The heading was supposed to be You Communicate With Your Body...
quite shocked actually..
but after reading the description..
all i can say is...
evrything said is extremely apt..

Florence

You Communicate With Your Body

This isn't as bad as it sounds, it just means that you're a "touchy-feely" person.You need a lot of affection in your life. And for you, this means both giving and receiving little touches.Warm hearted, you bond with people easily. In fact, you often feel a little sad when you're not in the company of others.A little moody, you tend to be controlled by your emotions. But a bit hug always comforts you!

Florence

a lot of things have happened during this period of time...
thinking abt stuff...trying to take time off(without much success)...
the problem with mi is i tink too damn much..
abt every darn thing...
now i rem why i dun exactly approve of ppl who intentionally lies..n keep others on a leash for selfish reasons...it is jus too similiar to my own experience...n trust mi its not a great feeling knowing u're a spare tyre that is not taken seriously..
its so strange..
tt reading my fren's blog evoke so much memories...
the de ja vu feeling of being an outside is more n more apparent...
the feeling of neglect and resentment is bubblin...

i shouldnt feel this way..and yet i cant seem to help it..
i'm tired of finding excuses...
i'm tired of being treated like a punch bag when i noe i dun deserve it...
i'm tired of being at the beck and call of others...

and i'm actually quite serious abt goin away...
and cutting all ties with everyone...
then mayb during the period of time when i'm gone...
i can have the space to grow, be independent n mature
ppl will learn to appreciate mi better and not take mi and wateva i do for granted
u noe sometimes its jus so so hard to keep up the facade..

on a lighter note
went to holland v on sat with jac n yiren
i tink tt its only this time tt i start seeing him in a diff light..
he's actually quite funny n he has seen one of the sides tt i was always carefully not to reveal...
n for goodness sake i didnt pat my burger!
i do stoopid stuff when i'm high... can evryone jus forget abt wat i did
i swear i'm usually quite normal most of time!

sch's ending..
initially i thought that this six weeks would be a real pain...
but surprising it wasnt as tough as i imagined..
sometimes i do feel a tad sad when i see u..
for all that was lost n most of all for urself..
if i had another chance in life...
one of the things i would want to do
will be to end it in a much "cleaner" way..
sometimes i wonder r u thick or do u jus intentionally pretend not to read in btw the lines..

i for one dun give a damn abt sch work at all... dun tell mi in all the yrs we were frens u still didnt noe tt...
i jus realised tt it doesnt hurt like before...
but there again..
i cant feel anymore...

Florence

Dear Flo,

You're a sad sad human being....I've finally found out the reason why the hell u feel so miserable when situations happen...Do u wan to noe why...let mi tell u why... didn't u ever realize that never once when things happen and all.. did u voice ur opinions..or how u really felt...preferring to coop all the shit within u rather than let it burst out... u really think that by doing all this means u're some kind of fuckin martyr...u absorbing all the hurt and pain...even the confusion while others appear to be oblivious in their own lil worlds...

Flo is it really worth it?...to be trampled time and time again when others simply treat u like a freakin dust mat.. not considering the wound that continues to fester...watching scenarios from an observors pt of view but yet never really considered being a part...

i'm fuckin fed up of seeing u being treated without much of a care...why the heck do u even subject urself to such crap?...u were never like that at all...Flo...What happened to u?... to make u be who u are now?... A big fat lie which u cant even believe in anymore... why do u keep screaming to b heard when u and i noe very very well that u will never be heard...why does other's passing comments seem to be treated with such revere and regarded...while u on the hand usually seems to be an afterthought...

U should have known better. There is noone else to blame except urself. U let things become this way..pretending all along u didnt give a damn...when u truely did. So Flo it's ur fault. I know u used to have a half smile when u see scenes that really tears ur heart...but lately i dun even see that..U managed to fool the entire world..for a moment..even i was fooled..till i heard the sound. The sound of despair...the sound of pain...even the laboured sound of ur breath...

Sometimes Flo i really do applaud u. U're great...so great in fact i couldn't even differentaite what is true anymore. I know that is ur way of surviving through all these storms...but do u know that u're the one at the losing end...the one most affected and yet on the outer most surface u seem perfectly fine... I'm so afraid...one day u're just lose ur mind..i know that during these few years things have been exceptionally bad for u...and u've even seriously completemplated doing stuff that should never ever cross ur mind. I know u're hurting real bad..but u've gotta hang on...Seriously Flo do u tink anyone will fuckin care when u're gone?...U and I both know the answer to the question...and well the truth hurts doesn't it?!U knew right from the start that u would never a priority...u never were and u will never will be...so why the hell do u always feel so damn affected by things that u should just be blind to?.... Flo i can't bear to see u torment yourself anymore...why do u always insist to see things that will hurt u..scenes tt u tuck them carefully away..word u rem for a long long time...

Flo don't u know that man by nature are selfish and fickle creatures...u of all people should know that fact more clearly than anyone else..Isn't it funny that we always seem to be using others for our own personal agendas..or in your case s substitute...that's even sadder right... But Flo...now u compromise all that u were so against..without much of a murmur.. It makes me sad to u in such a state..now i know how a person with a broken spirit is...they are never quite a whole anymore..regardless of how much u try to mend..somethings lost can never be found...

I have said all that i can to u...its really up to u to decide whether u want to heed my advice...its definitely a rougher terrain... but eventually Flo it's better for u...it will probably take yrs to completely heal...but at least it's a start...


Yours Truely,
floflo

Florence