i realli meant wat i said earlier...
abt how i'm actually quite glad to leave sch..
through this entire period of time that i was there...
it was mainly more downs than ups...
in fact i can only rem the downs more than any other thing...
ppl came and went..
but some things never realli went away...

and now i'm not even supposed to say how i feel...
cuz i got slammed for saying something which should have just let it be within mi...
i know that i'm self centred..
and its not that i strive to be unhappy u noe...
contrary to popular belief..
its not a nice feeling inside...

went to ecp today..
even the only place that used to lift up my spirits failed to do that today..
it was strange..
the sense of loniless was even more apparent when i heard the upcoming plans u guys made..
it was not easy maintaining the face and act like it didnt bother mi..
cuz it did..
then it hit me..

flo is the person to call when one feels there is an empty slot or whenever others gets the whims..
it certainly does make sense now..
been easy going is not a virtue but rather a trait that others take advantage of..

hmmm...suddenly just realised that i cant even blog abt any damn thing in peace cuz wateva that gets published here gets crutinized and all..
tink i'll just shut my trap and keep it all inside..
its pointless anyway..

Goodbye. I'm just too tired to keep shouldering evrything..
For now, i'm going to cast everything aside.

Florence

i was tossing and turning in bed for the longest time and i had the urge to blog...
something which i havent done in yonders..
i have decided to dedicate this entry to u..
know that tis isnt the best way to telling u..but it sure beats sendin an extremely lenghty sms or letter...

Dear Ass,

I know that its exceptionally strange that i'm finally taking the initiative to talk to u after what happened some time ago.. but i guess it seems like its time to face up to u.. we never exactly talked abt the matter and tackled the issue straight on...

Firstly, i was extremely hurt that u chose that mode of confrontation..mainly cuz i thought that we were at least friends at that pt in pt...werent we?.. and i just felt extremely confused as to why did u choose to do it in that manner?... I couldnt understand why it felt like it was me against the entire gp..and it certainly hurt to hear any of those stuff coming fr someone esp a person whom i regarded as a pal.. it might not have been ur intention but from my perspective..it sure felt like that...

I not only felt harsh criticism and the sense of betrayal when i did ask u for clarification... i know that u think its my fault for not understanding ur instructions or being slow and all...but honestly i did try... u know...

i do know that it seems silly tt we havent been even on talking terms after the entire episode but i guess i had to deal with it.. even if everyone felt like it was my fault..i just wish it was done in a different way..not one that belittles others or makes them feel ostrasized.

During this period of time, sometimes i feel so lost. and i mean it literally, i have absolutely no clue how to face u..cuz each time that i see u..the accusations and words seem to ring in my head. But i guess over time, its mellowed down considerably and i guess u were trying to take charge and u felt u had the need to do what u had to do. Well, rem that i told u a pretty long while ago that mayb in the future i will be able to talk to u almost normally and try to put the episode behind mi?...

i tink that there are many different types of frenship and how they are forged... for mi i guessed it was probably i felt a particularly strong attachment because we have met a couple of times in our lives..n i believe in fate..which is also one of the main reasons why i feel that its so hard to just let go of everything..

i guess when a person tends to spend so much time with another u tend to feel something ba... for mi at that pt in time was pretty much like a close fren..cuz u were definitely more than a course mate or one that i happen to meet after a long time... and this could also be the reason why i took it so hard... that episode made mi feel like a person who was trapped in a toilet cubicle without any means of escape but the gp of gals just wont leave u alone throwing packets of ice cold water bombs at u...

hmm...u get my pt?... i have never felt so defenseless because in the first place why should there be?... so it really tore my heart and another part of me died.. cuz it made me realise how sad it was.. the entire situation...

actually i dun even noe my pt of typing this...just that i thought of letting u know that its water under the bridge ya... hmm..actually u might tink tt its really weird that i'm bringing all this up.. but i didnt want the atmosphere or situation to be strained or awkward and yet i couldnt approach this with u face to face ba.. so i guess that the best way was to tell it to u here...

i'm sorry for all the confusion and misery i have caused u.. but i absolutely did not know how to face u at that period of time.. so i took the coward's method of just ignoring that a problem exists and hoping that it will just fade with time.. Hopefully, by taking the bull by its' horns will be a better option la...

i dun expect any form of acknowledgement fr u.. i understand that sometimes its difficult to let go of past grievances.. just as i took a while to sort out what i felt as well.. but i thought that u ought to know so that its only fair to u ba..

Yours Truly,
flo

Florence