Dear friend, #14

Dear friend,

I used to revel in being the best.
winning the rest.
making a mess.
mildly obsessed.

I'd love to shine. I love to shine. Shining lightly. Shining brightly.

Then I realised, I like developing people more. I like to watch people grow into better people. I already lost my chance to become a better JC kid. I was just mediocre. I was lucky. I was lucky to be smart. I was lucky to be persistent enough to be good at math. I was... good enough.

I want people to be better, best, awesome. MEGAWESOME.

Sometimes life doesn't allow it to happen,
sometimes life stops it from happening,
sometimes life try to give you difficulties.

So what? Why can't you just tell life to be better? Why can't you make it better? For your own sake? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I firmly believe so.

sometimes, it is your choice that makes it good,
sometimes, it is your mentor that helps to point you in the right way,
sometimes, it is your teacher that moulds you to be someone greater,
sometimes, it is fate.

I have kinda found my style, and I kinda like it. I will stick to it, and I will revel in it. For a good long while.

Just found this:

Be soft.
Do not let the world make you hard.
Do not let pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree,
you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
- Iain S. Thomas

Take care my friend, we have only so much left.

xoxo,

mo

Dear friend, #13

Dear friend,

it is September already. Friday the 13th. Is this the cause for this sudden emotion? Term 4 starts in a few days' time, and I feel prepared to go into class to help people. The only problem I have is that I have this uncontrollable urge to scold people. No idea where it spans from but it is killing me. Is being lenient the key to making a class hard to control? Must discipline always involve scolding?

I know, I know, I had my fair share of getting nagged by my mum, but I really seldom appreciated it. Is nagging a part of growing up? Is constant reminders part of how people learn how to listen to instructions? I really don't know. I don't advocate scolding or nagging, but this seems like a bad idea.

"This cannot control the class!", or even "This doesn't care about us one, never scold us when we do wrong things!". Like one of my counsellor friends said, kids, no matter good or bad natured, just want some form of achievement. Getting scolded by is one of them, making angry is another one of them. My lack of desire to participate always seems to cause some form of negative impact.

This journey into education is a long and arduous one I must agree, and there is so much more I need to find out before I can actually become someone who is competent at the art of teaching.

I am about a year and a bit more into this field, and I must say I learn a lot on a daily basis, not to mention the wonderful people I get to see everyday. Thing is, most of them don't realise it and feel like "Sigh, I am not important." or "Nobody really cares." Psychologists are right about this, kids are more concerned about their friends than other people in their lives, especially during adolescent years. I guess this is a phase I must learn to deal with cause I really don't remember my lower secondary days being so complex. I have always been a simpleton and living life simple is really the key to achieving the complex but how many people can actually understand this statement?

Friend, are you still there waiting? Listening? I am unsure, but hey, I have faith in you. Be here, I will still look forward to talking to you. Exams are coming soon, the time to stop talking will come again. Cheers!

xoxo,

mo

Dear friend, #12

Dear friend,

1 month. and i have been counting down. what would you do if you were in my position? with people drifting in and out of your life my friend? i guess i am kinda the one who comes in, leaves a print/or not, and then leaves. do you miss me? would you?

do you think i am a bad friend? always perpetually not there? i used to drift about, wanting to go join in with everyone, partially lonely, partially confused about the social scene, then i realised, most important thing was to make sure i dont overwork the poor mind.

it is common people leave and come into your life, the most important thing is also to learn how to adapt. simple reason, my problem is that i do not adapt fast enough, and also i do not feel that that is a problem.

oh wells, what to do, i am pretty anti-social or rather i should say, apathetic about social needs. i do origami most of the time, stay on the computer most of the time, dont see the need to interact most of the time T^T...

sigh oh sigh, i cant wait for wednesday, time to fly to japan. i am on a origami pilgrimage. woohoo. hope to see you soon dear friend, ciao!

xoxo,

mo

Dear friend, #11

Dear friend,

it has been long.
idk what has been happening.
i dislike the sleep/wake/work cycle,
yet i live it like it is my life everyday.

blarts aside,
i have an addiction.
an addiction on addictions.
i do many things on a daily basis now,
partly due to... the silent stress.
and i keep telling myself that.
nice excuse to stop thinking so much.

first thing i want to change,
my dear friend,
is to sleep earlier.
people in my school get to sleep at 9.
i mean... why do i then sleep at 1?
it doesnt make any sense.

i ever told myself,
if i kept sleeping late,
one fine day i will just...
collapse like this.

so on a day like this,
week 7 thursday,
when exams are almost done...

i stay resolute to sleep earlier.

like now.

thanks for listening,
dear friend i hope you are coping well.

xoxo,

mo

Dear friend, #10

Dear friend,

Hi! it has been a month :D

It is the March holidays now and it is almost Wednesday already. Trust me, I am enjoying every moment of it... and some good news...

1. I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, which is happening in 6 hours time...
2. I have some ideas, i wish to add in some stuff to the blog... but it will be a separate blog...
3. Life IS GOOD!!!
4. I love origami and the module is starting soon!

some bad news...

1. work much not done... lol... but as the saying goes... work can never be finished, so prioritize life before work! We all know that when we die... we don't need to work right? LOL
2. I am afraid things may turn for the worse if I do something they don't like... again. lol.
3. Life is so good I am forgetting to do reflection much. oh wells!
4. I haven't prepared much for the module... it was meant to be a PP (passion pursuit) but due to some secret reason... they turned it into a math module forcing me to add in concepts inside! this is so ridiculous I hope whoever did it catch fire and turn into ash.

March holidays will fly past fast, and soon it will be SA1. stress levels build up in everyone, including me... but somehow my body is rather retarded to react... that is why. SIGH PI. I always wondered if I am already dead inside, my friend. I mean... unfeeling kind of dead yah?

Friend, if you are seeing this, and you are struggling through life and her challenges... please look forward, there's always June, September and December yah? I mean... short term wise... saturday and sunday? LOL :D

Stay chirpy, and stay crazy, the best people are! (:

xoxo,

mo

Dear friend, #9

Dear friend,

HELLO. It's been awhile. ITS BEEN RAINING. Like everyday. Can? Let me provide you with some structure in this post.

1. Imma say sth abt skoo stuff
2. Imma talk about my own stuff
3. Imma talk about random stuff
4. Imma crap abit about idkwts

School.
It's like week 7 soon.
CA1 is around the corner, not a bowl of prunes.
Many are panicking, while my sec1s are IP and they have so much freedom and room.

CA1, I feel, is relatively manageable and if you can get A, GET IT, why waste that 10 - 15%? Unless you have no choice, score it; if you need help, ask for it; if some things aren't going right somewhere in life, tell somebody you can trust. Don't fall into oblivion. We all need a little support sometimes.

Other than the academics, some people are making life hard, can't say who, don't wish to make it known, and don't think it is fair to some good _ who would be forced to make decisions they don't wish to... There are also so many other things going on that need to be solved, so many years, and you mean nobody said anything? I really wonder who sweeps all that dust under the rug. Such a big rug, so much dust, I am allergic to dust. That wasn't a lie though. I AM ALLERGIC TO DUST. *cough cough*

Other than having to commit to _ for no reasons, why can't those _ just pack up and go? My friend do you see my view point? Would you stand with me? Would you be able to? Have you enough punch to do so? *punch punch*

It really doesn't need a _ to tell the _ that "put your kids' interests right in front" and you wouldn't go wrong right? Seriously, why did you become _ in the first place?

If you had other secret agenda in mind when you joined the service. I REALLY HOPE YOU QUIT. CAUSE IT IS KIDS AND THEIR LIVES WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE. ONE YEAR IS 365 DAYS AND 8760 HOURS AND 525600 MINUTES AND 31536000 SECONDS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? STOP WASTING YOUR OWN TIME AND THEIRS!
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I rerealised I need to sleep early. Late nights -> lack of exercise -> lack of endorphins -> lack of energy and motivation and -> inertia to work -> vicious cycle to sleep late >:

If this were to go on, I would then break down into a million pieces yah? I hope you can help me out here my friend. Otherwise life has been good with the time I have on my hands, and the time I have to go walk around in Punggol and the other places I would soon go to HAHA.

I like origami, and the only reason why I give some of them away is because I have no space at home. Oh so sad. Frankly speaking, each piece of those papers costs like at least around a dollar, and the ones I am going to make, [the papers costs 16USD each], feels so broke LOL, oh wells you buy paper to make origami... right? I mean... I. Not you. LOL. I can feel this connection, that will bring origami deep into my life... 10 - 20 years down the road, and hopefully I can spearhead something in the far future. Other than that, I have no idea where my life will go in 3 years. 5 years. 7 years. I am unsettled, especially this year. For some reason.

BUT HEY as i listen to OneRepublic's Good Life, I kinda think that I am having a good life oh so so SUCH INDULGENCE >: Hope you are having a good one my friend!
_________________________________________________________________________________

Something random. I am running out of time. and money. I AM RUNNING OUT OF EVERYTHING ARGH!!! ok the end LOL.
_________________________________________________________________________________

I wanna watch movies, so I watch them while marking, and guess what, my computer is directly opposite the  TV. Thanks lor. Then TV on. Then movie on. Then I listen to what? IDK MAN. SO NOISY. URGH. I LIKE SILENCE LIKE THAT. Sometimes. Oh man my arms are cramping up. Stupid strained forearms. My friend can you like send me something to help relieve that? Cause I don't konw ohw to hlep msyefl.

Hope to tell you more soon. And yes HAPPY 人日。I didnt lao yusheng today though. Oh wells. HAPPY CATURDAY! And may your Sunday be schmacking too!

xoxo,

mo

Dear friend, #8

Dear friend,

Can you believe it? Next week is week 4 already. What happened in between? I don't remember man. I have lost some discipline really. This is a time for some crazy thang and I went walking. I got lost and wound up at Seletar. Almost had to walk on the expressway. Found back some endurance, some stamina, and most of all, found back some sanity.

With whatever was going on and whatever will be coming soon, I really hope that I will improve. I fear that my incompetency will drag some of them down, and then there are some. Inferiority may/will set in and then end up I may just quit. Maybe. I don't know. Experiences mould people. If it moulds me, I hope it moulds you too. Dear friend, do you know what I am talking about? I am not easily beaten and I really hope I can do better but when it comes to other peoples' lives... I don't know, the responsibility is so much bigger.

I guess that is enough ranting for now, will come back soon with some pictures of CNY food HURHURHUR.

新年快樂！My dear friend!

xoxo,

mo