Goldfish

It wasn't easy, talking to the students.

I started talking alot. And I knew I could go on and on. Forever. If they do not mind listening.

What came uncontrollably out of my mouth  was my own hopes, dreams and aspirations. They are neither noble, nor impressive. But they were very (may I add, same) simple wishes and desires that I had hoped for back in final year, and also some that I still have deep inside.

Circumstances have changed. Hearts have somewhat hardened. Smiles, have frozen on our faces.

It often takes an outsider to see things clearly. I don't feel any larger than a goldfish looking out from a bowl. Swimming to the left, to the right, only to realise that I've been going around in circles, because that's the world that I find myself in now.

Just like today I was calling an external clinic for a carelessly written Dormicum + Arcoxia 60MG TDS Rx. The doctor wasn't available so I was told to call again in 5-10min. When I re-dialed the number, the clinic aunty shrieked into the phone, "We called back, but your colleague said you went downstairs!!! The Dr was waiting for you!! Now he left the clinic already!"

The days of endless FONs have taught me self-learnt self-defense: "I DID NOT GO DOWNSTAIRS. NO COLLEAGUE OF MINE WOULD HAVE SAID THAT." And I repeated that phrase steadily two times till she got the message.

Don't bloody accuse me of anything unless you've got your facts right first.

I seemed to have sidetracked by a far mile, but yes sadly people aren't just as helpful to one another as they should. Anything can still be a win-win situation even when you have your self-interests, only if you also look into the interests of others.

Just because that it is the norm, it is alright. It is not alright.

The students (or at least one of them) are inspired by the experience. The future that we help create for them, I wish, is one that they can develop in, and realise their own dreams in. I certainly would dread the day that they leave the profession disappointed, wondering why their preceptor had painted such a nice picture, a picture that had only existed in her own fictitious world.

Was she lying? Definitely she wasn't. She hasn't lost heart. Perhaps not at all. But she really needs some people to wake up soon.

A Voice to Treasure and Hold

Once upon a time, there lived a boy who did not speak. Time passed and he did not utter a single word. Not because he had nothing to say, but he had no means to --- he was born without a mouth and was used to not having one.

Ironically as it was, he was at peace at how he was living, accepting things as they were as he did not see the necessity of protesting, even if potential danger came his way. If ever things did not go his way, he would say that Luck just wasn't on his side. Fate would take charge, or so he said.

On his sixteenth birthday, the Heavens asked him to make a wish. As a mouth seemed to be the only thing he lacked, he wished one and was granted one!

Initially he used the mouth carefully, opening minimally only when there was nobody else around. The voice came out soft, hesitant but resounding in the silence. He toyed with the idea of opening it more often but wondered at the same time, the significance of it in the presence of others.

He tried it. The results were impressive. Realising that now he has a new voice, he began to practise talking-back very willfully too.

He found that the more he used his mouth, the more his brain stirred and his heart thumped. For the first time in his life, he could think and feel alot better now.Gradually but deliberately, he found more and more things not to his liking and he felt a need to comment. To him, every opportunity to use his mouth had to be grabbed. He did not want to let anyone, including himself, feel shortchanged in any way. 

Fairness, frankness, fulfillment. Funny, when did he start to entertain such thoughts? When did he feel so compelled to be heavily involved in decision-making?

Of course with the little experience he had with his mouth coupled with his overzealousness, he more often than not, was more incoherent than others and had trouble conveying his ideas.Others, while amazed, did not take to his new change very nicely.  It could be a pleasant sound,when the mouths were in unison; but it could sound pretty disastrous when the other mouths talked back. 

"Hey, you used to be tongue-tied. Why aren you speaking so much now?"

The ones who disagreed with the boy, attempted to snatch his mouth away from him. Amidst the fighting, the boy lost hold of his mouth and it bounced to the hand of one of the bullies, the nastiest of them all, who took the chance to crush it before the boy could do anything.

The boy suddenly found himself speechless. His heart bursted angrily but silently, "How could you? Give me back!"

In his fury, he fought the bully to the ground. By the time he managed to grab it back, he found the mouth was slightly bruised and quivering. The voice that came out was whimpering. 

The boy begged the Heavens for a new mouth. The heavens took pity on him but would not give him a new one. They did warn the boy to treasure it with care.

Patting his mouth sadly, the boy finally understood. Circumstances could be beyond his control, but the mouth was always in his hand all the time. If not mouths, amazing as they were, could also backfire on their owners.Voices were strong, as long as he reserved his for appropriate times, his would not fail him. 

Slowly, his mouth recuperated, and the boy at last found his voice back. More subdued, but much deeper and stronger than before.

That year, he turned eighteen.