YOGA's 2009 Concert

hahaha.. yup yup.. the first concert i attended was Mr Yoga's. (haha.. my first time lei) Hmm.. it's free and haha. thanks to my cousins.. haha.. yup yup.. well.. my first concert... nth to benchmark so i'll give him a 75 out of 100? haha he's cute in certain ways during his concert. Well... must admit his lame jokes managed to make us giggle for awhile but most of the times, me, jj and adrian were yawning (esp in the beginning)

Some songs did make us lifted our butts from the chairs but overall i still enjoyed his singing la. I guessed i would have enjoyed more if he had sang more of his songs rather than others or haha. if this concert belonged to the SHE and he;s the special appearance (i'm so bad.. but i think some of the audience were thinking that way too cos some left after SHE finished performing their special gigs :p **SORRY YOGA)

O ya.. we met Felciia Chin before the concert started.. she's pretty... managed to get a shot with her. haha




hmm.. here are some some pics which I shot with my lousy camera ( i think slr camera would have done a better job) :p

sorry

sorry pauline.

u have the right to be upset with me. reali..

Haiz.. the whole dq thingy reali make me very tired... never slp well for the whole week.

hope u can understand

just remember 3 words: forgive, understand and chances

"Just remember 3 words: forgive, understand and chances"---> quoted by da jie, nick.

But da jie, to me:

it's so hard to forgive for all the pain he caused

it's so hard to understand why he's behaving like this

it's so hard to give chances when he dun find it impt anymore.

All in all, i'll try.

i'm trying to give each other personal space... *trying.

Finally, thanks for agreeing with me the 2 kys and 6 kys thingy... u also find that he trying to cover up after being exposed rite... thanks da jie. cos till to date, he still think i oversensitive and he's rite.

I will use ur method - 2 netural parties.

really hope things can brighten up for me and him.

actuali tonite, want to go sitex with him de. but after all the arguments since last nite, i decided to go drinking and eating dinner with my friend pauline. but now after toking to u, i just feel like going home. i dun wan to face him. i just need some time being alone. :-( but i still feel like drinking. damn.. but i dun wan to disappoint pauline loz.


haiz.. DQ, u know wat's i'm thinking and need ma? ahiz.. your strong points are becoming the fatal bites of our r.s. the more i think abt ur strong points (the ones that make me think u are the one), i think they are turning into weak points. i hate them now.

i still can;t forgive you...i can't.

Need a shrink? *hurt

Rough nite againz....

After toking to cousins on last sun, i felt better and was able to perk myself a bit; told myself: we'll (me and him) be able to do this together- go thru this rough patch together. By means of accepting his changes and i try not be a control freak.

Things improved a bit over the weekend until last nite, i snapped again.

Last weekend, he didn;'t attend the compeition and din attend his LWS class becos he finally know what i'm driving at. He found out he don't have much time to complete his asg and best of all, his grpmate can't do her part for the grp project. Honestly, i'm overjoyed by this act.

Anyway, i snapped again becos the forbidden name, "JO", (yup yup, my dear readers, the bloody name is being heard from his mouth again) just blurted out from his mouth during our usual nite nite conversation b4 we go slp. His explaination was "it was an accident." Let me re-enact the whole conversation again (please be my judge again):

DQ: (happy tone) "o.. i tot u want to send j..jo.. off to the airport next morning. o ya..i remember you stay over at my place liao"

M: (furious tone liao) "who's Jo? JO again!!! this bloody name. who want to send her off?"

DQ: (busy explaining tone) "I meant to said jocelyn de, den said JO in accident."

Ms. M dun believe this can be an accident. cos exactly 1 week ago, she snapped becos of the same person's name. And likewise, Mr. Dq gave the same reason: "it was an accident". Honestly, the rage is so great till i can visualise myself slapping his face (if he's in front of me), when he said that name out. I think i will not hold back, cos i reali snapped till i can't controlled myself. (gosh, i'm so bao li)

Anyway, the whole nite, i just lashed out on him and he just keep on using words to spite me - topics included: CSF, LWS and many more.

Conclusion:

Mr.DQ accused Ms. M for not believing him and trust him. He felt humilated cos first of all, he thinks that i'm insulting him and his love for me. He thinks i shouldn't doubt him in the first place. 2nd, (according to him) He felt insulted more when i said the "3rd party" is XX, cos he think her standard is below average. (in my mind, if i said it's other pretty gals whom he's close with, do u think he will feel insulted?) To him, she's a brother; someone whom he can tok cock to. 3rd, singing makes him relaxed and so he can;t quit his singing lesson.

Ms. M blamed Mr. DQ for making her paranoid. She's also went bersek when he said he wan to pei go see a shrink. Ms. M find him not sensitive to her feelings anymore. i think towards the end of the conversation, Ms. M found herself blabbering on w.o knowing what she trying to convery to DQ. cos she's devastated to a point she can;t take it anymore- just feel like giving up. haiz.. esp CSF is mentioned. a topic she dread that he will touch on just to spite her. I'm disappointed.

haiz.. tired....another slpless nite.

can someone help me out?

while i was writing this blog, i read another comment from my poly buddy, my imagination run wild again. Is he reali leaning towards her? All the insults he said when i said the 3rd party is Jo are all smokescreen. Damn... so sad.... so confused

He said:

Well.. wat i think ah.. both got wrong.. which is obviously.. for u.. i seriously think that the more u try to control or make him stay by ur side..the more he will wan to break off frm you.. Its similar like the harder you control a teen, the more he/she will do the opposite from wat u teach.. So i think u need to try to relax and calm down abit.. u need to noe and figure out when to release the string and when to tighten it.. cannot always keep it tight, it will snap de..See ah.. u keep quarrelling wif him.. the moment he face you only is quarrel. What will he think? if I am him.. i oso dun wan or reluntant to meet u lor. Wheres if when he face jo..hes always happy as compare to face u.. sooner or later..Even if now he faithful to u.. he going to lean towards her de if this suitation continuesl.. U will too.. if u put urself in his shoes.. who wan to be wif a person whenever meeting end up wif quarrels right?What u can do is.. 5 simple words.. T-R-U-S-T. Simple yet hard to do.. if u can convience urself to trust him.. you 2 wont be quarrelling so much.. the situation will improve.. beside if a bf have a understanding and broad mind gf.. why will he wan other gal right?Try to convience urself to trust him.. if u do..and yet he betray u.. then be thankful that he did it bê4 u 2 are married right? He wont be that good for u if he still unfaithful lei.. I think all these words are said out in a fit of anger la.. plus its already late nite when u 2 quarrel. the mind is tired and not sharp lei.. so he say things as wat he change or wat.. Its a moment of anger ba.. Communication is v impt for a couple. Try to talk to him NICELY.. say wat u dun like abt him and wat u wish for..Tell him the irriating IF N HECK CARE attitude nicely.. Not use saying wat u dun like when u 2 are quarreling.. He wont listen in to u de.. Nobody listen in when angry de.. As for his area.. i cant advise him oso. coze i not in contact wif him. but wat i think is the jo and jorene thingy is bullshit.. Maybe in my view la.. he already starts to lean towards her lei.. so.. wat u can do now is to show him why u are better. remind him of ur strong points. It cant be hard right? since he chose u in the 1st place.. U just need to recap him..
In conclusion... I think both of u need to calm down.. think abt the very 1st place why u fall in love wif him.. think of his strong points. Dun just think of the unhappiness currently.. next time even if u got something unhappy or wan to quarrel wif him.. swallow it down. dun say out.. angry just walk away or do other things.. wat u say in a moment of anger will destroy all the happy things u 2 painfully created.

Month of NOV - a mixed of happiness and sadness

Why i said the month of Novembre is a mixed of happiness and sadness?

Well.. let's start off with my bday, 1st Nov. Great event i should said.. went mt ophir with DG and CSF. Not a bad idea to celebrating my bday on a mountain haha. somemore with a bunch of great cousins. Thanks for the bday song on the coach haha..Next day, i got my gift from him. i'm happy but it died out once he told me how he got it. i'm having mixed feeling- happy yet angry.

den on 4th Novembre, night quarreling with him. it started with his "if" and my wild imagination. i had a rough nite, couldn't slp well, becos of his insensitive words and his "IF"

The fight continued on 5th novembre , a huge fight bet me and him. all the quarrels details i've saved in my hotmail. I can;t stand his "IF", his "dun care" tone, his so-called theory and his insensitive words that used to spite me while he keep saying i dun trust him and etc. All in all, it;s the secret that caused me so paranoid; he simply dun understand from my point of view. in the end, i have to ask jj to accompany me for a dinner; a relief therapy. tears just uncontrollably rolled down on its own while i'm telling all the pain i'm experiencing with his "if", his "dun care" tone, his so-called theory and his insensitive words that used to spite me while he keep saying i dun trust him and etc. when he come and look for me at the restaurant, just feel that he's a stranger from that moment. when he hug me at the lift when he sent me home, i realise i din hug back. cos i dun wan to and he felt like a stranger for tat nite
**thanks jj

den on and off, some dwc customers' enquires made me feel happy; cos tot i got it, but i lost it in the end.

Then yesh 14th Novembre.. i got my driving license with 1st attempt. cool.. I must said it's sheer luck cos i got 14 demerit pts (Reali got loads of blessing from CEB and guts from DG) but it comes with high price- $2600. *Ouch.. my pocket burned sia...hahaha.. a reali big expensive bday gift i got for myself:p My parents are proud of me, esp my mom. cos i'm her official ahmad nw.

But this happiness last me about less than 24 hrs cos quarreled with him. Becos of a duet we sang at KBOX, we both knew (i tink everyone in the room knew too) we dun have tat chemisty and "mo qi". His "bo bian look" and one cold sentence from his explanation: "she dun join me at kbox so didn;t practise this song with me." from my interpretation, it sounds like:"ya this duet song, i sang with my gal friends at LWS, so i can sing very well with them, not u." from that moment, i hate his voice and his singing. It just make me more "fan gang". i hate this song now - yi yan shun jian. Tat nite, we slept backfacing each other and he din coax me. all these insensitive actions and words just make my thoughts more affirmed- he has changed. he did admit he changed- more open minded + more hippie = less sensitive to my feelings (make my imagination run wild) and neglecting me. Been studying his sudden change of behaviours, the more i think and analyze, the more i think his singing mates and singing passion has changed him to someone whom i dun know and hate. I hate him, his LWS friends (All gals in his team- FUCK) and his singing passion.

Maybe my depression got worse and imagination really running wild or simply the fact i dun trust him (which he always said). The fact that i dun like those gals so close with him, i'm not comfortable. which gal in proper mind will feel comfortable with this situation.

Last nite, before we dismiss from work. we quarrelled over his gal friend's name. her name is Jorene. he always called her jo, but he called her name in full and i felt very strange. he's going for a practise with her cos sun got competition. he's a back up tis time, he needs not be there (i think ), cos 3 ppl from his team will be competing; not him. so why he's so eager to go for the practice lei. he told he got loads of asgs and can't pei me that much. but WTH, such compeition, he needs to go for practise. the most ironic thingy is the rest of the team is not sure going a not, so y he needs to go since he;s a backup this time. TO me, he should go home and complete his asgs.

this is how the quarrel begin:

On msn, i told him i might nt be going to kim;'s place for the gathering, so he invited me to see him sing. in my heart, i was thinking:" ok loz..go support him" but he said he's going to sing a duet song. den i ask him: "sing with who and wat song?" he said: Jorene :)" (look carefully, with a smiley face.. haiz) den i ask him:" who is jorene?' den he said:"jo" den i'm like thinking u always call her jo, why suddenly called her in full name; somemroe with a smile. FUCK.. pissed off liao. suddenly his "actions" make me think that he's treating her special. (who ever reading this, pls tell me you agree with me or with him- he said i over react) SO I asked him why u need to spell her name in full, u call her jo all the time loz. his reply to me:" cos my mgt just walked past me and i quickly type her name in full" ( To all the the readers, please be my judges, who is right and wrong) his excuse made me pissed off. cos to me, if you are rushing sth or in his situation, i won;t type so much. if you were him, would you type "J" + "O", 2 keys or type "J"+"O"+ "R"+ "E" + "N" + "E"; 6 keys? Hence super pissed off.... cos if i were him, i will type 2 keys cos i'm rushing and dun wan my mgt to see me msning. but he choose to type 6keys with the risk of being caught red handed by the mgt. In the end, he left the conversation, said i'm a GOOD gf (sacarstic tone) and leave me hanging on the other end. i'm so dulan and changed my nick to: I dun like ur LWS friends now. I'm a GOOD gf I know (Thanks for the compliments)

Hence in the end, i changed my mind and decided not to go and find him and went for a social drinking nite instead. which i glad i went :-) when i reached, i called him thrice, but he din picked up, cos i wan to tell him where am i. so he won;t get worried. cos to me, quarrel is quarrel, i still need to fulfil my role as a gf. but he din picked up, so angerily i sent a msg to tell him to enjoy and forget to mention i'm at kim's place. den i just throw my phone one side, cos i dunno when he will see my msg and realise he has missed calls. So inthe end, i completely enjoy my nite with my colleagues. Kim's place is cosy, her kitchen is full of wines and liquer. haha. mini bar :-) (JJ, u will love it, hua- you will like tis mini bar to be at ur place, yun- we could only stare at it. cos the alcohol percentage is way to high for us:p)

Then the biggest war begun, when i realised he din tell me he reached home le ma or busy singing duet song with her. i'm more worried his safety and his incomplete asg. so when i reached home, i called him to tell him i'm home. but when picked up. he give me tat tone and i snapped. i asked him why he never tell me he reach home. he just said that i never reply his sms (he did sent me 2 msgs but like his excuse - " idunno you called or sms cos phone in silent mode") but to me, as a bf, u still need to let me know where you are in regardless we quarrelled a not. cos i did my part, i called and let him know i'm home. but wat hurts me the most is when he said that he's not worried abt me not reaching home safely cos he don;t have the intention to wait for my call or sms too. he din expect me to do tat. honestly, he's not like tat de. he's used to be sweet and wait for me de; make i reached home. And also, this incident, i more confirmed he changed le.

So sad. throughout our conversation, he admit he changed cos he said "ren shi hui bian de" i listen le and "wo xin bian han le" - my heart turn cold. somemore he "xue shang jia shuang", he said he can;t tolerate me anymore- this is anotehr thing he changed too; he used to tolerate all my nonsenses but now he said i'm overpossesive and oversensitive. But i'm proud to tell him that: "at least, i didn;t change cos right from the start, i'm always like this. i'm still the same old me, it;'s u that changed and soured our r.s". In the end, he said he has doubt whether we can live together or even get married. so he mentioned the taboo term (yes.. the bp) i reali heart broken le. togther for almost 4 yrs, he;'s now saying that he has doubt for our future.


Maybe becos of the kick in effect of the 3 glasses of white wine and 2 glasses of beer, my emotions are reali terrible througout the nite. i made both of us sleepless; until 3plus, i manage to tell myself it's over and calm myself to slp. But woke up with a terrible headache.

Just finishing meeting a supplier, so decided to write this blog while waiting for her emails. I'm blasting myself with 2songs now by jay choy and Pussycat dolls; cos they suit my mood and our r.s.

the more i listen to jay's music; i reali think "wo men shuo hao den xing fu" ze me le?
the more i listen to PCD's music: i reali hate this part now- feels like we are drifting apart till we are calling for time out.

here's PCD's lyrics:

We're driving slow through the snow
On fifth avenue
And right now radio's
All that we can hear

Man we ain't talked since we left
It's so overdue
It's cold outside
But between us

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts


I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday seven takes of the same
Seems we're bound by the loss of the same team
Gotta talk to you now fore we go to sleep
But well we sleep once I tell you

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers

I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothings wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's lefts goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

But I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I hate this part

Post effects of a weekend holiday

Eski and Lao Gong

Our Villa cottage... (sea view)

(Spa Villa)

Our candlelight Dinner

Lao Gong and the beautiful sunset

Me and Lao gong

Cousin gathering at Ikoi Restaurant

The other half:p (too many ppl liao)

Prawning:p

ARGH.. Thursday liao

Damn... Still super duper sianz.

After a long weekend, i super duper hate going to work even more. i realise i can lai chuan till 7plus den reach office at 9am or 8.55am. i dun even give a damn to how i will fare in my performance appraisal liao; i can now even picture how my performance appraisal will look like:

Lol.. she's always late, always get MC and clear leaves etc...

Guess this is how a low morale and low motivated employee feels and do in the co.

I really wan to go for another holiday trip (though the next one is coming-- trekking at mount ophir), but the holiday trip i'm referring is more like europe trip or shopping trip @ hongkong, japan and etc... LOL.. i'm really greedy.. want more holiday sia.. but y everytime after holiday, i feel so lethargic? over relaxed liao?

Anyway, the batam trip with my lao gong was a nice and sweet one. took quite alot of pictures:-) got time will upload at facebook, cos need to select some nice ones 1st; apparently my lao gong took some ugly side of me (LOL..baby, u know which are the photos i'm toking abt rite?) Overall, the resort and spa are wonderful. the lady masseurs- Eski and Tika are really great. we addressed them as the big mama and small mama. The spa manager is also very friendly too. I must said the workers at SPAVILLA and KTM RESORT are super friendly and approachable. They can walk from one place to another just to get u some ketchup and chilli sauce. THUMBS UP.

ya.. must tok more abt the spa we have. The romantic spa package that we had includes the following:

• Body Scrub
• Body Mask
• HydroBath (jaccuzi)
• Aromatherapy Oil Massage (whole body)

The whole treatment lasted abt 3 hrs and during this period, me and my lao gong were able to catch the beautiful sunset. O ya.. the spa treatment is held in a small villa facing the sea, tat's y we can enjoy the sea breeze and the beautiful sunset.

however, if the resort has some more recreation activites, i think we will enjoy more. hmmm will definitely go back again. but Eski recommended us to go Bali, she said it's worth it and we will totally enjoy the beach, resort and etc... :-)

After my batam trip, i still have some wonderful gathering with my cousins... prawning and ikoi restaurant.. COOL.. hahaha.. i still receive bday gift from them.. So touched and happy. LOVE U GUYS...

To: amy, adrian, JJ, jonathon, jasmine, joanna, jason, Krist, ming qing, siew ping, shiao yee, sean, veon, yuhua, yuyun, yonghui& yongqin

Thanks for the bday gift :) very beautiful.

(P.S photos are already in facebook)

Auvoir..

Back to work liao:(

Looking foward for a series of "HEheHaha" events in Oct

Yes, finally.

hahaha.. tmr taking a day off:p (haben ask boss yet)

but who cares... i think he will let me go off de la. (KC is such a nice boss)

tmr plan to go JB with mommy, daddy, didi and tong. den over the weekend, with my hubby to Batam for spas, beach, sun and hehe.. candlelight dinner (vegetarian one) den maybe a seafood lunch.. (must die die try ma :p).

Been looking forward for all these happening events liao sia.. finally:p although tmr we (me n Jj) planned to have a cousin gathering de. but too bad.. no place at kushibo so postone to next fri. (haiz.. or else more happening for this weekend)

O ya.. forget to mention abt the prawning session on the day i come back from my romantic getaway. hehe.. plan to bring the kids (siew ping and hao yee) and along with some cousins (sean, jj, qing, ah tong, adrian- ask ah hua liao, said she dunw an. haben ask ah yun yet) for a nice prawning session.. since next day is deepavali:p haha.. cool man. (remember my 1st time prawning session with char and all, FUN!!! (: Thumbs Up)

hahaha.. can;t wait can;t wait lo.. haben pack my stuffs for batam trip. Plan to do some packing after the meeting tonite at CSF with towkay.

hmmm.. haha.. hopefully, it's a quick briefing:p lol.. was chit chatting with Hua jie tis mornign in msn that we might be expecting some "impromptu guests" lol.. but well.. let's see it for tonite.

okok.. go back to work loz... was reading the "7 habits of highly effective people" whcih i borrowed from Brother lim the whole morning. (so diana, i told u, i'm reali reading some self-enrichment books la.. not RAted one :p) bow is 12.40pm.. i'm super hungry lo. want to EAT le..

Watashiwa peko peko.

Auvoir...