i'm childish/ sensitive!!!

wat r u goin to do abt it?..


u mean no one ever told u there's a problem with u?..

take it as a favour that i'm tellin...

communication/body lang/upfront are crucial elements in the long run...

get it?!

Florence

~god muz have heard mi...~

today i dragged my ass to sch for ced meeting..sitting on the bus alone pondering abt tons of stuff..staring blankly in space...decided to immerse myself in crowds so that the sense of alienation and desolation wont b overwhelming..decided to chill out at a cafe..was drinkin a frappe..n i did that shit again..the sec sch ppl looked at mi with a strange expression on their faces..hell if i was in their shoes i'll probably react in the same way!today is a first time that my fingers kept msgin non-stop..n cuz i was typin to other ppl at the same time..i didnt even realised i sent a msg to someone else instead...things got bad today..so bad in fact that i decided to walk home fr jp..jus as i left my seat n wanted to pee before embarking on my journey..i saw someone that i havent seen for a while..its so weird to see her..of all days today..jus when i was telling myself/mayb it was god ba..that i needed a sign to show my existence actually meant something to others..i saw her face thr the sea of faces..with mouths gapin we exclaimed surprised..drama aint it?..we started talkin n i realised that though in the past a misunderstanding n greatly parental influence caused us to rift apart..today justified that time does not play a great role..it was strange..that after all these times..i could rem effortlessly wat sort of person n traits she has..wat she likes/doesnt..its an amazing fact considerin my brain is worse than mush!i missed her..quite weird for mi to proclaim that aloud but i do..i'm the kind that i'm not content being in the shadows..i rather b a part of a person life..knowing the person in depth too is jus too crucial for mi..mayb its cuz of my character/personality traits..hmm..mayb thats y quite a number of ppl commented that i'm so like a gal's sch gal..today i heard it again..i couldnt take it so i asked wat exactly r they?..apparently its my behaviour n my outlook on certain issues..wahaha funny rite considerin the fact i only spend 6 yrs in one!..

its strange when one craves n seems to b in greatest need for human company..one rarely gets it..its funny isnt it...those that u thought would always b there..in times of turmoil..cant find a trace..lalala i walked her back to where she came from..n started followin the 172 route..so dumb..i only walked a small part when rain started to fall...i wish it would have rained heavier..mayb it would hv done some good..clease all the shit out of my system..took a bus back in the end.. fr westwood sec there.. by now i should have been accustomed n thought out evrythin..but tis time..it seemes more difficult..sometimes i wonder..i seem to hv an affinity for the"bad guy role'...i'm starting to wonder am i realli like tt...

~oh well...~

Florence

i realli enjoyed fri nite with the gals!! it was fun being able to b myself..totally free n loose feeling...a diff kind of silly high!time flew so fast i didnt even realise we spent so many hrs together cuz honestly felt like a couple of mins!!

i did something real stupid in class today..i thought that i could control evrythin..i thought that by not speaking much..by being the usual laughing self..it will all b ok..but i guess not..a fren of mine suggested i should see a profession cuz apparently i dun talk much of my issues to others..resulting in repression of feelings..n i'm lucky i havent suffered fr a nervous breakdown..

WARNING: pls dun read the following if it is to b assumed i'm refering or purposely pointing at anyone/thing in particular...

i jus wan to get rid of the burden i'm carryin...

i'm jus so freakin tired of evrything...

there again might not b a wise move to type stuff that r close to my heart here...


i'm a sucker for whismical notions: be it destiny, fate, romance, fallin in luv at sight...yup all the cliches in the entire world... i met someone along the way which i happened to have met a couple of times..in the oddest places n yrs too...sometimes i wonder is it cuz i have lost focus of the bigger picture..cuz i'm too obsessive noting for the nitty gritty details..i started giving up a lot of other priorities n along the way i got caught up with only the vision of a particular in mind..i lost focus on stuff tt would mean a lot to mi..cuz i truely thought it was all worth it.. but's a roller coaster ride..ups n downs...the breaking pt came during the hols...i never knew anything was up cuz mayb it was not in habit to communicate/update the other party wat was goin on...but there again who the hell i thought i was?!..all i knew was ..i kept asking repeatedly whether we should catch up during the hols...n the ans was usually no..or cant make it..but what i couldnt stand the most at that time there was seldom a reason/an explaination..i was left in the dark wat exactly was happening till sch reopened...the next hols..things were slightly better..we decided we should learn how to communicate better..when things got so so bad...the next hols i tried askin u out..but i tink something cropped up..so it was abt the same..jus that tis time at least i knew the reason...along the way i got realli realli tired..tired of askin..tired of answering..tired of evrything in general...mayb tis was when it started..i started to harden my heart..cuz honestly i felt like a bloody fool..countless rejection n ...yet i went back for more..kinda silly i noe..from that time i told myself i wont b such an idiot to keep doing this to myself..i got very disillustional...it didnt help that matters at hm were real bad..grandmother came..tension in the house all the time..arguments with parents..i suddenly felt i couldnt turn to anyone..i started having weird thoughts..dreams.. evrythin...

life became weird..not much of a meaning anywayz..i decided to keep away fr ppl..n mayb thats when my coping mechanism came in..i was normal n happy in front of others...but only the closest knew something was up..laughing n crying mingled..singin n screamin merged..distrust n anger twined..kinda funny actually...i made up my mind that mayb if i wasnt that close to the very person that hurt mi the most.. i would b safe..sheltered..which was one of the reasons i didnt realli meet up during the hols..cuz in my own twisted n perserve set of thinking..i wanted u to at least feel the pain n confusion i felt..i noe its damn stupid..but at that time it made sense..so i tried to b indifferent..i guess i failed..i would b lying if i said i didnt hv a soft spot..

i'm like a damn bloody open book..ppl jus see my face n espressions n they get a rough idea how i feel..in my own naviety i assumed that evryone would b the same..i found out the hard way..that its not true at all..i respect tt evryone is diff..but sometimes its jus damn exhausting to adapt to changes u never noe r blowing ur way..i cant tap dance for nuts..n yet i've been doing that for the longest time..it took a damn bloody big round for mi to see wat i should have seen from the start...years too late..mayb cuz we are so diff in many ways n yet i was drawn to the similarity tt i lost sight of a lot of other stuff..i noe that its impossible for one to change cuz its just who they are that makes that so unique..i like to noe wats goin on with ppl's life..not so jus to b fringe part of their lives..but a sold formation..mayb thats y it irk mi so much cuz we are so diff in tis sense.. and i guess its true that i'm the type tt i would like ppl to show that they rem n care with jus by askin how are things goin on.. simple words like that realli make my day..i dun go ard blabbering wat's botherin mi cuz i belong to the sch of thinkin tt "its no pt making someone else worry for u cuz nothing much can b done"..sometimes at the end of a fucked up day...i jus want to bitch n bitch non-stop with someone that understands my frustration, talks my lingo..not give mi advice...seriously i jus need to let it all out of my system..

manz in this post i'm realli trying to b as transparent as i can..so technically i'm worse than an open bk..not an inch of suspense to myself anyone..damn!!actually did i mention i dun exactly like implied or hidden meaning..i hate guessing n i dun tink its a suspense cuz i like things to b upfront n open..n yet there r times i find myself in situations which doesnt warrant mi the ability to do so.. in fact i tink i realli typed way too much...

if u the reader actually read thru this amt of nonsensical crap..i got nothing to say exp kudos for ur pesistance!!

~its gettin late cant believe i spend more than an hr typin tis entry!~

~i amaze myslf sometimes~

Florence

Sometimes i jus feel like screaming n screamin so loud.. so shrill n jus above evrything n evryone else so tt the only voice that is heard is mine..but right now the only thing that i can do is to grit my damn teeth while the fuckin tears continue to roll down my damn face..

i noe wat the hell i said..u got a bad memory n cant recall or even bother rememberin wat is being said..that is ur fuckun problem not mine at all! i HATE it when the fuckin blame is puched to mi when i noe damn right tt i'm not in the fuckin wrong!i reminded because of the note tt was pasted on the door..well then i should hv minded my own damn business instead of pickin up the phone to remind u!of cuz i told u the damn printer is not workin why the hell u tink i hv been making trips to the fuckin lib to print all my notes or relyin on my frens to help mi?! u tink very fun is it?!u tink very convenient is it?!u tink i dun feel peisei is it?!Huh Huh huH?!!!
n to tink u turn ard accusin mi of not sayin a damn thing...its all my fault n all..sayin wat an idiot n moron i am..for god sake la.. pls la am jus so damn fuckin tired of all the shit i have to take fr evryone la!..i'm jus so damn tired of constantly being accused of not being helpful..not lookin out for my siblings..of tellin things that i DiD say..of not making the effort to do something..get the picture..yes its all my fault..i should hv learnt how to accept things long ago..but why the hell is my face still flaming hot n the tears jus wont stop?..i wish i knew the ans to that..

~fuck is the word~

Florence

i know its being quite a while since i last the last entry..n yes evryone has been commentin how come i sound so angry n pissed off..i jus simply dun like being taken as a fool ba..honestly who likes it man?!so here i am sitting in sch's com lab tying a long awaited entry to all..sch has started..it doesnt feel like it actually...went to town the first couple of days..n i was feelin on a high even though there were issues ghawing at the back of my mind..i finally got to try the much raved abt carl's jr! its pretty big when u first lay eyes on it..n yes it got pretty messy cuz..i cant eat properly ba..n i did pedI!!that is wat that made mi happie!!actually it was also cuz i managed to spend time with someone who is busy most of the time...i noe ur schedule is hectic which is why i realli treasure the times we get to spend together...

its funny how i'm feelin quite in the dumps n tinking whtr should i blog abt it..n someone jus came n brought a smile to my face..ciaoz

~he muz have heard mi for once~

Florence