Sorry for those people who don't like vulgarities, short forms and Singlish, but the following post might be filled with it. So, you might consider not reading it.

WTF? tink u r e oni 1 tt gt temper? sori but no hor, i oso gt temper, & it can b worse den urs. Dun keep using me as ur chu qi tong, i am a human wif feelings hor. %&$*%&#%#%, u scold oso scold 4 e rite reason den i accept wad, scold me coz my bro bag...wad does tt gt 2 do wif me? u ki siao liao ar? and he oso another 1, tok 2 him lyk toking 2 wall lyk tt, shout den he buay song, scold me bak. ta ma de lar, i smaller den can bully lar? i youngest+girl den can scold lar? best is he cant come bak everyday. he come bak i alr buay song, watch tv until i cant sleep, den complain i sleep too early, he can go die man. i wan sleep, he dun wan, den off e light keep toking. i gt studies leh...he army he wan kana scolding his problem, but i wan to listen in class lor. if not ltr kana scolding frm tchers. e whole family damn guai lan leh. he wan sleep den i studying, scold me for studying inside/using e com/not offing e light, den when i wan sleep he watching/playing, scold me 4 sleeping so early. KNS la u ppl, i gt no rite is it? i gt no say is it? ta ma de la, u biased freaks. scold scold scold, i correct u scold me, i wrong u oso scold me. den insist tt u tok not scold, ur fucking attitude alr tells me le lar. still say dun haf, one day i leave home i c u can scold hu. u wun scold him de lor, everyting oso target me. WTF u ppl. damn pissed now.

All right, finished scolding, feeling better now. Don't ask me what is this all about, I will never tell. And guess what, I finished my testimonial! This is certain worth a cheer. (:

Gosh! I just realise that I sent to the wrong email? Yet the teacher claim that he did receive it? Now I'm confused. o.O? Now changed it, will ask him on this coming Monday, then shall see how it goes. No choice already, likely I got save the stupid recording in my computer. This is really 'amusing'. I think I will really go mad soon. This is so horrifying! And I will start running away from my teacher every time I see him from now on. Now, I have to start increasing my handwriting size.

I shall have to borrow 'The Good Guy' again(third time)! Thanks to the due date. Can't renew, so have to borrow. This is super irritating. And I still can't feel the study stress! This is super bad! =X

Gosh, I am really broke, and the best part is I still got so much things to buy! Got to rearrange my list, and pull out all those needs and set aside all those wants. This is bad! And I think I better start collecting my money back from people. >=l This is so irritating. Plus plus, still got presents to buy! And father day's coming. =X Any kind soul would like to donate to me? xD I am broke.

Structured lesson is not good. Tend to relax during the lesson. Still got a testimonial to rush! And how to inform Jiun Jia? Argh! This is bad. And I am kind of happy and sad, English improving, while all other subjects are going down. How to maintain both at a go? >=l Fed up. And I got violent objections to extra Mathematic lessons! =D Its already an everyday subject! Objection!

Think I am getting better in faking out my smile nowadays. Can smile and laugh immediately after receiving a bad result, and it seem so real. Ha, now you guys won't know when I am sad or what. Or maybe I am starting to move on with my life? xD

&just one last time, I want to see your smile. (: &i promise, i will forget you completely. (:

Today is a retarded day. Waited for a freaking bus for half an hour? Caused me to be late for school. Likely got no detention. And had two lessons only, since Mrs Wang was not in school. I will not have any POA lesson throughout the holidays! Yippee! (: But, had to rush the Chemistry practical worksheet. Later on in the day, went to Jurong Point. Ate lunch at 11 plus or maybe 12. Was freaking early. Then went to arcade to play. I went broke again. xD They came to my house, and we played cards. Sara and Beatrice were hilarious. Or rather, we played until very retarded.

I want to buy phone! W350i is out! AND I WANT TO FREAKING BUY IT! But, not allowed. I am really angry. The stupid phone keep spoil spoil spoil, then I fed up then bring to service. Can't I buy a phone? Its like $289? Think I can afford it, but stupid parents, say no. Unfair. If you guys buy a phone for brother, I will really tear the house down I tell you man. His phone is in perfect working condition, maybe not perfect, but there's no freaking problem with his phone! AND YOU PEOPLE SAY WANT TO BUY A PHONE FOR HIM! UNFAIR, BIASED PEOPLE. Fed up, whats more, is I buy with my own money, not with yours! Fed up. Fine, say next year when plan's up then can buy right? I will definitely buy one that I like(regardless of the price), and then you got nothing to say since its MY money that I will be spending to buy. Screw up life. >=l

I think I am really going crazy soon. I can't seem to study! I don't have the mood to do the Mathematics Homework. Gosh, this sucks.

Today is a horrible day! Had English oral early oral in the morning! But, when I guessed out the main theme, its too late! I got no more time to plan. But, at least I wasn't asked a lot of questions. Still, I am too nervous thats for sure, since tongue tied is a BIG bad thing to do. >.<

Later on in the day, Beatrice and I went to Suntec to send my phone for service. Gosh, its the closest place from my house you know? Still, its far! The person did somethings very stupid on the paper, but at least he noticed it before I signed. >=l Still, I don't like it. The other phone is horrible! So used my old phone, which I gave to my mum. And there's a downpour when we reached City Hall! And I missed my phone now! ='/

And thinking of my results for the mock/mid-year exam, my grades/marks dropped. POA from 90 plus drop to 75, Chemistry and Chinese from A1 to B3,Physics don't remember my previous grade but I dropped to a B3 as well, E Maths also from 90 plus to 80 plus, A Maths from A1 to A2, Humanities from a pass to a fail, and the only unknown is English. This is horrible! =X I want to cry but no tears. xD All right, I'm being silly.

And am I bound to stay like this for the whole year?

Gosh, today is super tiring! I want to sleep but can't. Super sad all right? Bringing my phone to be repaired tomorrow i think. I think I will really go mad. Either way, I feel so damn funny when we won first? Its so funny, its like we all go mad, then starting very fast then slowly as the race progress, we slowed down our speed. Still can win? I can't believe it. I want to buck up on my theory! I am more keen to win the National Accounting Quiz you know. (: I think I will help teacher when she really organise one. (: Its so cool! I got three goody bags people! (: Food! xD

Feeling real sick now, but still won't see a doctor. Its too expensive! xD But thanks for concerning about me. (: I think I prefer to faint in school. xD

Now is after Chinese 'O' level, and I think I will die soon. The paper was horrible, maybe I didn't prepare enough? But I really really did study people. I spent two days to study, despite having headache, vomiting and slight fever. It was horrible, the paper was so tough to complete. And you know why I say for me is gone case? I managed to have time to rest after completing the paper, which is so rare. (It often happened when I scored badly.) So, now all thats left is to just cross my fingers hope I can score.

Now, before I study Chemistry, (yes yes, one BIG exam is one test.) I think I should say this, I am kind of missing my notes? Yes, got to find it later on but let me continue blogging for a while. I will NOT eat a Zinger burger with cheese fries and a cup of coke any more. Its too filling! I still feel very full now. And eating with Hwee Chin was fun, or rather the two of us eating together is super fun. Kept laughing while eating. xD Yes, now games for half an hour, then the rest shall be study! (:

And, can anyone tell me is there anything wrong with my head since sometimes, when I have headache, I will tend to have blur vision first before the headache starts, tend to vomit but nothing comes out, and when I having the headache, I got no blur vision? Think something is seriously wrong with me.

I think, today's exam woke me up, completely. I think, I ought to study, and don't play so much. I think, I will die, soon.

I ought to say that in this world, there are so many people who are so free to use others name. From this evidence, I inferred that either these people has names that they don't dare to use, or they have no name at all. Further inference tells me that these people is ill intention such as ruining a friendship/relationship. This inference tells me that these people envy others being much better than them, thus led to their ill doings. You may say this is crap, but its the F**king truth that I will interpret. So people, get a life.

Feeling damn angry now, almost have the urge to change to my devil self. When the devil side appears, I needs a whole F**king week to revert back to my normal self. And thats why you don't see me being so evil all along. Pissed off, and thats why all the vulgarities starts appearing, sorry about that. Now I don't have the freaking mood to study Chinese, how? Fed up.

I released that the mock exam's side effect are starting to occur. I am feeling sleepy every single moment, every when I am having lesson or eating! This is really retarded. Shall sleep to my hearts content once after Chinese 'O' level. And I don't like having to cope with the mountain of homework and a pile of revision. This sucks.

Speaking of Chinese 'O' level, I am damn worried about it. I worried about not able to excel, then all my hard works for all the previous years would perish into dust. Its freaking irritating. I hate it when I can only excel in one language. I need to excel in both, so must work hard! =X

I will just hide in the corner of my life loving you, seeing you is more than enough for me, for even the thoughts of you could cheer me up. And I tell myself, I will forget you, but my heart has to handle other more important stuff to handle, so it shall wait, wait until the time I am free, and has no troubles. For this way, I could forget you much easier.

Feel like crying all of a sudden. Maybe its because of the stress that had bottled up this days. Been really stressed up, especially when you have too much homework near your 'O' levels. Don't have the time to do, don't have the time to study. I must must improve my freaking Chinese! Its a 100% must to score A1 for it, or else the rest of my life would be horrid. What do you expect when I grew up in a Chinese educated family? And if I can't score for this, how could I score for others? This is so horrifying. I want to excel. I had been a naughty girl until now. I want to change! Maybe, I need something that can impact me very well...

I don't know what else can I do, except in the area of academics, to let you notice me even more. The sacrifice was too big, and I can't afford to repeat it. I struggle until now, and fought for it till now. I can't afford to fall, I can't afford to topple, I can't afford to trip. For this time round, the ending point would be in a bottomless pit, in my coffin...

Took this idea of posting a composition from SARA LIM! xD Must emphasis. Maybe u readers are wondering, why am I posting? This is because I need a break from homework or else my tears will fall.

曾经原谅过别人的一次经验

人生的道路如此漫长，这一路上每个人都会遇上不如意的事。当然，我也包括在内。这些事，有的叫人痛心，有的叫人开心，而有的叫人失望。原谅，说的简单，但实际上并不容易。正所谓，‘一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳’，就算原谅他人后，心里定会有阴影。我这辈子，恐怕都不会忘记他对我的欺骗，而我为何会原谅他的经过。
那天中午，窗外雨绵绵，我刚放学。走到校门口，拿着我浅蓝的小雨伞，便小心翼翼的走进雨中，深怕雨水喷打到我书包。走着我熟悉的街道，但人来人往的街道上，却没有熟悉的脸孔。在街头转弯时，我在茫茫人海中看见了他。他嘴里含着烟，衣冠不整，怀里抱着别的女人。这景象令我吃惊，我手一松，伞就像落叶一样，随风飘落到地上。他对我的承诺，他还记得吗？
那女人或许发现我傻傻的在雨中的看着他们，便指着我亲密地与他说话。当他把视线从那女人转移到我时，他便松开那双紧抱着那女人的手，快步向我的方向走去。我头也不回，并命的往家的方向跑。我听到他在叫我，但我不愿接受我所看到的景象。
回到家后，我便把自己所在房内。顿时，我放声大哭，自从母亲去世后我就再也没有像这样哭过。他答应过，会等到我能自食其力后才去找新的人生伴侣、会把烟戒掉。我实在不愿相信，刚才所看见的事实。我听见大门开锁的声音，直到他回来了。母亲离开后，他便是最了解我的人，他明白，当我生气或哭泣时，是不会听从他人的劝告，只会读。
门口有纸条出现，我用颤抖的双手将它打开。‘女儿，是爸食言。我明白你对我感到失望，但我是真的喜欢那阿姨的。希望你能了解并成全爸，爸答应你，那阿姨定会像妈一样的照顾你。 - 爸爸’ 我控制住的泪水，向开水龙头一样，不受控制的流下来。我知道自己是自私的，我了解自己的担心，可我不愿接受一个新的妈妈。我缩成一粒球开始思考，正确的做法是什么。
傍晚到来，我反锁房门，第一眼看见的就是爸。在他开口前，我便吐出了我的答案。我跟他说，我原谅他，我接受她，我只希望，他们不要逼我做任何我不喜欢的事、或任何我不想说的话。他望着毫无表情的我，顿时无言可发。
我明白，我这答案会将我俩给疏远，但我不会后悔我的答案。但我不会后悔我的答案。有了这样的经历，我想有在大的欺骗，我也不会受到太大的打击。这经验，让我了解到信任的脆弱，亲情的可贵。同时，我也了解到，要珍惜眼前的幸福，不要要求过多。因要求越高，失望越大。

Gosh, one hour only! xD miracle you know. Normally I would need one and a half hour to write such essay, or rather when I am at home. Cool, do give me some comments about this funny essay. (:

Didn't really understand what is happening to me. I still still can't find the urge to study! Gosh, this spells doom for me. Anyone, I don't care if u are a teacher, a friend or even a passerby, just tell me how can I start pushing myself to study. The moment I see homework, the moment I feel like sleeping. I hate it.

Got to rush my homework. Three comprehension summary and mind-map, two Mathematics questions and the whole of Chemistry workbook. Doubt I will be able to finish so fast. I think the blog will be dead for sometime, until Chinese 'O's are over. Till that time, bye.

Maybe, this is my punishment, for running away. I will accept it, and I will say it to you guys when I have to leave. The one magical word, 'Bye'...

Been told to update, but there's not much to update this few days. English lesson was nice, especially when listening to that song. The meaning of the song has good motivation, but I don't really know whether will I be able to heed to it. Yesterday was really a blast. Not only English lesson was good, Chinese was excellent too. Since there's no focus. xD

But, still there is a bad thing about yesterday. The inter-class games that I helped out with. Secondary One's are so rude. Making so many people angry with them. Shouted at them, now I am kind of losing my voice. Thats extremely not good.

Chinese 'O' levels coming, just the 1 week later. I am worried. Chinese had been dropping all along. What should I do, to make it soar high again? I don't know.

The darkness starts to engulf me once again. Pulling me into the abyss. I am starting to lose my breath every single second, struggling for survival. The pain that past surfaced again, and bringing with it a new taste...

Results are bad, it has went down. But still, it seems like I lost control over my facial expression, was still smiling and laughing all the way. It seems really hard to just frown now, n front of others. Maybe its just to avoid questions. But Clementeen Idol was nice. Grace LIM won! Yay! Her singing is nice.

Think my social studies is a complete failure. Don't understand the question completely. Think I going to get chase out soon. And this sucks. I want to wake up! I want to start studying already! I want to excel! It just seems so hard.

And striving on is getting tougher and tougher. Yet, failure is not a option.

And shitty Chinese, you better get an A1 or else I will die horribly. And the number to the countdown to Chinese 'O' levels is getting smaller and smaller.

Sometimes, I just want to let it out. Yet I can't seem to do so. Opening my mouth is really difficult, so shutting it is still the best. If I have to shatter everything that I have to achieve my goals, I will just do so. To me, emotions are just nothing I guess. I can't feel anything now, not a hinge of sadness nor a hinge of joy, like others who could do so. Don't talk to me like you understand what I am going true, if you are not the one, then you won't know how it really feels. You may put yourself into my shoes, but what you will understand is just part of it. You will never know how it feels unless you truly experience it. And the time's up, the games shall end now. From this instance, things are going to change completely...

Had the last paper, finally. Get to catch a breath before continuing this long Secondary Four journey. Got back Chinese, and the result is not ideal. Its too low, and I rather don't have those half marks. It seems like lying to myself to accept those half marks. I deserve a fail grade, for I was too confident. Confident is always the downpour of mine, yet one needs confidence to get high marks. Its funny how things always contradicts with me. Just in case you guys are wondering whats my Chinese marks, its highly a B3. Its freaking poor, my lowest in my whole of Secondary life. I wonder, will I still be able to type out a post if this were to be my 'O' level results. I guess, I am still under the water, waiting for someone to wake me up before my oxygen dies out. Will I make it in time, the answer has yet to be found.

Words of encouragement or discouragement, I could no longer tell the difference. They all sounds the same to me. Working hard will really gets me my results? I don't know, for it all starts to seem futile. Grades not improving, marks dropping, can't understand those easy concepts, its freaking irritating. It seems even worse when I starts to work hard. But, is giving up worth it? Looking down from a height is so captivating, and I feel like trying it out, but the thought always come, if I never give myself a chance to prove it, then I will always never be able to succeed. Its true for all, but its also the hardest to believe in. I want to score, I want to excel, I want them to praise me like they did for him, but in a part of my heart, I want them to understand how does regret feels like, I want them to feel ashamed. Its all so weird, all so different. I want to be recognize, not because of him, not because of my results, not because of anything else, but as human, as a person, as of myself. Is it really this hard?

Retarded girl, why can't you even score for this simple exam? Why? You had been educated in Chinese and yet you can't scored well in it? You are pathetic. You want to prove your existence? Tell you something, you are not even seem fit to be the shadow, not to talk about yourself. Don't keep saying that you are following his footsteps are what rubbish. You are just you, a born loser who has no talents in keeping up to his standard. You disgraces the whole family, the reputation of him. If you still claim that you want to prove your existence, your ability, then fight with your own hands, your own strength. Turn this anger and frustration into your ability, make it your own and use it. Its better than you doing nothing. Prove it to others that you are strong, not a weakling. Prove it to others that you exist, not as a shadow. Prove it with your very own strength, don't rely on others. You lead the life of a loner, not others. Stop showing them your ugly mask, break it. What you desire is others accepting the real you, and if they accept you now, they are merely accepting the fake personality you currently has. Think, ponder and act as you please, loser...

Let out your emotions, you are a girl not a boy. You can shed tears, for it won't disgraces yourself. Sometimes, letting out is much better than hiding it...

This feels so screwed. Until now, I have been screwing up every single paper I have set! This is so retarded. Feel so hopeless in studies now. Can't seem to study in my Secondary Four life! This is so damn screwed! Yes, its funny how things love to turns out. Think when the teachers sees my paper, they might vomit out blood and end up sick. I seriously flunk all those papers! I forget this, make all sorts of careless mistakes and even remember wrong format! What's this? I am so damn screwed!

Changed song, what to have 我和她她和他 but don't have, so will have to make do with 错爱. (: Both are nice either way.

If screaming could help, I will do it. If crying can help, I will do it. But, all these are just actions of weakness. So, I will continue put on a strong front, as a protection from others. So I will say good night, and summit myself to all these torture. And when I wake up, I will be even stronger, stronger than before. And you will be able to recognize me anymore, for I will be changed, evolved once again...

Almost had the urge to cry, I am just too tired. Started to maintain silence in class, and not able to absorb today, its a bad sign of mine. Well, if we think in a positive manner, I think I could say that all this can train up my mental strength. However, if we were to think in a negative manner, then the conclusion would be I am too weak. Haha, its funny how life turns out. I prefer to think it as a challenge, a challenge whether will I survive this competing world.

Think I am down with illness again, or rather, I have never recover from it the last time, but its getting more and more serious. I hate seeing doctor? Yes, thats true for it will consume too much of my time to see a doctor. So, think will just let it continue. Maybe you guys may find me weird, but I want to test what is my endurance level like. I really want to know, how much have I grown.

I am sorry, but I have changed a lot. The girl you once knew, she's gone already. Don't ever say that you know how she feels, for you have never undergone things like she did.

I don't understand why, sometimes I just feel so weak, sometimes I just wish to cry, and sometimes I wish to die. I don't understand why...I seriously don't. Is it because I am losing to the stress thats engulfing me? Is it because my mind is too negative? Or is it because I just want to give up? I want to change, I really want. I don't wish to waste my time, the time where its granted for me into this world. I want to prove to others, about my existence in this world. I am not invisible, nor am I deaf. I can hear those mutterings about me, I can see those eyes you guys gave. Its not like I am 100% stupid or what, but its just that I rather not understand too much. Do you know that its very hurtful to see someone else with those disapproving eyes? Do you know you could hurt the person's confidence when they hear what you had been talking about them behind their back? It really hurts, and its not something that could be healed so easily. I rather choose not to understand all these, but its just too obvious. If life is just like that, I should say, I had got use to it. For since the very beginning of my life, I had been facing it every single day...

Tiring day, it seems to never end. But I have to get use to it, since the 'O's will be worse. Teacher is a killer, sending us to die another time after the Chinese 'O' level paper. Will I score well? I don't know. Seeing how others awake from their dreams, I wonder when will it be my turn, to leave this world of dream...

I think I ought to make another rule for myself, to make myself stronger to face the world, to hold on for the future. 'Don't think about the end just yet, think about the path you are going to take till the end.'

I am such a naughty girl blogging now! =] There is like Social Studies Mock exam tomorrow, and I still do not have the mood to study, so how how how?

And guess what, I am currently having a CJ 7 madness, though I know its kind of late. But who cares? And my CJ 7 is kind of small, and it has flooded my pencil case! xD



Yes! Its cute right? And its from those turning machines. If I am going downstairs later, will help beatrice get one more. =]

Gosh! I can't stand my phone. I want to change phone! xD

Inter-Class Games!










Was super high during the Inter-Class Games, though its kind of late to talk about it now. Either way, Best start mugging now. Till next time. =]

Firstly, the continuation of mock Mid-Year exams starts next week. Its going to be a tiring week. Don't really understand whats the rationale behind all these exams. Its not like its going to help us. On the contrary, I think that it will demoralize us instead. And with the Chinese 'O' level approaching, all these Examinations is denying us the chance to study for it. Who says that Chinese don't need to study? It needs us to revise on composition techniques, some idioms that might be suitable, the format of letters and so much more, so which idiots claim that we do not need to study? Please bang your head on the wall until it bleeds to ensure that you have awaken from your dream.

Next, attitude. Sometimes, I don't really understand why are some people's attitude so damn freaking. They really makes to be on the verge of scolding $#&#$%^$$&#% to them, but I can't since after all, its school and I can't do it without others hearing it and starts to counsel me for getting so damn freaking angry. Also, I think that its mean to say those words in front of their face, so lets forget it.

Not to forget, courtesy. Some people just don't have the courtesy to show nice sportsmanship. And also, when I play normally you claim that I play rough and plays rough, then I shall play rough. I won't lose you know. Come on, if you want to play a good game, you got to be less ladylike on the court. If you still want to be a lady on the court, then don't complain about others since you were the one at fault. And also, some people just lack the courtesy to apologize when they were in the wrong. Well, you guys can say that I have no courtesy, but that will only occur when you anger me. I can be nice and friendly, but I can be mean and nasty, it all depends on your attitude towards me.

4D1 is so fun! =] But I feel that I did the class down. I can't jump well(thanks to my shoe and feet) and I can't defend. This sucks. Yes, we won second in the Captain's ball! My class was super high! Yay yay! 4D1 go! =] Either way, found out that my class was very united when required! =] And my classparent didn't join the boys game as he should! Thats unfair! 4A1, 4A2, 4C1, 4C2 got teachers join them, and thats unfair. My shoe should be dump into the rubbish bin since I seriously doubt that it can still be sew of stick back together. And my retarded feet is in pain, where's my bandage? =X

And I just realized something, what teacher said is very true. A lot of us are still submerge underwater, not having the urgency yet. And I guess, I am one of them. I still can't feel the pressure of studying, where Mother Tongue 'O' level is just like 3 more weeks away! Oh My God! That is like so damn freaking soon! I hate it! I dun like Chinese 'O' Level since I doubt I would be able to score well at all!

Off to do the freaking powerpoint for Geography, and I am doing like twenty pages? =X

閉上眼睛，用心去聼，這世界的無情無義。

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Girl called Mitchelle.
Born in 18 Sept, she was once a clementeen and now a JJcian. Once ♥2B12006 and 4D12008! in CTSS and now `09S14 in JJ. She ♥Soft Toys, Games & Chocolates. She detests noise, hypocrites & lies. Contact her through her Email.
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♥ 2B12006 4D12008! ♥ Story/words. Andria Beatrice Denise Estee Glenice Huiling Hwee Chin Jasvinder Jenny Jiayin Jingyi Jixiang Keiko Liangqian Mervyn Nicholas Lim Peiqi Quanmei Ruby Ruiqi Sara Shalini Sinyee Sulyanna Tricia Vanessa Xueer Yanni Yansze Yanwah Yen Ting Yilin