Top Five Fridays - Lovin' the Pre-School Years

I am a true believer that every stage that my children go through have things about it that I am absolutely delighted with and things that leave me wanting to pull my hair out.

Today I want to celebrate the delights of pre-schoolerhood.

1. I love that Kenzie can communicate with me so much more effectively now. Her ability to reason and talk with me is growing more each day and it just makes discipline and connecting with her all the more meaningful and straightforward. There are still meltdowns and moments where I wonder what planet she was sent to me from; but, her growing knowledge of communication and understanding is really delightful.

2. I LOVE learning with a pre-schooler. It is just my passion. I got a degree in elementary ed and am especially fond of these younger grade years. I had the opportunity to work in my mother-in-law's fantastic pre-school for a short time and absolutely loved every minute of it. So I am a bit of a succor for this age. I love pulling out old textbooks and projects for this age and be able to use them with her now. Kids at this age are just so excited to learn. They all learn in different ways and it is equally thrilling for me to be discovering Kenzie's special knacks.

3. She has SO much to say. This can be irritating on my off-days, but so entertaining on my on-days. I am often amazed at her random comments and questions.

Examples:

*"Mommy, how do we GET to heaven. Like do we drive a car?" - Hmm, that was really interesting to think about what the details of actually GETTING there will be. Is it just an instantaneous moment that occurs with our passing? No clue . . .

*"Wow Mom! Look at that rainbow, it is a circle!" - There was just some sun shining through the window onto the wall in the shape of a circle. One of those simple beautiful things that my too-busy brain seldom takes the time to notice.

4. She is learning to really be able to effectively do stuff for herself now! She can make her own lunch, get herself dressed, buckle her own seat-belt, make her bed, and even put away her own clothes. And she is at that age when she is SO proud of herself for doing these little chores. NO complaints - just proud smiles. Knock on wood right?

5.  She is getting bigger, but has not outgrown her desire to cuddle up for stories or kisses. She is still extremely affectionate and is not too cool for my "I Love Yous" and smooches.

Top Five Fridays - What I'll Never Miss About Pregnancy

I don't mean to come off as the eternal pessimist here. So as a disclaimer I must say that there is nothing more amazing than being privileged enough to bear children. I always fear that any complaint I make about pregnancy portrays ingratitude on my part for the miracle that being a mother is. But, the most wonderful things in life tend to have some number of unpleasantries. A good education takes some sleepless nights and dedication. A good marriage takes hard work and dedication. These are good things that have some hard things to go right along with it. And I'm here today to outline a few of the hard things about pregnancy that I will be happy to part with.

1. I really don't like being such good friends with the toilet bowl. The invention was meant to have my bottom sitting on it - NOT my face resting on it. Enough said.

2. MaKenzie was just barely two when JK was born. So she wasn't entirely aware of the fact that a baby was in my belly. Now that my girls are older it is a source of great fascination and discussion. The only problem is that they aren't always sure which "bump" is the baby. Is it the bump on the left side of my chest, the bump on the right side of my chest, or the bump in the middle of my belly? Now, all these areas are swelling, so I can't entirely blame them for the confusion; nevertheless, it is awkward to have the wrong bump lovingly rubbed my your children as they mistaken it for their highly anticipated future sibling.

3. I am a back sleeper. I can become quite irritated with sleeping on my side. Silly, but still bothersome for some absurd reason. I've been known to throw pillows across the room in anger at trying to get them to support me just the right way.

4. Bladder control. I hate needing to go to the bathroom when there is but an ounce of fluid in it, and furthermore I hate that sneezing, laughing, coughing, and vomiting tend to have their adverse affects as well. Depends - anyone?

5. I hate having more emotional baggage. I am more quickly irritated and quicker to tears. I am more quickly exhausted or frustrated. All things that in a normally functioning body would not be an issue (except when I am PMSing - it sucks then too).

Kenzism - Sweet and Beautiful

Kenzie is quite the talker lately. Garrett and I were leaving church today and just dying laughing in the front seat as Kenzie chattered on with question after comment after question after comment. Sometimes I think I know where she is going with her questions, and other times I am quite surprised.

This afternoon I was in the kitchen doing some dishes while the girls sat at their little stool perches at the kitchen counter working their way through their lunch, when the following conversation ensued:

Kenzie: What are you going to do when you are done with those dishes?

Now I thought for sure that this question was inevitably going to lead to her requesting that I play with her as soon as the dishes were complete. She had been asking to play games or do something fun with me several times before I fed them and I felt confident that she was looking for the next opportunity of play time with mom. Well, the conversation went a bit differently than I expected.

Me: Well, I am going to clear off the storage bench, (a little bench that is right there when you come in from our garage and therefore is just a great big invitation for us all to dump coats, bags, or anything else we feel too lazy to put away) and then I am gonna set the table for our dinner guests, and then I am going to get started on our dinner for tonight.

(Awwww, doesn't that make me sound like such a good little housewife? Don't jump to assumptions . . . the sight of me doing dishes and making dinner all in one fell swoop these days is about as rare as an albino alligator.)

Kenzie: (in intonations of absolute shock, yet with a hint of congratulations and gratitude) Wow! Mom! You do a lot of work for this family!

Thoughtful Pause

Kenzie: Mom?

Me: Yeah?

Kenzie: You are sweet AND beautiful AND you do a lot of work for our family.

Me: Just smiling.

When I am in the midst of throwing a real good pity party for myself - complete with party hats and streamers - I can become convinced that NO one noticed how hard I am working or how much I am trying to do for my family. Then, these quick little moments pop up that make me realize otherwise. This little conversation took less than a minute and within the following three I was solving crisis' over snacks, stool positioning, and other such squabblings of childhood. When I am too caught up in the squabbles it is easy to miss the really good stuff in between. :)

Desitin and the Monster Mom

There is so much about mommying that is so absolutely hilarious. It's just that sometimes it can take a week or two (or three) to find the humor. Sometimes my inability to see the humor instantly can really be something that I remorse.

One incident happened a few years ago when Jordyn was an infant and Kenzie was two years old. I was suffering from the craziness of sleep deprivation and after putting Jordyn down for a nap had gone to my own bed to lie down for a bit. What seemed like seconds later I was awakened my the soft voice and gentle tap of little Kenzie. Before I even fully awakened my nose had registered the unmistakable scent of Desitin ointment. As my eyes slowly opened I beheld the sight of my two year old caked in Desitin. I truly mean it when I say caked. I am talking thick layers of the stuff covering her face, her arms, her hands, and her legs.

Several thoughts seemed to simultaneously flash through my mind. For one, I registered a totally smiling delighted little girl. I vividly recall there really being a twinkle in her eyes. Not necessarily a twinkle of mischief, but of just total delight with life. I at first seemed to fully recognize that she was just a happy kid who did need a bit of a reprimand, but that I needed to stay calm. I also vividly remembering that I would forever regret it if I did not take a picture. I am ashamed to admit that my reaction wiped that enchanting expression off of her face and that the camera was never retrieved. I was so beside myself with exhaustion and all that I could think of was how long it was going to take to clean up that mess and how much less sleep I was going to get because of it.

MaKenzie's little face seemed to mirror my initial thoughts of amusement, then shock, then my frustration. Kenzie has always been very sensitive to the emotions of people around her, especially the people she loves. She was crying before I even said anything - simply because of the look on my face. I whipped out of bed and rushed her into the bathroom. I firmly let her know that she had done a big
"no-no" - but not too loudly, because in our little six-hundred and fifty square foot apartment I felt at that moment that I couldn't risk waking the baby. I quickly found my frustration building as I discovered that Desitin - being a heavily oil based product - is nigh impossible to remove. I went through several baby wipes without a lot of success (I distinctly remember thinking how outrageously stupid it was that the baby wipes didn't work seeing how they were designed to wipe the bottoms that you put the Desitin on in the first place.) I then resorted to the bath. By this point Kenzie was in total tears and was quite the pitiful sight as I stripped her clothes off to put her in the tub. I scrubbed and soaped her practically ignoring her tears.

At this point I knew I was overreacting. I could have gotten across the "no-no" message with so much more grace and I knew it. But I was caught up in a monster-mom moment and the recognition that I knew I should switch gears just seemed to add fuel to my fire. It took a lot of scrubbing to remove that stuff and it took two or three days of bathes to completely remove the oil from her hair.

I can honestly laugh at the sight of that Desitin caked two-year old now and really do remorse that I saw a mess instead of an opportunity to laugh. The more I learn about mothering, the more I recognize the need to expect these little disasters in life and to try to laugh when they inevitably occur. We can still teach the concept of a "no-no" with a bit of humor. We all have our monster-mom times, but I sure was reminded of some important lessons from my reaction to this little experience.

First, people are always more important that property. One of the things that I found myself crazed about during this little encounter with MaKenzie was that she had ruined one of my favorite little outfits that she was in that day. How silly of me. I could so easily have gotten off that bed and gently said, "Uh-oh honey, this is a no-no. Desitin is baby medicine. Now we need to go clean it up." After cleaning things up I could have shown her that empty tube of diaper cream and repeated, "this is a no-no, only for baby, okay?" The pure torture of removing the stuff from her body would have been plenty of consequence.

That leads me into a second lesson that this taught me. I really was so angry with myself for reacting the way that I did and really pondered on what I could do to prevent my monstrous outpours in the future. The answer came from realizing that it helps to picture in my mind what would have been the better reaction. It helps to visualize the ways that we can adequately respond to our children. A lot of circumstances are predicable because our kids tend to be creatures of habit. It is helpful to kind of imagine the best ways to respond, so that when the crisis occurs we have something more healthy to resort to other than the feelings of madness that can easily ensue.

Kenzism - The Beluga Whales

The Beluga Whales migrate right up off the Turnigain Arm here in Alaska each September. There is a beautiful place to see the whales from called Beluga Point that is only about thirty minutes from our home here in Anchorage. We have driven by and stopped several times in hopes to see them and we lucked out this last September while we were on our way to the Wildlife Conservation Center for a family outing.

At that time MaKenzie was just staring joy school. She pointed to a sign as we pulled into Beluga Point and asked us what it said. The sign stated that it was against the law to cross the railroad tracks to cross over to the rocks for a better view of the whales. Well, this sign was of little concern to everyone there at the moment because there were a few groups of beluga whales surfacing all over the place. Unfortunately for us Kenzie was learning all about the joy of keeping the rules in her joy school class. When we talked about whether or not we should cross the railroad with everyone else Kenzie shared how even if everyone else is doing it that she learned how it is important to still keep the rules. What could we do? Had I not read the sign out load to her when we pulled in I probably would not have hesitated to join the rest of the crowd for a closer look . . . but all things considered we decided it was best to enjoy the whales from where we stood. And boy did that make a long lasting impression on the child.

About five weeks later we were enjoying one of the last possible park days Alaska had to offer us. We walked to a park close by and there was a bench that had been completely disassembled by some prankster/vandals of some sort. They had unscrewed all the wooden bench planks and rearranged them into a teepee like structure. The girls wanted to go and play and check it out but I had to call them off as the whole thing looked like it could crush them with one good bump. As we walked away from the park that day Kenzie shared the following with me:

"When those mean guys (referring to whoever had taken the bench to pieces) get to heaven maybe they will tell Jesus what they did."

And then she continued as if it was all just one thought . . .

"Remember when we saw the lou-gla (beluga) whales and we followed the sign. It was the rule and when I get to heaven I will tell Jesus how I followed the sign at the lou-gla whales"

I don't know why this little conversation tickled my funny bone, but it just felt like it completely came out of nowhere and yet offered me a whole lot of insight into my four-year-olds brain.

For one, I couldn't recall saying anything that would indicate that whoever had taken the bench apart was "mean" - but that is what it all equated to in her brain. She has simply asked why she couldn't play near the teepee and I had told her that someone had done a "no-no" by taking the bench apart and that it was not very safe. Secondly, the fact that her transition from the "mean guys" to our "lou-gla" whale outing were all one phrase in her mind was equally amusing to me. You probably just had to be there to appreciate it . . . but I got a giggle or two out of our little exchange that day.

Why?

I knew that children asked a lot of questions. Truth be told, it is one of the things that I love about kids. Their peculiar questions can be quite thought provoking and funny at times. I tend to encourage questions as much as I can. I just don't want my kids to be afraid to ask questions.

So, I was prepared for the question asking phenomenon; but, as is true with all things mothering, I wasn't completely prepared.

Kenzie and I have been working on "good why questions" and "bad why questions" as of late. Let me cue you in on the "good" variety:

Why is the rain falling?

Why does that smell funny?

Why are we a family?

Then there are the "bad" types that usually go down like this:

Mom: (We are trying to scurry out the door) Hey Kenzie will you go sit on the potty so that we don't have accidents when we go out today?

Kenzie: (with that whining irritated tone that seems to indicate that I have made an insanely awful request) Why mom!?

Slowing Down

I'm a busy body. I always have been. I tend to make the mistake of connecting my self-worth to the completed check marks on my to-do list. Anyone else have that problem?

Nothing like a good quote from President Monson to bring things back into perspective today:

"Give your child a compliment and a hug; say, 'I love you' more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."

("Joy in the Journey" BYU Women's Conference May 2, 2008)

That was a good little kick in the pants for me. I am certainly guilty of getting so caught up in getting a chore or project done that I can easily get frustrated with the constant needs of the girls that interfere with completing just about anything from beginning to end in one sitting. The past few days as I have made efforts just to say "I love you" more often I have definitely seen a change in the feelings of our home. Funny how three little words can have so much influence.