journal April 4, 1989

" Holly is so sweet. Her birthday was yesterday. She's 4. I can't believe my baby is so old. I really enjoy her. She's my first pre-schooler I could enjoy by herself. I'm really sort of dreading sending her off to school in a year and a half. I'm glad it's not next year. She's like a little ray of sunshine. She hops around the house singing, playing Barbie and Mario, jumping on the trampoline and talking to the dog. Today she let me put her hair into two tiny little braids. She's so cute."

Vacation at Home! journal entry Aug 31, 88

"We finally got some time to vacation. We decided to vacation at home for several reasons. Mark's health is real up and down. Home is cheaper and it was really relaxing. We started Thursday. Steve and Jackie Arnold came with their kids. We relaxed and visited and barbequed, then spent the evening on the boat up at Millerton Lake. Then Friday we all slept in, had a big breakfast, packed up and spent the day up at Bass Lake. We got home just in time to take Steve and Jackie with us to the ward Luau. Then we stayed up late talking. Saturday we slept in, big breakfast again and visited while Arnolds packed. They left after lunch. Mark and the kids played video games while I bought a few things. 7:15 I spent the evening chaperoning the stake dance. Then Mark and I stayed up late - he to work on a video game - me -laundry. Sunday April's Birthday. We had Pikes over all afternoon and evening-BarBQd ribs and played "Celestial Pursuit" with our kids. Cake and ice cream. Monday - Big breakfast and cleaned up the house. Took the kids bowling, McDonalds, the Clovis Lakes, and pizza. They could hardly believe it. It was great to spend a whole weekend with the kids relaxing."

journal August 7, 1988

"This last month has been fun but,... I'm exhausted. My alarm goes off at 5:30 every day so that I'll have that morning time to get things done without interruption. Book work, Young Women things, housework etc. 8:00am - The kids get up and start chores. I take Makiko, (the Japanese student that's staying with us for a month) to her bus. Once the chores are done we're off and running - Swim League, swimming lessons, dance class, rehearsals, piano lessons, grocery shopping, school shopping, presidency meetings, errands, zoom home and put together dinner - all in 100 degrees plus weather. Evenings I make phone calls and clean up kids. Somewhere in there I managed to prepare and teach 2 Primary lessons and a Relief Society lesson. Yesterday Amy was baptized. I can hardly believe my little Amy could be that old. She looked so sweet. My girls, Sobeck's girls and Brooke and Jesse Randle sang "The Good Shepherd". Afterward we had everybody over to our house to celebrate. Sobecks, Randles, Stotts, Hamels and Randy and Colleen Mom & Dad Lundquist made it to town just in time for the baptism and they will be staying for a few days. I'm glad, the girls enjoy them. Now I just need some sleep - if I could just relax that long."

journal May 1988

"Life is strange and unpredictable. I was just really enjoying being Mia Maid advisor. I was getting to know the girls better and planning ahead with them. I helped with our leadership training which really made me organize my thoughts on the activities and the values so I could teach a mini class. Suddenly we get called in to see Pres. Christensen and he wants us to think about whether I could accept a call to be Stake Young Women President. I've never been so overwhelmed by a calling. When I could finally talk all I could say were things like "I'm not capable of that, I can't do that, why me? so many talented, more capable women in the stake..." All he said was he wasn't the least bit worried about that, he was worried about our family life and Mark's health. He said they had debated about this for a long time with his presidency but my name just kept coming to the top of the list. (For the life of me I don't know how my name ever got on the list) He said he wasn't going to actually issue the call because he wanted us to think about it in light of our young family and Mark's illness. Mark's still sick and on medications for a fungus infection he has inside. I went home totally overwhelmed and confused. I know my priorities are with Mark and the kids at home. Then again, a calling like this is a tremendous growth opportunity for me. Mark was totally supportive. He got really emotional. He knows how very busy I would be, but he also knows we could really use the blessings callings like this bring. I fasted and prayed the next day and as the day went on I became progressively calmer about the whole thing and in my mind I started picturing us handling this. President Wells came by to "chat" that night and I told him that I would accept whatever they decided. Mark's illness and future health is the unknown factor I asked that they pray about that and then make a decision on whether to extend the call or not. Saturday morning he came back and said they had prayed about and felt good about it and he extended the call and we accepted. So, a week later at Stake Conference they sustained me as Stake Young Women's President. I haven't the faintest idea how I'm going to do this, but I'm sure going to try. I hope when they set me apart they give me one tremendous blessing. Also I requested they give Mark a blessing also."

journal January 1988

"We had Christmas at home this year, just us, and we really enjoyed it. It was so relaxing and nice. Mark's recovering well - still it's going to be a long time before he feels himself again. It's like he's a 70 year old in a 33 year old body. He's putting in full days at work and comes home really tired and not feeling well. I'm really busy with the kids. Stars is keeping us all really moving. Amy is performing this year and she has a really heavy schedule for a 7 year old. I put Kristen in piano lessons in October. I feel strongly that the time and money we spend on our kids is simply investments in the future. They are priority right now. The more advantages, skills and self confidence we can help them obtain, the wider their choices will be in the future."

journal January 1988 (married 11 years)

"I should have kept this better. It feels though like so many usual things in life came to a grinding halt this fall. Mark caught the flu and had to postpone the surgery till Nov 1st. Mark's Mom came to help with the kids. The surgery went well, and Mark recovered well. He was so glad to be rid of the colostomy. Jan drove up to help me when Mark's mom left. They were so much help - staying with the kids so I could be at the hospital, meals, driving etc. Jan and I stayed up and talked a lot. Sisters are wonderful. Mark came home in about 10 days. We were all so glad and relieved. Then late that night he started having lots of intense pain, he was shaking and yelling, it was awful. I called Dick Madsen and Sid Shreeve and they came and gave him a blessing and drove him to the hospital. I followed when Tiffany came and stayed with the kids. They did lots of xrays and tests all night and in the morning . He just kept throwing up. Finally they went back into surgery with him at 2:00 the next day to fix an intestinal blockage in his upper colon. He was in surgery for over 3 hours. Finally when I met with his doctors they looked exhausted. They said they'd had to undo lots of scar tissue and cut out some intestine and that he would be very sick for awhile. By then lots of people had come to be my support team. Marilyn and Richard Pike came during surgery and then Mark and Lauri and later Chris Stott. They all stayed with me outside Marks room till late in the night. Mark was there for 2 weeks recovering, but this time it was really tough. Emotionally he'd had it. He just wanted to die and get it all over with. I stuck pictures of the kids on the wall and told him he had to come home and help raise this group. Dave (Bishop) Adams visited him regularly and I asked Steve (President) Christensen to give him a pep talk when he saw him. Later he said that really helped. He had tubes in his nose down to his stomach, tubes attached to the jugular vein in his neck, a catheter for awhile. It was really pretty miserable. So much pain. Mom came and stayed for a few days and I was so grateful. Marilyn was wonderful and Milly. They each adopted my kids the first while while I was staying nights with Mark. He came home the day before Thanksgiving. So glad to be alive, so grateful, so emotional."

journal Oct 24, 1987 girls ages 9,7,5,2

"Mark's surgery is coming soon - He goes in Tuesday night and the surgery is Wednesday. There's so much to do, get the house clean and organized, meals planned and in the freezer, kids planned for. It all helps me not think about it. But at night, in bed, we talk about it. He talks about how awful it was when he woke up last time. The emotions. I'm afraid. I'm nervous. It' a long 3 hours operation. We both fear what else they might find or do. I fear becoming a widow with 4 children. So much I want to raise these children with Mark. But, we'll get through this, and this will all be just history some day."