having the house to myself on a tuesday.. ^^

probably stil jetlagged, as it was almost 1:00 pm when i finally got out of bed.. well, to be fair, i had problems falling asleep even well past 2+ am last night..

had the same juice for breakfast, 2 apples 2 carrots & 2 oranges. then popped over to bedok mall (again!)  as i had a craving for the bento from greendot, & i needed to buy some 油条 as a side to the bak kut teh that i intended to make for dinner.

was slightly disappointed that greendot didnt have the cereal konnyaku prawns that i really loved. i opted to try this other sweet & sour nuggets thingy, but it turns out that i didnt quite like their texture. tasted abit too gluteny for my liking.

anyway. managed to do about 5 mins of sun salutation today (just 1 set). my arms seem to have lost abit of it's meagre strength that i built up towards the end of 2017. time to restart & work towards toned arms & a flatter stomach.

took a dose of the chinese medication from YT in the afternoon as i couldnt tolerate the nasty odour anymore. interestingly, just a few hours later into the night as i'm typing this post, the smells have turned back to almost normal! i mean, i dont sense any whiff of the odour anymore unless i purposely put my nose next to it! lolx.. ^^

also had the chance to look through my "database" of patterns, & shortlisted a few that i think might be interesting to start. now.. i just need to look for yarns that fit 5.0 mm needles & with yardage of about 900 m.. hmm.. there should be some in my mountain of a stash..

oh! & the bak kut teh dinner was tasty tonight.  i guess 1.2 litres of water is the perfect proportion. instead of rice, i prepared tass for the hub to try. his comment was that it tastes like cocoa pops, & suggests serving it with milk the next time round.  ('@')

睡到自然醒.. to a healthy 11:00 am.. ^^

was full after my morning juice, & was getting ready to head out & meet PK when he texted to postpone till thursday. well.. no grumbles there.. not too feeling 100% myself yet..

slugged out at home till about 4:00 pm, when i went over to bedok mall for grocery shopping. surprised myself by clocking $80+ !! scallops are expensive i guess..

made a simple tomato-based cheesy baked pasta with sausages, crabsticks, broccoli & mushrooms. tastes not bad, if i will say so myself.

also ordered three different fibre drinks from iherb. i'm sure the hub will grumble when he finally realises i bought three.. at one go.. but one needs to compare to tell the best right? ^^

5 lies that kept me from changing my life purpose.. ^^

LIE #1: there is ONE life purpose

this is the sister fallacy to the "there can only be ONE soulmate". there is no ONE life path. we choose, we create, we live, we enjoy (or not), & then we create something new depending on whether the process was enjoyable (or not). it simply is a process of constant creation.

LIE #2: once i find my life purpose, life will be easy

i made the mistake of looking at my life purpose as being the Holy Grail, the one answer that will end all suffering in my life, which up until then was boredom, frustration & annoyances with my job. what really happens, more often than not, is that people find something that brings them true spiritual connection & meaning for a period of time & they feel relieved from boredom or frustration. then, at some point after their soul has grown in ways it wanted to from that experience, the soul then seeks to create a new life purpose & simultaneously the feeling of boredom sets in. it doesnt mean the first path was any less valuable, it just means the soul gained what it wanted to & it was time to create a new experience for itself. what was once relevant & brought joy at 30 no longer brought me meaning & joy at 35.

LIE #3: my life's purpose must support me financially

my career & my life's purpose do not have to be one in the same - what a revelation! they can be synonymous, but surely how a person finds meaning in life can be a completely separate process from how someone puts food on the table. can i create a rewarding career out of the life meaning i found? absolutely, but it is not a requirement & just adds unnecessary pressure to the whole life purpose-finding journey. when i took the financial support requirements off the table, i realised i actually had more options to choose from.

LIE #4: my life's purpose is to be of service

if this were true, everyone would be in a healing or charitable profession. i discovered that my life is about expressing my deepest passions & desires & being in that joy. plain & simple. so that means i can rock my awesome self in whatever way, shape or form i choose, whether it's in the form of a healer, philanthropist or race car driver. again, this proved to me that taking all requirements i had imposed on myself, off the table was necessary. there are no rules.


LIE #5: my life's purpose comes from my biggest struggle

we all, in some ways, are butterflies coming out of the cocoon, but my life's purpose doesnt need to come from my greatest struggle. life's meaning often comes simply from expressing our greatest passions. when i stopped looking at where i struggled in the past & started looking at where i felt the most internal joy, i found myself stumbling on all sorts of ideas about what to do next in my life. &, in this time, i reconnected with some of my greatest passions, like singing & dancing, which in turn, brought more positive energy towards just being authentically me & living my truth.


Staton Ann Mineshima
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/staton-ann-mineshima/5-lies-that-kept-me-from-_b_4032802.html?

there is no "soul mate" or "the ONE"

YOU choose whom you will marry!

i know this may be a disappointment for some of you, but i dont believe there is only one right person for you. i think i fell in love with my wife, Harriet, from the first moment i saw her. nevertheless, had she decided to marry someone else, i believe i would have met & fallen in love with someone else. i am eternally grateful that this didnt happen, but i dont believe she was my one chance at happiness in this life, nor was i hers..

although i have said that i do not believe in a one-&-only soul mate for anyone, i do know this: once you commit to being married, your spouse becomes your soul mate, & it is your duty & responsibility to work every day to keep it that way. once you have committed, the search for a soul mate is over. our thoughts & actions turn from looking to creating.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf
http://scottwoodward.org/dating_THEONE.html

i actually got a seat in the mrt! ^^

thank you Universe..
i know you love me.. 💗

adventure, not tour

i want to create a place of healing. i want to create a space where people can thrive, where they can feel supported, where they can come to connect with others & be in a state of joy, love & kindness. i want to manifest a piece of the Divine.

we're soul mates, but i'm / you're already married!

why is it that after meeting someone & being in a relationship or getting married to them, out of the blue you meet your soul mate? or sometimes, you are the single one & you meet your soul mate only to find out they are married! what does this mean?

***

there are people who have lived many lives together who are from the same soul group. there are a number of souls who tend to incarnate together in many different roles, lifetime after lifetime.

you may have waited for your soul mate for a while, & then in the meantime, met someone (from your soul group) whom you fell in love with & wanted to be with. this doesnt mean that this is the wrong person.

it means that this is the person who resonates with you at that time according to:

-  your core belief system about yourself, other people, & the world
-  the Divine Plan - what you & the Universe decide would be good for you to experience
-  where you are in your growth as a spiritual being

here you are on earth, going about your life believing that you need to take care of someone in order to feel needed. let's say that's your primary core belief about yourself. who are you going to attract?

perhaps, as part of the Divine Plan of helping you to experience yourself so you can evolve, this is what you both agreed to at a soul level. so at this time, the person who is not necessarily your soul mate, but who is the person you chose on a conscious & soul level is the one in your life.

you may or may not be feeling satisfied with your relationship. but then your soul mate comes along & your emotions are all over the place. you are:

-  incredibly attracted to them
-  going crazy because you cant seem to get them out of your head
-  seeing all the things in them that you wish you had in your current relationship (even if your current relationship is fine - it will highlight the things you wish you had with your current partner)
-  wondering if you are with the wrong person & should be with your soul mate

however, keep in mind, your soul mate may not be at the same place of growth as you are, may not be emotionally or physically available, & you may be in a perfectly good marriage or relationship.

so why did they show up now? it could be that you wanted to cross their path because you do resonate with them so much, but it doesnt mean that they are meant to stay in your life.

think of your soul mate as a really great friend that you've known.. well, forever. you both decide to come to a school called Earth along with a bunch of other friends. thing is, once you enroll, none of you remembers each other, or even your true self. your soul mate signs up for a different class than you. because you know you wont be seeing each other for a while, you say "hey, let's meet on such & such a day & time". & so it's decided for you to meet.

off you all go to school & forget. you are born, grow up, meet someone, get married & then that particular day & time comes. hey! it's your soul mate! nice to see you but now you feel the connection & wonder why the circumstances are the way they are. sometimes you touch each others' lives to help you both grow further & clarify what it is you want to create in your life & relationships.

soul mates do find each other, & some soul mates are in the right place in their lives that they end up in relationships with their soul mate while on earth. for others, there is some small comfort knowing that you are always connected to them on an energetic level & eventually, we will all be together again.

***

http://www.torontopsychicservices.com/blog/relationships-2/were-soul-mates-but-youre-already-married/

how to know a soul mate

is the person i am with my soul mate?
how do i know my soul mate when i do meet them?
what is a soul mate relationship like?
if i never meet my soul mate, am i doomed to okay relationships but never that special connection?
what if my soul mate is already married?

***

first, a misconception about soul mates. some people say that you only have one soul mate. actually, you have several, & they are not all of the opposite sex!

there is a strong resonance when you meet your soul mate. you may feel an immediate connection with them or that you already know them. sometimes this feeling happens because a person is part of your soul group or soul family.

a soul group or soul family is comprised of the people in your life. you tend to reincarnate over & over with them, in different roles. the members of a soul group help each other to grow spiritually. this means that sometimes they will be there as a support, & sometimes as  a catalyst for change.

they may be in your life for any length of time. your soul mate is part of your soul group. many people feel that when they meet their soul mate it is divinely decreed. in other words, they feel they were fated to meet.

although you may meet your soul mate, unfortunately, you do not always end up with that person. sometimes, your life paths may cross but may not travel together.

this could happen because you are not in the right circumstances to have a committed relationship with that person. or, for whatever reason, you are contracted to experience different things in life that does not require you to have a relationship with that particular soul mate. we know very little of the overall divine blueprint.

but dont despair! soul mates will come together when the time is right to do so. even if you are not in a relationship with your soul mate, you can stil work at creating harmony, respect & love in your current relationship.

but when you do meet your soul mate, there will be no doubt. you will feel that you have never loved anyone as you love your soul mate. there is a natural compliment & connection that happens where you feel complete.

when you are not around them, you miss them deeply. being with them makes life more enjoyable. even if you have a brief relationship with them, they leave an impression on you that never leaves you. & your soul yearns for that connection again.

life is not meant for us to wait unfulfilled for a soul mate to come. there are many people who have fulfilling relationships with people who are not soul mates. what is important is that we love each other. we can create meaningful connections in the relationships that we have.

***

http://www.torontopsychicservices.com/blog/relationships-2/how-to-know-a-soul-mate/

i have met my soulmate, but he's married. what shall i do? ^^

Dear Dr. Robert

I think you are an amazing human being & I come to you for some issues I have been struggling with.

I am a young professional who kept falling for the wrong men in the past (i.e. the married men who are charming & manipulative). Although I kind of knew why because they don't really bother me as much as the single guys. I don't really get attached to them too deeply, just for some good times, because I was trying to focus on my career at the time. Please don't get me wrong, I am a really good girl & selective, still a little naive. I didn't experience my first time until I was 24.

Even this last one I think that all his qualities strike me as my soul mate, the one I want to be with, but he is married. We have such strong powerful chemistry & passion, that I'd never experienced before, that is beyond anyone's imagination, like we could never get enough or tired of each other. We both think that each other is very beautiful & that never really happened to me before. It was always the men who would admire & are attracted to me much more than I would admire them. I was never sexually attracted to anyone like this before in my whole life. I am just afraid that I never will be able to meet any one like that again.

I know it is wrong dating married men, & I've been trying to break this pattern. I know for a fact from now on, I will not see another married man anymore. But that last one left such a strong impact on me, or expectation, that will be very difficult for me to find fulfillment in the future.

It is like the right love, wrong time. He used to say to me that he wished he had met me before he was married. We were born in the wrong time.

It really makes me sad to think about it, & it makes me more lonely. All the good ones are taken. I've been on some dates with other single young men, but still haven't met anyone I could fall in love with, & I am already 30 years old. What shall I do, Dr. Robert?

Did I miss my soul mate? Is he already taken or was that last one really my soul mate but married? I need your advise. I really appreciate your help.

Liz

***

Hello Liz

First, thanks for the compliment. I don't know if you will still consider me "an amazing human being" after reading my reply, but, as always, I will respond to your question with complete honesty, & just let the chips fall where they may.

You say that you know it is wrong to date married men, but that is what you have been doing habitually. You have been doing over & over again what you say you knew was wrong. And you felt no guilt about it. You still don't. You have been interfering in other women's marriages, & doing it just because you found it convenient & amusing ("just for the good times"), without ever giving a single thought to the harm that you might be doing.

You say that you are a "good girl & selective", but your selection process seems always to have selected married men. What is "good" about that? Until now, you thought there was no price to be paid for doing what you knew was wrong, but now you find out that there is a price. This time you have fallen in love, & will end up disappointed & lonely. What else could you expect when you began an affair with a married man which then turned serious?

You say that "all the good ones are taken", but that is nonsense. There are millions upon millions of good men & good women who are single & hoping to meet someone they can love. I know this for a fact because it comes up in my practice all the time.

In reality, Lliz, you have not been looking for a "good one" you could have as a lover & possible life mate; you have been looking for married men to have sex with so as to avoid commitment. You have said as much, & so you have not been a "good one". There are countless good single men, but you are not likely to find one until you are good, & so far you have not been good at all. Your sexual behavior has been all wrong, & you knew it, but kept on anyway, not caring a damn about who might be hurt by your playing around, & there is nothing "good" about that at all.

Not, that said, & i hope you heard it, on to the feelings that you have about this particular man with whom you have fallen in love for the first time. You say that he is your "soul mate", but I think that is just a rather foolish romantic fantasy. Do you really imagine that there is just one perfect person in this entire world of billions of human beings who is your so-called "soul mate"? The soul mate idea goes back to the Greek philosopher, Plato, who imagined that the original human being was half male & half female, but had been split in two, & that the two halves were forever trying to find one another & be rejoined. I believe this is true in a certain metaphorical sense in that male & female are attracted & want to be joined, but I certainly do not imagine that you & your new man (who is cheating on his wife) actually were once joined, were split apart, & now must rejoin or else you will never find anyone whom you can love. That seems like nonsense to me.

Yes, your story sounds romantic, but the passion & excitement you say you feel, & the notion that this one particular man (who is a sexual cheat) & you are perfect for each other, & no one else could possibly be that good for you, are illusions, the kind that appear at the beginning of a relationship, but fade away as the realities of actual living begin to demand attention. This man already has a woman, but she is less interesting to him than when he first met her, so now he looks elsewhere for his sexual thrills. Your sentimental fancies of perfection & undying love are part of what an old client of mine, an attractive woman who had problems similar to yours (always the mistress, never the beloved), used to call the "glitter phase", meaning that after a while the illusion of perfection would get a bit shopworn, & the two lovers would have to face up to the fact that each was a flawed human being who was neither always lovable nor always easy to get along with. This man, who once loved his wife enough to marry her, is now tired of her & bored with his married life, & so he is fooling around with you. What makes you think that the same thing would not happen again if somehow you could force him to abandon his wife & marry you?

Because you have never loved anyone, but only thought of your own pleasure, you don't have a clue about any of this, & that is why you are so confused. Your selfishness is the source of your confusion. All you care about is what you want. No wonder you cant find a good single man. Why would a man like that want a woman like you anyway?

You say that you are already thirty years old, & I understand that to mean that you feel it is getting late for you to find a good mate, so that the loss of this particular man will be even a greater loss than it would have been if you were younger. But all that is your doing, Liz. You are the one who has been playing around with unavailable men in order not to get involved. That was your choice - you looked for them, you found them, you made love with them, you wasted your time with them (time that might have been spent learning to love) - & now you must live with it. If you see this, perhaps you will understand that the time for playing around as you have been doing must be brought to an end.

You asked for my advice. Here it is: Liz, stop your playing around with this married man (as you say you want to do) right away. If you know it is wrong, stop it. Wake up from your egoistical dream. Start being an honest, upstanding woman, & then, with some luck, eventually you may meet someone who will be both available, & a good mate for you. If you can't do this on your own steam, get some help.

Be well.

***

http://www.askdrrobert.dr-robert.com/soulmate.html

mixed feelings..

it's abit of a rush.. but i thought i had better pen this down before the feelings slip away. 

i am disturbed. already disturbed in the midst of dinner yesterday, when somehow the feeling that something "isnt right" crept up on my shoulders. & stayed there. & when the details were revealed, i actually felt this clamming up of my chest, reinforcing what i was feeling. i felt this urge to reveal what i'm feeling to someone. to Krissy, maybe? but not to her, who needed to hear it most. becos she will feel that i'm judging her. but am i?? 

i really asked myself this question, several times over. but i was feeling "wrong" even before all the details were revealed, right? she is so "into" the messages from her guides, the readings from Lena. so much that she is like an ultra-fan gone crazy. crazy with stubborness. so blindly bewildered that any thing one says vaguely to the contrary will be shot down. & i dont want to be rude. oh, & did i mention? she's taking the part where Lena says she is meant to be a spiritual teacher abit too obsessively. *rolls eyes* 

when i finally had the chance to tell Krissy what i was feeling, i dont know whether it was relief i felt that she had the same thoughts, or even more fear for her that we are both getting the same negative messages from our guides. that clammy chill. *brrr*.. Krissy says she feels that things will take a sudden twist as the dateline deadline of 3 months approaches. what i feel, is that the 3 month period is a quiet timeout for her to start loving herself, to be totally comfortable with herself, & to find real spiritual friends for her own path progression. so that one day when the eventual fatality looms, she will be strong enough to handle it. i am also confused. becos it's none of my business, really. but i really dont know whether for it to come true, or not, would be a better answer for her. glad i'm not a healer. hah!

this morning, walking back after breakfast with the hub. as i approached Courts with their panels of tvs & i saw my own reflection in one of them. i thought, one of her guides is also Guan Yin. i dont know much about Mother Mary, but i know Guan Yin. will she be a guide who encourages someone to go after another woman's husband, even if them 2 are truely soulmates? i am sure finding your soulmate would be the best possible thing to happen, & that both souls would sing & live happily ever after. BUT we have to take the long view. we have to take the view that we are not just here for THIS lifetime. that there are other lifetimes for us to learn our life lessons & to progress on our spiritual paths. not being with our soulmate in THIS lifetime, does not damn us to hell for eternity. whether separately or together, we have our individual lessons to learn & our own paths to progress, & forcing the supposedly "right" choice here might damn us with repercussions in the next. that's what i still believe, karma. 

this life & next

keep in mind also that Buddhists take a long view - failure to wake up in this life is not the same thing as being cast into hell for all eternity..  ^^

peddle pushers

religion-pushers ought to consider that for every one person they "save," they are likely turning off several more..

why are there no answers at times?

-  you are not ready for the answer
-  the answer is not a simple 'yes' or 'no'
-  it's divine secret
-  you are to find out for yourself
-  interference by aliens (!!)
-  interference by dark forces

小马哥

my spirit animal horse, is here to teach me 2 of 3 things..

1 hardworking
2 efficient
3 discipline

but only 2 of the 3.. & not all 3.. hmm..

proselytising

And if it becomes important to you to prove to the world that your beliefs are the only correct beliefs, and it's up to you to lead everyone else out of their erroneous ways, what does that say about you? ^^

T.I.C.

thrive. not just survive.
and perhaps then, even fly.

drink coffee

do stupid things faster
with more energy. ^^

锋刃

沉住气，因为愤怒解决不了任何问题。。

ask amy..

dear sad:

first, let's establish that i agree with your sister: you are a horrible person.

obviously, you can do whatever you want & associate with - or exclude - whomever you want, but you dont get to do this & also blame the person you are excludeing for not "fitting in".

the only way your sister would ever fit in would be for you to make room for her. you are unwilling to do that, & that is your choice.

but her being upset is completely justified, & you'll just have to live with that. perhaps this is something you could ponder from your church pew, becos despite your regular attendance, you dont seem to have learned much.

http://www.kiss107.com/onair/jare-43178/burn-ask-amy-gets-real-12344571

麻将品格

form is temporary;
but class is permanent.

why do i feel so scared?

nothing to be scared about.
what is the worst case that could happen?
sue you for $1.5k?

that i'm only paid $100 for November

ok.. so is that something you really need to be scared about?
4 sessions of mahjong & you make $1.5k

is i 不甘愿! 不甘心!
i feel so aggrieved !!

ok.. that's fine to feel that way.. but nothing to feel scared about

lethal ones..

the lethal ones are the ones who slip past the hiring department for some reason, & actually land their desired jobs with too little experience. & because their degrees give them a sense of superiority, they may not even notice they're incompetent.

true, bosses catch on & get rid of them eventually, but not before they make the office a living hell.

the gym

using light weights is not embarrassing.

using heavier weights than you can handle is. 

恶。即。斩。

"And you should fight against injustice, like how you need to stand up against the wicked & the hypocritical. You need to be the reckoning."

Evil. Just. Slash.
恶。即。斩。

black curry

so, she'd rather pay in lieu than serve out her time facing you.
do you finally realise just how shitty & hateful you are?!

S.H.I.T.

S.H.I.T. is nasty, evil & hypocritical.
something oh-so-not-worth-it to be even appearing here.

famous misquotations..

great minds think alike, small minds rarely differ.

curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

rome wasnt built in a day, but it burned in one.

which doctor do you see?

i'm really interested to know,
which doctor do you see?
one who can give you back-to-back days of MC,
yet so frequently..

lifestyle

it is more accurate to say that whether one has good working hours or not depends greatly on one's firm's or company's culture & circumstances.

- law gazette, july 2013 -

wow.. i'm really touched.. ^^

gee.. early birthday presents..
becos they know i'll be on leave starting friday, & wont be in office on my actual birthday.

that really IS very sweet of them.
seriously, i'm touched.
at the same time, i wonder. whether there would be such genuine acts of appreciation, if i had remain at the toa payoh hub. *hur hur*..

vice versa

the carpenter sees on his tool handle the wearing away caused by his fingers & thumb. but he does not necessarily know that so much has been worn away today, so much yesterday & so much at another time.

 in the same way, one living devoted to the practice of meditation does not know that so much of the defilements have been worn away today, so much yesterday & so much at another time. he merely has the knowledge that they are being worn away.

oh blind men, have you seen the elephant?

in the same way, wanderers of other sects are blind. they do not see, they do not know the skillful or the unskillful. they do not know what dharma is, or what dharma is not. & becos of their ignorance, they are by nature argumentative, quarrelsome, squabbles, each insisting it is thus.

bye mummy..

from the time my mother complained about her backache, till the time she passed away.

it was just 3 weeks. 

too long for her suffering, but too short for us to say goodbye. 

when my mum was first hospitalised, she was still concerned whether 我的衣服有没有人洗.. 冰厨有没有牛奶.. 还有面包记得吃, 不然会 expire.. 

well, i guess these are the little things, the little thoughts that mothers are made of..

my mum was a very brave woman. 

when she was told of how bad her condition was, she took it well. 

she accepted it very calmly, & told us all that 她不怕死, 她只怕痛.

& becos she was so learned & knowledgeable, we couldnt even bluff her to tell her that everything's going to be okay..

everything happened so quickly, sometimes i also cant quite believe that she's gone. 

but at times when i'm sad, & i want to cry. 

the thing i constantly repeat to comfort myself

is that at least she is now free from pain & suffering 

& i sincerely believe, that she is now at a better place.

最后这一步

终于，还是来到了最后一步。

原来我妈比我勇敢。

这几天那么多的人来看她。我想她如果知道的话，一定会很安慰。

我今晚，跟妈妈道别了。
我感谢了她，做我的妈妈。。给了我那么好的家庭环境成长。
我说了对不起，以前做了一些让她伤心、让她哭的事。

我告诉她，我嫁了一个好男人。也找到了一间好公司。
叫她不必替我担心了。
也告诉了她，我们会好好照顾 popo 的。所以她可以放心了。

mummy.. thanks for everything..

multiple sclerosis?

i dont want to discourage you, but i think that such results are not good.

toned in, fat out

i recall watching this youtube video sometime back about a simple set of exercises that one can do to achieve a toned back & arms.

well, i have gotten down to doing this set everytime i pop by the loo. almost, anyway.

let's hope the toned comes in & the fat goes out soon. the cellulite i see at the bottom of my flabby arms are plain scary..  0_0"

贱人

如果爱情 不是用来比较..
那你当出 又何必炫耀?

还真是贱人说贱话..

when's the best time to buy a property?

one. falling prices. & falling volume. together.

two. large number of sandwich class HDBs appearing (i.e. ECs).

three. government imposes or considers imposing (more) cooling measures.

four. banks get creative with their home loan packages.

太平洋

i like you.
you come across as sincere, down-to-earth, & without the unnecessary atas airs of a director.

perhaps time at the Hub has opened my eyes.
whereas i used to think that i need my female boss to be married with kids of her own to appreciate & understand my priorities in life, now i further qualify this with the additional criteria that said female boss has to have a loving, warm relationship with her spouse & family. well, maybe not exactly loving & warm relationship, but at least some relationship. so that you will not be spending unnecessary time at the office, craving for bonding with all the wrong sorts of people.

maybe next week.. maybe

so everything i do, is not good enough.
whichever way i run my files, is also not good enough.
only SHE gets it the right way, i.e. YOUR way.

hello! & it's not becos i'm stupid!
it's simply becos all your magic letters & instruments of wonder are ONLY given to HER!
how do you expect one to follow your holy directions when plebs like me dont even know they exist?!

*bitch*..

you dare tell me, that due to falling volume, i have to start sending back title deeds & chasing for recovery?! & finally ending with a flourish saying that "as for my confirmation.. maybe next week yah? maybe next week.."

you either think i'm stupid, or as a matter of fact, you really are.

what makes you better than me?

yes, you laugh at every single thing.
but that to me appears to be more of insecurity & lack of confidence than a genuine attitude of optimism.

maybe you also hold an LL.B, but it's from a lacklustre university with no real worth out there.
& being a conveyancer is probably the only route you have to calling yourself a lawyer.

happy coffee time eh?
drink more when you're drowning under my shit you'll be inheriting.

good luck babe. you'll need lots.

so are you going to confirm me or not?

i really hate all this insecurity..

the lack of new files being opened under me..
the indifferent (or sometimes, just plain bo chup) attitude i'm spoken to..
the change in status from being a privileged one in the past to one of under privileged now..

*sigh*.. why are sooo many games being played?

a debt of luck

life's outcomes, while not entirely random, have a huge amount of luck baked into them.

above all, recognise that if you have had success, you have also had luck - & with luck comes obligation.

you owe a debt, & not just to your gods.
you owe a debt to the unlucky.

...

i feel so empty..

mayan apocalypse

if the world really were to end today.. i would die, stuck to my office desk..
while my significant other is out pigging with his beloved "boyfriends"..

-.-"

a flying pumpkin..

the pumpkin is onboard his SQ flight, seated comfortably next to the window on his way to brisbane.

while poor stitch stitch is stuck in the cargo compartment, probably messing around with slinky underwear in the darkenss of the luggage bag.

gawd.. i miss them both.. counting down from 26.. ^^

hubbed

salary? 50% increment.
cpf? yes.
medical benefits? yes, with paid mc too.
annual leave? 12 days.
working hours? mondays to thursdays, with the occasional saturday.

& all right in the middle of the bustling hdb hub.
tell me, what's there not to like? ^^

farewell..

daddy says you're at a better place.. ^^

the slug

& just wondering, becos i'm bored waiting in the office..

do i really want to be a slug? can i accept that for myself?
will everything eventually work out?

*sigh*..

there's still the coffee session i was summoned to with the Boss tomorrow.
still some fear i guess, but then again too tired to care. ^^

drip by drip..

i feel sooo tired..

like a burnt out dam clearing the backlog of work drip by drip.. only to have buckets of new stuff continuously dumped in.. & everything's urgent, due today, or due tomorrow.

i am seriously quite stressed. just how much more can i take?

习惯就好

再一次学习.. 独自一个人的生活..

...

my insomnia is back..

*sigh*..

happy birthday boss.. ^^

it feels so good to be back at no. 14..

all the potluck food, the mahjong, the karaoke, the wine & most importantly, the endless amount of food that i can tah pao home at the end of the day.. lolx..

perhaps things were abit weird at times. but stil, i enjoyed myself.
& i hope you did too boss. happy happy birthday.
thanks for always taking care & looking out for me. ^^

deja vu

this is so ironical..
it used to be that my tatami was too squeezy, & i'd be grumbling about lack of space & neck aches..

now that i have the tatami all to myself, i concussed at 9:30 pm due to exhaustion only to wake up surprisingly at midnight.. feeling weird.. managed to fall asleep awhile later, only to wake up again at 6+ am without the ringing of the alarm..

lolx.. feels like wallaby days again.. ha-di-ha..  ^^

the destinee

when i was still young, staying at the old hdb flat. i remember being touched by this particular advertisement that i saw on tv.

it was of a couple, together in an onsen, under the moon. i didnt know exactly where they were but naturally assumed they must be in japan. the guy whips out a diamond ring, & the girl was totally raptured. as they hugged contentedly in the outdoor pool, she stretches out her hand & puts her ring right next to the stars.

the destinee diamond. wow. 
& for me it almost came true.

smart girls

smart girls are the overthinkers, the insecure ones, the different ones.
they know what the real world is like. they analyze every little thing in life.

why? to avoid getting hurt. to find happiness.
they stay up at night trying to think about every possible situation to get through all the problems. they think too much. they trust less people. their insecurity proves their respect towards themselves.

of course, they try to live away from a drama-filled life.
smart girls know their worth, now that's the ones worth keeping by your side. ^^

只会伸手要钱

mother's day dinner? no need. just give money.
maid? give more money.
every month? just credit money.

barely $40k in cash savings. & that's after earning > $100k for the past what, 3 years?
& yet you feel so free to give more & more of your money away.

tell me. how long more will it take to save up for a ring? for a house? for a future?

principles of legal writing..

1. never use one word where ten will do.
2. never use a small word where a big one will do.
3. never use a simple statement where it appears that one of substantially greater complexity will achieve comparable goals.
4. never use english where latin, mutatis mutandis, will do.
5. qualify virtually everything.
6. do not be embarrassed about repeating yourself.
7. do not be embarrassed about repeating yourself.
8. worry about the difference between "which" & "that".
9. never refer to your opponent's "arguments" - he makes only "assertions", & his assertions are always "bald".
10. if a lay person can read a document from beginning to end without falling asleep, it needs work.

no hug hug tonight..

i really love my pumpkin..
& it feels so weird when he's not hugging me to sleep..

well, at least momo's here.. that little rascal.. ^^

pls, god..

for all that you praised about god & his justness
for once i so really hope that he exists.
so that he can then be just & fair,
& you can get your exact just rewards, you wretch!

happily never after..

there cannot be a happily ever after, unless & until there is at least an "ever after".
& there will not be an "ever after", at least unless & until

1) all accounts are firmly settled & closed. 不要藕断丝连、阴魂不散.
2) the house is sold at acceptable valuation & all other stakeholding issues settled.
3) 我也是我妈生的，你可别想委屈我.

上等人

we must be judged by what we do & not by what we believe.

we are as we behave - with a very small margin of credit for our unmanifested vision of how gracious & generous we believe we are behaving.

& one should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others.

recently, i had to choose between honest arrogance & hypocritical humility.
once again, i chose honest arrogance & i do not foresee any occasion to change. ^^

a solid foundation

free fall is a scary trip, but when we hit rock bottom, we know it's just the real beginning when we start living on solid ground. ^^

chicken soup

the only real purpose of relationships is to experience deeper love..

alan cohen

大合照

人生那么短，凭什么让不重要的人影响了自己重要的心情。

心灰意冷

因为有心，所以会痛
再过一阵子，我就不痛了。。

失去了坚持下去的理由，看不到一起以后的憧憬
所以我的未来，不再有你。。

gawd.. pls go..

for the sake of my sanity.. & before i explode..

please go. just go.

0_0

wow..

just as i was typing away on the earlier blog, he calls to tell me his schedule. & upon hearing that i'm stil in office, he's on his way to pick me up & drop me home first, before he runs back to his cue stuff.

this sixth sense thingy freaks me out sometimes. ^^

considerable consideration

stil stuck in office.. & wondering if my hairy prince will come rescue me in his shiny black ride later?

but he has his rehearsal to attend to, his uniform to iron, his pants to try & squeeze into.. not that he's so busy he doesnt have time for me, but instead it's exactly becos i know he's busy that i dont want to stress him out further by coming all the way out here for me..

hmm.. since when did i become so considerate?

whoosh..

they're all gone! *whew*.. what a huge relief! ^^

*beams*..

bad bed bugs

yay.. no more bad bugs bites !! sooo happy !! *lalala*.. ^^

& according to him, now just settle those photos & 178 will be my favourite hunt again.. hmm..

the right to be

why are you upset with me, over something that you yourself didnt do?

you were the one who set the deadline for february. hello, it's not as if i only told you on 27th or 28th that you have to settle it by the 29th. you had sooo much time since chinese new year, & yet you chose to grumble about the lack of time due to excessive travelling only now. what kind of shitty excuse is that?!

*rrr*..

& dont i have a right to be angry? you know that those things upset me, they make me unhappy. why do you stil keep insisting for me to come by & see them hanging around? why do you want to keep reminding me of the past?!

double *rrr*..

fairytale no more

did you know, that cinderella got to attend the prince's ball afterall because her father was a nobleman? what's a little suffering at the hands of the evil stepmother?

sometimes in life when you're really down, you'll even be called a thief if you fit those glass slippers.

losing signal..

i miss my pumpkin already.. *sigh*..

问世间情为何物..

有个年轻美丽的女孩，出身豪门，家产丰厚，又多才多艺，日子过得很好。媒婆也快把她家的门槛给踩烂了，但她 一直不想结婚，因为她觉得还没见到她真正想要嫁的那个男孩。直到有一天，她去一个庙会散心，於万千拥挤的人群中，看见了一个年轻的男人。不用多说什么，反正女孩觉得那个男人就是她苦苦等待的结果了。可惜，庙会太挤了，她无法走到那个男人的身边， 就这样眼睁睁的看著那个男人消失在人群中。

后来的两年里，女孩四处去寻找那个男人，但这人就像蒸发了一样，无影无踪。女孩每天都向佛祖祈祷，希望能再见到那个男人。她的诚心打动了佛祖，佛祖显灵了。

佛祖：「你想再看到那个男人吗？」
女孩：「是的！我只想再 看他一眼！」
佛祖：「你要放弃你现在的一切，包括爱你的家人和幸福的生活。」
女孩：「我能放弃！」
佛祖：「 你还必须修炼五百年道行，才能见他一面。你不后悔？」
女孩：「我不后悔！」

女孩变成了一块大石头，躺在荒郊野外。四百多年的风吹日晒，苦不堪言，但女孩都觉得没什么。难受的是这四百多年都没看到一个人，看不见一点点希望，这让她都快崩溃了。最后一年，一个采石队来了，看中了她的巨大，把她凿成一块巨大的条石，运进了城里。他们正在建一座石桥，於是，女孩变成了石桥的护栏。就在石桥建成的第一 天，女孩就看见了，那个她等了五百年的男人！他行色匆匆，像有什么急事，很快地从石桥的正中走过了。当然， 他不会发觉有一块石头正目不转睛地望著他。

男人又一次消失了。再次出现的是佛祖。

佛祖：「你满意了吗？」
女孩：「不！为什么？为什么我只是桥的护栏？ 如果我被铺在桥的正中，我就能碰到他了，我就能摸他一下！」
佛祖：「你想摸他一下？那你还得修炼五百年！」
女孩：「我愿意！」 佛祖：「你吃了这么多苦，不后悔？」
女孩：「不后悔！」

女孩变成了一棵大树，立在一条人来人往的官道上。这里每天都有很多人经过，女孩每天都在近处观望。但这更难受，因为无数次满怀希望的看见一个人走来，又无数次，希望破灭。

不是有前五百年的修炼，相信女孩早就崩溃了！日子一天天的过去，女孩的心逐渐平静了，她知道，不到最后一天 ，他是不会出现的。又是一个五百年啊！最后一天，女孩知道他会来了，但她的心中竟然不再激动。来了！他来了 ！他还是穿著他最喜欢的白色长衫，脸还是那么俊美，女孩痴痴地望著他。这一次，他没有急匆匆的走过，因为， 天太热了。他注意到路边有一棵大树，那浓密的树荫很诱人，休息一下吧，他这样想。他走到大树脚下，靠著树根 ，微微的闭上了双眼，他睡著了。女孩摸到他了！他就靠在她的身边！但是，她无法告诉他，这千年的相思。她只 有尽力把树荫聚集起来，为他挡住毒辣的阳光。千年的柔情啊！男人只是小睡了一刻，因为他还有事要办，他站起 身来，拍拍长衫上的灰尘，在动身的前一刻，他回头看了看这棵大树，又微微地抚摸了一下树干，大概是为了感谢 大树为他带来清凉吧。然后，他头也不回地走了！

就在他消失在她的视线的那一刻，佛祖又出现了。

佛祖：「你是不是还想做他的妻子？那你还得修炼。」
女孩平静 地打断了佛祖的话：「我是很想，但是不必了。」
佛祖：「哦？」
女孩：「这样已经很好了，爱他，并不一定要做 他的妻子。」
佛祖：「哦！」
女孩：「他现在的妻子也像我这样受过苦吗？」

女孩微微一笑：「我也能做到的，但 是不必了。」

就在这一刻，女孩发现佛祖微微地叹了一口气，或者是说，佛祖轻轻地松了一口气。女孩有几分诧异 ：「佛祖也有心事？」

佛祖的脸上绽开了一个笑容：「因为这样很好，有个男孩可以少等一千年了，他为了能够看 你一眼，已经修炼了两千年。」

want something?

"dont ever let someone tell you, you cant do something. not even me. you got a dream, you gotta protect it. people cant do something themselves, they wanna tell you that you cant do it. you want something? go get it. period."

will smith @ the pursuit of happyness

shanghai dolly nights

我能想到最浪漫的事，
就是和你一起慢慢变老。。
只到我们老得哪儿也去不了，
你还依然把我当成 手心里的宝。。^^

living

there comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama & people who create it. you surround yourself with people who make you laugh. forget the bad, & focus on the good. love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who dont. life is too short to be anything but happy.

falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living. ^^

偷心大圣

世界上最痛苦的事，是你真心的爱一个人，却无法向他证明。

那么容易就放手。。 原来也不过如此。。

偷心大圣

为什么会这样?
我要的，只是一段单纯的爱情。
为什么现在变得那么复杂?

(T_T)

爱很简单

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你 真的很简单

爱的地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法抉择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我

i love you 无法不爱你 baby 说你也爱我
i love you 永远不愿意 baby 失去你
永远都不放弃这爱的权利

the smelly bear

"why no updates??" he grouchily asked.

eh.. how to huh?
when i'm spending almost all my waking time (besides playing facebook) with you?

-.-"

good relationships

good relationships dont just happen..
they take time, patience, & two people who want to be together.. ^^

在等一个人。。

一个可以把我的寂寞故事画上休止符的人。
一个可以陪我听遍所有悲伤情歌，
却不会让我想哭的人。

一个可以在我身上找出一百个缺点，
却还是执意要爱我的人。

一个会对我说
我们有坑一起跳、
有苦一起尝、
有一辈子就一起过的人。

简单不简单

relationships are not complicated, people are.
so, be simple.

i love you, pumpkin.. ^^

the left state of mind..

i feel oh-so-confused once again. this time not about relationships (or the lack there-of), but rather for the big question on career. hmm.. is it time for another trip? both to 四马路 & uncle steven?

be happy

people who choose to be happy, & really are, dont need to plaster so all over facebook in an attempt to announce it to their artificial world, bitch.

shotgun weddings

they used to call weddings with a pregnant bride "shotgun weddings" becos the dad would show up at the young baby-daddy's house with a mean-looking shotgun insisting that he marry the girl & "make an honest woman out of her".

girl & boy

girl:
i broke up with him today. i told him i wasnt happy. he didnt even ask why. i thought he would ask me to stay. but he didnt. he just let me go. & just like that, i lost the guy i waited for so long.

guy:
she broke up with me today. she said she wasnt happy. i was too hurt to ask why. i wanted to stop her from leaving. but if she's not happy with me, there's no way i can make her stay. so i just let her go. just like that, i lost the girl i've been dreaming of for so long.

fatty bom bom..

is it normal for a girl in love to put on weight? ('@')

watch it

i dont want you to keep any contact with her when the house is settled.

& that includes whatever messages that she sends you on facebook.
on top of sms, whatsapp, calls, & anything else that the bitch can come up with in her slutty mind.

you better get this in yours too.

timeline

i dont like it. & i stil think june is too far off.
but i also understand that some things take time.

so you've got up til june to make things right. to settle that stupid house. draw a thick black clear line. & put a big full stop.

& it has been made clear that end of june means 30th june. that grants you an extra 30 days.

things are supposed to be set in motion come chinese new year. so if february comes & nothing is done, i wont nag. i'll just know then exactly where i stand.

excess baggage

i have 3 baggages that are getting too heavy for me to lug them all around. either i let them go, or i let him go. both will grant me my relief.

JG. i hate her. for the fact that he spent so much effort in wooing her. & for the fact that he stil continued to put in much effort even after they broke up. of cos the bitchy photos didnt help. & him attempting to hide them made it worse. if i ever see even just one more of those stupid tongue out photos, you're dead!

AT. i hate her even more. for continuing to linger around in his life. with flimsy excuses of feeding cats & losing cemetary directions. move on bitch! get lost from my territory. if you ever feed just one more cat or offer any more concierge taxi rides to remote cemetaries, i'll make sure you move right into one.

the condo. i hate it. for the simple fact that it's stil unsettled. if you cant afford it, move out bitch. dont cry me any sob stories. & if YOU dare to buy any of them, you're dead!

world class

SMRT breakdowns, orchard road flooding, singtel 3G network down, DBS "safest bank in asia" fraudulent withdrawals, changi race track cannot start, national stadium stil being built, tiger airways first (in last 10 years) in aussie land to get flight safety warning, blah blah..

stop telling us (& the world) that singapore is world class. i very paiseh these days already.

stil want to argue over salaries. -.-"

managing expectations

i have decided.

when i next feel like calling, i will take a deep breath. pause for just that little while, & let the moment pass.

when i next feel like messaging, i will draft it in my head. then mentally erase it, & let the tots go by.

becos with great expectations come great disappointment. & havent i had enough?

吵架公约

一 要热吵，不要冷战
二 要文斗，不要武斗
三 就事论事，不翻旧账
四 严禁在公共场合、家人、孩子、朋友面前吵架
五 请使用文明语言
六 当天的气，当天解
七 吵架时不提分手或离婚
八 双方要轮流道歉
九 男方要迁就女方
十 女方要体谅男方

放不下

一個苦者對和尚說:「我放不下一些事，放不下一些人。」
和尚說:「沒有什麼東西是放不下的。」
苦者說:「可我就偏偏放不下。」

和尚讓他拿著一個茶杯，然後就往裏面倒熱水，一直倒到水溢出來。
苦者被燙到馬上鬆開了手。
和尚說:「這個世界上沒有什麼事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就會放下。」

i feel empty..

a part? or apart?

dont take it for granted..

life is too short to wake up with regrets.
love the people who treat you right,
forget about the ones who dont.
believe everything happens for a reason.
if you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
if it changes your life, let it.
nobody said life would be easy,
they just promised it would be worth it.