"i'm five years too old to lie to myself and call it honor."

i didn't know The Great Gatsby had a plot. at least the plot was NOT the emphasis in my English class almost ten years ago. my teacher had me so focused on the tone of the words, on the metaphors, and the elusive nature of the characters that i plumb forgot there was supposed to be a storyline.

"there is no confusion like the confusion of a simple mind."

this time 'round, i was positively engrossed in the story and madly in love with the language. perhaps it was the training my teacher gave me, or maybe it was because i'm now ten years older that these things had significance this time around.

(as some of you know from a previous post, cath committed me to read The Great Gatsby again. which reminds me, cath, i have your copy at my house in Salt Lake.)

really, everyone should read this book again if they read it as a teenager. i knew nothing concerning the dimensions of life and love when i first read it. i hardly know anything now. but, i can say that i recognize a far greater and far more complicated world than i did when i was in high school.

"tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther . . . And one fine morning ----"

i didn't understand daisy my first time through. by now, i've met people like daisy - charming, mysterious, unsure, and yet they still thrive. and how could she say that she loved gatsby AND loved tom? why wasn't it as simple as gatsby getting daisy and happily ever after? how can someone love two people at once - and still not be sure who she truly loves? this was my simple teenage perspective. now i can see that the human heart doesn't always know what it wants and what it feels and what it felt in the past. it doesn't always work in absolutes. it rarely, if ever, works in absolutes.

"so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

i need to find another book that keeps me so engaged. i keep trying to get into the list of classics knowing that it will mold me into a better reader and prepare me for things that i really want to read. i brought Plato's Republic and Austen's Emma with me to AZ. sigh. i'm afraid I will be bored by these selections - although, that could be my teenage mind talking again. i brought them as my healthy vegetable reading selections to balance out any candy media i may consume. i'd much rather read sensational things these days - like the things that modernists and post-modernists write about. i started Emma, though, and it seems like it is gonna be a good read. it's embarrassing that a girl my age hasn't even read such an Austen classic, so that should be incentive enough to pick it up.

if anyone has suggestions of sensational reading even, and maybe especially, if it's your own writing, send it my way.

Gwendolen: "I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train." The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde

June

"feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do." -2 Ne. 32:3

i may be superficial

so, AZ is great. i am staying with my sister-in-law's parents and it is just fabulous. "so you think you can dance" has begun and this has become one of the most prominent conversation points amongst my friend network. it's that time of year again!

i'm an intern at the County Superior Court, and i've been working in criminal court the past week. what a world. the company you're with all day consists of court personnel, attorneys, judicial officers and criminals. let's just say, conversations are rather interesting.

there are only two things so far that keep my heart partial to Utah: 1) the zumba class at the Gold's gym here was... well, in the words of my brother, "zumba? was it more like dumb-a?" that may be harsh, but it was just, well. my provo instructor has set such a high standard. 2) the NPR broadcasting station (KJZZ) here plays smooth new-age jazz in between segments. ugh. i love jazz; i do not love new-age smooth jazz. and, there is a difference. my heart still belongs to KUER. even though one of the local Salt Lake talk shows can't get past an obsession with shows about Mormons and homosexuals, the station at least has cool music in between segments.

and since i'm still on the topic of media, i encountered the most, well, what word? the most disconcerting/laughable/absurd show today. i was watching CNN and flipped down the channel during commercial. and what did i see? a show called, no joke, paris hilton's new BFF. i know i'm probably a little late on realizing there was such a reality show (i don't watch MTV), but i guess that there are contestants on the show actually TRYING to BE paris hilton's new BFF. and paris hilton is actually hosting a show to GET a BFF. i. have. no. words. no words for this ridiculous superficiality. seriously, i was laughing out loud (or like, i was totally "lol-ing!"). hopefully no one has REALLY watched this show. but, honestly, it was like watching an SNL spoof on reality shows that includes so much hyperbole that it can't possibly be real and yet - this show was trying to be serious! wow. wow. i cannot even begin to describe.

okay, i sound like major nerd and major complainer - so i will just say that i love it down here. i'm babysitting my niece tonight - she is soooooo dang cute - and when you have a pool just outside the back door on a hot Phoenix day, not even paris hilton's BFF could complain.