Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Real ME

Wednesday 24th Sept 08 08:00pm

The following report is done by Numerology, this is, a kind of fortune telling calculated by your birth numbers. This following report is a free report @ the website www.123numerology.com Below is my report and you decide if it's accurate or not.

James, your Life Path of 6 ...


You have a deep love and concern for your fellow humans and are at your happiest when you feel yourself to be in the service of others. You are a supportive and self-sacrificing and a friend to all. You intuitively know how to cheer or heal others who are in a crisis. You also have a swift, analytical mind, dexterity and a lot more faith and courage than is often demonstrated by the other numbers. For this reason, many of you end up being doctors, nurses, fire-fighters, policeman, politicians, lawyers, crisis line workers, counselors and any occupation that involves empathy, skill or bravery.

Your life path is often filled with responsibility, but the difference between you and other people is that you are happy to take it on. You are a sympathetic and kind person and skilled in the arts of diplomacy and leadership. Many of you are born with an innate wisdom about what others need to survive and thrive. You easily earn the devotion and respect of others and are destined to become a pillar of your community.

Like most sixes, you probably were some kind of child prodigy in one subject area. You probably seemed to be wise beyond your years and may have accelerated grades or entered university early. Furthering your education is likely to be a theme that is important to you your entire life. This is because your brilliant mind is always looking for ways to enhance the quality of your life.

Another mark of the number 6 child is that he or she tends to connect very well with adults and have full, intelligent conversations even at a very young age.

You often marry early and the cornerstones of your life are family, religion, philanthropy and compassion. Your relationship with your partner is often destined to be a permanent loving one that survives all obstacles. You may also have an extraordinary talent for dealing with children, teens and the elderly.

You have very few flaws, but one of them might be a tendency to meddle in or fix other people's lives. Also your willingness to excel to please high-ups may look like brown nosing to others. As you are often very successful compared to others, you might also experience a lot of jealousy and envy from those who just don't see how good-hearted you really are.

As you are so self-sacrificing you are also in danger of working yourself to the point of exhaustion. One of your life path lessons is to remember to care for yourself as much as you care for others.

Another one of your life challenges is to make sure that you don't take on more than you can chew as this might force you to break promises that you would rather keep. You are a soft touch, so you are also at the risk of being taking advantage by individuals who might see your kindness as the mark of a fool. However your traditional approach to life along with it's ethics and moral values usually serves you well.

Being one of the most domestic numbers, your family and extended family is probably the center of your life. You are very realistic in your approach to money and career and often have the intelligence and foresight to build a small fortune. This financial savvy is good because number six's tend to have large broods or spend many years of their life supporting parents or other relatives.

Your Expression - which describes your potential natural talents and abilities - works out to be a 1


What a '1' Expression Means About You

Now that we've done the calculations, what does this actually mean?


James, your Expression of 1 ...
Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities


You are a doer, not a dreamer. You express yourself through definitive choices and deliberate action. Nothing irritates you more than people who procrastinate, are self-indulgent or spend too much time analyzing a situation before acting.

You are a courageous and natural born leader who is not afraid to makes things happen. The penultimate in self-expression for a number 1 is the outward manifestations of success: rewards, recognition and material abundance! These are the things that define you, not the opinions of other people.

You are naturally aggressive by nature, but a charm and a talent for persuasion temper it. You are an incredible multi-tasker and project manager. For this reason many of you thrive in such positions as producers, leaders, sales executives and administrators.

You retreat from situations where you feel you are not in control and may express resentment of authority or be uncooperative. This is why you need an occupation where you can act on your own without too much restraint from others.

You can be quite blunt in your approach to things to the extent that others can perceive you as being too controlling or heartless. These traits help you make a killing when it comes to business, but your frankness is not often appreciated in personal relationships. One thing that many number ones need to master during their lifetime is the fine art of tact.

You also have a tendency to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about others without fully analyzing the matter first. People are often startled by your tendency to "look before you leap." For this reason, you need a right hand man or woman or some kind of best friend to encourage you to sleep on important matters before you make a split decision.

Your natural physical grace and beauty often has you excelling at dancing and athletics. As you are a very proud number, you are always meticulously groomed and putting your best foot forward in life. People are often very impressed by the consistency of your habits and routines. However sometimes an over preoccupation with fashion or your looks can make you seem shallow to others.

You are very clear and concise with your speech and body language. For this reason you often come across as being very forthright and honest, even if you are not!

In love you tend to be the one to take the lead as you are usually eager to express your feelings so that the matter is taken care of in the future. This is sometimes too pushy to loved ones who may process their feelings at a slower rate than you. You may also have a bad habit of deciding how someone feels before asking them.

When it comes to fashion and style you prefer the simplicity of classic tailoring and traditional styles. However you also love anything that can bear your initials or a signature so many of your items may bear a monogram. You may also express your individuality by adding a personal unique touch to a classic piece of clothing.

Your fondness for things that are one of a kind may also extend to your furniture and heart. You express how proud you are of your achievements by taking good care of your possessions. You also take care of number one by paying careful attention to your physical body and for this reason tend to enjoy good health well into your later years.


Now, Let's Examine Your Soul Urge
(also known as your "Heart's Desire")

We have already done all the mathematics necessary to work out this number. It is simply the total of the top row (the vowels) of your full birth name.

In your case James, this totals 6.


James, your Soul Urge of 6 ...

What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life


Your soul urge is to nurture and take care of others. You love people and believe the greatest expression of your inner divinity is through teaching and guidance. Many of you are very maternal or paternal at an early age and are often regulated, by default to the role of advisor or therapist in your social life.

Unfortunately your willingness to take on other people's burdens threatens your romantic relationships. This is because you are often perceived as a friend or a helper rather than as an object of desire. The result is that many sixes end up with broken hearts simply because others simply could not recognize their empathy as being an expression of love and desire.

Part of your challenge in life is to learn how to make yourself more sexually attractive to others. Often this means learning the brutal rules of the game of love, which in courtship often mean practicing a certain kinds of power plays and being mysterious. The mistake that you often make is letting yourself be too available to the person you are trying to attract. As the object of desire realizes that you are willing to be there for them no matter what, they take it for granted that you will settle for less. It is often a six who will spend a year comforting someone they are attracted to in the hopes the person will recognize their good heart, only to be dismayed when they are thanked for all their kind support and the person moves onto a romance with someone else.

Your candidness and forthright manner is also a drawback romantically as others are turned off by your dogmatic approach. As you tend to discuss everything about yourself with a member of the opposite sex, there is little mysterious or sexy about you. Spilling your guts does not help you professionally either, as it encourages others to steal your ideals. Part of your inner struggle might be fighting your urge to connect so intimately with every single person you meet. One way to combat this is to make an effort to be a little more stand offish and play your cards close to your chest, especially when it comes to romance.

As you are a very sensitive and compassionate person you tend to take things very personally. When others let you down you have a tendency to retreat from society and nurse your wounds. Often when a six decides to play the victim in a relationship he or she is met with very little sympathy or help. This is ironic as sixes are so eager to help others and comfort them when they are down and out. The cosmos presents you with this type of situation so that you are forced to heal yourself with the same type of focus and devotion that you use to heal others.

If you feel yourself succumbing to a tendency to isolate yourself or find yourself succumbing to addiction or depression your best course of action is to forget about yourself entirely and go out and make an effort to help someone less fortunate than you. This teaches you to be helpful to people you are not attracted to as sixes have a way of only making themselves useful to individuals that they find attractive or desire.

The very highest calling of your soul urge number is to renounce sex and relationships altogether and devote your life to a religious or spiritual practice.


Accurate or not?

You Decide.

Blessed Be.

EarlGrey

Monday, July 07, 2008

Say GoodBye

Monday 7th July 08 9:22am (Youth Day)

A good few months has passed since my last posting. Honestly i never thought that i would be updating my blog anytime soon. The blogging feel just seems to have disapeared from my system.

Much has happened in these few months and there are too much to say out here. In life it is very true that through loss, something else is gained. I have recently stepped down from my Aikido post in my CC. I guess it was time to move on after 4 years in that Dojo. In the meantime i will continue my training in the HQ as i have just earned my 1st Kyu grade. It will be such a waste if i were to stop now right?

Volunteering seems to be my calling now. Through volunteering, i found that my life's experiences were actually helpful in helping me connect with the kids. Most of them have issues with their family or personal life. Some of the kids are angry, fustrated, confused. They need someone out there that can understand and guide them along the right path, the less painful path. I hope i am a good enough person to guide them.

Really, i do.

EarlGrey

Monday, March 10, 2008

Reflected Reflections

Monday 10th Feb 2008 8:45am

Over the weekend, i was busy attending the Aikido Shinjukai's 20th Anniversary Celebrations. Well, maybe not attending but rather, volunteering. Throughout the course of the seminar, i made new friends and realised just how much i do not know about Aikido. It was a humbling experience for me and in the course of that understanding, i actually sat down and took stock of what i have lost and gained in my life thus far.

I complain. I whine. Basically behave like a bloody spoilt little brat. All that aside, i have to understand WHY i do all those things.

Was i trying to attract attention? Was i insecure? Was i lonely? Or was i just mentally unsound? I will just go ahead and bite the bullet.

I was ALL of the above. Irregardless of age/maturity or the illusion of such, we have to realise that as humans (flawed with all our imperfections), we have emotions and sometimes the lack of control over our mental capacities. I.e, we still do and act stupid at times.

But the big question remains. WHY?

I have a sister and 2 brothers whom i know will be there for me should i need them. I have my own house and car, money in the bank and basically not much financial debts to worry about. I have friends or the appearance of friends around me. I have a certain status amongst my students in Aikido; they respect me and view me as a good instrutor. The parents are happy with the way i conduct class and most importantly, i have been able to do what i love to do, act on tv.

Now why in the name of all that is holy do i still whine and complain about life? AM I FREAKING CRAZY?!

I realised that it's all because of one word.

EXPECTATIONS.

We all have expectations. We deny it, we refuse to see it. But we all know that it's there.

I expect my siblings to REMEMBER my birthday. I found out recently that one of my siblings "forgot" about my birthday. I was dissapointed. I expect my students to learn and listen attentively when i conduct class. When they deviate from my expectations, i feel annoyed. I expect Jon Lai to return me my money and keep his promises on that issue. I am dissapointed when he did not. I expected him to apologise to me when he took me for granted and made me wait like a fool for something that did not happen in the end. He did not. I expected Issac to prioritise his commitments to return me what he owes me. I felt cheated when i realised he would rather purchase Maroon 5 tickets and new shoes rather then honour his debt to me. I expected JiaQing to appriciate the help i had given him and the care and concern i have showed him. His nonchalant attitude dissapoints me. So many things which i have expectations of. Including on myself. I expected myself to be of good skills with the awarding of my black belt and of training hard the past few years. I realised what a bloody fool i have been. I have been NOTHING in terms of skill and standard to wear the belt. It was a sobering and painful lesson to realise that one has still a long way to go before he/she can even think of him/herself as skilled.

Driving gives me a good apportunity to think and meditate on these few issues. Ironic, considering i HATE driving. LOL

I have to realise that for my siblings, they have their own lives to lead. No one can have a date imprinted in their head FOREVER. Birthday or not, i will still be there the next day, and the day after. This year no "happy birthday", there will still be a next year.

I have to realise that friends do come and go. Jon Lai has a commitment now to his girlfriend and he most definately has other friends outside. He works hard for his income and he will have more pressing issues to take care of. As for taking me for granted, he may have been held back on his apology because of his guilt. One should understand that it's not always easy to apologise to people, especially when they know i can lecture them for hours and hours (Yes, i have THAT much stamina when it comes to lecturing people :P).

Isaac's case is no different. He worked hard for his money. He should have the power to decide what he wants to do with his income. Although it is very dissapointing to realise that people are taking you for granted ("oh, he is ok lar, his debt can hold one... will pay him back one day.... just not today"), I have to remember that i have accepted them as close to me as my flesh and blood brothers. With that acceptence comes acceptence of their goodness and flaws, even if it means the fact that they take me for granted because i was always "just there".

I have alot more to learn in my Aikido. Alot more to keep up with. I will not make the same mistake again.

I am still trying to let go of the pain and dissapointment i have in me now. It is NOT EASY to do at all.

Even if i end up celebrating my coming birthday on the 21st on my own, At least i know that somehow, the people i care about in my life are happy and healthy, and they will remember me in their own way when they are ready and when the time is right.

EarlGrey

Monday, February 11, 2008

Three Treasures

Monday 11th Jan 08 11:50am

It has been long since i last blogged, i know. Truth is, in between work, personal life and friends, blogging seems not to be of such a priority now. Fellow bloggers will be able to understand what i am trying to say. Of course, that's not to say that i am totally not gonna be blogging anytime soon. Just, not as frequent as would have been liked.

Time flies. It is now the year 2008 and even the Chinese New Year has just been celebrated by the majority of Singaporeans. I had a 2 days open house at my Bungalow in Yio Chu Kang and sent out more then 30 invitations. At the end of the day, only a handful showed up. This is perhaps a testament that unless you are able to give big Ang Baos or are very high profile, you usually won't get a good turn out. I would, however like the thank the following people who made the effort to turn up and grace my occassion. I would like you all to know that i am very honoured and thankful of your kind attendence and if i have been less then a good host, i do beg your pardon. They are:

1) Hisham and friend
2) Varian
3) Jovin
4) My brothers Alan and Qin`An
5) Marcus and friend
6) Leong
7) Chua
8) Colin

In an instant, the full Zodiac cycle has come to pass. Now the new 12 year cycle begins. Are you ready for it? Will it be a better 12 years for us? Will we continue to spiral out of control? I guess only time can tell.

Every year i take stock of what i have lost and gained the previous year. This year, i found out i have lost much more then i have gained.

I have lost Zax, the boy that i have really given my love to, albeit one sided. He left me and with that, a part of me that told me that i could never ever trust nor love anyone else anymore. It was a very painful period for me, having to recover from this. I am still nursing the wounds now.

I have gained insight into the concern and love my siblings have for me. We have gotten closer and i feel the bond with them as time passes. They were there for me when even i did not know i needed them. They could tell that i was hurting like mad and would give me the only thing they can to help ease my pain. By being there. There will be times where i would just vent out on them, they understood. When i would be unreasonable to them, they understood. When i would snap at them, they understood. When i just need time alone, They understood. I am grateful that i have them. I love them so very much. Should i pass on before my time, Let this post be a testament of my graditude to them, for the sorry's that were unspoken, for the thank yous that were not shown. You guys are my treasures.

I have lost much financially. Money wasted on gainless pursutes, fueled by the blinded assumtion of effection. Wrong judgement on investment ventures. Misguided trust and impulsive purchases.

I am just lucky i made it out of 2007 with the help of my siblings.

For all the sorries that were not said,
For all the Thank Yous that were not given,
You Understood.

For all the vents you had to take,
For all the promises broken,
You Understood.

For all the tears you had to shed,
For all the pain you had to bear,
You Understood.

You held my hand when i was about to fall,
You lifted my soul when it could not hold,
I could never have made it without you.

You are the piece that makes me live,
The part that makes me see.
You are the one that i could never make up to.

Let it be known this moment on,
From words not said or shown
I Understand that you Understood.



My friends, my siblings, thank yous can only mean something if it comes from somewhere other then the vocal cords. Where it comes from will be up to the individual giving it to decide for him/herself.

Mine came from the heart.

Would you recieve?

Happy New Year.

EarlGrey

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Pictures







Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Everything

Wednesday 28th NOV 07 11:40am

I have decided to reopen my blog for the mass public because i'm really tired. Tired of having to lock my blog to protect myself or the people around me from unneccessary attacks from strangers. It's also easier on me cause i won't have to keep adding permissions to my blog.

Lots of things have happened as usual, i was just too lazy to update my blog. And i'm not shy to admit that. A major thing that happened is that i have really come to realise that i can not afford to be so kind hearted and giving anymore.

What makes this lesson hardest to learn is that it came from someone whom i had HOPED would be different then the rest. I was so horribly wrong.

We humans are just like that. We take things for granted when it comes easily for us. I lent my laptop to Isaac and only on my insistance did he return it back to me. And don't get me started on the money he owes me till NOW. He always acts on the "dun ask, dun say" attitude. But he can change to a better phone, go out with friends, buy things for himself etc etc. It's always HIM first. I always wonder if he actually treats me with respect or not. Jon Lai, on the other hand, took my kindness way overboard. My good friend Jovin rightly described him as one boy who has the best of both worlds. He would spend on his Girlfriend and when he runs out of cash and things to do, he will turn to his "boyfriend" because then he can get free fun. Worse, he is not even apologetic about it. To him, everything is "ok lar, chill man" This is an attitude i totally hate to the core. It's bloody insulting to me and stinks of total disrespect. He even has the cheak to go to my freezer and help himself to my ice-cream without first asking me. They have all grown to be too daring, and forgetting where they stand.

I love them, i really do. But it's getting more and more difficult to care for them as the days goes by.

I think i have failed totally as their friend and mentor. At the end of the day, i was only an ATM and helpline to them. Nothing more then that.

There is too much to write and too little time to do it. So i'll just put it down in a few sentences.

1) I am starting on a new hobby of Artistic Photography. Anyone wanna be my model? You will be paid of course.

2) My Aikido skills are slacking.... i need to improve fast if i am ever gonna be able to grade this DEC.

3) I have recently been promoted to Grade B Artiste with Media-Corp. Hopefully will get to see me more often on screen.

4) Should i get a Nintendo Wii or PS3?? Haiz.......

EarlGrey

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Silent Majority Vs Vocal Minority

Friday 26th OCT 07 09:40am

After reading the papers these couple of days, i come to realise a very disturbing fact of life. But i will come to that later. As you might have guessed by my opening topic, this post will deal with Section 377A. Yes, the dreaded bone of contention from both sides of life.

Now, before i go deeper into this, i would just like to point out that our government has ALREADY decided that the code will remain STATUS QUO. So, really, what makes people think an online petition will change ANYTHING?

But then i digress.

On to my take on this issue. It's interesting that in the wake of the online petition to repeal Section 377A, another group has come out to KEEP the said code. What is more of an eyebrow raiser to me is the moniker that they have labeled themselves. The Silent MAJORITY. To me, this sentence itself has this message: "You little people better know where you stand. Just because we keep quiet dosen't mean you get to make noise".

Unfortunately, this is a sad but very real truth. Homosexual people of both sexes ARE, in every sense, the minority.

But the issue of Section 377A now has done more harm then good to Gays and Lesbians. Now that the government has made it clear that this particular Penal Code will stay, the after effect is already beginning to make itself felt.

Jubilant straight people have been using this "victory" to further condem the lifestyle of the homosexuals with this message: "See!! even the government also feel you people are not worth their effort. You people are still the garbage of the human species"

Yes, it is true that with a gay relationship comes gay sex, which is not readily acceptable by both the laymen on the streets and the religious sector.

Yes, it is also true that there are alot of black sheep out there, those preying on young boys, such as the most recent case of the englishman peadophile who has since been arrested.

However, having said that, we also have to be mindful and fair that these blacksheeps are around on both sides of the fence. There are men whom prey on little girls too, such as the recent murder case of Nurin where she was raped and then killed. Does this make it "better" in the sense that the killer was "at least, straight"?

To me, there is no logical reason to keep 377A in the penal code. The reason is simple. The government has said that they will not "effectively enforce" this code, as long as the act itself is done within closed doors. If it will not be used, then why keep it? It's akin to buying a gun and just leaving it on the shelf unloaded. What is the rational in that?

On the other hand, Why lobby so hard for it to be retained? Does retaining 377A make the gays and lesbians go away? Does repealing 377A makes people TURN gay? Right now, as it is, with 377A around, gay pubs and gays are still walking around, partying as usual in their own circle. They are most definately having sex with each other in their own rooms. What are we really afraid of?

Maybe the straight people are just afraid of what the repealing of 377A signifies.

That gays are now accepted as any other human beings, and that it's no crime for same sex relationships.

So what they say is true after all. Gays and Lesbains are merely TOLERATED. Not ACCEPTED. Even in this time and age.

Now that the whole issue is over and done with, the silent war has thus begun.

And i have felt it personally. I have been forced to change the address of my blog as people (and might i add, cowardly people) have been vandalising my tagboard with senseless attacks and remarks (you can see it for yourself on my tagboard). Life as a homosexual is already hard enough as it is, Now, the whole 377A issue has only made life alot harder for people like me.

Even on a personal note, i have lost many friends in a span of a few days. Bryan, Leslie, Yaorong, Joe, Jensen, Glen, Junxian, Weekiat, JiaQinq, Vincent. People whom i have helped and given alot to. They took, and they enjoyed. Then they decided that they have taken enough, and they just walk away as if there was nothing happening at all. How many more will i lose? 10? 20? 50?

At the end of the day, it really dosen't matter how much you do, how respectable your profession is, how good you are to people. As long as you are Gay/Lesbian, you are the most vile and horrible creature on the face of the earth.

And there will be no acceptence and redemption for you.

EarlGrey