself..hope in other ppl..hope in this world..which is actually really sad..i kno i shuldn't be like this but really it's become a protective mechanism..which i think has changed me..someone told me the other day im not as 'vibrant' as i used to be..i dunno whether it's becos of age or becos of the pessimism..maybe it's both..

looking back...

been procrastinating as i endeavour on my 3000 word essay..so been on facebook browsing ard..which brought up some old memories as i looked through old photos and looking at profiles of frens i havent seen in yonks..

then i got kinda depressed..

my uni life gives me mixed feelings..there were def the fun and happy times and my boring life now makes me sad cos i feel like im lacking in those fun and happy times..im so unfit now..i dnt dance anymore..and my circle of frens is limited to those in chch..i do miss the life in dnd at times..independent kinda lifestyle..being able to walk everywhere without a car..the nites at central library..hmm..memories..then there were the unhappy moments which i guess changed me a lot as a person..u could say ive been "scarred" from my experiences..and my perspective on life and friendships changed a lot..

looking back, i think there would have been things i would do differently..but unfortunately life doesnt work tht way..but then again, i am the person i am today becos of my experience..whether they may be good or bad..

it's funny how with age..u realise things dat were important in the past were actually not tht important now..and the really sad thing is everyone moves on..i can remember ppl from my dnd life who made life interesting but they aren't in my life anymore..sad huh?

hmm..i could be talking crap at the moment cos im tired and down from having to write this stupid essay..oh well..ill prob think i was so stupid when i look back on this post in the future..

uninspired

so how long has it been? hahahahaha..looks like im not very consistent with posting on this blog..unfortunately, been incredibly busy with studies and presentations and essays! i currently have a 3000 word essay tht is due on fri and i havent even started..which means i gotta type at least a 1000 words each day which i dunno if it's even possible...oh dear...

anyways..latest updates..
1. went to the westlife concert!!! was super amazing! atmosphere was incredible..altho it was mostly aunties and uncles (yes i kno! men were there! i was shocked too!) but it was a good concert overall and westlife sings really well live! sounds just like the album..they sang many of their classics and i have to say there were a few songs i hadnt heard of..been an outdated westlife fan..

2. i have watched street kings..hehe..and keanu reeves was fat in it..haha..but not too bad and thankfully there was the cute guy from fantastic four who served as additional eye candy..hahaha..also watched made in honour..totally recommend..one of those laugh out loud movies...super farnee! and also indiana jones which was a bit of a disappointment..def prefer indiana jones and the last crusade..the plot of crystal skull was weird with the whole alien thing and harrison ford is getting old..sad..

3. been having singing sessions in our breaks!! haha..we've been practising hey there delilah by plain white ts and one day by opshop..was kinda funny..cant believe we were so hardout..hahaha..photos on facebook. and due to all this singing, i feel like going to ktv! ktv on final day of the run??? 6th june friday nite!

4. and im still stressing abt electives..sigh..actually i shall not even talk abt it...

cant think of anything else to blab on abt..just a quick update on wat's been going on..i always think of topics to type abt on the blog but when it comes to typing, my mind becomes blank..sigh..hence uninspired..same goes with the 3000 word essay..

procrastinating...

sigh..it's tht time of the run again..the wkend before the last week of the run..aka cram weekend..osce's on tue and i pretty much have a full on week!
mon: am clinic, pm tutes
tue: OSCE!
wed: 8am to 8pm on call
thu: 1.30pm to 9.30pm on call
the only good thing is i have fri off! im sooo looking forward to fri..gonna have a major sleepin..haha..i miss the hols..actually..i just really hate studying..

so i gotta study abt obs and gyn..which is actually a whole lot of info! u'd think tht since im a girl, it mite be a lil easier? err..no actually..it turns out women are very complicated creatures..haha..

been trying to stay awake so ive started the caffeine..been using my energy drink stock from 3rd yr..hmm..a lil expired but still tastes the same! it seems tht last yr wasnt tht stressful for me..i didnt really have to use the energy drinks..but it seems with the pressure of 5th yr and all, ive started the caffeine early..it's prob not good cos by oct, im prob gonna need high potency caffeine to stay awake..it's just tht ive been feeling so tired..i even got my bloods checked cos i thot maybe i was anaemic but no..results came out normal..thus no explanation for my 'fatigue'..hence it's psychosocial..haha..how sad..

ergh..meant to be studying rite now but omg..study is so boring!!! internet is a major source of procrastination..not good..not good..

wannabe fob?!?

so i did this quiz on facebook cos i was bored.."How Asian are you?"
the results r kinda funny..it's probably tru to a certain extent but kinda scary..haha..but it was a good laugh nonetheless..

You are a typical Asian-American. You have some fobby tendencies, but you are also very much white washed in many ways. You make fun of fobs, yet try to cling to your Asian roots in an attempt to not lose your culture. Even though you won�t admit it, deep down inside, you want to be like the fobs you ridicule and criticize...in so many ways. Don�t worry though; you are the most common type of Asian (not living in Asia). Your confidence is pretty low around white people, which motivates you to excel and try and get ahead of them academically and professionally. Maybe a good job will help you get the respect that you want. Most likely, your parents sacrificed everything they had for you and now you resent them for pushing you to overachieve, so they would have something to brag about. Let them!

where shuld i go?

warning: i think this is gonna be a depressing entry...

so there's an extra week of hols in the next holiday due to integrative week being a "self-directed study week".. yea rite! so this is definitely good news! which means 3 weeks of hols! which is actually quite long so im thinking maybe i shuld go travel somewhere..

travelling is kinda difficult to organise..there's a few things to think abt..where shuld i go? who shuld i go with? how much money do i have? how long do i wanna stay? where am i gonna stay? it kinda reminds me of elective planning which already makes me have a headache whenever i think abt it..was checking out the airnewzealand website..and there's a few potential destinations..even hongkong is an option! but gee..can i really find 1500 out of nowhere? im kinda trying to save for my elective already..

but i really dont wanna spend my 3 wks stoning in chch..ive always stayed ard in holidays and i wanna at least go somewhere this time..was thinking going nationally..as in go somewhere like auck or queenstown..but auck fares r going up..and queenstown..well, yea guess i could go there to ski but ive been there before so it's a case of been there, done tht..i wanna go somewhere different, somewhere exciting, somewhere new..

the thought of not going anywhere for this holiday is slowly making me depressed to the point where i wanna cry..is my life really tht sad? i hear of all these ppl going to exciting places and i want my own excitement too..my life must really suck..there's already no excitement in it and now i dnt even have anywhere to go for holiday..another thing to add to my already sad sad life..maybe i shuld just hibernate in my room for 3 wks..

keanu reeves

so today was just an ordinary day..caught up with my tv programs..was out last nite so i taped so you think you can dance, rove and project runway..spent the aftn being a couch potato..dats wat i do to keep myself from thinking abt my sad sad life..

but out of those 3 programs, i choose to talk abt rove becos this episode of rove features one of my all time favourite good looking guys..none other than keanu reeves..it's been a week filled with him..spent wed watching the matrix marathon..and his new movie, street kings is out..must go and watch, just for the eye candy..

so wat was interesting abt the interview? other than the fact that omg, he still looks so good past 40, he actually has a personality! i always thot keanu reeves was the dark and mysterious type..he actually has a really sad personal story. but in rove, he was really funny! i was literally cracking myself up watching the segment..



now if only i could find a keanu reeves lookalike..oh wait! i have! but if only i actually knew him personally, how wonderful would tht be? and if he was as funny as the real keanu, how wonderful would tht be too! well..one can only hope..

old news

so im gonna make things easy and just stick to one blog...let's try this for at least a year and if i'm still not happy with it, i can always go back to xanga rite?

so i'm gonna put the past behind me and start afresh on blogging...haha...let's see if it works this time...

for insight on the old me: http://www.xanga.com/neusance

currently listening to: leona lewis - bleeding love

new blog!

ok so ive been using xanga for like the past 5 yrs??? but then again, i blog abt once a yr? hahaha...and xanga is somewat complicated..i think anyway..

so here i am, trying out something new with blogger..but i highly doubt i'll be a regular blogger!

wat's there to say today? not much! as always..holidays are ending and omg! back to school! sigh..but at least it's anzac wkend next wk so it's only a 4 day week! yay! for the time being, i shuld enjoy the rest of my holiday, the last wkend of it at least...if only the wkend lasted forever...