Monday Memories...

I love this man!! I am so blessed to get to have him by my side as we navigate through this crazy world.

Jason works so hard for our family. This picture is of him somewhere in the middle of nowhere... One of his part time jobs is as a Deputy Ranger for Utah State Parks and Recreation. He is the fun killer...checking registration on all recreational vehicles (boats, 4 wheelers, snowmobiles, motorcycles...), giving tickets, and on occasion impounding someones fun mobile.  He patrols Utah Lake, American Fork Canyon, Nebo Loop, 5 mile pass...from here to the Nevada border...  He can cover mountains, lake, and desert all in one shift.  It's a rough job, but someone has to do it!

A normal shift is from 8am until 4pm and due to the nature of his job as a police officer I keep close tabs on him throughout his shifts...usually calling him a couple of times and always 5 minutes after his shift ends to make sure he is okay and on his way home.  There have been times in the past that his shift has ended so late that I have fallen asleep before he got home. On one of those nights I was awakened by the phone at 3am...

Me: Hello??

Dispatch: This is dispatch, we haven't had contact with your husband for over 5 hours, is he home??

Me: Heart racing, my hand started smacking his side of the bed hoping for a bump under the covers...

Jason: Ow, what??

Me: *huge sigh of relief* "He is here!!"

Dispatch: Sorry, swing didn't sign him off and so we show him still on duty and he wasn't answering us on the radio.

In February of 2007, Jason was working a shift for "the park". He and his partner "C" had gone up Nebo Loop to patrol on snowmobiles.  On this particular day, due to the area he was in, cell phone coverage was not great and so I only spoke to him before he left the park. At 4pm I received a call from him. He told me that his cell phone was almost dead and that he wouldn't be home on time because his and C's snowmobiles were stuck and he didn't know how quickly he could get them out. I asked if he had contacted dispatch and before he could answer, his phone died.

I tried to call him back several times but only got his voice mail each time. After 15 minutes of agonizing over whether or not he would kill me for what I was about to do...I made the call to dispatch.  I told them what Jason had told me and asked if they had had any recent contact with him. They told me that they would try and reach him and then call me back. Fifteen minutes later they called and told me they had radio contact with him, and that their snowmobiles were buried in the snow, Jason and C were cold and tired, C was showing signs of hypothermia, and that Jason had requested help.  They promised to update me every 15-30 minutes.

This is how the night went...

At approximately 5pm dispatch called and informed me that they had radio contact with Jason but were unsure of his physical location.  They asked me if I knew what he was wearing and whether or not he was dressed for the cold weather.  They then asked if I had contacted C's husband.  Looking back on this now I am confused...weren't they the ones with radio contact with my husband...why don't you ask him what he is wearing??!!  They said that their biggest concern was C and her obvious hypothermia...she was confused, weak, and shivering at this point.

Jason was a boyscout and he is a paramedic and I am not going to lie...my first thought...Jason, so help me if you take your clothes off to keep her warm, you are dead!!

Shortly before 6pm, dispatch called and told me they were sending Search and Rescue.  At this point I was getting nervous.  Up until now I hadn't called Jason's family.  With search and rescue going, the chance that the media would jump on it was high and I didn't want his family to find out what was going on from TV.

At 7pm dispatch called and let me know that Search and Rescue's base camp was set up and they asked if I would like to be there.  They still didn't know Jason and C's exact location but they still had radio contact.  Jason was getting cold and tired and C's hypothermia had him worried.
It was dark by now and it was then that I lost it.  I called Jason's brother and asked him to please go to the base camp.  He was almost there already.  
I then called one of Jason's friends and co-workers who lives just up the street from us.  I told him what was going on and asked if there was anything he could do.  He asked if I minded if he contacted the fire chief.  I didn't.
Ten minutes later the Chief called me and asked what I knew.  Dispatch called on the other line.  I clicked over to them...It is now just before 8pm and dispatch tells me that they probably won't be getting them off the mountain tonight.  I click back to the Chief and tell him what they have just told me.  He says that he will send the guys from the department up and that Jason WILL be home tonight.  He then asked if I needed him to come to our house or if I wanted him to go to Jason...  Don't come here...you showing up at my house equals bad news... I can't have you come to my house!!  I asked him to please go to Jason. 

Dispatch calls again.  They still have radio contact but not physical custody of him.  They told me that the search hasn't been called off for the night...yet.  I told her that Jason's guys were coming to help.  It must have offended her as she responded with "we are his guys too".  I just started crying and asked her to please call back with the next update.

I really began to prepare myself for the reality that he was going to spend the night on that mountain.  I knew Jason would do everything he could to make sure that C was okay...I just didn't know who was going to take care of him.

At a little after 9pm...dispatch calls...they have physical contact and are bringing him and C off the mountain now. Both are very cold and that there is an ambulance waiting to check them out.  It was at this moment that I really really really lost it.

I remember that I spent the next 1 1/2 hours pacing the kitchen floor.  Jason's phone was still dead and so I couldn't talk to him.  At 10:30pm Jason walked in the door.  I embraced him and cried and listened to him tell me over and over that he didn't know what the big deal was...he knew where he was the entire time.   He was soaking wet and shivering and couldn't get warm all night. 

The next morning he told me his side of the story.  They were snowmobiling and both machines got stuck.  C couldn't lift them so Jason would move the one in front a couple of feet and then move the one behind a couple of feet.  He did that for awhile and then a man, his wife, and his young son found them and helped out for about an hour.  Jason could tell that C was developing hypothermia and that is why he asked dispatch for help.   He was shocked when he saw how many people had been looking for them.

To this day if you ask him about that night...he will just shake his head and say "I don't know what you all were worried about, I knew where we were the whole time!"

rescue  noun, 1) help or aid offered to save someone,  verb, 2) to aid or save from danger or confinement

Sunday's Serenity

 "Each of us will have our own Fridays--those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

"But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death--Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

"No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."
         
--Joseph B. Wirthlin
"Sunday Will Come," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 30

peace  noun, 1) a period of harmony among nations when there is no war 2) a calm ordered condition

I remember.

I am married to a fireman.
no wait...

I am married to a policeman.
no wait...

I am married to my soul mate, my other half...

There is a part of my brain and heart for each of those roles.  The part reserved for my soul mate and other half is big and full of love and joy and anticipation of the future.  The other part while small is still there and reminds me on a daily basis what can be taken away so easily. 


I have thought about "that day" and what it would look like.  It is evening.  The kids have been put to bed.  I am tidying up after a long day alone with the kids while Jason has been at work.  I pass by the front window and I see the car pass by the house.  The car is dark gray and has tinted windows.  It turns around at the top of the street and pulls up against the curb in front.  My heart quickens.  The two men sit in the car for a moment.  They both glance at the house and then each other.  They get out of the car.  They are both dressed in their blue Class A uniforms.  They walk to the door where they both remove their hats.  One of them rings the doorbell.  I already know why they are here.  If I don't answer the door will they just go away?

I used to think I was crazy, overly dramatic, or morbid for that thought.  Over the years, I have talked to other wives whose husbands do what mine does.  They too, have thought of that moment.  One wife's car is red.  The other wife is at a friend's house when they come looking for her.  The details vary in each of our scenarios except for one...not one of us ever opens the door.

Today marks the 9th Anniversary of Sept. 11th, 2001.  I remember the actual day like it was yesterday.  Jason was up early and left for work.  Not long after the phone rang, it was Jason telling me to turn on the TV.  I did and instantly my heart sank.  All I could think about were those men and women who were running up the stairs instead of down and praying for their safe return to their families.  As the reality of the day's events unfolded I began to mourn for all of the wives (and husbands) who were living out the nightmare of "that day". What color was the car?  What time of day was it?  Did they look out the window and see "the car"?  Did they want to not answer the door in hopes that it would all go away?

On September 15th, 2001, Jason was asked to go to Atlanta for terrorism/chemical warfare training and most likely on to NYC for assistance there. He had attended this training almost yearly and I thought missing it would be just fine...with me.  When I asked him to not go it was like asking him to stop breathing.  He told me why he needed to be there.  I watched my husband board a plane four short days after watching two planes crash into a building.  I was one of the lucky ones...he returned home safely and with even bigger determination to serve and protect.

I am proud of Jason.  I don't tell him that enough.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends --John 15:13

  

remember  verb, to keep in your mind, to not forget

I cannot tell a lie...

Brian tells the truth...the whole truth and nothing but the truth...ALL of the time.  I am not sure if it is an "autism" thing or if it is indicative of a high level of integrity or maybe we are descendants of George Washington...I just don't know.  It can be a good thing...I ask who did this, he spills his guts.  Or it can be a bad thing...I ask how do I look, he spills his guts.  We have tried to find a filter for him but Home Depot never carries the right size.

One winter Sunday morning I was getting ready for church.  When I got out of the shower I could hear the 4 wheeler and figured Jason was out plowing driveways in the neighborhood.  After getting dressed I went downstairs and glanced out the window.  There was my husband on his 4 wheeler and my 4 year old son on a sled...TIED to the back of the 4 wheeler.  Jason was driving around and around in the cul-de-sac with my small child flying along behind him.  Just as I was going to go put a stop to their fun, Brian's sled hit a snowbank and it sent him flying through the air.  He landed in a crumpled heap, half of him in the gutter and the other half on the sidewalk.  Jason jumped off the 4 wheeler and ran to Brian.  I ran out the door and asked Jason what the heck he was thinking.  Brian was asking to do it again and seemed okay...whew!!
We finished getting ready for church and headed off.  Half way through our first meeting, Brian fell asleep.  I knew something was wrong.  He NEVER sleeps at church.  He is too busy going over the pew, under the pew, over the pew, under the pew, over the...you get the idea.  I looked at Jason and he gave me that "that isn't normal, you think he's okay?" look.
We left church early and took Brian over to see his doctor.  Dr. Freestone asked me what had happened.  I explained that Brian was sledding with his dad and he fell off the sled and hit his head on the sidewalk.  Wait for it...Brian chimes in, "that isn't how it happened".  Dr. Freestone looked at Brian and asked, "what really happened, Brian?"  Brian went on to explain in great detail how his dad used the yellow rope to tie his sled to the back of his 4 wheeler and then drove around really really really fast and he made him wreck and he went flying and crashed his head into the sidewalk.  Dr. Freestone then turned toward me, smiled, and said "do we need to discuss this and why it isn't safe practice?"  I raised my right hand and swore that none of our children would ever again be tied to the back of a moving vehicle...while I was present.  I couldn't guarantee that Jason would never have "man brain" (huge lapse in judgment where our children our concerned) again.
Dx:  concussion

concussion  noun, a head injury that is the result of a blow or a fall, a shock

I smell bacon!!

Brian was a handful when he was little...still is, but in a much less destructive kind of way. Jason worked A LOT when we were first married. I know, I know, he still works A LOT but back then it was 24, 72, and 96 hour shifts and he spent more time back East...4-6 weeks at a time. I was on my own with the kids quite a bit. We lived in Orem in a cute little house (I miss that house and the neighbors!!) and I worked at our family flower shop that was just 3 blocks up the street.

On this particular day, Jason was working at the fire station and I wanted to shower and that left me in what was becoming a daily dilemma. Brian was 2 and could not be left alone. The boy was fast on his feet and could climb anything. He was able to escape the 3 locks I had on the front and back doors in less than a minute and nothing was safe from his little hands.

I showered, quickly got dressed and walked downstairs to see what destruction awaited me. Half way down the stairs I could smell bacon. My heart began to race as I imagined my 2 year old at the stove frying bacon and grease spattering all over. I continued down and the smell got stronger and stronger. I made it to the kitchen and it took a minute for my brain to process what I saw... Brian was standing in the middle of the kitchen floor with the classic "Brian smile" on his face. Ethan was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, his cheeks were as full as a chipmunks , drool ran down his chin, and his fists were full of something. Chair next to the fridge. The smell of bacon but no pan on the stove. And then I saw it...the empty bag of Beggin Strips dog treats that Ethan was half sitting on. I looked at Ethan again and now I knew what that something was that had his checks and fists so full. I quickly began to remove the dog treats from his mouth and tried to pry the pieces out of his hands. Ethan was screaming in protest and Brian was informing me that "Efan, eat bacon mom."

I made my weekly call to poison control and this is what was said...

Me: Hi, my son just fed my 1 year old beggin strips dog treats.
Poison control: Those are meant to be eaten.
Me: Yes, I know...eaten by the dog, not my child.
Poison control: They are completely safe. He could eat them everyday and be fine. We just had a mom call because her son just ate dog poop. That we don't recommend.
Me: Thanks??

bacon noun, meat from the back and sides of a pig, salted and smoked.