you think you're tough,
but you're not really.
you laugh, you joke, you act like nothing's wrong.
but deep inside you're not really.
are you?
other people think you're fine, you're alright
they think "he's just emo-ing".
are you, really?
you think the world doesn't understand you?
you're right.
they don't, really.
no matter how hard people try, they can never understand someone else.
even your friends, your closest buddies,
they don't, really.
how can they?
they're not you.
you're you.
you're the only living being that know
what it's like being you.
others can try,
but others will fail.
it isn't easy being you, you know?
don't lock others out of your world.
don't banish them outside the bubble of your own.
don't act like nothing's wrong, yet weep silently inside.
you might think no one understands you,
but they can try.
"can you?" you ask.
i say, even if they do not, at least you know someone out there cares about you.
you're acting, aren't you?
you try to hide your true self, you want to let the world see you're okay.
but the main point is 'see'.
haven't you heard, "what you see is not what you get?"
you try to fool the world.
yes, you might even fool the ones closest to you.
but the one whom your heart is breaking for,
does she even know it?
it's okay, you know.
there's no need to hide inside your facade all the time.
afterall, that's what it is; nothing more than a veil.
one day the veil will slip.
don't you know?
why?
why can't you let others see your true self?
why must you cry underneath all your laughter?
why can't you let others help you?
you don't have to do all this.
you just a softie underneath; we all are
come on
face the music.
Labels: You
& all along, its only what I thought.
12:55 PM
you know there are just some days you feel sad for no reason? yeah, today's one of the days.
i feel sad. boo.
if you don't, good for you.
if you do, join the club.
pity those people who have depression. life must be a torture to them. how can one live through life feeling unhappy every single day?
i just ate a huge bar of kitkat. does chocolate help?
also don't know why i'm sad over. actually i have a pretty good idea. yeah, really. just that i don't feel like sharing it. hey, there's some things you just feel like keeping private okay.
i wonder,
what do you do when you miss someone you are not supposed to?
what do you do when you like someone you can't?
what do you do if you know you're gonna die tomorrow?
what do you do if you know you are gonna die next year? [would you still mug for Os?]
they're just hypothetical questions.
when you're sad you just feel like listening to sad songs. like thse about people breaking up or something similar.
don't you?
-can't fight it-
& all along, its only what I thought.
9:37 AM
I AM SO ANGRY WITH MY MP3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it decided to hang. see, i was listening to this song, then i found it too loud, so i adjusted the volume. then the song sudden;y paused and started again. i didn't think anything of it, cos anw that was a fadio recording, so might have so preblem when i recorded. THEN, it hanged! when i adjust the volume the screen for volume will pop up for awhile and then disappear to return to the song title, but it didn't. it just stopped there, no sound, no nothing. i pressed every single button also not use.
i i waited awhile, cos i thought it would recover. but it didn't. so i tried the sayang method: "come on mp3, work lah." then i tried the hongyu's method of fixing things: bang it until it works.then i tried fixing it to the computer, hopefully it would 'jerk' the mp3 back to work, but when i connected it to the compter, the 'new hardware' sign didn't come out, when means it isn't connected.
then my friend suggested leeting the battery run down, then recharge it. i guess it's the only way out now then. but the thing it, i just charged it not too long ago, so it might be a day or even a few days before its low batt.
crap lah!
guys, any suggestions?
& all along, its only what I thought.
9:20 AM
i finished my 6 X 10 to the power of 23 word essay already!finally.realised the essay's quite crappy actually, cos i wrote of a few days. then when i'm tired and not in the mood i just typr whatever comes to mind. nevermind, i shall edit it another day.prelims/ O levels' coming, i'm worried:(esp for physics, i completely got no idea what i'm learning.i hope a physics genius will just drop from the sky and help me master physics in 39days. but of course, that's impossible.L1R5<15?i wish.AHHHHHHH!! i think i'm gonna get dengue or sth lah. keep getting bitten on my legs, esp the kness that part. the mozzies are strange, shouldn't they bite on the parts with more flesh? then have more blood to feed on.itchyitchyscratchyscratchy.anyway, it's akmal's birthday tomorrow. happy birthday akmal, the handsomest guy in our section. last time i said we'll buy him a eyebrow pencil.. HAHAHA. no lah, pinru won't let me buy that.yesterday went watch order of the phoenix, it was.. not that good cos its a very compressed version of the book. it's a pity. the book's good, much better than the movie. went with evelyn and some bunch from tuition, plus some of their SA friends we don't know.there was shepeng,vinson,jared,weisong,wayne,phoon huat and another one called jiajun ithink
shepeng came first cos he didn't have the listening compre thing, so we spent half an hour after lunch deciding where to go next. in the end we ended up at popular, where we found out that evelyn doesn't know where singapore is! hahahahaha. the movie was... (shouldn't spoil for those who haven't watch yet) but anyway, the saddest part of the book wasn't sad at all. so now i'm sad.
we went for dinner at fish and co after that. I LOVE THE FISH AND CHIPS! okay, ya it was expensive too.
fishandco,fishandco,fishandco.
we sat with this guy called wayne and another ice lemon tea guy. okay lah, they were quite nice, so it wasn't as awkward as i thought it would be. vinson was doing his usual lame humor.went home after that to do my essay. can faint one.
better go sleep, i'm TIRED!
39 more days to prelims. ( i can just forget about it now)
& all along, its only what I thought.
12:03 AM
it's finally light enough for me to see the keyboard, so i reckon now i can finally type without have to delete every other single letter. haha.
should really type to type without looking at the keyboard so often.
anyway. see, i had a dream on thursday night.
i dreamt i was on a this giant fairis wheel at night. the thing was, i'm not sitting on the farris wheel, i was hanging off it. yes, like pull up, i was way off the ground and my legs were dangling and everything while i held on to one of the many metal bars on the wheel. then....(i forgot).
anyway, i was still at the funfair, but i was riding a horse. not just any horse, but a dark brown beauty of a horse. i knew the horse belonged to me(in dreams, you always know weird things). the horse loved me very much and i knew i loved it too. both of us were hungry, very hungry. but we were too poor to buy food.
we rode around the fair for awhile, and i remember i liked the feel of the cool night wind rushing through my hair as we went.
then, i stopped at this table while there was this person eating (i knew the person). i stopped and talked to the man/woman( i think it was a man), i guess to ask for food or for money to buy food.
okay, here's the weirder part. you know when you are sitting on a horse's back you are quite high off the ground right? so what happened was this: i was still talking to that guy, and my dear horse begun to forage in the garbage can for scraps. so i was watching him while i was talking to that man, and while it was digging in the garbage can, i looked down and found that i was still suspended in the air, my legs and hands in the exact same position. but there was nothing under me! it was like an invisible horse or something.
then anyway, i remembered feeling cold, so i woke up, pulled a blanket over me and promptly went back to sleep (it was some other dream after that).
yup, that's all. so, anyone want to try explaining that weird dream to me? and for your info, i've only rode a horse once and that was at the zoo.
oh ya, Shi Ting tried to interpret my dream. and she said i was aiming for something, but i couldn't get it however hard i try. er, she said some other stuff, but that's the general idea.
"ri you shuo si, ye you shuo meng"
-if you think about something in the daytime, you will dream about it at night.
& all along, its only what I thought.
8:34 AM
the time now is 6.49am. i'm wondering why on earth am i typing in the dark lah.
so so so stupid of me! see, just now i woke up at 6am cos i urgently needed the toilet, then i decided to brush my teeth too. then i thought i would have no problem falling asleep, but i just kept thinking and couldn't sleep. then i decided to on the com cos i really needed to charge my mp3. and to prevent waking up the rest of the family who are still blissfully in dreamland, i didn't switch on the light, so now when i type i keep typing wronging.
so ma fan.
hmm. maybe i should go and do my homework. might as well make use of the time, if not, i'll be so bored by my homework that i'll fall right back to sleep.
hahah.
quite sian. so much stuff to do. actually, it's not that much homework, it's just that there's this english writing competition that mrs lawrence requires us to join, so i'll have to start typing my thousands of words and hope that it makes some sense.
it's not like i'll ever win, so why bother?
got bio test on monday, topic's microorganisms and biotechnology. i hope i memorised correctly. aiyah, but still got the structure and all made out of words that no one can pronounce.
hmm. i think that's enough random thoughts in my mind right now.
now: chem, maths or bio?
``cruising at a highway speed
& all along, its only what I thought.
7:09 AM
AH people! it has been a long long time.THANKS for all the birthday messages, presents and well wishes. thanks! oh yes, esp for the jacket from michelle, siling, chewy and dawn.which i got today. well, better late than never!eeks. school has started and i feel all busy again. oh ya, prelims coming!!!! no, that exclaimations weren't typed in joy. and candance kindly informed that we have 12 days left for each subject to study. not for prelims, for O LEVELS!!-sigh-i wonder if i'm only to get dengue. keep on getting bitten by mosquitoes. get lost lah! then there are these reddish mozzie bumps on my arms and legs. itchy itchy.dunno why, nowadays the classroom got alot of creepy crawlies. first it was the lizards. geng an was our lizard hero. he caught the lizard with his hands! icky. yeap, lizards are not my favourite kind of crawlies. not exactly scared, but i'll be happy if they just keep out of my way. then the weird flying coloured flies. then the bees...it make me itchy just to think about it. now, where's my medicated oil?.today sat next to viting cos dawn's not here and neither is lyana. neither was sam nor huda in school too. mass pon-ning ah. i think she got addicted to my bottle of medicated oil.nice change to sit somewhere other than the front of the class for once.the middle of the class doesn't have the privilage of the ceiling fan, butat least you can talk and msg and sleep without the teacher thumping on your tab;e once in a while.yeah you get the "privilage" of getting hit by the soccer ball too, did i mention?i hope i pass my ss test. [who am i kidding?]``with a twirl of skirt
& all along, its only what I thought.
12:44 PM
