~a sigh of relief!~
late afternoon of 30th June

jus got back fr the meetin n tour ard the sch...the Principal n VP r very nice ppl la n can c that tis sch realli cares for the kids n when i heard the teachers talkin abt the places where they r goin for excursions i was so envious lor!!but fr wat i can tell there r a lot of prgrammes there for the kids la which translates to more work n yes there r meetings quite often i tink...n boy is the sch huge n compiled with the extremely confusin layout of the classes i'm bound to b lost one *blushes*my sense of direction cant make it one la hahaha but since i will b there for only 4 days i dun tink i will b able to b immersed in the sch's culture la!!realli hope that i can do the report that we r supposed to complete on IT lor n askin mi the com idiot to do a report on IT is like askin mi to pose as a model lorz ...get my analogy??!!haiz saw that trainee liao didnt expect her to look like that at all...since she was so anxious rite?i expected her to b there b4 mi but to my surprise i was early so i sat there on the couch jus lookin at ppl n kids la then she was almost late n she had gosh gold n copper highlights 3 pierced earrings on each ear n wearin sorta sliipers lor....n when we finally were havin the meetin with the senior teachers n the VP n P she always had an answer at hand n she could actually answer them without much time to tink lor ....n i was super speechless so i jus sat there listenin lorz. i mean wat else is there left for mi to say lorz...found out that she fr geog side no wonder i dun rem cin her but she said that she saw mi a couple of times before la,which i was kinda surprised la.oh ya the sch is havin a road show at LOT 1 tis sat fr 11-6.45pm anyone wans to go>?? cuz i'm encouraged to go lor n i tink i will la jus to c wat the sch has in store la but tink i'll go there in the afternoon ba....tink i realli very blur lor evrythin also dunno gotta find out abt the freakin assignment la but the funny thin was that trainee like quite nice lei she actually said that she will help mi to bring the printout on tue for mi!!hmm....dunno wat to make out of her yet ...usually i can more or less read a person within jus talkin or cin them for a few mins but she's a puzzle la...n yapz we exchanged nos la....heez guess wat today's a special day cuz its my mom's birthday hahaha goin to get a cake later lorz cant wait to give my mom the "surprise"*smiles cheekily* heez so guys i wont b free next wk k tlll fri nite?!!so pls book mi after that ya!!actually tis comin fri 2nd july i'm presently free anyone up to somethin fun??like cyclin at ecp??heez actually i feel a sense of relief la the past few days felt tis impendin doom approachin cuz was afraid wont make a gd impression n all tink mayb i'll shall nap a while before gettin the cake la pretty tired anywayz hahaha yapz i'm such a PiG but who cares!!wahhaa

Florence

~whoa n haiz!~an oxymoron....
nite of 28th june

thought of bloggin an entry before i hit the bed dunno y feelin drained despite my surprisin gd sleep last nite...today i had such fun with my 2 pals cum buddies la its been so long since the 3 of us get together la n yes it was such a blast lor n poor addy take care of ur ankle ya so touched that u still came out n spent the day with us or should i say mi??!!haha ya i'm bhb la n waitin for us lor *tears in eyes* hahaha we had so much fun posin for the neoprints manz takin 10 shots at a go is damn tirin la dunno wat pose to put lor hahaha but super fun la shriekin abt heez n haiz we so shi bai lor still cant complete decoratin despite the longer timelimit n yes was super full after eatin the seafood platter literally hv to lean back to rest lor hmmm...muz rem next time to ask for more rice instead of so much fries lor heez n lucky we didnt take the "sweets"manz can u imagine if we were caught with a fistful of shells??hahaha thank goodness we didnt take it lor *smirks* didnt go into the accessories shops haiz so saddenin la but for the sake of my pocket better resist the temptation mayb when i get my pay la then i can visit liao hahaha now i'm sittin in front of the com with my entire head filled with strands of black hair!!!!aaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhh so black lor evn blacker then Othello's skin but i got to admit the dye was damn gd it wiped away any trace of the previous golden highlights which the other DIY dye couldnt do so....haahaa guess i hv to b a goodie gal since that stupid trainee is such a sucker...the mere mention of her jus makes my blood boil dunno who the hell she is lor but cant believe that she would resort to such tactics to make herself look good n in the process i was chided by the senior teacher lor...pissed with that ass cant wait to c how she looks like lor then she wont b that xiao zhang liao such a bootlicker!!n i got to meet the imp ppl on wed afternoon wish mi lucks guys that i make it thr even though that girl is goin to b there as my colleague lor.......

~wats the best way to "murder"someone??!!~

Florence

~yippeeee!~
nite of 26 th of juNe

hahaha let mi give an update to all since i hv been missin in action la sorta of la as in not bloggin for some time ma yapz wahaha dad was on leave since yest lorz n we went to the asian civlization museum for the later part of morn la thought that it would b abborin place considerin that we had to go in sec sch lor but boy was i wrong quite interestin actually esp the exhibition of materials thought that was superb was so dazzled with the cloth n threads saris,sorongs n all heez so tempted to touch it hahaha n i did la jus to c if it was real lor ...but the funny thin was there wasn't a single local in sight lor so our family seemed a bit out of place ba but anywayz the others apart fr my mom were so anxious lor kept sayim"hurry up,faster"so infruratin didnt realli get to c to my fill esp at the gold section!!hahha n yapz tis morn went to ecp there to ride bikes cuz haiz mine is spoilt la hahaha mi,vin n po-pi rode our bikes to the end of the park n when we were tutnin guess wat her bike sorta gave way la as in the bicycle chain got loosen n we had to take turns to push her bike thank goodness she managed to catch up with tis super nice uncle in a hmmm..wat u call that a vehicle that helps ppl like mi?!hhaha so i got a ride back n lucky no need to push the bike all the way back lorz hahaha but feel that didnt ride until shuang enough lei...mayb i wan to do that again sometimre soon la..today the feelin of ridin the bike was so great words jus cant catch the rite feelin la the wind rushin thr the hair when travllin at high speeds..erhm...ya *pleads guilty* n i will never wear any nike shorts to ride a bike liao haiz the wind so totally blew it so freakin high until....*blushes*damn peiseh lor when the ppl fr the opp lane were lookin n yes it refused to stay down despite my frantic pullin haha but i seriously luv the feel of wind against my face thats the world's best feelin...when i was ridin it felt as if i was so free fr evrythin...

~i wan to feel the sea breeze against my face again soon~

Florence

~tired!~
morn of 24th jUne

wa lau today the day of registretion for next sem modules n had to wake up at such an early hr cuz of mother lor.....still feel so tired manz ...how can that b possible rite??i also dunno la neck n shoulders achin like hell n stiff la cant crack it to relieve the tension lor!!oh ya thanks jac for the new bloggie layout!!super cool sia heez i tink i managed to get wat is rquired for next sem studies haiz mind u 8 modules hor!!gotta work harder since the last sem's grades were so shitty heyz we realli gotta start studyin when sch starts k cuz i've got no $$ to pay the gov la.....jus so relieved n glad that evrythin was fine when u called mi last nite la!!it was realli realli good to hear ur voice n jus talk abt evrythin though it was a tad weird at first n yes i tink we should start on a clean slate cuz it will b better for the both of us la...heez lookin forward to the fish & co k long time never eat nice foodies liao at hm lor...haiz some idiot called my bro is the cause of it!!we hv to sacrifice n eat healthy stuff...geez like i can survive lor!!stomach was rumblin so loud last nite..tink today will b slackin ard ba...no energy to do anythin else la....mayb i need my pills...."my 1000 n 1 kids when the hell u all takin ma to the doctor??" hahaha smacks u unfillial kids heez k la becomin mad liao... ciaoz

Florence

~hmmm~
Florence
3 parts intelligence
3 parts silliness
1 part
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of curiosity and enjoy

hmmm...tis is supposed to b my personality cocktail la hahaha but dunno wat the onre part refers to la heez but i tink quite accurate ba since silliness is apparant in mi not sure abt intelligence though haa jus cut my hair n dyed it to a more appropriate colour for sch haiz wat to do dun wan to leave a bad first impression on the ppl there ma!the sacrifices gotta make...mayb time n distance have played a part.....or mayb awkwardess wAs self-created or under circumstances but i find myself not able to even pick up the phone to sms or call...i always had been the one givin in to others so that it wont b that weird when both parties come face to face but..now i dunno whether i should a not.....i tired of makin decisions, of tryin to pretend evrythin is fine n danity,of listenin to other ppl's sob stories when i already given advice which was again unheeded,.....its like a cycle repeatin itself n there's no stop button...n yes thanks jac for ur call jus to ask if i'm allright!it realli means a lt to mi la!*hugs*i noe that its been extremely hard on u havin to juggle work n tution n of course those monsters la...n that wretched girl lor no worries k cuz u can always call mi to bitch abt it mi will b more than happy to supply my input of "curses"haha heyz anyway when u registerin my ur timetable ah??cuz mayb we can try to fix a free day?!mine next month then start la super late...hahha

Florence

~a fruitfUl daY~
nite of 21st juNe

hmmm.. where should i start??hahaha today spend the day with that po-pi la we went to town there n makaN at swenson's ...yapz i ate the fish n chips haha u all gotta b wonderin like huh florence will eat fish one meh??hahaha ya i did was yummy la...that stupid ass ate the chicken n keep makin smackin sounds lor tryin to tempt mi rite?!hahha pretty fun day with that gal swear she is totally tarded lor wahaha not inherited my genes one hor...serious!!got new pencilbox yipee another one to add on to my collection fell in luv with it at first sight lor hahha some more so my type the rugged n cool type hahaha..after that mi met up with jac n lin that poor babe had chicken pox n since she cant eat so many things she lost so much fats?!as in the pants keep droppin lucky ass i tink even if i fast also cant achieve that haiz i blew it la ate so much today haha went to mac to meet them n eat nuggets meal with extra drink haha hhaha jus had my dinner too fried rice...not my fav la but since grandma cooked it i ate it lor she should put more prawns la!!...hmm....had a realli gd n relaxin time jus catchin up with them...its weird la though we havent seen each other that recent but we always r so at ease with one another n we never run out of topics to talk abt!!ya amazin rite n tat silly lin was imitatin that woman la(cant rem wats her name)that oldie with young bf one la hhaa lin is jus so pro n jac is still the same heez havent laugh tis much for so long thanks guys!!hha lin always still looks so cute even though she is supposed to look like a retard lor while mi let mi quote jac "hahaha u look like the one the mogo..." "aiya the ppl with down syrodrome"yupz i l;ook like a mogolot??(dunno how to spell la)hahaha i always end up lookin more werid n dunb while i intentionally pose like that ....haiz always kena blackmail by them hahaha but its fun la i dun mind lookin like that in the pics we take lor cuz tink its spontanity which makes it all the more fun lor dunno i can always b as crazy n relax with tis bunch of pals no cares abt losin face or wat lor!!hahha we so totally rawk despite the fact they r older then mi by a couple of months n hv reached the 2-0 liao hahha i'm still 19+++++ for the time bein la but i realli tink its jus so nice to meet up la heyz guys we should do tis b4 we go back to sch manz no need to wait for nani to come back...nani when u back we goin to singin ur,jac n win beloved songs k no worries then we can b so ourselves in that big darkroom hahha for hours!!

~huggies for u all~

Florence

~swimmin?!~

cant believe it tink i'll b goin swimmin with my family later in the evenin at changi there hahaa that will b my third consective alternate day lorz...haha but mayb i should tell a white lie abt not bringin my goggles there??haiz cuz i noe my dad will hit the roof since it cost so much hhahathink i should take a nap first so tired cuz stayed up to watch the korean drama ...tink that those 2 ppl realli very ill-crossed lor so painful to love n lose get him back n goin to lose him again cuz he saved her fr the lorry haiz so drama but yet so poignant n n saddenin...hmmm.since i got the feelin that i will b headin to the pool quite a bit then mayb it will b wise to get another pair la wat to do i jus love the feelin of bein in the water but i hate wat chlorine does to the hair la!!hhaha mayb i realli should go exercise more often to burn off the fats that i accumulated by jus bein such a pig..sigh but so gd jus to laze ard munchin away n gossipin oooppppsss i mean talkin to my sis...haha she's a smart gal can read my moods pretty well not like some morons who so dunno how to behave...realli was quite pissed yest with mum not a word of thanks for helpin out with bro but kena critize over the place that i brought him to eat...didnt talk to her after that till later.seriously tink i reach the stage that probably goes like (i)pissed (ii)refusal to talk (iii)wat else u wan mi to say the cant b borther stage liao i tink i achieved that stage in a couple of things that have happened but seriously tink i dun even 3wan to try anymore too tired. jaded.mayb the past experiences hv a role to play in order to shape a person into wat they r now.n i guess thats wat/why i'm already shaped into that mould

Florence

~the fine line~
nite of 19th JuNe

today actually i didnt plan to blog but since the com was on i couldnt resist the temptation to seek a peek...seriously didnt expect such a quick reply fr u cuz u said that u havent been updatin on anyone's blog...i read ur lastest entry...it finally answered some stuff that was in my mind...i heard ur side of the story n at least i'm glad that i noe wat's goin on for once... u say that u dislike writin in ur blog cuz ppl tend to tink that its related to them...it muz hv been spurred by someone in order for one to even type in that idea that has crossed ur mind rite?!..now that the main reason is ur grandma then i wish her a speedy recovery n for u the strenght to go on ....it muz hv been bad for u in order to comtemplate sucuide ...it didnt noe that things had been that bad for u cuz...u nvr said...n how was i to noe?gosh i'm not a superman i cant read minds when i havent seen them for the last month or talked to them...i feel like i'm the bad guy in fact i tink i am...of cuz its not wrong to care for ur grandma...ya there r so many times that i wan to tell u somethin but i cant cuz i always rem how busy u r with wateva...the times that i was in the pits i realli gotta thank those who were there for mi...nevermind la forget i'm jus a petty n spoiled brat la who doesnt give a damn abt other ppl's feelings la...its all my fault...its life there muz always b the good n bad i guess i'm the embodiment of the latter...i failed in a lot of stuff too..a lousy daughter, lousy sister,hopeless grandchild,n worse a horrid friend yes i noe....its funny jus that day i said abt cryin now its nonstop...the reason for it i'm not sure but i tink these flow of tears would b for my failure n loss...in the process i lost sight of evrythin that holds dear to mi..somethings lost can never b gained back n some wounds made can never b healed..mayb i should hv been more obstinate pushin to the root of the problem so that i will noe wat was goin on in ur life...but the fact was i didnt...seriously last sem i made u the center of my world i gave u all my time n effort..i neglected a lot of my jc pals n close ones jus to hang out with u...its funny...i realli had such big n wonderful plan n dreams for tis hols but sadly it never came thr..mayb thats y some say that the higher u r the greater the fall...i was at the pinnacle in terms of last sem frenship with u..never will it cross my mind that i would b at the chasm between sanity n insanity...mayb tis will b for the better i can finally b the siow one that some of u hv affectionally given mi that nick..hhaa at least i can live up to somethin...ok i tink tis entry will prove sufficient....rest assured tis wont happen again..i tink its best if i keep away fr all so that i will not contiminate or soil any of u...i'll jus keep all to myself. no pt.i never should hv brought tis up.stupid girl always not tinkin of the consequences before i do anythin.ya so silly wat did i expect tink i deserved it anyway .ya ok.thats all ya n hope ur grandma gets better soon.ya
sometimes i realli dun understand myself n i hate myself regardless wateva mask that is presented to anyone.how can i b worthy of trust n friendships when i myself is a great failure..i tink i'll jus stop writin i'm not coherent.minds blank.fingers possessed.eyes hurt.face wet.ok i realli should stop.

~will it b a sheer drop?~
i tink i'll find that out soon....

Florence

To the person that was once so imp to mi that i could change my plans cuz u wanted to hang out,

jus read ur lastest blog entry somethin abt not pleasin evryone so its no pt so u gotta jus pls oneself....well i tink i noe u're referin to mi lor...seriously i dunnno wat else to say liao...i gave u so many chances n oppurtunities for u to meet us ...but wat can i say mayb u got ur issues n probs la i wont noe cuz u dun say ...i already gave u the time(since hols started)n space but nothin is accomplish...mariam is kind she said mayb u got issues u dun wan to say or wat n lets wait till sch starts then c how!!but i'm not that type of person ..i never was n will nvr will b ...i dun like to face uncertainity n unpredictability i dunno wat the hell is goin on nowadays we dun even talk ,c, online,meet! n mayb u expect evrythin to b normal n all but i dun like pretenses yupz i'm frank n thats brutal but heyz it saves evryone the trouble.. others might not say in fear of hurtin others well its true it hurts but at least u noe wats goin on...actually i prefer to say it into ur face so that u can actually c my facial expressions i'm that expressive my emotions r written there n i dun hide!i used to tink a lot abt how to phrase my words but in the end its no use it gets misinterprented..tink i might as well jus say it upfront..n yes feel free to throw wateva back in my face.i'll b more than happy lor cuz frankly i hv received a fair share of hurts n weapons thrown at mi....so i realli wan to noe ur side of the story so that i wont b prejuiced....words r no longer sufficient to describe wat i feel anymore i hate myself when i hv to say somethin i dun mean jus because i noe u will feel unhappy n all...how can i lie to myself n others but feel so shitty after that??to tell u the truth i havent been sleepin well tinkin abt wat the hell went wrong b/w us ??wat could i hv done /could do to reticfy the prob..sometimes i realli start to wonder is it because we r in the same sch thats y its taken for granted that u will c us thats y u cant seem to meet us evrytime??or somehow we drifted apart but u cant bring urself to say it out?or u simply got no time at all for ur frens?or is it ur family or wat??see wat i mean these r jus a few things that r in my mind...BSEA u asked y i'm so stressed now i tink u can y liao...too many unspoken questions that cant b ans i tink....to that person i'm sure u noe who u r rite?n dun need for mi to spell it out?i realli hope that we can clear it up b4 sch starts cuz i nvr had the trait of patience n yapz its wearin very very thinly to the pt there r realli a lot of holes...i wan to get this clearesd b4 it breaks..cuz i noe that once that happens there is seriously nothin much to do cuz no amt of super glue will help.....

yous sincerely,
florence

Florence

~shacked~
evenin of 18th junE

whoaz my day started at early 7 am lor long time nvr had to get up that early manz but for the sake of free lessons i'm so willingly to sacrifice my sleep anywayz didnt get to sleep much again last nite after tossin n turnin for more than an hrwent into a wakefulness sleep then it seemed to soon that the alarm went off....went for the pilates lessons that woman is so freakin slim lorz n extremely flexible n strong wow she can do headstand usin her hands n the way she bends is inhuman lor haha didnt even sweat in her lesson only part that i felt some tension was probably the side exercise ba?!haha after that with for a swim with my girl erhm...actually more like dip in the water la only swam 3 laps usin bro's goggles too loose water kept goin in painful sia...but had loads of fun today actin like a kid jumpin in the wave pool, the jets at jazz,haha yupz so embarrassin lor those jets have the freakin ability to make one look like they had implants..haha pretty funny la i tink that boy/guy was fascinated at the sight of both of us la...we jus treated that pool like our house laughin over the ppl yes the boys with boobies n all haha even sat the slide haixz no kick one jus felt it was so long n warm hopin that the ride will end sooner.....hhaaa spent more than 2 hrs in the blazin afternoon in the pool it was so cool n nice in the water but now payin the price for it i look worse than the chao ta bao lor..some parts so dark now i look even weirdier than usual haha...mayb spend too long a time in the sun feelin the after effects liao heez i went on a buyin snacks spree haha yupz i'm a self proclaimed junkie haha n i'm lovin it *sticks out tongue* met wen xian fr juz maths n talked to her for sometime she said i've changed but..i tink not ..hhaa she looks n behaves exactly the same manz she's jus so cute la haha....gonna to eat my muchies liao ciaoz catch u next time when i do ya...

~i jus wan a gd nite sleep is that too much to ask ?!~

Florence

actually i hv no clue y these past few days hv been like that...i'm physically drained but mentally more alert i'm damnit tired i wan to sleep.. but i cant..always tinkin n all but i also dunno wat the hell i'm tinkin abt...am i stressed??but i shouldn't b ba sch is not startin soon tis time period should b the best time of my life but yet sadly its not...for some reason i cant exactly explain ...i tried to cry but nothin comes out cuz i heard that one feels better after a gd cry...i tried to laugh but i tink i sound like a manic gigglin over the silliest stuff i tried to b serious but others say y u're so firece or angry...i wan to run with the wind rushin thr my hair runnin so hard i cant stop n breathe i wan to swim so hard that the body cries out i wan to laugh so loud n hard that i've got no more voice!!i wan to sing till the throat tears i wan to shout so loud in hope the heart feels lighter BUT i cant u wonder y ??i will b a nuisance to others, i cant run cuz no stamina, today i swam so hard racin with this guy who had a headstart ...i thought that i can beat him i gave my all but it was not enough i missed jus by seconds ...i hate it i always put in my all for others givin my all but is it even enough or appreciated??i decided i cant give anymore i used up all my reserves n at my lowest with no defences i was attacked..all because my guard was down cuz i place u first n neglected others n wat do i receive in return??"once bitten twice shy"rest assured florence will learn fr her mistakes i wont repeat the same mistake...i need to start defendin myself so that i wont get hurt anymore..its too painful if the wound which is supposedly healed is opened up again..some say that cuttin is a way of release..but i dun tink so.. mayb for that moment when the skin is cut n blood oozes out its jus fascinatin but thats all i didnt feel better...smokin jus chokes the pipe n the quality of air jus deteoriates...cant understand y some choose to smoke such a waste of money n they should jus go to some dome shaped container gather their fellow smokers n light up cig n jus rot there la...hate the stench...i need to find a better way of release...one that i can carry it out myself...but do i realli wan to b the old mi??can i live with it??

~confusion on wat i am~

Florence

~cool waters welcomed mi~!
evenin of 16th jUne

hahaha finally went for my swim manxz the water is jus WOW invitin could hv stayed there for a loooonnnggg time but haiz stomach was growlin cuz oooppss forgot to eat my breaky b4 headin to the pool la managed to get some tan la cuz mi havent been doin much sports in the sun lately hahaha ...haiz but mi in my anxiousness to get my lunch neglected my goggles la ..shhhheeessh tink i left it on the steps n hope whoeva tht took it will go blind or faint when they use it ...hhhhhhuuuummpp who ask them to take stuff that dun belong to them ....saw casey when i went back there in hope of findin it...so funny he said that he jus finished swimm..hmmm so by right i should mayb hv caught him at the pool rite??haha but there again mi probabbly was too preoccupied with the notion of jus enjoyin the nice soothin waters la haha not too bad a day la overall jus a bumper that i lost my degreed goggles dun tink i will get one soon ba unless i intend to go swimmin often!!but i was so dumb i only talked a bit to casey(i dun tink i like him already la) n manz i cant believe that i actually jus sorta left the conversation hangin cuz my mind was on the goggles la darn so dumb!!anyway met up with my OgL(xingyi) yest for dinner at HMV there hhaa the waiter at billy bombers so interestin he was speakin fluently till i jus looked up at him n he started stammerin..??!!weird lorz geez found out fr xingyi that black shirt guy had a gf for 2 yrs lor ya the shorts gal whose name is Audrey lor n she is officially comin to our sch tis comin sem lor ...so i can expect to c more of them since they r so sticky n clingy so wantin to display their affection for one another lorz yhew...get a grip or a rm pls!hahahabut seriously tink that the weather now is sooooo freakin hot wont mind headin for the pool another time soon ..hahha jus will borrow my sibling's goggles la haha mayb i should start exercisin n b more healthy ba tink should focus on lenghtenin my muscles cuz i so dun wan to look like the incredile hulk lorz since my frame is already of a certain size liao....


~i gotta keep My resoLutioNS~

Florence

~amazin! wat wonders talkin does to improve one's disposition~
eveNin of 14th jUne

great can feel the old mi creepin back...hmmm puzzled??well today had a super fab day with ling ....mainly talked a lot n manz walkin ard the shoppin mall to buy stuff yipee!!another hobby of mine..cant explain y i feel so comfy with ling the one that i can pour out my deepest fears n hurts that i suffered...mayb cuz she's jus such a great listener n i noe i can trust her la...for some reason i always feel great jus spendin the day with her hahha my personal pyscho-threapist heez but seriously thanx for bein my listenin ear la..i also cant understand y its always to her that the barriers which i errected will be torn down jus by lookin at her face...i can finally feel some sense of peace overcomin the confusion that is admist in my life....to some u might tink that i'm jus not willing to share wateva troubles with u all...but how can i bring myself to?when i dun tink i noe who u r liao...i dunno wat to say to some cuz words sometimes fail to describe accurately wat one is feelin n i guess this is one of the instances..but i'm not goin to waste anymore time n effort tryin to save it.. cuz its furtile...i tink i rather focus on more imp things cuz i tink it realli takes these accumulation of events to allow mi to c who r the ppl who went out to "rescue" n support mi...heyz thanz dearies!*hugs*


~wow lunch was so yummy apart fr the shitty dessert la!~
~will luv come back to mi~...

Florence

~i hate evrythin related to u!~
nite of 13th June

actually i posted another entry that nite but i took it down cuz it protrayed a pitiful side of mi which i dun display it ...well i dun need pity ..i didn't care for it when i was young n neither do i wan it...i hate the freakin way u treat us!!so ful of urself tinkin u're all to great n wateva shit shoutin n all...cant i even hv few mins of privacy to myself??cant even let mi sleep in the afternooon in peace...one shoutin n talkin basically rubbish at inappropriate times.the other whinin n complainin.the other too scared to do jus abt anythin.wat the hell!!i hate the way u push ur work to others.askin oh no u dun ask u jus state "i wan this done this way n that" u so great n all do it urself la..to tink u had the gall to write down comments abt the summary i had to do for u ..so infruratin was realli boilin but that comment realli pissed mi off like shit.u jus n paqrk ur fat ass in front of the gogglebox the moment dinner is eaten n u had the adaucity to say that not to my face but shall i say in a footnote at the end of the summary u wanted mi to redo with paragraphin more info blah blah blah..i hate the way u take credit for things u didnt do but u bask in the praise that shouldn't b for u...u still tink that i'm that small little girl who cower at the sound of ur voice or winced at the beatings i gotten..the slaps my face has endured?!...well i've grown i'm NO longer that little kid anymore n dun forget i'm jus slightly shorter than u i the past i never stood up to u cuz u were tis imprssive figure..but now that i'm older all i c is a tarnished stone...dun blame mi for not exactly respectin u...wat hv u done to gain it??the insults n all u hurled will never b forgotten mayb u tink that children wont rem the stuff that adults say..jus to correct u ...its not true..i will always remember it vividly!!

~i'm burstin with so much anger within mi...tink i'm goin to blow soon~
....haiz ~

Florence

~i luV the cool breeze of nitefall~
late nite or should i say morn?!

here i am sittin in front of the com playin the game with mechanical movements not thinkin at all tryin not to tink of anythin didnt talk much online not realli in the mood...tink these days i'm such a PiG jus eatin n sleepin lorz manz stomsch rumblin n growlin....hmm...should i eat instant noodles??shhhessshh tink my hope for not gain anymopre weight tis hols is screwed !! hahha did i mention screwed...read nani's blog...quite weird la hearin abt tcs thin...noe that she's been hurtin too over that bastard as in that J fellow la..haha for all u noe urs might noe mine cuz they r equally hurtful n their methods of inflictin pain is similar...rats tink i'll cook the noodles..hang on a sec k!!hmmm...lately i tend to detach n go into tis third person perspective...mayb cuz it wont hurt so much??i dunno but i do noe that i should b grateful n glad at the amt of support i receive fr all my frens regardless of the amt of time i knew u all!!thanz my peeps luv u *muackz*yes i realli should there r so many other ppl who r less blessed than mi, lives worse than mine....hmmm...today crashed for straight 3 hrs in the afternoon managed to go into deep slumber to make up for the previous restless nites....didnt tink abt it. dun wan to let mi escape jus for a while...then i'll deal will it when i regain some strenght ...but its still there n will always b no matter where i turn...


~i jus wan to savory my nooodles with egg n nuggets yum!n play my game in peace~
~i will systematically block u out~
~i will win~

Florence

~how caN it b true~
before dinNer ...stomach rumbliN

its damn freaky lor to tink that i jus dreamt of him n mi the nite b4 n YES i saw him!!or should i b more precise to say that i saw his gf first...she looked familiar n i was tinkin whose the gal in that red blouse huh look quite familiar lorz...then only i noticed she was with a guy which is HiM ..yupz n that moron was grinnin spastically to mi sayin "heyz hi"
i was realli gapin shits mouth hangin cuz i cant believe the coincidence of happenings lor...n i blew it i jus said "hey" n i actually jus turned away...man*slaps forehead* how how dumb can one get u tell mi?!hahaha but guess wat i realli was in my "findin nemo" T-shirt n jeans (wat a way to make an impression ya?)ass lor y didn't i meet him whem i was more presentable mayb coverin some of my flaws...rather than cin mi like THAT?so horrid...but hmm...wonder is it a sign tellin mi to wake up to reality..cuz he n her jus look so good n right together...n tellin mi subtlely jus to give up u pea-brain n So wat???life goes on!!started feelin upsetted when i was in the train by myself... the image of both of them jus replayin in my mind...heart felt somethin but cant describe how it felt..painful..couldn't brathe...idoit on the train freaked out n moved away ..but hell i dun care...i wan u out of my head, my mind....n yes my heart...u tink its fun havin images of u in my head..well no ...its not!!i mean wats the pt i noe wats my placin ..i shouldn't hv even fallen for u but at that time all i have to say in my defense..i didn't noe the fact u were or are still attached..u tink its easy hearin u say how much u like her..how u changed for the better n ya how u wanted to marry her...ya i knew from that moment that i would never stand a chance...so cheers..i've gotta stop whinin cuz it serves no purpose n wont ever bring u to mi...heyz jus gotta give it to u cuz u made mi the skeptical n cynical one actually feel somethin for u...n the person is definitely not DAVID la...i'm sure u all noe who i'm referin to la cuz i kept talkin abt him..n mayb i dun speak of him as often but yes my heart still remembers evrythin...but u were never mine so i guess thats the way it will always b..

yours truely...
florence

~hoW can i ever ForGet u...mayb time will help mi~...
~i waN to delete u fr my life...pls spare me the torture..i dun tink i can take it anymore..~

Florence

~a wonderful dream~

manz wat a dream that i had...mayb dreams realli do reflect impossible events...cuz i do noe that the chances of it happenin is NIL but nevertheless i still wan to write it down cuz i will wan to rem tis ..well there r three main characters in the story him, my sis(ExtRa) n the star moi of cuz...hmmm...i tink i was suppose to bring my sis for some tuition la then the next thin i knew he called n wanted to meet up for a meal..i was practically twistin my fingers lor cuz iwas not dressed in my best..jus my usual T-shirts n jeans la..n guess wat that bugger actually was in a suit!!bUT boy did he look super super (to the power of infinity)GooD in it lorz..his broad n strong shoulders,his nice lean n long legs...hahha i better stop disectin his evry part la..n no its not a wet dream ok for ppl who r curious haha..we went to tis posh place n he seemed at ease with the ppl there...like it was his usual hunt?!yupz i felt kinda out of place with my attire lorz but he reassured mi n when we were eatin our meal..hahha cant rem where that gal disappeared to la..anywayz not imp la..he excused himself to the toilet and as i looked up to him..i was positively sure he winked a signal to follow him ..which i did ...then he walked to some deserted area ..since i was followin closely behind i was shocked when he suddenly stopped n swirled ard sayin "i got somethin for u" i tink i was stunned lor cuz never in my wildest dreams i thought i would b havin a meal with him lor..n now he wanted to pass mi somethin..was kinda suspicious that it was a trick or somethin then he totally surprised mi with the gift..that silly ass jus threw it to it n said "there" n for once i actually caught somethin la..it was a necklance..he said some stuff n sadly the freakin dream ended jus like that haiz...wat the **** the most excitin part lor.. was grinnin moronically when i woke up...but its all a dream it wont n can't ever happen cuz i noe that he has a gf whom he realli loves la..wont forget the day i found out ..hahha jus b4 my A-levels lit paper...fr that day on i truely tried to erase anythin related to him..but i guess the mind is persisent...though i dun tink of him that often i do hv flashbacks which r painful la..n his no which i deleted proves useless cuz its rem..i was shocked when i found out i actually rem his number...ya..but wat for all i can say i wish him all the best!*resigned sigh*...oh ya i was supposed to spend time with someone i wanted to c for the longest time but i tink its not fated la cuz somethin always happens on that day renderin a meetin furtile...hahhaa but i guess there's nothin i can do n sorta used to it liao la...but anyhow mayb someother time i guess....

Florence

~shucks~
late morn of 4th JuNe

got a verbal trashin AGAIN fr him "u better talk politely to others", "u tink u 20 very big already ah better know ur placin in tis house"...blah blah blah..there again its always ironic to hear wateva that spills out fr his mouth so ya mayb i made the mistake of smirkin haha but ya so wat i can't help it lorz cuz u dun seem to b able to truely understand wat n the "importance" of ur stand?!oh ya did i forget to mention the flauntin ur authority n position as head of the house will NOT earn my respect at all only my disgust n resentment!!yupz i know my placin how can i ever forget that fact which u hv ben drillin into my head since yonders ago..i held my tongue literally bittin down to keep the lashin of vemon u're lucky i did if not i know that u cant take it cuz once i start i wont stop n my my i will pity u in the end cuz when ppl r cornered u'll b amazed at the extent of intentional hurtfulness i intend to inflict...but i'm tryin to control..sought refuge in my room..turned up the vol of the tension cd to drown out ur shoutings...so apt..pathetic fallecy...its stormin n the rain is whippin thr the trees..jus like the emotions coursin thr mi..n the song i happen to b listenin to is abt "a challenge" whoa so qiao lor...music soothes my soul feelin the anger seep away but no worries the scar u seared in my already deformed heart will always b a "lingerin" reminder n yes i am strong n i will NEVER give u the satisfaction of seein mi fall or crumble!!u were always the one...i used to wonder wat hv i done to deserve that..i guess i've grown up..i stop even questionin jus ya "like wateva" it makes no difference regardless of wateva i say..i'm fuckin tired of toleratin..manz i cant erupt cuz i noe the destruction my words will cause n u will jus b a tiny figure swept off by my vicious lava....


~Let the MuSic heal My soUL~

Florence

~a LittlE sOmethiN for All oF U to poNdeR aBt~
LaTe eveNin of 3Rd JuNe

hahaha jus got back fr my day trip to JB it was kinda last min la so i didn't manage to get anythin for anyone la*peiseh*anywayz the place that i went to rreallli had nothin even worthy to get lor...drivin thr the supposed "city" it was a wakeup call n made mi realise the importance of a great government..i mean no offense to anY maLaysians but gosh i tink the issue of power is so so unjustified..look at malaysia how can it b possible for a country to b collectin revenue fr so many sources n yet still remain absolutely the SAME even after one generation??since we were already trapped in the car we startin talkin abt topics realated to their country lor...the lastest article abt their triumph over meritocracy made mi laugh till i practically suffered fr cramps..the writer contradicted himself on so many occasions i guess he didn't even realised it *how can it b considered a victory when u allocate a fixed no of spaces for ur race*?it realli beats mi...y deny others who r far more capable...well i tink u only have urself to blame cuz in the bid to "protect" ur race look wat has happened to ur country..each one is jus driven by self-ambition n monetary gains!!...talkin abt the abuse of power..was eatin my yummylicious plate of chay keow teow when i saw tis...a gal abt our age who haboured the fact she KNEW she was the supposed "better" ones in johor ba...intentionally usin her charms to attract the attention of guys.. i suppose the phrase "survival of the fittest" registrated in my mind...dunno why also..mayb it was the deliberate way she was maximizin the usage of every body part?!her eyes,legs,chest manz even her shoulders..hmm...sometimes its realli interestin to watch wat others would do jus to get the other gender's attention..wat kinda of kick does one get??the momentarily titlin of power scales?the regin of supremacy over the males?!jus because they fell into the pithole...i still can't understand the intentional degradation of oneself to jus a mere vassal...r u bein fair to urself??cuz i'm sure evry female is more capable of jus bein an empty vase!!mayb thats y males always feel that females r non-threatenin n jus dismiss our thoughts as a "bunch of crap"...jus ppl with the boobs n all!!!! heLLo wake up lorz wat century do u tink u're in the nethereals??listen up males u better b watchin ur back cuz apart fr our brute strenght mayb we jus happen to possess qualities which WILL eventually get u all to start rspectin us as individuals..CUZ we're jus BETTER than u will ever b..n guesss wat i tink guys know that..mayb thats the reason for ur refusal to treat us humanely..but instead treat us like we r clingy, airheads??

~feMales Of tHe world UniTe!~

Florence

ooooppps did i forget to mention that it was so freakin to look up n lo n behold her face starin down at mi when i was awaken by the blastin tv!!manz cant even get mi half an hour peace..mayb cuz she never cared for us when we were young..mayb children r supposed to b naive n gullible to blindly accept the fact that all grandparents loved n cared for their grandchildren...well i knew evewn at the tender age u never did give a damn aby us...runnin away to ur daughter's house when we were all ill n realli needed someone to care for us..none of ur actions displayed a slightest bit of affection for us..but i guess its seriously ironic that we wouldn't care for those who afctually mean well but instead the ones they dote on the most treats u like shit...ya i tink mayb tis is called "retribution"?! its funny that noone sees it but i..mayb one of the traits of observin others n the interplay of emotions n relationships is really worthy...i tink it's to my advantage cuz in that way i won't b deceived by u n ur weavin of colourful stories of how u used to take care of mi...mY wat a rosy picture u paint..but guess wat its jus a portrayal of untruths....

~i noe wat U're DoiN, u can't foOl mi~

Florence

~i wan mY owN liFe BaCk~
evEninG of 2nd juNe

manz cahnt even wake up late on a public hol lorz wats the meanin of life without bein able to laze ard till late in the morn wahaha...had to get up at freakin 8 am mind u ...even earlier than i hv to now that HE commands that i hv to up by 9..siow ah..jus because u were pissed abt my refusal to help u further...well too bad lorz*sticks out tongue* its not my duty to help u in the first place so dun push ur luck buster!!today went to BukIt batok nature reserve there..hmm the air quality not too bad can feel the diff la...saw a pretty cute guy that was hanging out clothes to dry *slurpes up drool*ooopppss ..cant believe at the TOTALLY lack of privacy in my house manz...evrywhere i turn i can feel eyes on mi..all of them jus poppin out fr no where?!so irritatin n frustratin that oi cant seem to get away fr the ppl i wan to avoid i absolutely hate the way ur eyes follow evry motion that i do, action i gesture..AAAAAArrrrrgggggghh u tink i can't sense or wat??i'm not dumb okie n hello i'm way more sensitive lorz hahahaa!!now chattin with jac on the phone manz type stuff that we r talkin abt so funny manz can't stand it the kid's r providin so much entertainment ...was even laughin to myself in the car over the "i am ChiNA people" manz can't stop howlin at that ..i mean laughin at that la*sheepish look*


~bOred at the inabiLity to hv our uSual plaNs cuz of HER aGaiN~

Florence

~ouCh!i neVer kneW the extRaction of thE spear U threw would hurt ThiS mucH~
eveniNg oF 1st JuNe

today was the day that made mi realise something..mayb i'm deficient or somethin..mayb i never did my part as a fren or should i say buddy..hmmm...i realli tried to b there for u in evry occasion that i can rem..but the mind is one complex n weird thin mayb the choice of events that i rem were altered or jus different fr ur perspective..sheesshhh i'm startin to tink of myself as a roti prata being pulled in all different directions at the same time..i'm seriously tryin at home, the situation with u, emotions elicted fr the last conversation with him..hahaha i feel the thinnin n tearin but yet it seems to b inevitable..mayb its testin wat r my limits..i guess i'm numbed i cant feel much anymore..ya mayb apart fr the initial spurt of anger but hell i can't seem to b able to FEEL..yapz jus freakin tired of evrythin..i tink i should give u the benefit of doubt mayb the serve was down thats y the sms wasn't sent to mi (the one that u won't b joinin any of our hols plan)..guess that u're jus too busy ya..mayb u hv commitments at home..or mayb of ur other frens..or mayb its family...well i dunno..but i tink the deepest hurt was i had to find out fr a third party that u couldn't join us...well i guess "its okie" actually to tell u the truth in case u didn't notice that u haven't bein able to make it for any gatherin since 3 weeks ago...so i guess it wouldn't seem realli exceptional..with ur annouced absence..its weird i dun talk at home anymore...mayb cuz even the act of doin that is hurtin..today i met up with mariam for our usual lesson was supposed to b her ears but i tink suppression causes one to babble non-stop..mayb wateva that seems to u is indeed trival..BUt dun forget abt my frenship in sec sch..i can take the blow once..gosh i'm not clake kent u noe...i hate guessin n feelin insecure of wat u r tinkin of..well i tink i betta get used to it la...its been one sem liao..u were always the first person that i would tink of when i wanted to bitch but..i guess eversince gettin the voice box(oh ya did i mention i hate it 2)n the engaged line change it..i couldn't explain y i called ah girl when i bichede abt the stupid ass Watson's auntie..n yes auntie i tink ur skill at tearin at a person is superb! u jus insulted mi fr head to toe within less than three mins..yes i noe i'm FAT, possess stretchmarks n yes my face scarred n beyond repair..yupz bravo..n u wat auntie..u didn't look too fantastic urself either!

~NuMbed..mayb i dun have A heaRt anYmore~

Florence