I hesitate to write today, but I think it might be liberating to say some of the things that have been trapped in my head. April 1st I learned of my sister's death. The news came as a shock. I will admit that my relationship with my sister was sometimes difficult. I was sometimes jealous of women who had sisters who were their best friends. But now that she is actually gone, I realize how sad I am. I have a lot of guilt and I feel in many ways that I let her down. That train of thought doesn't help anyone today. Not her, not me. But it's very difficult to let it go. All I can do is be thankful that in the last year or so we did spend some good time together. We enjoyed each other more than we had in a very long time. And she had begun to build a relationship with my children. I'm thankful for that. I have many questions and no answers. All I do know is that life is fragile and we really truly cannot afford to waste time or hold a grudge or be unkind. I tell myself all the time that I will never regret doing a kind thing, but I may always regret missing an opportunity or doing something hurtful. And a day like today reminds me that I am sometimes pretty smart :) because I do regret all the missed chances I had. And regret is not only uncomfortable, but it can be unbelievably painful.

Valentine's day--may be too personal. :) Feel free to skip this one.

Since Valentine's day is fast approaching, I thought this might be a good time to express my love for my wonderful family. This may get a little sappy, but I would never want these people to wonder if I love them.

I was raised by parents who love me unconditionally. They taught me and gave me direction. When I disappointed them, they forgave me. When I succeeded, they celebrated. When I felt unsure, they were my cheering section. And their prayers were, and still are, constant and sustaining. I cannot express my gratitude in a way that even begins to show how I feel. I love them.

I'm married to an amazing man. We didn't love each other from the moment we met, but it didn't take long for me to recognize Mark's amazing heart. I don't take for granted the fact that I have someone to share my life with who I can love and trust and depend on. He is generous and wise. I admire and respect him. I hope that I tell him often enough how much I appreciate him. And I hope that I express through kindness and service how much I love him because I know how I feel, but he needs to know too and words sometimes don't seem adequate.

My life is full and my heart is too because of my children. I am so blessed to be their mom. There are a million things that I wish that I could teach them. I wish that I could take all the pain they will experience in life and protect them from it. I wish that they wouldn't have to feel sorrow or lonliness or fear. I wish that I could make them happy and secure. Unfortunately, that just isn't the way it works. I will do my best and I will try to be what they need me to be, but I will probably fall short. So I look back to my own parents' example hoping to find an answer. I guess the best thing I can do is pray for them. I hope the knowledge that I am pleading with the Lord in their behalf will give them courage and hope when they need it most. I want them to know that I love them more than they imagine.

I also am blessed with great siblings and a very large extended family of cousins, in-laws, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends. They are all dear to me and I count myself seriously lucky.

I wish that I could see all of the people that I love this Valentine's day. That would be one great party!

Where did January go?

Or December? Or November? How is it possible to have a quarter of a year slip by like that? It's not that I didn't realize it was happening. I just was absolutely powerless to slow things down a bit. November was busy, but we enjoyed a quiet Thanksgiving. My sister Dawn came down from Salt Lake. We loved having her and her dog Ali. In fact, that weekend may have sealed our fate. The kids became even more determined to talk us into getting a dog. December was full of holiday activities and preparations. Christmas and New Year's Day came and went. Our new dog Tuxedo came and stayed. He's cute and I'm happy that he's here, but I didn't fully understand how much like a new baby he would be. The crying and wanting to be held. The potty training (remember how I just got Max trained) and waking up at night. Luckily we're over the worst I think. Tux seems to be very smart and fits right into the family. We stayed right here in Fruita for the holidays and it was great. We didn't travel this year and it was a nice break. Especially since we had a very snowy year, making travel conditions bad a lot of the time.







We had a couple of birthdays. Max turned four on December 9th and Emily turned 11 on January 28th. My kids keep growing up whether I like it or not. The good news is that I like it. I've decided that I enjoy each stage my kids are in. I hate to see them grow up, but I love to see them becoming them. They are interesting people and I'm so thankful that I'm a part of their lives!