hmmm.....

its strange that i cant sleep...in fact its not that strange... i'm bloody tired n yet i cant seem to fall asleep either that or i'll dream...lately ppl ard mi have been in my dreams... not that i can see the faces but the strangest thing is the feelin it gives mi...

now its still the hols...i got nothing to worry...no work..or studies..living life in a such a relaxed pace..n yet the feelin of heaviness within is never far..i caught myself sighin again...not a good sign at all...damn..i cant understand why i'm feelin like that though..n the worst part is it usually strikes at night... when its so still n silent.. all one can hear is the wild hammerin of my heart..

tink i'll watch the clouds go by..n jus stare at the sky!...

i wan to cry..n jus let the tears cleanse mi... i feel couped...i cant let go n i cant find release

ah...i noe should go swimmin soon!..

Florence

Heyz peeps i'm back!

its a realli short trip cuz tis time a round sis n bro have too many sch activities which they cant afford to miss la!...DanG! went for like an eating trip!! n omg serious binging lorz... luv the seafood!!...n omg the fish taste great..bet u all never expected mi to say such a sentence rite...but strangely i ate great tastin fish...n even drank herbal ba kut teh soup...which is kinda like a first for mi..n greedy mi burnt my tongue cuz its boiling hot!!...

Nevertheless i miss evryone n most imp HERe!! not cuz of the food but the shoppin centres!! can u believe it!!but honestly kinda miss my frens...spending days n nites with my own family is more than enough manz!...

still comtemplating whether should i go n meet him...
hmmmmm........

Anyways on a lighter note i jus did a quiz which supposedly provides one an explaination for being single... n guess wat the reason for mi was that i'm single cuz i dun wan to compromise...
which is kinda true in a way... cuz i'm realli quite a perfectionist..not that it shows fr the state of my room but its jus that lil things tick mi off.. be it off colour combis..or clashing outlooks...or weird jokes... or not understanding the logic or reason behide certain stuff...nah i can go on n on like forever manz! but hell that is the reason they gave mi lorx! daMn!! wahahaa

the other day my sister asked mi a question...that stumped mi... she asked "who's ur best fren?"
n i couldnt come up with an answer for a full minute... it used to be so clear in the past..but i guess that when i grew older..the distinctation became less obvious.. She actually sighed on my behalf n totally rubbed salt into my festering wound.. "dont u miss the feeling of always having someone there for u, u noe jus doing stuff n all..n turn to that same person in times of need?" DaMnit!sometimes i swear the reason she is on the world n related to mi by blood... is to irritate n piss mi off...n yet make mi reflect n comtemplate!...Aaarrrgghhh even then! she's bloody annoying at times! Bleah!

Florence

last nite went to hang out at macs...cuz someone said she wanted to study..*cues pls roll ur eyes* obviously i went there for the food!!met her fren dom there..he's a great guy la...thank goodness i'm not her age if not i'll probably like him la!! wahaha...

came back at close to 5!felt damn shagged la n full too cuz i managed to get my big breakfast!!see the benefits of having a big expandable stomach!..went to sleep tinkin i can finally rest..then i was plagued by an entire nite of dreams...weird ones too...

damn weird la...the first one I was wearing somekind of robe cum sari thingy that i kept yanking to cover my arms..n throughout the entire dream i was weaving thru the crowded eating place...it seem like a hawker centre n yet not hot n dity...bloody weird cuz it felt like a long long dream but the funny think was i jus constantly either walking or jus floatin.. i felt lost without a sense of direction...i didnt even noe where to go cuz there was jus no destination in mind... n the other ppl there were pointin n whisperin... those with kids asked their children not to go near mi cuz i'm not like that... then the sense of loneliness n helplessness seeped inside....i was screamin within...but yet on the outer surface i was a vision of calmness n serene.. i jus continued on my quest of meandering thru the area...

the next dream even funnier.... somehow or rather my fingers were chopped off...n somehow the fingers were not in the correct position... n i couldnt change them.. it looked bloody awful n it hurt like hell... n yet i couldnt bear to change the position cuz i subconciously knew the pain involved.. haiz n the dream ended like that cuz my mum called mi for lunch.. see i told u the dreams were damn weird rite?.. i wonder r they r reflection of real-life events...n wat i need to do..mayb i should jus lay everything out cuz honestly i want to close the chap that has been buggin mi for the longest time!... hmmmm...mayb i should..

Florence

~a believer of silly notions in life~

i dunno wat was the reason but i had this urge to read a fren's blog..n i stumbled onto an entry..which happened to b written on the death aniversary of my grandfather..

did i ever mention that i'm a sucker for notions of fate n destiny?..well that could b the reason why we became frens?!..in fact this few days i keep tinking abt the past..wat happened btw us n all... i was bloody tempted to write everything down..more like an outpouring of emotions n everything penned up inside...its the same idea of writing the book..a form of release..n i was tinking r frenships meant to b this difficult?!...throughout my life i have always been experiencing bad frenships with others...n sometimes when things r rough..i jus cant stop myself fr tinking..is there a problem with me instead?!... i honestly swear to god that i have no freaking idea..

n yes i do noe that at times i'm too indulgent with oneself...but not exactly to the pt that its all abt mi ba...am i realli that bad?!man i had no idea...absolutely no idea that evrything started because of me?!!serious?... i'm sorry truely sorry that i had n still have no idea wat started the entire damn thing... at times i realli want to b honest abt how i feel n yet the reason that holds mi back fr confessing is the warped perception that i noe u cant deal with it.. sometimes i wonder is it because i sorta noe ur character n how u will deal when certain stuff is told to u...

we r finally goin to meet a second time since hols started..mayb its the time to b brutally honest..its so darn easy to say..but perhaps when it comes to the crunch i'll b at a lost where to start n all...i dun even noe whether should i continue to keep it within or tell it to u.. cuz the thought of awkwardness n being uncomfortable with one other in the future is an extremely great deterrent...

~fuck...wat the hell am i supposed to do?..~

Florence