~Its amazing....~


sometimes i dun even understand myself..wat do i actually want out of others...why i do certain things...why do i get so damn hurt when i see the postings of other ppl's blogs on days they have spent with others...

its like one only matters for the time period...for that short-lived moment..well is it?!hmm...am i purposely distancin fr u..in hope that i wont b hurt as bad should the same thing occur to mi again..mayb..maybe not..the feeling of disappoinment n dejection is too fresh a reminder ...n i jus i'm not ready to open myself to opportunities where i can b wounded again...

anywayz enough of ramblings...i'm spending more time with others..in a way its good la..i get to catch up with pals i havent met in the longest time..a change in style n attitude is great...went out with jac on fri n my gosh we realli shop lorz..not clothes la..but we jus bought other ...erhm.."neccessities"..more like wants n desires la!! jus wan to thank jac for being a sweetie ..u noe i was feelin down n to cheer mi up tis gal brought mi to town n got mi a pair of earrings!! aint she the best!!hahaha in fact i gotta to say most ppl i noe treat mi pretty well..like giving mi free lunch n tea!! which was superb by the way..getting mi little trickets.. sometimes i jus wonder y cant evryone b like that..as in the first thought would b frens ba..jus in doin things to make each other happie..givin in to one another..sometimes i realli start questionin myself..is it worthy...all that i do..wat i've done..i dun feel the same from u..do i expect too much..or mayb sometimes i realli dun matter at all..ya mayb thats the case..

~ so wat the hell am i to u?!~

Florence

~sneakin a quickie~


now for those ppl who r dirty minded who probably was side trackin to somethin kinky...too bad!! its nothin like tt!!wahahaha today jus nua-in at home woke up late late as usual...thank god!! n had a slow lunch went to enjoy my thriller...okies i'm damn bad at predictin who is the killer...but y would i suspect that old woman when i noe it had to b a guy cuz gals were missin n being raped!!?! so its the writer's ability to mislead readers lorz!!...

have been toyin with the idea of changin my hair colour..to get out of my comfort zone of natural browns...so i decided to take a risk..n i'm not entirely sure whether was a gd one..anywayz i'm always open to honest criticism..i cant wait for fri!! finally goin out with jac!! i missed spendin time n yakkin to her!!she's one cool chick lorz..hmm..like herbel soup ba... like the taste of the soup gets better as u brew it for a longer period of time..yupz thats how i would describe us ba...jac if u r readin tis...i'm luvin u more n more (duH dun freak out i mean as a fren k a good gal fren horz!!) lalalala n i will definitely treasure our frenship more k!!

did i fail to mention that the weather today is way better than yest at the sun in the clear blue sky is so much more consistent than yest lorzx.. i jus luv it like that i always give thanx for days like that ..the sun earth's life giver...so cool in fact a getway to some resort even to Sentosa would b so fun!! any one game??!

~reliability is earned thru one's words put into actions~

Florence

~its a miracle~
morn of 17th may..

i cant believe it myself...i actually finally got out of bed at 7.30AM lorz...that is a super big deal for mi lorz...cuz i can sleep till past noon kind..

yest initial plans were screwed n thrown to the sky cuz of a slight problem..was disappointed at first so was tellin her abt it..n to my surprise we actually took the effort to get out of our houses to makan n get stuff..its a first impromptu thingy for mi..n u noe wat its quite refreshin to do things on the spur of the moment..hahhaa the best part of the part was definitely definitely goin to ECP lorz...in fact i cant believe that evryone was so so damn accomdating lorz!!! i have been so yearnin to go there n i managed to go there cuz ppl r jus plain nice to mi!!! n i luv it!! i had the salty tang of sea breeze blowin against my face (n yes my nike shorts again), the glorious sun shinnin on my my while i'm cyclin ...doin nothin but cyclin n admirin the sea view...did i mention how much i luv the sun?! i absolutely luv it!! simply cuz its a signal of another beautiful day on earth for mi...in fact darn since i'm up damn early n i'm so damn tempted to go swimmin!!

~should i or should i not!~

Florence

its so weird suddenly the urge to blog abt wat then i'm still not too sure..but one thing i noe thet flo is a gal's gal..rather than a healthy mix of both but oh well..i have to learn to accept it anywayz..was so pissed off on sat cuz of the attitude of guys..actually have no idea y i was so so angry?1..hmm..boilin mad would b a more accurate description lorxz..cuz i dun any of them but i tink wat dissed mi most was that i was tr4eated invisible while they were chattin to a gal they were interested in!..that was wat was so infuratatin cuz i mean at least have the decency to make evryone comfy before u single out ppl la!! where r ur manners?!!

okies i shall stop ranting but imagine i was so heated that i was cursing all the way when i was walking back from the park to the mrt station..ya..that was how angry i was..

yest went to the gym..which is an activity that i havent done in a long long while..the funny thing was there were quite a number of guys both in the pool n gym lorz..some plain showoffs while some were serious in working out la..not realli anyone droolworthy though.. haha went with mariam to the guy n boy did we worked out haha or least we did make a pretty decent attempt la..but now my body is practically screaming out in protest n muscles n achin like siao!!but on a lighter note i have grown taller...yes amazin but true..so i'm officially 174.5cm..fab isnt it no wonder my mum was commentin i seemed taller..but wat is sadder is i'm freakin heavier...which is not good at all!!

down right upsetting that i cant seem to lose all the weight i want to shed..i saw a programme last nite..not on purpose la..since i have the habit of flickin channels wheneva the show is too slow-paced or during ads..tis woman actually donned on a fat suit n i mean realli big fat suit..to understand the psyche of ppl who r BiG..i cant believe she actually said "i dont understand how ppl can fool themselves to tink they r happy when they r deprived of so many things...n all these fats they r jus so useless ..they dun serve any purpose at all"... shockin but it did make sense..i tink she voiced out wat i never did dare to say aloud...

i havent been happy with myself for the longest time when did it start i honestly dunno..mayb it was from my sec sch days or wat..i'm not too sure..mayb its a fact that i'm a critical person n my harshest critic is myself..i have been hard on myself n i will always b cuz i seem to b in constant lookin out for the smallest flaws which is magnified wheneva i see myself.. i tink that my character n personality is my saving grace..which falls short of making up for wat i am physically.. tis would explain my constant whining..its not that i do it intentionally but i honestly dun see the gal who has "pretty eyes n nose "or "someone with nice features" i do not see all of this at all...i used to suffer from that medical condition where i see distortion in my body its specific term was anorexia...i didnt even noe i had it till i was older..i hated myself so much my life at that time...i felt the only thing i could control was wat i ate n how i will look..n yes the teasing didnt help a bit...there are times when i hate myself n yet i've grown to try to accept myself for wat i am..i will always b taller n bigger size than most gals on tis island that is a FaCt that i cant deny..

it's amazing that i'm actually typin all these out cuz i never did want anyone to noe..apart from ceratin close frens that i tell...mayb i'm still struggling hard n learnin how to love myself n b comfortable with wat i am..its difficult to accept sometimes glaring truths..in fact i jus barred my heart n soul in tis entry..which is not a very wise thing to do..will my frens look at mi differently when they come to know of tis..i have to take a couple of yrs to get over it..n sometimes it surges back..something so strong n powerful cuz i'm practically immeresed in seein ppl who r slim n pretty ..ok mayb not that pretty la..all the time..i'm so tired...i feel that way again..of being helpless at my lack of determination..of saying i will do something abt it...but i never did...which is y the trip to the gym is a big startin step..i need to learn how to feel good abt myself not jus for my sake but for the ppl ard mi...i noe how sometimes they try to make mi feel better by tellin mi positive remarks..but i jus dun see it cuz all i see ia warped..

whoa jus realised tis is one of the longest entry in a long while...i dunno what i hope to accomplish by sayin all the stuff that i always kept within myself..but at least i jus wat u all to understand it not that i'm fishin for more compliments when someone praises mi cuz i always turn them down flately..it jus so happens i'm like that ba..okies okies..i realli should stop talkin more before one of u realli tinks that flo has totally lost her marbles..n for info i have not la..yupz so tis is the deep secret n wound that i hv been hiding from evryone..someone once said that " i appear to be happy go lucky n bubbly but yet there was something in eyes that is reserved as if i'm keepin a mask to hide something'..well i guess its true to a certain extent ba..
~barin my innermost secret~

Florence

~a entire wk of heavy duty socializing
recap~

i managed to meet up with most of my frens last wk..its funny how with different frens all so unique in their own ways..n yet i always feel comfy enough to always always be myself...be it being bitchy..frank ...mean...checking guys out blantantly..criticial of others on the street...i do it with no shame at all...tis is all due to the fact i noe these peeps wil stand by mi wheneva i need them..(i hope so la)..no fear of being deserted cuz i make it a pt to try to noe abt each fren's life..if i'm doin it often enough..tell mi k!!

so i spent a large proportion of the wk goin out with individual frens...only then did i realise an imp fact..even goin out to hv fun n chill can b that tiring..sometimes i wonder i would do anythin to help a fren...but will they...will others rem mi when i die or will they b strugglin to even put a name to my face..

i confess that i luv being remembered by others..its quite silly actually but at least it shows that my presense in this vast vats world will not be forgotten for that period of time ba...

~the print of self lives on?!~

Florence

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

Your Japanese Name Is...

Yoshiko Sanjo

Your Birthdate: August 27

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path. Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate. There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do. This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative. You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends. You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

Florence