Daily Amusement

 Found this HERE and wanted to share.

Top Ten Signs That You Might Be A Frustrated Mom

 

1. Your children know how to read HTML code but can't operate a vacuum cleaner.

2. Your children tell you that you said "yes" and you don't even remember the question.

3. You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
4. Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of "stop that!" or "no!".
5. You can't remember the last time you didn't have to share your drink.
6. You mistakenly tell the kids it's "sanity" time when you meant to say "bed" time.
7. The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it's out to get you.
8. You dread hearing the phone ring because it's a sure sign there's about to be trouble amongst the children.
9. It's finally your turn on the computer and "Touched by an Angel" is just coming on.
10.You go to sleep with "I'm bored" or "I'm hungry" still ringing in your ears.

Sushi...

I recently picked up a booklet of coupons that had this really cool recipe inside - Candy Sushi Rolls.

I just had to find some pictures and share this with all my wonderful readers. I will absolutely be making this for the girls one day soon.

Here is the recipe: (I found the recipe and photo online at Family Fun.)

Ingredients

1/4 cup butter
4 cups mini marshmallows
6 cups crisped rice cereal
20 to 25 gummy worms
1 to 2 boxes fruit leather

Directions

Grease a 12- by 17-inch baking sheet. Melt butter in a 2-quart saucepan over medium heat. Add the marshmallows and stir until smooth.

Remove the mixture from the heat and stir in the rice cereal until it's evenly coated. Turn the baking sheet so that the shorter ends are at the top and bottom. Then press the marshmallow mixture onto the sheet, distributing it evenly.

Starting at one side an inch up from the lower edge, place gummy worms atop the mixture end to end in a hortizontal line. Gently roll the lower edge of the marshmallow mixture over the gummy worms.

Then stop and cut the log away from the rest of the mixture. Use the same method to form 4 more logs. Slice each log into 1-inch-thick "sushi" rolls and wrap them individually with a strip of fruit leather.

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I did read on another site that these should be eaten the same day you make them because the fruit wrappers get sticky over night.

Little White Lies

We went to dinner tonight instead of me cooking because I had a pretty severe headache. Marisa was in a fine mood of "not eating," so it was a bit stressful. Trying to keep an antsy 3 yr old from driving the other diners insane is sometimes a difficult task. (sigh)

After dinner, we went to the park to let the girls run off a bit of excess energy. The weather is so pleasant these days that getting out to play is much easier for me. The girls discovered a part of the playground where they could climb up really high. I think they revel in this climbing because it allows them to be adventurous without having any real danger. (That doesn't stop my heart from skipping a beat...)

Well - when we were ready to leave, Marisa spotted a tiny little white butterfly. She commenced to chasing the butterfly around the parking lot while Kira got in the car. I could tell that dragging her away from her prize would result in one of her classic mood swings.

When Marisa lost sight of the butterfly, I told her it had flown into the car. She chased 'the butterfly' right into her carseat. She did look around for the butterfly, but never really figured out that she had just been finagled into doing what I wanted her to do...

(Score one point for Mommy.)

Amazing Parents

Being a parent often requires a lot of creative problem solving.

Today I would like for you to tell me what kinds of creative solutions you've developed to solve you issues.

What have you learned to do with one hand while you console a crying baby with the other?

How do you keep your cool when everybody around you is melting down?

What's the craziest thing you've ever done to make your parenting job easier, better, or just more fun?

The Band-Aid Bandit

"I am stuck on Band-Aid 'cause Band-Aid's stuck on me."

I've been singing this jingle all day long. See, last night my house was visited by...

The Band-Aid Bandit.

(be sure to listen to the dramatics rolled into that last phrase... You know - camp fire story style...)

We were sitting in the living room, enjoying an evening of cartoons and computer time, when from the bedroom came the unmistakable sound of Band-Aids being RIPPED OPEN. We looked around at each other wondering what might be going on in the other room. Then we noticed...

Somebody was MISSING from our group of four. Our smallest member had disappeared from our midst without even a clue as to WHO or WHAT might have taken her. Where, oh where, could my precious baby be?

Then we heard it again - RRRIIIIPPPP - followed by the ominous sound of low giggling.

We ventured slowly into the bedroom to investigate the noise, (Imagine me hiding behind my big, strong husband here....) and THIS is what we found.










(Okay - the pictures weren't taken IN the bedroom, but work with me here...okay...)


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The Band-Aid Bandit had invaded our house and whisked away our little Marisa in order to cover her with Band-Aids. (Thankfully, this particular box of Band-Aids were free with the clever use of coupons... so the cost of this particular was nil.)

Marisa - appearing to be unscathed, but covered in Band-Aids - made a trip upstairs to see Nurse Grandma.

After a thorough examination and x-rays...


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... Nurse Grandma declared that Marisa has a clean bill of health and would not need to visit the hospital to deal with any possible injuries that might have been hiding under all those Band-Aids.

Marisa was very pleased with this diagnosis.

















Mommy has learned that there is no place that is safe from the

Band-Aid Bandit.

Duct Tape

This picture is for someone very special who is having a duct tape kind of day. I know this will make her smile...

If anybody else understands what a Duct Tape Day is, feel free to share your experience.

Invisible Mom

I got this through an email today. I figured I would give a little fluff before I head out of town and turn the reigns over to Ms. Toni.

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It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England .

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte . I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table..' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Mom-dom Has Arrived

My house has dissolved into a state of Mom-dom today.

Most of you know by now that I am a rather flexible and relaxed parent. I encourage my children to play in the mud. I have very few rules and restrictions, most of which are safety oriented. I allow my children to lead the way on most trips to the store, following them through aisle after useless aisle for 30 minutes to an hour just to buy a box of cereal that was located right by the entrance. I am what you might call child-oriented in my day-to-day life. I don't mind taking time to let them explore the aisles as long as they aren't grabbing things off the shelves. This is a well known expectation in our home.

I decided today that we would spend some time at our favorite location just down the road. I packed up the computer, dressed the girls, moved the car seats and piled everybody into the car. Our first stop was Kroger to get a couple of cheap Lunchables for the girls to snack on. It was a simple trip, but the girls wanted to roam the store. We roamed back to the fish case where they both pretended to eat all the fish steaks and crab legs. Then we wandered over to the case where the Lunchables live. They each picked out their snack, and we carried on to roam around the freezer case. Of course we wound up near the cakes and cookies...

Both girls ran over a grabbed a pack of cupcakes, turning the package upside down to get a better look. I told them no cupcakes and made sure the damage was not severe. We carried on towards the checkout. Marisa grabbed something else and got a soft swat on the bottom. Marisa took exception to this and began wailing loudly. Mind you, she's still in diapers. A spanking on her bottom is never even felt.

We proceed to the checkout. The store marketing team is quite clever. They put chocolate in EVERY SINGLE AISLE right by the registers. Marisa determined right then and there that she needed chocolate right then and there. I, being a bit near the end of my rope, told her that there would be no chocolate today. I was very calm and quiet when I told her no, but she just does not like being told "no."

Marisa took exception to this and began wailing loudly about how hungry she was. There was a woman near the end of the aisle watching the whole scene with that knowing look of a mother who has been through this a time or two with her own kids. She gave me a gentle smile. I gave her a smile with a bit of rolling eyes. I ushered Marisa over to the counter and away from the chocolate that she was gazing at with the forlorn look of a puppy who hasn't been fed in days and sees the bacon through the glass that can't be breeched. (You know this look...)

Kira chose this moment to begin crying. To be honest with you, I have no idea what Kira's issue was. She was complaining about having to stand by the counter. The woman directly behind us was "crowding" us. The cashier was dealing with a huge stack of coupons. I was being very patient and calmly explained to the girls that we would only be a few more minutes and I needed them to stop crying.

They cried louder.

I took a deep breath.

I said to myself as I'm looking around at the people in my vicinity ---

"Self, whatever you do at this very moment will determine what happens the next time you walk into a store with these two children."

I recalled a discussion that Randall and I had just a week or so ago about giving warnings and following through. At this point, I had not actually "warned" either of the children. I had asked them to quiet down. I had reminded them of my expectations for their behavior in the store. I determined that at their age, they are old enough to understand that their actions have consequences and that these particular actions are not acceptable to their mom.

I took a deep breath. I gathered my dignity. I took both girls by the hand. I apologized profusely to the cashier and explained that I would be leaving now without buying the two Lunchables on the counter. (He was still busy with those coupons.)

The girls really began crying at this point, as they both realized what this action of mine truly meant.

We walked to the car. I buckled them in. I brought them home.

There will be no sandbox today.

I made them both sit on the floor at the foot of my bed. I gave them their "snack trays" and fixed their lunch. (Not Lunchables... ) They ate their food in relative silence. Marisa declared she was done and ready to play, only to be met by my stern Mom-dom gaze with my declaration that she would sit by her tray until I was done with her being there. She crawled back to her allotted space with tears rolling down her cheeks.

After both girls finished their paltry meals, I removed their shoes and socks in preparation for bed. Kira went off to the bathroom while I settled Marisa into the bed. I gave Marisa a short speech to remind her why she was in trouble and that I still love her no matter what. I rolled up the extra quilt that lives on our bed and placed it in the middle of the bed. I told Marisa that she was not to cross the quilt.

Kira finished in the bathroom and I gave her the same type of speech as Marisa had just received. I reminded her what behavior is acceptable and why we were now in the state of Mom-dom. I directed her to crawl into my bed. I also gave her the same directions with regards to that rolled up quilt.

I couldn't stop there, though. Oh no - this is TOTAL MOM-DOM MODE.

I instructed Marisa to roll onto her side and face Daddy's lamp.

I instructed Kira to roll onto her side and face Mommy's lamp.

Then I turned out the lights and vacated the room.

Amazingly, there was not one single protest...

One last thought that I need to add. I really hate Mom-dom. I hate having to be harsh and dole out punishments of this nature. It would have been so much easier for me to just go on with my plans and take them to play. That was what I really wanted to do - move on to the next stage of the day and let the horrid scene of the grocery store fade away.

Easier is not always better.

Lesson Learned

I have learned a very valuable lesson today.

Being "The Daddy" is the worst possible fate that anybody could ever suffer.

I have come to this conclusion after the past 20 minutes of attempting to console my heartbroken little girl who came face to face with the reality that she is not in charge of the entire universe.

We're sitting here at DAC Kids- (Yes, it's my absolute favorite place. Yes, I've been her four times - count them, FOUR times - this week.) Kira came to me with tears all in her eyes because her newest friend wanted to be "The Mommy" and wanted Marisa to be "The Baby" and relegated Kira to the offensive role of being "The Daddy."

(Sorry honey. You aren't nearly as favored as we once believed. Apparently being The Daddy is just horrible.)

I have to admit --- I laughed. Really, I laughed pretty good there. I tried to hide it, but this isn't something I'm good at. So while I was laughing, I was also wrapping my arms around Kira in hopes that she would believe that I was crying right along with her and not realize that I was laughing at her extreme level of drama that she was devoting to this (non)important issue of role relegation.

She was convinced that this girl would follow her around, no matter where she chose to play, in order to force her to be "The Daddy" in whatever game that girl chose to play.

Trust me when I say that attempting to reason with a distraught four year old is never a good idea. It won't work. There is always one more "but" to be added to the argument. You can not win.

Instead of reasoning or arguing with her about her obvious distortions of the situation, I asked her what she wanted to do about it.

She chose to stay cuddled up in my arms for a good twenty minutes while she cried and wailed and sobbed about the injustices of it all.

She begged to go home immediately, which I denied because Marisa was still playing.

She swore she was starving to deathany and absolutely MUST go home and eat right away. (I didn't bring food with me today...shame on me.)

Eventually she sauntered off to play in the sand closest to where I am sitting. I'm trying to guess how long it will take before she is off playing with that same offending girl who so thoroughly devastated her entire world just a short time ago.

**Incidentally, before I was able to finish adding the links below, Kira had forgotten that the world has come to an end. She's nowhere to be seen. Imagine that...**

Related Articles:

I Don't Want to Forget

Make Believe

Hugs and Snuggles

Dora

I'm sitting here today watching Dora the Explorer.

Well, I'm actually working and painting while Marisa is watching Dora the Explorer, but that's beside the point.

The episode we're watching has little Dora trying to become a True Princess. One of the tasks involves teaching rocks how to sing. Unfortunately the rocks are guarded by the grumpy giant. It turns out that the giant is grumpy because he's lost his puppy.

Dora offers to help the giant find his lost puppy so he won't be so grumpy anymore.

You may wonder why I'm talking about this - unless, of course, your name is Toni.

You see, my friend Toni is a bit obsessed with the injustices and neglect that poor Dora must suffer. You can visit her at The Mind of a Mom to see just what I mean.

Well, I'm listening to the episode while I'm in the bedroom painting and it occurs to me:

SOMEBODY REALLY SHOULD HAVE TAUGHT DORA NOT TO HELP STRANGERS WHO'VE LOST THEIR PUPPIES.

Isn't this what we tell our children. If a stranger approaches you and tells you they need help to find their lost puppy that the child should go find their grown up immediately?

So today - in honor of Dora and Toni - I would like to remind you to review the standard measures of safety with your children. Be sure to point out that cartoons and television programs are not exactly real.

Toni - I hope you've enjoyed your very own special post. I thought about you today. Your day is now complete.

Important Parenting Tips

These are bits of wisdom gained by a father who was educated by his
rather active children.

1. There is no such thing as child proofing your house.

2. A four year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

3. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy
underwear and a Superman cape.

4. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

5. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you here the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh" it is
already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Chlorox makes smoke, lots of it.

9. A six year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36 year old man says it can only be done in the movies.

10. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes,
it does not leak...it explodes.

11. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house almost 4 inches deep.

12. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.

13. Duplos will not.

14. Playdough and microwaves should never be used in the same
sentence.

15. Superglue is forever.

16. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials
show they do.

17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

18. Marbles in a gas tank make lots of noises when driving.

19. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life
(unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

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**I found these tips here.**

Splish Splash

It's raining a bit here today, which is nice because that means it isn't miserably hot outside. The girls wanted to splash in puddles on the way into church this morning, but I told them that they would have to wait until time to leave. I told them that when it was time to leave they would be allowed to splash to their little hearts' content.

Children NEVER forget your promises, so don't tell them unless you mean it.

Upon leaving church today, I was reminded that it was time to splash. I resigned myself to a bit of wetness and took a seat on the sidewalk to watch the girls splash in the parking lot.

And splash they did!!!

Their little hearts were not content until after an hour had passed. Luckily I met a new friend and had a very pleasant conversation while my dear little girls rolled in the puddles. (Yes, they literally laid down on the pavement and rolled in the puddles, then giggled profusely at their own cleverness.)

So if you're going to make a promise to your kids - be prepared to follow through.

**God made rain so little kids would have puddles to splash in.**

You Might Be A Mom If . . .

I came across this today and found it most amusing, particularly since it applies to me. For more bits of parenting humor, visit here.

1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor, and you don't care.

2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone is bleeding.

3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

6. Popsicles become a food staple.

7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.

9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.

10. Your kids make jokes about bodily functions, and you think it's funny.

11. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls...and HE hangs up on YOU!

12. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

13. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

14. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making Rice Krispie treats.

15. You're up each night until 10:00 P.M. vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller blading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink, or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Perfect Mother Syndrome

I just have to say that I am a perfect mother. You, too, can claim this exalting title --- IF you follow the advice in this column.

Know exactly what YOUR kids need and when they need it.

Yes, I am clearly aware that you can never truly know everything about what your children need all the time. What I really mean here is that you should know your kids. You should know what they like and what they need to keep them safe and happy. Mostly, you should listen to your own instincts about parenting instead of what the general population might have to say about your techniques.

Know what works for YOUR children and YOUR family.

Again, this has much more to do with knowing what your own family needs to function in a productive way. Each family and each child is different. You need to understand how the members of your family function in order to know what will and what will not work.

For example, I am NOT a morning person. My husband is. My youngest child --- NOT a morning person. My middle child --- perky the moment her eyes open and see daylight. I know that one of my children will be just fine if she has to get up really early in the morning. The other one, well, if she's awakened extra early I know I need to plan for a lot of extra patience to deal with her that day because she will be really tired and somewhat cranky all day.

Do not feel threatened by the knowledge that others may not use the same parenting techniques that you use.

Knowing what your family needs also means understanding that the next door neighbor family probably has different needs. Each parent is different, just as each child is different. There is no one formula for parenting that can be boxed and sold as a guaranteed to work method. The fact that I may use parenting methods that are not the same as yours does not mean that your methods are wrong. They are just different. There may even be times that I disagree with your methods, or you disagree with mine. It is always okay to do things your own way.

Do not feel guilty for making choices that your own parents or in-laws, or other by-standers, might not agree with.

Ultimately, you have to do what you think is best for your family and your children.

Do not be afraid to tell random strangers to keep their hands off of your kids. After all, you do not run a petting zoo. If you did, you would surely charge admission.

Nothing irks me more than somebody that I do not know coming up to me and touching my children. My children do not particularly care for being touched by anyone outside their immediate circle. The disrespect that many adults display towards children is appalling. I have often wanted to reach out to some offending person who felt the need to start stroking my daughters' hair or face and respond in kind. I imagine the shock that would result from my imagined actions. Perhaps one day I will even be brave enough to do just that.

Do not be afraid to offend any well meaning stranger who feels the need to point out whatever they perceive to be your parenting faults.

It is actually possible to notify someone that their opinions are unwanted without being rude. However, I have, on occasion, felt the need to be somewhat blunt when faced with a nosy by-passer. My favorite example of this is the day that I took my youngest child to the store without shoes. Yes, it was the middle of December. Yes, it was pretty cold outside. Yes, her feet were bare.

While I was browsing the aisles, a young lady approached me and commented about my child being out without shoes. Now, I generally just pass this off and give a random explanation about how my children simply do not like shoes. I tried that with this lady to no avail. Mind you, she was quite young and likely did not even have any children of her own (though I did not ask). I perceived her to be around 18. I was 32 at the time and this was my third child so I was not a novice parent.

After my explanation about the disdain for shoes inherent in my family, this wonderful lady persisted in informing me of the evil of my ways. "You're the parent," she says to me. "Make her wear shoes."

Now, for anyone who has had an independent toddler with remarkable dexterity, you realize very quickly that "MAKING" that child wear shoes ( or anything at all, really ) if the child does not wish to wear it is simply a futile pursuit. You will not succeed.

The lady went on to tell me that if my child did not wear shoes that she would catch a cold because her feet were cold. That was my opening. I could not resist.

I smiled my Cheshire cat smile and said to her, quite emphatically, "Silly girl! Cold feet do not cause colds. Cold viruses cause cold." At which point I turned and walked away with my happily barefoot child.