"The Lord’s
tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord
Jesus Christ."
~Elder David A. Bednar
It has taken me a long time to get around to writing this post. There have been so many different emotions surrounding it that I have not been able to wrap my head completely around them. It may be a bit of a scattered post, and if it is, please forgive me.
The day after my birthday was a great one. It was a Thursday. Work went well, and Travis was coming home that night after a week in Chicago for work. Shelby had band practice because the opening game of the football season was the next day. Abby and Emily had ridden the bus to me at my school, and we were on our way to piano and then on to various other activities before stopping for pizza (a real treat these days!) for dinner.
In a moment all those plans changed.
As we headed north on the road from the school, Abby, Emily and I were talking about our day just as we did every day. I got to the traffic light which was green and went to turn left onto the bypass to head to piano. For a split second as I was crossing the first part of the intersection, I caught sight of a car out my driver's side window. I don't even think it really registered until the crash was over.
We had been t-boned right on the drivers side door from a car (actually, a small SUV) that was headed east on the bypass. The speed limit on that road is 55, and when we went back the next day we could find no trace of skid marks or anything to suggest that the brakes were hit. Obviously it was quite a jolt.
Once our van stopped moving sideways, I was able to compose myself enough to make sure the girls weren't hurt. I was able to reach into my purse and pull out my phone to dial 911. I'm sure it was a tough call for the dispatcher to make out over the girls' screams.
Through such a terrifying experience, though, I am more aware than ever of the Lord and His tender mercies.
First, Emily ALWAYS sits right behind me when we are in the car. That's where her car seat sat when she was a baby and even now that is "her spot." That day, though, she sat behind Abby on the passenger side. She still can't say why she did, but I know that was a blessing from God!
Next, since the accident happened so near the school, so many people the girls and I know were there immediately. They helped to comfort the girls as I was being treated and pried out of the car. They got our things from the car and took them for us until we were able to get them later. A friend at the school who was there and is also a member of the church was able to call my parents for me. They actually made it to the accident scene just as we were leaving in the ambulance and were able to meet us at the ER as we were being unloaded. This same friend was also able to pick up Shelby from the high school and get her to me in the ER. Such an amazing support system moments after the crash was another blessing from a loving Father.
My parents being able to be with the girls in a different part of the hospital was yet another blessing. I honestly don't know what we would have done without them. While I was being checked out and taken for CT scans, my parents were able to be with Abby and Emily as they were treated in the ER's "quick care" department. It is so amazing to me that they both escaped relatively unscathed. Abby had an abrasion on her neck and Emily had a bruise on her hip--both from the seat belt doing it's job! More of the effects they suffered were emotional, but I'll get to that in a minute.
After several hours in the ER, the CT scans came back clean. What a blessing! I'm pretty sure my head hit the side window fairly hard, and my chest was sore from the seat belt. My neck and left shoulder caught the brunt of things, though. I was definitely sore and banged up (and the morphine drip was making me loopy) but we all made it out okay. When we got to the waiting room, Travis' 1st counselor in the bishopric was there along with the High Priest Group Leader and his wife. When we made it to my parents car (a long, slow walk) I was able to have a priesthood blessing given to me. What a comfort that was!
I should say a word about Travis...when all this happened he was in Chicago getting ready to come home. My mom thought it would be best if he didn't know what was happening (especially since we weren't even sure at that time). However, he called right when he got to the airport to tell me he was on his way. Since mom answered my phone and had to tell him he couldn't talk to me, she had to tell him what had happened. I cannot even imagine how he must have felt. He managed to get an earlier flight for the first leg, but there was nothing earlier getting him into Tallahassee. It was after one in the morning when he finally made it home, and I was so thankful and happy to see him!
The next day was when the pain--soreness and stiffness--really started to settle in. It was also the day to begin the insurance headache process. There were many hours spent on the phone that day. Mom took me to see the van and that is when I took these pictures. It's still hard for me to comprehend even when I look at them.
That day is also the day that the guilt really began to set in. Why hadn't I gone the other way to piano? Even though my light was green and I saw other cars stopped at their red light, why didn't I stop to look before going through the intersection? With everything we've been through this past year, how would we get through this? Was our van going to be able to be fixed? (Looking at the pictures now, I think "what was I thinking?!?...that car can't possibly be fixed," but at the time I think that was too much for me to process.) How long would it take till I was healed? I also felt such guilt at missing Shelby's first high school football game with the band that Friday night. I would miss her on the field dancing and twirling with the Dazzlers, but I knew there was no way I'd be able to handle those bleachers or the crowd. Guilt...all around me. But I know who wants us to feel that guilt and have it weigh us down, and I am so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven and loving friends and family around who helped to buoy me up and help me get back to seeing all the blessings in this experience.
Even though I was still in a lot of pain (physical and emotional) I was able to go back to work on Monday. That's when I got the call that the van was definitely "totaled." This van was almost 10 years old and had seen us through many wonderful times as a family. I know it sounds silly to say about a "thing," but I really felt like this car was a part of our family. We got it when Emily was just a few months old. We bought it new, paid it off, and had tried to take really good care of it over the years. Obviously, being as old as it was, it was much more valuable to us that it looked on paper to the insurance company. Once we learned it was totaled, we began to look for a replacement. In today's market, though, finding a good affordable used car can be a challenge. We should have had more faith.
By the next Saturday we had a new van. It is actually a year newer than our old one, and while I really loved the gray, the new gold one is growing on me. A family had traded it in the weekend after our accident. We had seen it that Monday online, but the price was high, and we knew we wouldn't be able to afford payments. We needed to figure out what the insurance company of the lady who ran the red light was offering and then go from there. (Side note...with all of the cheap insurance out there, another blessing was that the lady who ran the red light had a well known, nationwide insurer, so they were able to get a check to us for the van relatively quickly.) The offer, of course, was low. A friend of ours who is a lawyer helped us compose a counter offer letter and it helped--another blessing! Meanwhile the van that had been traded in came down in price so much that week that (with the increased insurance offer) we were able to get it. The final price of the van and our settlement check for the van were mere dollars apart. I have no doubt that was yet another tender mercy shown to our family!
Here it is after the entire family (mom and dad included) spent Saturday afternoon detailing it...
We are still dealing with some of the after effects of the crash. I ended up needing an MRI, and was in physical therapy for a little over a month. I am feeling much better now--I'd say 90-95%--but the bills have started rolling in, and since we had no health insurance at the time (it kicked in a week later), I am only hoping that the "settlement" part will be enough to cover all the medical bills. From what we have already experienced, though, I know the Lord will provide a way.
Abby and Emily had a hard time for a while. They both suffered from nightmares and "flashbacks" to the accident. Abby also suffered from her own guilt. That afternoon she had begged to have a friend over that weekend, and we hung around the school a few minutes discussing that. She feels like if we would have left right away, the wreck wouldn't have happened. I know how guilt works, and we have tried to help her see that that was not the case at all. We were able to take them to meet with a psychologist who is also a member of the church. He was so wonderful with them, and helped put a gospel perspective on things--like reminding them to look at all the ways out Heavenly Father had blessed us. They are both doing great now, and we pray it continues!
Abby had a really hard time when she found out we weren't going to be able to get our van back. She is like her mom in that she is a creature of habit and doesn't always deal so well with change. We have a little "Princess Minnie" that has been our our van's antenna for years. We took it off the old van and let Abby be the one to "christen" the new van with it. I think that helped.
I know the Lord is with us, and I am so grateful for the blessing of His presence in my life and in the lives of those I love most.
Although I would not have wished or wanted this to happen, I am thankful for the many tender mercies extended to my family, both from my Heavenly Father and from people around us.
"The Lord’s tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings."
~Elder David A. Bednar
