Calling A Truce

Hey all! It's been a while, but I finally found something that I can rant about again :) Just a disclosure statement: this post is long, this post will refer to some of my closest friends that will remain nameless (I love all of you), and this post will offend some people. So, if you are easily offended, please keep your negative comments to yourself because I've had it! I'm calling a truce. I'm not talking about politics, BYU vs. Utah, gay marriage, or anything like that. I'm referring to the new-found subtle warfare going on between LDS women who have served missions and LDS women who haven't served missions. More specifically, the college-aged women.

It's there. It's real. It's getting out of hand-on BOTH sides. And it needs to stop. NOW.

This whole post was inspired by an article I read in the BYU magazine this last week called Some Female Non-RM's Feeling Disadvantaged. Please check it out. It's a fantastic article that really needed to be written. My initial reaction to the title alone was, "Seriously? Why the crap is this even a thing?" I honestly feel really bad for the women featured in the article. I also sympathize on the side of the RM's who have a hard time suppressing 18 months of their lives just to avoid potentially hurting someone's feelings. So, I'm going to try and break a few parts of the article down, attempting to remain unbiased towards both sides:

The first concern brought up was dating life. Ladies, I am, quite obviously, not a man. I cannot say anything that will fix this issue. There are, however, two sides to every coin. It is really sad when a man will not even consider dating a woman solely because she didn't serve a mission. There are so many women that will be fantastic wives and mothers even though they did not serve a mission. Just remember to, please, keep this in mind: we hold men to the exact same standard. Yes, it is their priesthood duty. Yes, they have been asked by the Lord to do it. However, there are many men out there who did not serve missions for various reasons-and they will still be worthy husbands and fathers just as well as any returned missionary would. So take care that we aren't setting a double-standard there.

The next concern is the biggie: non-RM's constantly feeling judged by RM's. I'll vie for the non-RM's first. Ladies: JUST BECAUSE YOU SERVED A MISSION DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANY BETTER THAN ANY OTHER WOMAN IN THE WORLD!!! Period. You're not better. You answered your specific call to serve. It was your personal call to serve. You acted on personal revelation to serve a mission. Many others also received that call and answered it. Even more received a call not to serve, and they obeyed that. You are all equally obedient. As a returned sister missionary you should understand just as well as the next person that the answer is not always, "Yes." Don't ever put someone down because the Lord instructed them not to serve. That shouldn't even be a thing. Just...no.

And now for the non-RM's: these women have just dedicated 18 months of their lives to a mission. THEY ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT! They are going to come home and reminisce with their companions. They are going to share experiences that changed their lives forever. 90% of them are not out to offend you by constantly talking about their missions. Cut them some slack-especially the ones that have only been home a few months. The transition back into normal life is really easy for some people and a personal hell on earth for others. Let them be weird. Kindly ask them to calm it down if they start getting preachy. And for heaven sakes, don't give them the stink eye for asking if you served a mission. I get that it's an annoying question, but put yourself in their shoes; you'd ask the same question.

Next topic for concern: the pressure to serve. This paragraph is dedicated to all women and young women-aged girls alike. The choice to serve is yours, and yours alone. Don't let anyone make it for you. Quick insert: some RM's are going to tell you that it is the best 18 months of their life. This is not pressure; it's statement. Also, there will be some over-eager and/or pushy RM's that will tell you that you, "should do it because it gives you experiences that you will never have otherwise." Please kindly remind them that not serving a mission will not hold you back in any way, shape or form. If you don't like conflict, then just ignore them. I'm not kidding. Ok, to all of of my girls out there who are thinking about serving, here are a few things that you need to know:

• Just because your older siblings served missions does not mean that you are obligated to do so. You may receive a bit of unwanted pressure to serve from your siblings or relatives. This can be hard. Please try to remember that you have no obligation. You are not the same person as your siblings. Be your own self.
• If you are feeling a lot pressure from home, but don't feel like you should serve a mission, find someone that can help you. Your bishop or Young Women's leader are great options. Don't shut your family out, though. Try to express your feelings in a constructive way. Too many young women find themselves forced into serving for fear of their family. Missions are hard enough; the last thing you want is to go when you know you've received an answer to the contrary.
• If you received an impression to go, but are flat-out terrified of serving (or, just don't want to go), seek counsel. Talk to your parents or leaders. Get a blessing. Talk to an RM. I guarantee you that every single one of them was terrified to leave home at one point or another.

Ladies, we are sisters! We are all daughters of our Heavenly Father. We should not be having this tension between us. Please! Let's call a truce.

If you aren't sure what you can do to help all of this simmer down, I've thought of a few things that all of us can do together:

RM's, there is nothing wrong with sharing experiences about your missions. Please be mindful of your wording, though. You should never imply that your experiences have lifted you up to this level that cannot be attained unless you serve a mission. You should also not dwell in the past. You had life-altering experiences in the mission, but don't let your progression end there. Make your next 18 months the best 18 months of your life! While the last thing you want is to slip back into your old habits, you should never give off the "holier than thou" attitude or put others down for their decisions. If you don't like the music/tv show/movie/conversation, POLITELY ask to change it. If that doesn't work, just leave. There is no need to be snobby or use words like, "I don't do that anymore because of my mission," or, "you just don't get it because you never served a mission." After acclimatizing yourself to home life, try to remember that you aren't representing the Lord as a missionary, but as a friend/sister/daughter/or anything else you are. Don't treat your family or the girls you teach or Visit Teach like an investigator that has to keep commitments in order to be baptized. Love them. They are imperfect people-and so are you. And DON'T EVER SAY, "Those of you who have served missions will understand..." You can still have missionary experiences and not have served a mission. You can still have converts without wearing the black tag. Just be careful. Oh! And if you learned a language on your mission, be courteous of the people around you. If you are merely having a conversation that your roommates or friends hear, it's okay. But don't, for the love of all that is good and holy, switch to your mission language to talk about someone or intentionally exclude them. It's rude. Period.

Non-RM's, there is nothing wrong with RM's sharing stories about their missions. You can't expect a person to just never speak about their lives around you. It is a part of who they are. That being said, when an RM makes a comment about how they had an experience that will make them a better wife and mother, this is not implying that you won't be. Please try not to be so touchy. Cut them some slack. Coming out of missionary mode takes time for some people. It can also be a REALLY hard adjustment. As for the language thing: it is annoying when people babble on in a language that you don't understand. Do try to understand though (especially with languages that aren't commonly spoken), if they don't speak it, they lose it. It is a grueling process to learn a language. No one wants to put that much effort into doing something just to lose it within a couple of years. If you are uncomfortable, talk to them.

Ladies. I love you all! Seriously. We are all sisters and should treat each other accordingly. MWAH!

*I did, in fact, serve a mission. I tried my best to get some info from my friends and roommates who didn't serve missions to try to be as unbiased as possible. It's a touchy subject for everyone involved-I get that. Even asking them was kind of awkward, but it can be done. If you feel like I missed something or you want to comment, please be kind and considerate to others. Thanks!

"You really want to be a P.E. teacher?"

So, this will be my first official post since the mission. Things have changed so much since then. If you knew me and my life before the mission, you know that my life is, currently,  going in a very different direction than before. I've decided I would blog about my decisions, because a lot of people seem to scoff at some of them. So, here's the whole story:

When I was 12 years old I decided that I was going to be a nurse. I knew right away that it was exactly what I wanted to do. As I grew up and started high school I began to take classes that would prepare me for my career. I fell in love with Anatomy and Physiology! Science and Math were my best subjects and I did everything to ensure that I could get a scholarship and get into the programs in college. I took a CNA (certified nurses assistant) course my senior year in preparation for nursing school.

When I graduated I applied to 10 different CNA jobs in Utah county-where I would be attending school. I got offered a job the next day and I moved myself to Orem, Utah. I worked for a year there and I enjoyed it-for the most part. I knew that what I was doing would make a difference.

I moved back home after a year and continued to pursue my education in nursing. I found another CNA job in Ogden and stayed there for a year. While working there I applied for the nursing program at the Davis Applied Technology College (DATC) for the second time. The first time I applied I knew that I wouldn't get in, but I knew I would need the re-application points in the future.
I had been considering going on a mission, but it was more an afterthought than anything. I decided that, if I didn't get into the nursing program the second time around, I would submit my mission papers. Well, we all know that God has a sense of humor and He proved it by putting me on the waitlist for the nursing program. I decided to take a leap of faith and submit my mission papers.

I knew that, by going on a mission, it would jeopardize my chances of getting in. However, it felt right. I finished my Associate's degree and all of the classes required to get into the program. All I had to do was apply. I readied all of my necessary paperwork so that my mom could apply for the program for me and I could start as soon as I got home from Sacramento.

While I was in the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo I would have fleeting moments where I would look at where I wanted to go in life-and that didn't include nursing. I would brush those feelings aside every time and continue focusing on the Lord's work. I prayed very often for help not to think about the future.

When I arrived in Sacramento, however, I was still struggling now and again. I was especially bothered by the "Keep the Sabbath Day Holy" lesson. I felt like such a hypocrite when I was telling people to quit working on Sunday so that they could attend church, while simultaneously planning to return home and pursue a career that would force me to work on Sundays. I voiced these concerns to my mission President. He tried to help put my concerns at ease, but the only thing he really told me to do was to stop focusing on home and start focusing on the mission. I was really sad and confused by his counsel because that's exactly what I had been trying so hard to do for the last 4 months. I could get rid of it for a few days, but it would come back anyway.

It went on like this for another couple of months. I would pray to stay focused, forget about it for a  week or two, and then the thoughts would come back. I was starting to get really discouraged.

Then, one day, while I was doing my personal study with my two companions, it happened. I could swear to this day that my companions said it, because I clearly heard a voice say to me, "You will not go into nursing." I turned to my companion and asked, "What did you say." She responded quietly-and a little confused, "I didn't say anything."

That was my answer. What I'd been fighting the previous 6 months had finally struck home. I knew that I couldn't fight it anymore, so I gave in. I was still very confused, though. I'd been studying to be a nurse for 10 years. I had no backups-I'd never thought to have one. I waited a month or so before I told my parents about my decision and they weren't exactly thrilled about it. But, I knew that I received that prompting for a reason.

Fast-forward a year to my decision to attend BYU. I had applied to 2 schools: BYU and Utah State. I prayed long and hard and decided that BYU is where I wanted to finish my schooling (whatever that was supposed to be). I returned home and I still had no idea what I wanted to study. Well, that's a lie. I still wanted to study nursing, but I knew that was out. Without going into much detail, I spent a lot of sleepless hours at night crying and begging my Heavenly Father to let me know what He wanted from me, since my decisions clearly weren't right.

I started school, taking classes that were required in order to graduate from BYU. I felt like I was wandering around aimlessly. I had no major, and no direction. I felt lost-to say the least.

I prayed and studied the scriptures for a long time and counseled with my parents and friends. I was going nowhere. I decided to finally go and talk to a career counselor...BEST DECISION EVER! He helped me to think of things in a different light and he put a lot of things into perspective for me. It's funny because when I was younger I swore that I would never, EVER, become a teacher! Trying to help my brother and sister with their homework was a nightmare for me and it always ended in tears and fighting. I guess it was the subject matter that I really hated. So, after a couple of weeks in the counselor's office and a lot of thought and prayer and reading and temple attendance, I picked Physical Education as my major, with a Spanish Ed and Health Ed minor.

At first, I was really skeptical about telling people what I am studying. Mostly because there was a lot of criticism from people I thought would be supporting me. I heard it all, "You are so smart. Why are you wasting that?" "You aren't going to make very much money." "Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach P.E." "That's...interesting..."But, people are stupid (myself included), so I decided to just ignore them. I now love to tell people what my major is! Yes, I could probably pick any major I wanted and excel in it. No, I probably won't become a millionaire in my lifetime. Yes, it will probably be frustrating and hard to find a job after graduation. Trust me, I'm more than aware of this. But, you know what? I don't care. I'm doing something that I love. So there.

That is it. That is the story. Haters will hate, and I will find out who my friends are. Loves!

¡Adiós!

     Alrighty everyone. This is it! I'm off for a year and a half to serve the good old people of Sacramento! I am so excited to embark on this next adventure and I appreciate all of the love and support that you all have shown me. Mollie is going to be posting my updates on my mission blog, which also contains all of my contact information. Click here to go to the blog. Once again, thank you all for everything! Hasta la vista! :)

Love always, Hermana Freestone

Jake's Soccer Game vs. Bear River

   

   
     Morgan vs. Bear River. Although the game didn't go quite in Morgan's favor, it was still a hard-fought game. Jake scored a couple of times, and I was able to get one of them on film :)

     And now, for Jake's goal (and credit Josh with the assist, of course). It was pretty awesome if I do say so myself :)

Softball: Morgan vs. Northridge

     On the 26th Mollie and the Lady Trojans played against Northridge. Seven full innings were played, and Morgan made a mad dash for comebacks in the last couple of innings, but still fell 15-13. However, it was the most fun game that I have watched the girls play this season, so I wanted to highlight it! Here are a few of the shots that I got that were good:

Addie

Chandler...SAFE!

Paige

     And Mollie actually got to hit this game! She is now playing in center field and she was SO excited that she was able to bat because she has been playing as Flex while Paige hit for her as DP. BTW: she did UH-mazing!!!

     I even got a couple of videos of her batting. She's way better at it than I ever was! :)

Background story: the score was 11-6 in the bottom of the 6th with two outs and a runner on third. Without a score, the game would be over due to the 5 after 6 run rule. This is what happens:

Although she should have been called out on this one, the umpire was blind or something we were able to get a rally going again :)

SO proud of my baby sis!

Swimming, Sunshine, Softball, and St. George

     As per tradition, my mom and I headed south last weekend (13th-16th) for the annual March Warm-Up softball tournament in St. George. Mollie made the softball team this year and got to go with the Varsity team! I was one proud sister :) Mom and I went down a couple of days early and we stayed with some friends that have a house down there. Let me just say that I had a BLAST playing with all of their little munchkins! There was a 6-year old, a 3-year old, a 2-year old, and two little ones that are both 18 months. We had a rockin' good time drawing chalk pictures on the sidewalk, riding bikes/scooters, playing football and tag, and going swimming. Yes-they did wear me out, but I loved it! I also found out that Emily is a Ketchup lover...:)

     Mom and I went to the St. George temple for a session. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty tired (we never slept all that great) and almost fell asleep during the session, but I made it! It was nice to go through with my momma again.

   
     On Friday and Saturday I spent hours in the blazing heat watching Miss Mollie play some killer right field!  They only won one game, but the team got some great experience and bonded as a group! They also went to one of the girls on the team's aunt's house for dinner and some games. Oh boy, did THAT get crazy! I haven't laughed that hard in a while! Well, I got a great tan and got to watch my baby sis play some ball. What better way to spend my weekend?!

My Weekend In Rexburg

   
     On the weekend of the 8th-10th I had the pleasure of driving up to Rexburg, Idaho to stay with my dear sister Micquellyn. It was a long drive, but I was so excited to see my dear sister! The first night we were there, my dear sister and I went to dinner at Applebees and had a great time! It was great to catch up! We enjoyed some yummy dessert at Coldstone and that night we had the opportunity to go and clean the Rexburg temple. It was so awesome! I got to clean the second floor, which is the best floor of the temple :)
     The next day we went into Idaho Falls to go do a session at the temple there. It turned out to be a Spanish session, which was way cool. I had to read the subtitles most of the time, but the Spirit was still there. The coolest part, though, was that we got to do a sealing session afterwards. It was  such a tender moment with my dear sister.

     We did some shopping and got some food, then headed back to Rexburg. We watched a movie called, The Letter Writer. TOTALLY recommend it! Very touching (and it's not a super churchy show, just a feel-good show). Funny part of the night is that we ordered pizza. Well, the fools that were cooking didn't know that we only wanted cheese on one half and didn't put anything on it! For real! It was a half marinara sauce pizza...what the weird???

     On Sunday we went to church and that is the first time I have ever gone to church in a school. All of the meetings were really good, but testimony meeting was super powerful! Got to love the Single's Ward! We called mama Sandey after church for her birthday, and then took a much-needed Sunday nap.

     Well, as all good things do, my amazing weekend had to come to an end. I left Rexburg and my dear sister to make the long trek home. I am so blessed to have been able to visit my sister Micquellyn, and to have had the amazing weekend that I did!