生命承受不起的“小”遗憾

不留遗憾。在还能做什么的时候，就做吧。
尽力而为。
当机会来到面前，
第一反应就是抓住。

结果已经不重要了。
尽力就好。

第一种人等待机会
第二种人抓住机会
第三种人创造机会

不能创造机会
若连抓住也不要
那我会看不起自己

多年后
会鄙视自己
当年的不努力

Wishing myself to keep the promise

It is the time for wishing, again.

I wasn't serious for the second one though

Perhaps it should be to own

A garden of flowers

***

I was so ill the other day

Sleepless after waking up from a shallow sleep

Guess I had broken the habit of 

Finding someone to chat with

When I am unable to sleep

Or just because I could think of no one to find

End up watching a movie

Great way to solve insomnia actually

At that moment

I decided

If I survived to the next day

(Hell yeah I knew I would)

Then I would promise myself

To love myself more

To take a really good care of myself

No more laziness to eat

No more forgetting to eat

Because who would

If I don't?

***

你要相信，这个世界上总有一个人正在向你走来，带着最美丽的爱情。

你要做的只是在他出现之前，好好的照顾自己。

—— 金陵雪《你迟到了许多年》

或许等到他出现的时候

我已经不需要任何安慰

***

Another thing that I did on that day

I just isolated myself even more

from people who care about me

Though what I said was really what I think

but perhaps it sounded too icy cold and cruel

to someone who warm-heartedly concerned

(or maybe just an act of courtesy)

It is a kind of self-defence I guess

Not to put too much expectation

too much reliance

too much attachment

I am good with myself.

***

Finally got myself a Calendar <3 p="">

Need to be more organized 

And disciplined

Say love

One day Mum phoned me

With anxious tone

Saying she had found a note

Written by Dad 

And she started to read me what it's written

Mainly because she saw the word

Little girl and bank account

So she suspected that he gonna

Bank in money to his mistress or something

Then she read further 

She spelled some words that she couldn't read

Something sounded like chicken pox

Then instinctly I knew it must be for me

Xmas and new year soon

He has this habit of sending me text messages

Mum only began to feel relieve a bit

It was a complicated feelings I had

At that moment

A bit of touched and something else

Arh the surprise was revealed beforehand

Today

Proven that I was right

So sweet of him huh?

I think I am really a bad daughter after all

Only after receiving this message I called him

Though I always have been planning to call

But never seems to remember or act

I just don't know what to say

I just don't want to know sometimes

I'm on my own 

Whether it is physically

Or emotionally 

Maybe I just don't know how to love

Or I am just finding excuses

最勤劳的时候

我最勤劳的时候

也是我最懒惰的时候

懒得吃东西

甚至忘了吃

麻木不堪

记忆不牢靠

身体发出讯号

显意识竟然不当一回事

还以为莫名的心情烦躁

原来是饥饿过度而晕眩

很了不起

连我也佩服自己

废寝忘食 

忘食较合适形容我

废寝只因心事重重

若不用吃

多好

When a person with a religion is not equal to a religious person

Recently when I was scrolling FB
I saw a Muslim friend who posted a photo
with the news that Buddhists killed Muslims
I didn't care much as many of the news nowadays
are very biased and they just like to exaggerate
things for their own interests

But then I that similar news in TIME online
I was really shocked
The news was reported in TIME International
with the cover page of a monk leader
The headline was Buddhist Terrorists

That truly bewildered me
In the news
It some sorts of mocked
the First Principle of Buddhism
which is Not to kill

Then I realised it was in Burma
and happened since a few years ago

From my understanding
Monks have a high status in that community
I saw a few photos where
the monks were collecting alms from the people
and two armed-soldiers were guarding them

It was perplexed feelings that stirring deep down

Then I think back (and think of the leaders who actually have a religion)
It is the materialism such as power and status that demoralises all humans
No matter what religion you are

The more power you have
the more unethical you become
Guess this simple linear relationship holds true

I am really disappointed to tell you the truth
but humans are still humans
Identities just don't reflect actions
Like policemen are not always righteous
(In fact Google predicted "Policemen are corrupted" in the search box)
Today I saw an armed-guard passed by
I wonder if he had ever fire a gun
Does he hold the gun just to frighten people?
Will he protect the people from the harm
or he will be the first to run away when something bad happens?

Another that bothers me:
The western journalists only can come up with
the phrases such as other-religions terrorists
but never their-religions terrorists
Terrorists ARE terrorists
Terrorists don't have any religions
That's something I believe
If they do, there won't be any terrorists

Religion + terrorists?
Good virtues + humans?
What a funny world.

如果有一天。。。请记得

如果有一天，我变得更冷漠了，请记得，我曾经要人陪的时候你都只说忙。

如果有一天，我变得目中无人了，请记得，曾经也没有人把我放在心里。 

如果有一天，我不再在乎你了，请记得，曾经也没人听过我的心事。 

如果有一天，我不再对你笑了，请记得，你曾经也没有问我过的快不快乐。

~转载

Study.... week?

You must be kidding me!
It's Thursday now
Already passed half of this week
which is supposed to be my study week

But what had I done?
Done assignments,
Gone to replacement classes,
and read Facebook.

Hell yeah.
My study week has just begun.
A very good luck to myself.

T.H.E. MOOOOOOOOOOOD
is the 'key' to start the motivated-to-study-and-focus engine

C'mon.
Like I still have a lots of time. =.=

Punctuality

No, here is Malaysia
Punctuality means more than 5 minutes
from the time fixed or stated
in the notice

Why I just couldn't pretend that I didn't know
about the meeting
Why I just couldn't be 'punctual'
in the definition of common people here

Did a silly thing again today
Attended a meeting
that wasn't meant for me to attend
But I was the first one to reach

Should have gone back earlier
before seeing anybody that came late

Sometimes (and most of the time)
I just hate my sense of responsibility
and punctuality.

Hohoho~ It's Xmas time!

What I love about Xmas...


The heart-warming Xmas songs
the harmonic
the jazz

The joyful Xmas songs
the sound of jingle bells
the quick rhythms

When I was small
I really like to watch
the special programme on the TV
The movie would start around 10 o'clock
It's not common to see this kinda movies
where there're snow, snowman,
fireplace, Christmas trees,
thick bulky clothes and sometimes
Santa in it

The storyline usually was about
family and love
Sometimes, comedies
when there're Santa and the elves

Miss those moments
I woke up early in the morning
just to watch the TV
Miss the jukebox toy I used to have
pressing the button would play the song
Jingle Bell Rock
Perhaps this is why I love this song
more than others

***
I really dreamt of having a Xmas tree
in my house
Then I would decorate it with all the ornaments
and most importantly the STAR at the top

Hmm... why must it be a star? why can't be a love, a snowflake or anything else?
Tell me if you know the reason ;P

***

As I grew older
it was the time of a teenager
to party all night
Christmas eve celebration,
The count down
a crowded square full of
suffocation and revels

And now,
at this stage
I prefer to pass this day
with tranquillity
Enjoy the peaceful atmosphere
around me
Listen to Xmas albums
almost can see
the snowflakes falling
the colorful string lights blinking
almost can feel
the coldness from the air
and the warmth from the fire

***

When excitements and noise seem too odd
serenity and silence seem to comfortable.

跳高

中学体育课

最讨厌就是跳高跳远

最糟糕就是那些都有分数

几尺高几尺远就六分

再高再远就九分、十一分

从来都没一项得最高分

能拿九分都谢天谢地了

与其说讨厌

不如说

到现在

我依然很害怕

跳过了六分

那个杆栏就在你眼前调高

你又要预备开始跳过

所以我最讨厌就是体育课

***

如今

刚刚通过了这学期的

Clinical continuous assessment 

评语听起来像是

错误缺点一大罗

只不过这学期是刚开始

所以还是勉强通过

若下一学期 还是这种表现

恐怕。。。

进步进步再进步

不进则退

我已经能看得见

接下来的“期望”会很高

开始很担心。。。

现在开始担心似乎要折腾自己很久

我真的很改得到做得到么？ 

神啊～救救我吧！

我也是刚发现，差异。

若连相机也能看得出
我是真笑还是假笑

那认识我的你
有什么借口
说不懂？

I'm at the top of the world

I think I have gone mad
I think my level of 'highness' has reached the max
and still rising

LOL

Just after reading some great articles
and motivating quotes

Or something wrong with my hormone levels?

I guess it is true that
I am really a bipolar

Alalala~~~

没什么。只是今天想穿灰色外壳。

Why I will fail to have a great life

Because I'm afraid.
The 'If I had...' phrase hurt the most.

But I feel that being a great parent
is actually a great career
provided that you have the values
that your children are proud of

***

Will any great adventures ever begin?

耳不闻为静

不想活在他人的阴影之下
只想找寻属于自己的阳光

***
不知该高兴还是觉得丢脸
当别人在跟我投诉关于你
只能苦笑

其实我不想知道

或许以后我要郑重宣布：
我是我，不是谁的前度。
你们所谓的X先生已逝，
请尊重逝者。

至于那位同学
他要做什么恶心的事
还是别搞我身边的人好
去远一点搞
耳不闻为静

其实也不关我的事
干嘛别人做什么事
我也一起受罪？

***
曾经很傻地认为
分手后的人们
会是彼此最了解的人
所以还是会很要好

不然就完全形同陌路
彼此都好像忘了从前
两个世界从此没有瓜葛
在路上遇到
还要想几秒钟
才认得那是谁

很遗憾
我的情况是
一个“卡” 字
不上不上

Find someone who is worth it =]

Lonely Xmas is just so great

才说想一个人逛街

才说想喝星巴克

这下在没有计划下全都实现

怎么有点困

午觉时间到了

我有点累了

又有点饿了

带来的lecture notes 

注定是白拿

Yawn~ 

Xmas decoration everywhere

Couples everywhere

Leng lui everywhere
(enjoyed looking at those rich and classy pretty girls)

Love the loneliness feeling

Walk here and there

Walk to the wrong direction 

But 

Explain to no one

Wait for no one

Just follow my paces

Follow my heart beats

Go anywhere I want to go

It is me

With the mistletoe!

The caffeine just doesn't work =\

Eavesdropping the conversation between the man and woman beside me
(not intentionally you know, the brain just got attracted by speech more than
the words on my notes LOL)
Funny part was that
the lady asked about the fake pictures on the internet he mentioned before
he said he always got cheated
then kept repeating "Sorry I don't mean you, I really don't mean you...."
Hahaha!
So funny.

*Don't try this at home- I mean eavesdropping. Haha. 姐姐有练过。哇哈哈！*

用心。看。

一位摄影师Mark Hirsch

为一棵大树

每一天拍一张照片

一棵同样的树

不同的角度

不同的时候

拍出不一样的美感

人也一样吧？

只要用心看

换个镜头

又是另一种美

发觉。美好。

~照片链接请按这里~

To see the good in everything =D

华丽跌倒

“含泪奔跑，华丽跌倒。”

***

看见这一句话

写得好好

无论是那一条路

多么艰辛 多么折磨

你知道休息站 

（前方有很多个休息站，却只有一个终点）

就在不远处

终。会。到。的。

你可以流血

你可以流泪

但不可以停下脚步

与其裹足不前

不如

含泪奔跑

华丽跌掉

再拍拍身上的尘埃

让脸上的泪痕风干

骄傲地昂首

继续往前走

加油！

Having less when you have more

Having more time:

Use more.

Having less time:

Use less.

Is this why god never changes the time system even there are people who pray for more time in a day or in a life?

'Cause no matter how much time is extended

It won't be enough

We will just use it recklessly

Until we have the time limit.

Limit is the key word.

It is the same principle as the saying

You lose freedom when you are being freed 

It is not the case where you get the freedom that you dreamt for

Instead you feel lost

My 'Jingly'

It feels so unreal to have you
Even until today
after 3 weeks

I don't know if
it's because you worth so much
or due to the 'freshness'

But I do know
I am more attached to you than the old one
Life seems easier
more manageable
Things get done quicker
at the same time I spend so much time with you

We can make it for at least 5 years I hope.
Hmmm... if without any accident.

***

It should be a He
as I love him
but I dress it like a She
so I still can't decide which gender it should be

The English name is Jingly,
tinkling like a bell
while in Chinese it is 小晶

晶莹剔透，清脆悦耳。
Hoho.

TGIF!

This is the day
of every 'end of the week'
a small break after 1 week of suffocating and lack-of-sleep life

This is the day
I allow myself to 'waste' the time (in the context of a student)
to 'spend' some quality and relaxing time with myself (in the context of my personal life)

Went outing with friends without any worries
Ate good food.
Do silly things.
There was a traffic light thingy in the mall
lighted up orderly from red to green
Didn't know which sha po suggested to cross it when it turns green
We were like getting ready and watched the light with full attention
but it was so fast that I think in order to cross safely it has to be less than a few millisec?
These people are crazy~haha! But I like to do crazy things XD
It makes me feel young (yeah, 'cause I am aware I am old)

I got so tired after walking around for a few hours
Last time my record was shopping for 6 hours non-stop
Sigh~ have to admit that I am old now~ haha

Planned to watch Frozen but the cinema was full
so we shopped instead
Suddenly feel that I have changed
not the fact that I actually did not spend a lot of money today
but it is the 'thoughts' that
I actually hesitated to buy clothes
Due to the past experiences that
the clothes I bought do not fit
or I just can't find any occasions to wear them
or just because my taste has changed and I don't feeling wearing
so they end up RIP in my wardrobe and are the evidence of my guilt

Also, now I stress more on quality instead of quantity
I set the target and have the wishlist in my mind
The patterns, the texture of the fabrics,
how useful and how often I can wear it
Most importantly, the prices
whether worth it or not

Recently keep holding on to this idea
I just won't tolerate anything below the bar that I set
Because I truly learnt that
when I lower the standards
it just doesn't last for long
Be it things, be it relationships.
(This is also why I hentam the money to buy my new phone
I would like to call it as investment for the long term)

I have seen an article about as you grow older
it is better for you to buy something pricey but classy
once in a while
rather than buying things that are cheap but you can't use it for long

This is why for now
I try to avoid choosing those clothes in trend
when the trend passes then it will be the end of its shelf life
Though one or two pieces is still acceptable
but thinking that the mei mei-s all around are wearing that
I just don't feel like having the same one
( I am really not at that age but at a higher level XD )

However, sometimes accidents do happen LOL (话不能说到太绝呐~)
When the price is tooooooo tempting
I will just lose control haha!
In the end, I bought a 5 bucks t-shirt
which actually fulfils all the criteria that I have set
Though I don't usually buy white clothes
but this one is with Eiffel Tower print on it
Girls are so into Eiffel Tower I guess
It represents a dream, a travelling dream.

***

Feel so good to blog and let my feelings flow

Once my friend was surprised that
I don't share my feelings and troubles with my parents
as many of them do
Not even that I really tell my friends about it
except for the grumbles

I am not used to express it verbally
and find it easier if I write it out
it's a habit perhaps
the one that I have since I was mature enough
to have thousand of thoughts and feelings to express
It was the time I first started to blog, during my high school

This is the only exit to let the emotions go through
as I don't really cry most of time
(the funny thing is that the tears come out when I laugh too hard. LOL which is a rare occasion as well)
Thus I write and blog and post status

It is quite easy to sense my mood
but not to know my emotions
So many things running through my head
I was once so obsessed to write every single thoughts that I had
it turned out I couldn't sleep for many days
I would have written 10 books if all that became words and sentences

Now, I am too tired to think anything before I sleep
Though the reflection of what happened and my feelings on that day is still going on
but when I am aware of that
I will just blank out my mind

By the way,
today I have joined a new social network platform
This is the time to phase out from FB
as it has no point to tell the whole world this and that in my life
when most of the so-called friends don't even care?
It feels like acting out the whole drama alone on the stage
like what I have seen others did
I don't really like thought that
other people perceive it like I do
when the person being judged is me

So what is the point of adding and approving people?
Well, to stalk their life is the best answer I can give for now.

The planet is too crowded
Suffocated.
All I want to do is to leave
and find another lonely planet to live in
Reside there so that I can hear my own voice again
I prefer monologue sometimes
Not to be disturbed
in my own space.

( somehow feeling like I am paranoid to some extent hmm hmm..)

***

I am sorry to end this with a melancholic note
This should be a happy post
but my style of writing ALWAYS mixes with a touch of bitterness

Just can't help it.

 

We are all different, this is why it is beautiful

Everyone is broken in some way and complete in the other.

This is why we are different

This is why variation exists

Have a thought in my mind

It's originally referred to Autistic people

 In one lecture that we had not long ago

the lecturer played a game with us

there were 3 balloons

and we had to keep them in the air 

with whatever means

At first it was 1 balloon

then the other and so forth

It was to demonstrate to us that

the balloons are like external stimuli for the autistic people

they feel easy to handle one task

but not many tasks at a time

then I started to think

almost everything we do 

does not go with plan

you might want to do this

but due to mood or any distractions

you do that instead

change of behaviour and responses happen all the time

but the thing is

everything exists with its own value

Autistic people can do one thing over and over again

without feeling bored

this is the strength of it

if we judge and define'normal' as

the ability to do the same task repetitively

then we would have be 'abnormal'

If you were to turn steel into cotton

then what should we build houses with?

It is just the matter of 

placing the right people

at the right positions

If the world works the other way round

Imagine we are the one going for the therapy

they teach us how to be rigid and stereotypical

how to feel interesting and not to be bored

when doing the same old tasks

***

Ops I did it again -

very far away from the initial topic

haha

It is a very motivating note though

Another quote I saw today:

" 想是問題，做是答案。"

To think is a problem,

To do is the solution.

=]

*guess my translation is still close to the original meaning*

   ***

We are all broken

this is why we need others to complete us

To learn from them

To feel them

Another weird thought I had today

actually I have two

The first question

What if we can feel how the other people feel

when we treat them either in a good way or a bad way?

Will it make this world more lovable and the humans more caring?

You get the impact directly

It is like 'instant karma' 

Then there will be no war, no harm, no abuse 

and full of love, kindness and peace?

We always do things based on our perceptions and convenience 

The other thought I had was

Zips and buttons are designed for people who have two hands

or specifically two hands with fingers 

and they have to be free

With one hand it is so hard to zip and button up 

The design of things are for 'normal common people'

and of course the designers are one of them

I don't know why I am talking bout this

and I think this is very farrrrrrrrrr (unit in lightyears)

from where I intended to start and end

This blog is longer than I thought. LOL

Just wanted to put in the image and post actually

XP

See where I ended up.

Haha!

一种坦然

不管是友情还是爱情，你来，我热情相拥。你走，我坦然放手。


~微博

It's not about clinic.

Had a miss call from an unknown number that seemed very familiar but I just couldn't recall. Then only realized it was from the client I had seen this morning. But I didn't call back and just forgot about it.

11 o'clock at night,

My phone rang and that number appeared.

I still can't believe we actually talked for more than half an hour on the phone , which I really hadn't been talking for so long even with my mum or my friends.

Today's clinic was in rush as the first client took more time than it was allocated

Which in turn dragged my session

While we had class in the afternoon and my supervisor had another client waiting 

Thus I didn't get to give any feedback and explanation and the counseling that I had planned to give. 

During the discussion with supervisor, she complimented that my rapport with the child was good.

Guess it is because the child extended her hand for me to hold her when the first time I saw her at the counter

Well not all children are so friendly.

She called me. 

Telling me the child is rejecting the hearing aid ( even we just adjusted and set the hearing aid just now) 

I did my best to teach her and explain to her about what she should do

She told me that today the child behaved better than previous session as the child allowed me to put in the insert phones in her ears and was not jumping around as in previous session

Wow I feel really glad !! Simply lucky I can say.

Then she started to complain about the child's behavior. She really dislikes her ears to be touched but somehow we managed to test her ears

I tried to give all the suggestions I can give

For me it feels more like a conversation that she told me the problems she is facing and sharing bout her feelings

Perhaps emotional support is what really the parents of hearing impaired children need the most

They want to know more

They want to know why and how

They have thousands of questions to ask

They are concern, so concern that

Sometimes we just overlook at matters

I always think that the clients might not know how hard it is and how much preparation we have made before the clinic. They come and feel like just doing hearing tests, every time the same tests.

But now I think the other way round

It is not easy for the parents and clients to come to our clinic

Due to the distance, transportation, time 

And motivation to come for endless follow up 

To see us again and again

With different student clinicians 

Every time with the same introduction, instructions and tests

Some of them are desperate

On the edge of breaking down

As this may not the first time they go to seek for medical help

To seek for second and third and so forth opinions

To look for one clinician with the absolute diagnosis

And the clinician that they feel is the best

Not who give them answers like it has no cure and the problem will occur for the rest of your/your child's life

That is saddening and depressing

But believe me

There are so many the so-called medical professionals are doing this

Telling this to my loved ones

And I know how it hurts

Coincidently today another client encountered this as well

She said she dislikes the doctor

So she went to another hospital

I really have no idea how could a professional says something like that

Not mentioning the professional is actually a human 

Which leaves me wonder 

Maybe when giving feedback

It is not always about the theory in the books

But the empathy and feel for the patient

Interestingly

The mum asked about the future career paths of an audiologist

Surprised to learnt that the machines that she saw this morning are actually cost for hundred of thousands each

Then about the questions that I have no answer as I will only learn that in next year

Guess I need to find more extra information for the sake of my clients

This is a great motivation

Perhaps this is the turning point 

I hope I can remember this for as long as I can

I am really touched, I don't know why

When she asked how many years until I graduate

When she asked will she see me in the next session

When she asked for my name 

And said thank you after my name 

It means so much to me

More than any compliments that I could get from any supervisors

Today was not my best clinic

I had done many silly mistakes

But I really need to improve

For the welfare of my future clients.

***
It's not about clinic,
it's about the people.

格格不入

才看清

从中学到大学预备班

可能连大学也是吧

我都很“低调”

低调得

在这一场盛大的表演

遇见很多很多人

各个熟面孔

我认得他们

但他们看似不认得我

人们都开心地拍大合照

心中泛起失落

原来哪一个gang

都不属于我

好一些的还会打声客气的招呼

遭一些的我看着他们的眼却找不到“认知”

在一堆熟人里

剩下的一个陌生人

人们来来往往

开心地欢聚

一抹灰色映照着我

在黑白的框框里

作为局外人观看这一切

只活在自己的小圈圈

这或许是最好的证明吧

只好安慰自己说

别人的生活方式不适合我

我走出我独特的路

极度低调的人生

不需朋友多只要知心有几个

***

今年

舞台剧的戏名叫圆聚

看来真的把很多朋友聚在一起

大学到了第三年

第一次来

看着介绍筹委和筹备工作的影片

照片里各个笑得很灿烂

才知道

我为我的学业

牺牲了什么

用忙作理由

中学是这样

到了大学还是这样

还记得SPM的其中一个作文题目

叫生命不要留白

当时我没选它

因为当你浸在空白里

怎么会发现什么是色彩？

这一次

虽然没有一个同学陪我来

我还是坚持来了

原因很简单

不想在我毕业多年以后

当别人问起

关于大学最大型的华人活动

我竟然没去过

那是多么丢脸的事

多么 浪费的事

我来过

原来是这样啊。

Focus on positivity?

OK, I am gonna complain again

You said
We are lazy, taking the easy way out
study just by memorizing theories and facts
instead of understanding
Of course you need some understanding only can memorize
or else you really think my brain is both a scanner and a printer?

Gosh, it makes me feel like I have studied for NOTHING
and those written in the lecture notes
are not hard facts
I thought only clinical techniques can differ from one supervisor to another
but never expected that even facts have different schools of thought

Perhaps she should put it in another way, which I think will make me feel better
such as we should investigate deeper and look more closely of what we have learnt and being taught

But this is a good thing, I can't deny that
only conflicts can let you learn more and better
Critical, critical and critical
I wonder if after I graduate
will I be a woman that always pick on people
which is quite annoying and irritating @.@

Then I had this conversation with another great senior of mine.

"That's when you really learn. you have to thanks them for making you to think critically instead of accepting what have been taught.

I have gone through the process, and I am always the house of opposition. of coz I don't object blindly. You have to talk with facts and supports." 

Clap clap. Our legendary senior. hoho.

*** 

If I were to study every facts and figures thoroughly

then I would need five more years to complete my degree

Although I have to admit I am really lazy ;P

***

是我太深奥？

就有这么一天
我写作的修辞
在生活中（不小心）
发挥了出来
（说不小心是因为正常人不会
说话像在念诗一样吧？哈）

一位平时说广东话的朋友问
什么是“矜持”
我说
矜持是男人
为了防止女人勾三搭四
而创造的一个词
在座的同学全傻眼
哈哈
我实在想不到更好的解释

之后另一位就提起我的前度
我说我的前度在现实中已经死了
他活在我的记忆里而已
她所谓的那位
我不认识

然后她就脱口说了一句
“哇，怎么今天你那么深奥？”

哎~ 有深度原来是藏不住的
哇哈哈哈！！！

Case presentation II

被扫射得体无完肤

也是预料之内

花了快一星期准备的slides

方向完全错误

直到前一晚

才发现什么不对劲

但也不懂得如何修正

站在前面被问得哑口无言

朋友说看起来快哭了

但当下的感觉是空白和无助

但大家都一样

没一个幸存

这是一个训练

如何把心脏变得更耐更强

以后的路还很长

接踵而来的会更可怕

我也不能否认

知识甚浅

太多的东西

不能在课堂里学到的

这一切的精神负担

和心理负担

重重地压着

过了一关

一回来倒头就睡

真的是虚脱

睡得很沉很沉

才发现这些日子

睡得浮浮沉沉

有事没事被惊醒

现在睡醒感觉真的太好了
睡眠能解千愁呐！

这句谚语一点都没错

故天将降大任于是人也

必先苦其心志

劳其筋骨

饿其体肤

空乏其身

行拂乱其所为

所以动心忍性，曾益其所不能。

The process of shaping is tiring, exhausting and heart-aching.

In other words...

Catching dreams

Thinking of collecting this native handmade item which decorated with feathers
The first time I first saw it I was attracted to it


It belongs to my cousin

How beautiful.
Then I got to know it is called dream catcher
What a dreamy name.

***
If I were to catch all the dreams I have made
I would be surprised to see
how weird and how absurd most of them are
Many are nightmares
especially when I am stressed
I'll dream of ghosts

Both significant and insignificant people
that I have encountered in life
appeared in my dreams
with some reasons
that I could not guess
what my brain or specifically
my subconscious is thinking
Those random scenes with no particular storyline

Sweet dream that I can recall
is the one I was walking to a square
the dark sky above was like a galaxy
thousands of stars
with purplish aurora
I really like that one
A fantasy.

***

独一无二，只因是我的。

“你們很美，但你們是空虛的。”
小王子仍然在對她們說，

“沒有人能為你們去死。當然囉，我的那朵玫瑰花，一個普通的過路人以為她和你們一樣。
可是，她單獨一朵就比你們全體更重要，因為她是我澆灌的。
因為她是我放在花罩中的。
因為她是我用屏風保護起來的。
因為她身上的毛蟲（除了留下兩三隻為了變蝴蝶而外）是我除滅的。
因為我傾聽過她的怨艾和自詡，甚至有時我聆聽著她的沉默。
因為她是我的玫瑰。”

——《小王子》

***

忘了故事情节
也忘了读完了没。

只记得
从前看到这段
特感动。

Only lessons

There are no mistakes,
only lessons.

~ a just-in-time quote from the web

One day

when I look back
I'll be amazed and surprised
how I went through all these

and
smile.

***
It has been proven it was a pure mood swing
LOL

Today I got shot terribly, as expected.
Surprisingly I felt not so bad
perhaps I started to feel numb
Good news or bad news?
Not to care too much.

Thought of the day-
It is quite funny and contradicting that
You demoralise someone at the same time
you encourage him/her
You focus and magnify the weaknesses
then you want improvement on the strengths

All the while there was only demotivation that being received
but many reinforcements to give (to clients)

Perhaps this is not the way that I learn
this is not the way that we learn
Theoretically learning needs reinforcements
and why would I be learning and improving when I only get punishments?

This is weird. And funny.

Unstability

Like the ions that are in unstable state
due to the electrons

I have lost to the emotional tides, again.
Shit. Should check if this is PMS or really a TRUE mood swing

I don't know why
but deep inside
I am afraid.
yes, I am afraid.
Of what?
I really can't tell or pinpoint who or what causes this
But I know it's academic related

Afraid of making mistakes？
Had a long conversation with my beloved senior again
She wrote a lot
But why I can't take in any bits

It comes again. The Fear. The insecurity. Perhaps I am not yet ready.
I need to a black hole to swallow me
right now
and let me disappear from this world
Sigh.

I wanted to say something positive
wanted to think positively
Yes, stay strong
I can do it
Nothing to be afraid of

but nothing is convincing.

I really Really REALLY hate this feeling

Knowing being like this
will procrastinate my work
which in turn will make me even stressed up
but I really can't help it

Dark moments in my life huh?

Please go through this as fast as possible.

-reserved-

Reserve this post for the good things that happened today.
Have eye candy today @.@ stay tuned
hopefully I'll come back and edit this post
when I have the mood

那些值得高兴的事

这个假期
意外地延长了一个星期

计划是休息和准备假期后的考试
然 计划永远是虚构
特别是要在假期里读书
更是天方夜谭

回来才休息了一个周末
不久便生水痘
躺在家里一星期多
动弹不得
还好
来得及赴了约两个约

其实跟他们出去真的很轻松
也因为这样 我才肯出去吧
我可以几乎不用花心思
去想话题
我们能很自然地交谈

特别的是那位已出社会工作
的先生 （不再是从前的funny kia ）
虽然脸还是充满稚气
Pattern 依旧一样
令我不好意思的是
跟他出去竟然才花两块钱
那是饮料的费用
他说他有工作
下次我挣钱后 再请他
我希望我还会记得

说实在
我很感动哩
他是第一个为我那么花钱的男性朋友
会是他 我挺惊讶
从来没想过呢

而且我是很随兴地约他
他一下子答应
一小时后
迷路了一阵子
才来到我家载我

感恩这些朋友都愿意载我出去
虽然若没有顺风车 我真的懒得出去

但真的很难得可以跟他
偶尔聚一聚
朋友嘛 要维持联系
从来不易

***

我被困在家里的期间
所有的逛街计划取消
头几日 没天没日地
睡醒就吃 汤面
吃完就睡
睡醒又吃 汤面

我妈以她混乱的厨艺
煮了几乎换汤不换料的每一餐
不同种类的面条
我都吃了
吃最多的是 打包的面粉汤
*还好最后一个宵夜
我骗到tomyam 面
不然这个假期
什么好料都没吃到

***
最最最意想不到的事
竟然在这个假期发生了
人家说 机会来了就要尝试
对我来说 生活尝试能力范围的新鲜事
能够增添 生活的一丝乐趣和期望

怎么我还在卖关子哩？哈哈
因为这也不是什么特别值得炫耀的事
只是我小小的第一步

事情是这样的
在一个风和日丽的下午
学长丢了一首demo 给我
说是他的学弟的曲
要我帮忙填词
啥？他是音乐学会的前主席
我？又不是会员，又没有音乐底子
最笨的事情是
我也没问为什么
既然他都要求
我只好硬着头皮
听那首 快到不得了
含糊不清的旋律

第一步 算字数
那些音符跑得那么快
我在后头追到半死
才乱算了一个数出来

接下来 填什么好？
问了一下 编曲人要的主题是
青春 和 爱情
天啊
我自认不再青春
也没什么爱情经验
这下可糟了

那是一首快乐甜蜜的歌
无奈我文笔的风格
向来都散发着忧郁

那位学长根本没有妥协的意思
更加没有要帮忙我
抓头抓了一会后
决定从我最熟悉最喜爱的东西出发
快乐让我想到海滩
再加上男和女的人物
终于在几个小时后搞定

交上去给他检查的时候
他真的改了不少
给了很多意见
讨论很久 再改了很多次之后
终于 才写好
区区的几行字
连主歌都还没进
就花了这么长时间

难度就在于
字数实在有限
我废话又多
不对 修辞本来就需要空间
习惯了 想到什么写什么
新诗也是不受限 任写
这一次 可真的新尝试

我挺高兴的 说实在
是种小小的成就感吧

真的很感谢这位学长
但说到要继续写完 整首歌
我怕招架不住

我告诉他 若词被用
他应该放他的名字和我一起的
他竟然说 他只想提拔新人
这是为什么他找我么？
我懵懵懂懂就答应写了
连那曲子之后要干什么用
我都没问

实在义气相挺
为我的 “耿直” 和简单
感到哭笑不得
但这也不会害人对不？
所以 傻傻这一次
我也是有收获啦

***

心要平，气要和。

人都用别人的罪
来惩罚自己

他压力发脾气骂你
你受气生气骂我
我赌气泄气能骂谁？

恶性循环。

人都用明天的烦恼
折磨自己

意外发生措手不及
多事衍生心烦不已
杂念纵生久久不去

该如何
以静制动
这烦躁的心。

***

还以为
暂时逃离

原来是
逃出狼口
又入虎口

去到哪里
都面对不同的压力

所以
我在两口之间
口  徘徊  口

最终回

今天看了一个谈话性节目
标榜着
对于生命， 我们总是体验得不够。

每一集零碎的预告片段
看得我 默默泪流

其中关于死亡
受访者是冯以量
直觉告诉我 我看过这名字
原来是副刊里的特约作家
写的是关于临终关怀的故事
我每次都看得津津乐道

节目中让我印象深刻的是
他说 就算逃过鬼门关
那下一回还是会回去
在死亡面前
无论是谁
无论生前多么功成名就
都注定要输

死亡，是每一个人
注定输的一场局

我想
生命中
就像西游记所写一样
有七七四十九大大小小的劫

有的人在这一回 渡过去了
有的人却在那一回 渡不过

我比较相信
那些英年早逝的
都是天忌英才
而他们只不过
渡不过那一个命中注定的劫
罢了

***

在注定输之前
你准备了多少筹码
让人佳话一时呢？

No man is an island

I know him,
talked to him for a very few times
seen him for a period of time during my first year.
But, I don't really know him.

This is a story of a medic guy in my Uni
I was really stunned to get the news
Seeing the FB statuses of medic students posting long paragraphs with melancholic tone
left me wondering who?
I'd never expected to be him.

A guy. A weird one.
How weird?
Very weird, you could sense it from the moment you talked to him
'cause you feel his level is too high from yours
like he was speaking alien language
well, and also the fact that he would answer a random question
with a very scientific answer.
He was a very brilliant person, like seriously.
I thought that would make him suitable to study medic
but looks like I was wrong
I like his British accent
and wonder how could he maintain it without being influenced by the people around him
I remember his answer when being asked why joined debate club
He said, because debate was all that he knew
I can tell you he was Really good at debating
Not only he could think of very good points
but also he actually used psychology tactics to win his final round in a junior debate competition last time
In the round, the qia zha bo ( aggressive girl) before him spoke like a mad tigress with all the gestures
All of us, the audience was overwhelmed by her aura
then his turn
He spoke very softly and calmly
I thought he was very tired as it was the last round
In the end, his team had won
I can't remember where I heard it
but I think he said it himself
that he intentionally lower his voice to attract the attention of everyone
so that people would hear attentively
How smart huh?

My second round of practice actually teamed with him
I was the third speaker and I thought I didn't have to prepare any points
so I just sat beside very relax while he and the other speaker discussing points
(well I think he led her to the points)
then he turned to me and asked what I had prepared
I told him what I thought
He was like confused, asking me am I a former debater?
silly me I nearly told him I had my first round before
and it should be counted? lol
Anyway, after that he guided me with his points
So I wouldn't say he was arrogant because he was so smart and experienced

***
The background of this news is
due to some unknown reasons (perhaps feeling lonely because he couldn't socialise well and stressful study life of a medical student)
He wanted to change course
and consulted a few seniors and his best friend
as well as his parents
In the newspaper it says that his parents strongly disagree until a few days before his death
The day of interview for changing course
he didn't go and school admin called his parents
then they only realised he hanged himself to death

***
I didn't know what he had been through
but it must be hard
Especially if he had no one to talk to, to share feelings with
even a socialise person like me
during the hard times
I would isolate myself, think and think and think
this is when the negative thoughts invade you

What really pissed me off was
The comments of the brainless people in the internet
Scolding how stupid the deceased committed suicide
I really doubt
have they not been through the darkest hour in their lives?
Well, I know they probably had
But never thought of doing that
Why? You may say they have better resilience, their past positive experiences help them to cope better
any factors that you could find in a psychology textbooks or any theories of it
Don't judge. You are not him
you never know what he had been through
At any points of a life
The coping skills develop differently
Don't forget about individual differences
Everyone experience things differently
You can get over it doesn't mean I can
I can do it  now maybe you need more time to do it.

***
I believe none of us, in this Uni
can claimed to be his friend
He was a lone ranger
His mind was made up of something different from the norms
That is why he was different
But the price he had paid was too high

When we see weirdos naturally we would avoid them
we don't mix with them
because they don't mix with us too
They seem Ok to be alone
But we have forgotten
they are humans too
they have feelings
they need friends (though seems like they don't)

This whole incident just proved that
no man is an island

I asked myself
If I knew this would happen
would I tell somebody so that he could get counselling?
would I befriend him?
I don't know.
I really doubt it.

You know
I have a friend similar like this too
I didn't really avoid her, but I didn't mix with her either
I just feel awkward

Sometimes I wonder
what makes them different
since we have been through the same learning environment in schools
to socialise and to make friends
but they don't usually have many friends
even lack of close friends
when I actually complaining I don't have much close friends

***
I think for the extreme cases
I really don't have much ability to change the whole situation
but for those who are around me
my friends that I could reach out to help
I really hope I can do as much to make the small differences
that would change the whole ending

So you will see me go around and ask
"How are you?"
and I really have said "jiayou" for tons of time

To care, not to be cared.
To love, not to be loved.
To console, not to be consoled.

A strong message I saw in a video,
which hit me like the storms in Philippines.

At the same time,
I have to remind myself that
everything has a limit
even my ability to care and to help
because things won't turn out as I wish
every time.

***
Sometimes even if you care, 

you just can't do anything to change them. 

To change, to be right, what is right or wrong anyway? 

Just wish time can make things better. If that day exists.

***

Cherish life.

I thought it was hell but well maybe it was the very superficial layer of it

Negativity laid its dirty hands on me
Again. Last night.

It was a surge of emotional tides
I was drawn into it

After I saw those tiny lil' volcanoes
Bubbling its toxic lava
Waiting for eruption

The landscape is not flat any more
Those red patches horrified me
At the very first sight and every other
Trauma I guess
I went out of control
Plus a bit of dramatic effects
Learnt from those psyche movies
Huge reaction of shouting
rejecting to be touched
And to come near me
*which scene I was acting? Hmm The one the girl who woke up from an accident
and found her body had changed - maybe the face maybe lost one leg
she just couldn't accept it*

It was depressing
posted  a SOS status
Funny thing was that
I hoped at that moment
Someone would give me a call
And tell me I'll be alright
of course fairy tale is a lie

Then the evil thoughts came whisper in my ears
Spoke with a soft and gentle voice
Luring me to think
What if I get complication
Say meningitis or encephalitis
I'll be handicapped
Quit schooling and stay at home
Do nothing
This thought really Really freak me out

***
long time ago
I felt that following the path taken -
to study from elementary school to high school then university,
to work, to marry, to have child, to old and to die
Is something so embarrassing
Felt so useless that I would have created a path full of joy,excitement and adventures
Then only came to realise
actually I'm not an adventurous person
Without the path ready ahead
I'll be lost

Just like some of my friends
They have no ideas what they want to do
what they truly like or interest in
*perhaps the interests are what you find along the way, it may be something that you have long known but have yet noticed *

Thus
I always admire those people
who have found their life passions  at their early stage of life
They say they are born to do that
But think in another way
We, those who have no ideas, are more flexible
We can do whatever we want
Once I read an article
it says
if everyone knows what they want to be
Then who'll be the maids, the cleaners and so forth?

It's meant in some way
The principle of the universe

***

I think I know what it feels like
To be depressed
Everything seems to be unreal
except for your suffering

Nothing sounds convincing nor assuring
You just feel alone
So alone that it is like
Being abandoned by the whole world
And you are shivering at the darkest corner
On the coldest planet

In the next post I'll tell you about how I feel towards
the news of a medic student from my Uni who committed suicide

***

On a lighter note
Me and my friend, Miss JP
have been grumbling over how stressful our lives are
Then one day she 故作正经 (seems joking but in a serious way LOL)
suggested that we should find a bf
for emotional support
"Right, we should put up a notice
saying I need a bf because I'm so stressed and I need support!"
"Hahaha! I help you put it up."
" *thumb up* I help you too."
" Where should I put it?"
"A big notice board?"
"Where got big notice board?"
" I don't know. I help you post status je la."

" Don't want!"

Hahahha. Funny girl ;P

I would say it is true that perhaps
a bf could listen to you more attentively
and would have the patience to hear you
telling the same old stories again and again
console you by giving you warmth and care

A listening ear is the best remedy
especially the ear that works 24/7
which is more significant than
bits and pieces of consolation
from many friends

But the downside is that
the sadness it can cause you
is proportional and even more than
the happiness it can give you

***

To correct the impression that I'm so pathetic
(which radiates through my words and sentences)
In fact
I have received some phone calls
and many Many solicitude and concern
from my lovely and loving friends

The get-well-soon wishes
touch me
Thank you sincerely.

This is why
I feel that
everything has two sides

Life won't treat you so bad.

I really like to be concerned by my friends
some who hasn't talked to for quite some times
some surprised me with their phone calls and texts

I like the way they adorn me, my life,
my distress days having chicken pox. LOL (sounds so not right!)

***

梦里

我的梦里
他在教我弹吉他
一条弦一条弦地教

又在我梦里
我告诉他
我梦见他教我弹吉他

在真实世界里
我却没有告诉他

那场梦啊
有很多幅画
五彩缤纷的抽象立体画
最深刻的是
一个镜头特写
染着沙褐色的立体正方形
深深浅浅地交集

是什么地方？
我的梦乡。

Ola~ So... You are rashes huh?

This morning when I woke up
I found my gums were in pain
like the teeth gonna fall out
Then I looked at the mirror
My gums are bleeding

Then I started to suspect
will this be something more serious?

When I was whining bout this
This cute lil' woman
took the ice-cream from the fridge
and told me:
"Nah, eat this and you'll be alright!"
Apparently she wanna shut me up.
But I accepted her courtesy LOL

***
The infection spreads to my whole body,
inside my mouth and on my scalp
This is crazy!

Finally I get to see
what is it call 'rashes'
I've seen the word in lecture notes
the photos in slideshows
but they wouldn't be more magnificent
when you look at them all around your body
I really couldn't lay my eyes on them
This is the reason why I chose not to be a doctor
I knew I couldn't stand this
Seeing others to suffer is just like suffering myself
Now I can feel more of the pain
if I come across patients like this next time

I really hate this!!!!

依然爱你

“我今日有咩不同？”
“我不知啊。”
“我今日跟以前一样，一样爱你。”

T.T

看了第二次
还是在这个点哭了

找到很爱你的人不容易，
要找到爱你很久的人更难。

心量似海的女人

这位女人
真的很可爱
风趣 体贴 大量
最重要的是
懂我

这位女人
肯定会神通
每一次都会预测接下来的事

还是事情的由来
看东西很透很开
她的天气预报
真的比什么都准

她曾经教我
做人要大量
不要那么计较
没办法 我可真非常小气
甚至想过用言语报复
可是在最后一秒
我选择了沉默
非礼勿言
但偏偏这个女人
要我撇开心结
好好祝福他人
我跟着她的意思做了
只是我想我还是不能够放下

这位女人
最懂我
什么事都逃不过她的双眼
我常说 你怎么那么了解我
她会说 我生你出来肯定知道你哪副德性
快生病时她会一直念我
我有心事时她会听

这位女人
爱开玩笑
最爱拿我开玩笑
特别是在我朋友面前
数落我的不是
真让我哭笑不得

很多事 经过她的口
变得轻松
（除了我爸的缺点，哈）
我交男友
我爸反对个半死
她却很开通地
还能跟我打哈哈

常跟我说
样子不重要
心地善良 个性好
才是重点

初步怀疑生水痘那天
她买了麦当劳
我卧病在床
起来后
跟她说我好像生水痘
看来没口福吃了
她竟然说
赶快吃吃
趁还不确定

听过我提起她的朋友
都会夸 她怎么那么可爱
其实我也这么觉得

这个女人，我妈

怎么那么可爱~

别人的母亲或许很严肃

可我的

轻松、风趣、贴心

这也跟她的历练有关

心量似海的女人

容得下天地

When chicken pox cannot eat chicken (and practically everything in this world- my food world)

I know I've been abusing you
that's why this stupid virus had the chance to get involved in all this
I can't say how much I feel sorry
'cause I bet I'll do it again and again
To sleep late, to eat unhealthily, and not to exercise.
What a bad person I am.
I believe my defence system has gone weak
or else the virus wouldn't have the chance

My dear body,
I know you are fighting hard
Please win the battle fast.

***
Now I feel weak
not to mention itchy (a little)

I knew I haven't had chicken pox before
As much as I wish to get (or not to get forever)
when I was a kid
A few times I had mistaken I had got it
Until this time
The proof lies in front of my eyes
I cannot escape any more

***

Went to this clinic early in the morning
The same physician who pulled my toe nail for many times due to ingrown nail
yet still didn't cure the root of the problem

He looked different from my impression
but still soft-spoken and well a bit...
makes me confuse of his sexuality
With red formal shirt and a tie
He sat there smiling

The thing that I didn't expect was that, he actually creates jokes and laughs at them by himself.
He said: " This med will reduce the replication of the virus. You know sometimes when older people get chicken pox it can be serious." (Wicked laugh) " Not saying you are old..." (Continued to laugh)
I really didn't know how to react.

But I hope as he mentioned, I'll recover by next Thursday. (My exams will be on Friday!)

***

Now the head-aching part is that
What am I supposed to eat?
The physician said anything but eggs and seafood
My mum (and her 三姑六婆) says nothing but cereal and steamed vege
but the problem is she didn't know how to cook with that
or at least to fulfil my appetite for 3 meals a day
(Actually I would like to be a vegan but neither me nor she has ideas how to cook)
She said: " Haiya, to 'ang mo' doctors there are no taboos larh"


If and only if I could eat eggs
I could survive
(Like seriously) I can eat every meals with eggs
as long as there're eggs
but this is not the case
In my mum's allowed list
I think there are no food in the category of proteins
not even soya beans oil
so yay~ everything will be tasteless now
and my favorite curry and tomyam?
they are too HOT to be eaten

***

The holidays, yes, have been prolonged
but not in a good way
I mean I still have classes and clinics to go
I'm totally doomed!

The beauty in life. The simplicity.

从所未有的满足、自足和知足。
一切都很美好。

睡到中午自然醒
喝杯水看早报
吃了午饭
看一本小说
累了就睡午觉
醒了吃晚饭
看看电视
上上网
跟家人聊聊天
半夜入眠
有空去看看海
逛逛街 吃好吃的

生活这么简单
却多么美好

没有顾虑没有烦恼
别人梦想的悠闲生活
不用等到挣大钱退了休
才能名正言顺地享受生活

听说过
人就是忙于生活
才会在死前觉得白活
想重新活过一遍
但若一个人
享受每一个当下
才会觉得活过

我最近也常常练习
活在当下 专心做手头上的事
一心一用
觉得时间似乎走得比较慢了
时间仿佛变多了

最近
我把不好的话
通通过滤
若总数是一百巴仙
8成是不好的话
那我只会说出2成的话

若那整个念头是不好的话
那我就保持沉默
要是忍不住
还是要说出口
我还是用最婉转的方式说出
很明显对方觉得我怪怪
也不明白我发什么神经
但说了 我气消了
不会觉得死得不明不白
他听懂听不懂 也不重要了

这是种成熟的表现么？
我不知道
但朋友也发现
我变得寡言了
不知是成熟稳重了
还是变回以前那个样了

你要我说说
我最近发生的事
我说不出来了
或许我无法言语
因为我比较擅长用文字表达

就算是一个人
掏心掏肺对我说他的故事
我听了觉得自己的故事也差不多一样
但我还是没说出口
不懂该从何说起
也不知该说什么

我说故事的能力
没有很好
总是用三言两语带过
这是种语言障碍吧？哈哈

若你会读心
你肯定觉得很精彩
比起我说话太无聊了
哈哈

其实我忘了告诉你
读我的网志是
知道我近况的最好办法
但我也没有告诉你
其实听见有人想听听
我最近发生的事
是很感动的一件事
谢谢你

Ps
以后记得多关心我！哈哈
不是平日不理我
等到时过境迁才叫我说
xP

***
我漂亮地活着
简单地过着
这美好的生活。

累了就睡觉
醒了就微笑

我很爱的一句座右铭

I live every moments of my life.

一个人

我想我爱上了 孤独
心里却不感到 寂寞

一个人看海
好久没这样了
很舒服的海风
晴朗的天气
湛蓝的天空
碧绿的海
海浪声夹杂着
游客的尖叫声

心里感到很平静
久违的静谧
嘴角不经意扬起微笑
心情真的好好~

从前觉得美好的风景
应该要有美好的一个伴在身边
现在 我想
我真的很享受
跟自己独处的时光

我
爱上
独自一人

Pretty in red

Waiting alone at airport for departure. Feel so excited like I'm going oversea for vacation! Well, it's the case in some way - a great escape from the hectic life.

Bought a pair of sanders yesterday. Red one. ♥ Not to mention the cute nail polish that I painted using tester. Hehe!

It's just a happy day!

Greatest trick

How strange
My eye became like this on the Halloween Day
The last time I had problem with my eye was on April Fool's Day

Yaiks.
Blood capillaries burst due to stress?
压力大到爆血管

So afraid that I couldn't see any more
Quitting school and do nothing at home
Leaving everything I have now behind
This horrifies me

You got me.
I didn't treat so I got the trick

***

Feeling grateful somehow
Being fetched to go to the clinic
Thou I really question the credibility of the doctor
who gave me antibiotics and eye drop
when I already told him no discharge from the eye
and insisted that the internal pressure that caused this was cough

"Did you have any coughs?"
"No."
"Owh, maybe you have cough."
=.=

"I'll give you ear drop."
"Owh..."
(Long pause and still looking at him)
"Ok. BYE BYE!"

*faint*

***

Thanks to the fella agreed to bring me out using his car
and asked me to give him 10mins once I asked for his help
I'm grateful.
=D