Day 109 - Revive after a long break

How long since I last visited here... So many thing that I have been through... So many things I wish that I can get over, forget, bury, definitely eliminate...

It's quite impossible to find another, a special someone who could keep my fire burning, everlasting flame that overcome everything! Someone that I know will always be there for me, making me not afraid to do even the most crazy things out there! Someone who can brighten my life with just any simple little things that she shows, be it a smile, a call, even a simple message could get me to the top of the world!

"Motivation is what I Need, but it's long Gone! Have to look for Something to replace which is Utterly impossible... Not that easily replaced..."

Day 108 - I am sure, it's you...

The person who made me changed, who made me grow, who make me different, who make me feel, who is only able to keep me in my place... Is you...

People might say that I am an idiot, still loving you, not giving up... But... WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO?! I CAN'T JUST STOP MYSELF FROM LOVING YOU! IT DON'T JUST HAPPEN OVERNIGHT YOU KNOW!

I know, showing emotions out is not myself... I really just cannot contain it inside anymore! I am not ready to share it out, not yet... I know the time will come, one day before I graduate... Yes, you are not free... I know that, I am just asking for 1 day, JUST 1 DAY... Where we can both sit somewhere, especially the clubroom, where no one will disturb us... I am going to pour everything out, whether you like it or not... I just hope that, you won't have a negative view of me after that... But I am ready to lose someone after this meeting already... I am ready to move on... After this moment of truth... This is where I will drop all my loads and move on freely, happily and definitely... Not regretting what I have done.

Before I forget... This afternoon, I am not angry JUST because of her SMS... It's merely a part of the reason... I doubt it's worth any attention to it... I am just... feeling FUCKED UP during the whole day... I don't think I can take it anymore seeing both of you... Forget it... I know I am suppose to be happy for you... But yet, I won't be able to cheat myself anymore... I AM ANGRY BECAUSE I CAN'T EXPRESS WHAT I FEEL! I CAN'T TELL THE GIRL THAT I LOVE "I LOVE YOU" I CAN'T GET MY FEELING ACROSS TO YOU! THIS IS WHAT I AM ANGRY OF... YES BECAUSE OF YOU...

Day 107 - First Step

Today marks a new Wimbledon champion and the WORLD NUMBER 1 TENNIS PLAYER! NOVAK NOLE DJOKOVIC! It's about time, since 2008, he had fought hard, growing into a wonderful player especially in 2010! He is what I want to become, never give up, ever improving, rising from a fall after being ended his streak of 41 wins! NOW BACK WITH MORE POWER AND SKILLS!

Time for me to take my first step too! Starting from today, I had planned for my journey, wanting to let loose the champion hidden in me! My first step, will be rising from a great fall! I will be like him, back with much more than I used to be!

Day 106 - What a Day...

Firstly... I messed up my driving lesson timing... Suppose to start at 10... I reach around 1050... Paid half price for nothing... Screw it...

Secondly... Forgotten to bring my notes for my senior... Screw this shit...

Then, something good happened! (That's what I thought at first...) This girl, Jing Ru, I just know her for 1 day, never seen her before, all I know that she is year 1, in Mechatronics, EEE, small size, friendly girl. She wanted to join SPTC, so yeah... I introduce about my CCA, and I did flirt a little...

But she kept the message coming... From 11:40 till 10:49... Now she kept asking about my personal life... Half way, I thought... "Wow, she is really that friendly!" But now I freaked out... She is too friendly... Is there anyone in the world who will ask about all this... You just known me for 2 days... You haven't seen me... You don't know me... Please don't act like this... I am not as extrovert as you expect I would be... I don't open myself to strangers... Don't even try to force me open... You will just freak me out... =(

Anyway... I will be meeting you on Wednesday... Hope you would just be as friendly as you are now... Otherwise I will seriously freak out... Seriously... I hate fake people... To the max... Please give me a chance to accept you into my life as a friend... Not as someone who I will shunt... You are not yet a friend... Don't act as if you are family with me! There is really a line between us and yes don't cross it just yet... Only people special to me are able to be accepted into my life as a family, they are just that important to me... Please... Don't rush it... I barely know you...

Day 105 - Ideal Lover~

I totally got no idea why... But I was thinking of this song, just the tune, especially the starting! Without knowing the name of the song... I actually found it! On the first try! This is really a special song~ Although it's too late... It still... Sing out my feelings...

I feel as if I am destroying myself every time I am at home... No one to talk to... Just look through, the torture and pain came... But really... What can I do? It's all too late...

I am lost... Totally unable to react... Unable to speak... Unable to be that "Jason" you always knew... You just... seems so far away... Only hiding behind my keyboard where I can truly express myself... I can't even look you in the eyes... Can't even say a simple "Hi"... I know I am really acting strangely whenever you are around... But... Please... Don't ask me what's happening... I won't tell you... Ever... I just feels that everything else will change for the worst if I speak...

I hope I can really get over with this... This suffering... Which had been clinging me ever since February... It has always been there... Just a degree of pain I am being inflicted... Distraction works... Only temporary... Unable to get a solution... This is what I hate...

Day 104 - Meet you there~

"I will meet you there... No matter where life takes me to... I will meet you there... And even if I meet you here... I will meet you there..."

I don't really understand this, but I can really feel the power in these words.

Driving was really fun today! Able to hit rev 4 today! Only gear 2 though... But still! Able to hit the roads! FUN MAX! Still have problems with the biting point... Is there a way to start the car without slowly releasing the clutch? I want to rev it fast =P

Hope tomorrow will be better! TIME TO REV IT UP!

Haiz... Must you really ask me "What happen to you?"... Don't you already realise you are the my one and only problem?

Day 103 - Dreams... will remain unreal~

Ever thought of living what you dreamt in the reality? Chaos will occur... I hope dreams are just by luck... Not a projection of what is really deep down in you... Otherwise... I am really... Hopeless...

Great to see myself aching today, I thought I had already reached the peak! It seems that I can continue to grow! Great! It's the 3rd day, keep going! Tennis today, hope to throw in a simple gym sessions (which most likely won't happen) today!

Hope that I can cover most of what I really want to say during meeting today!

I see a great leader in everyone today! Keep it up! I am putting my bet in you guys to bring this club to where I wanted, I won't be able to achieve it at my time... I am entrusting the duty to all of you!

Went to NEX with my Sis and MinMin! For you info... MinMin is my neighbour, cute 7 year old girl! Hyper active LOL! Very very cute~ We went walking around NEX and the night market. Short but super fun! How I wish I had a little sister like her!