一个平凡人

Took the train to school like an ordinary student. Sat in lecture like an ordinary student. Doodled on the notes like an ordinary student. Struggled with dozing off like an ordinary student.

Only that the whole experience felt extra-ordinary. To me. It was an amazingly exciting ride. Such a druggie at heart, I couldn't stop feeling the trickling of exhilaration down the throat.

I wonder if I can deliver. I wonder if I can rise up to the occasion. I wonder if I can do anything without having to be babied through. I wonder if I can exceed what everyone, including myself, can do.

再平凡的人，能做的到吗。
再平凡的我，能看破一切吗。

Don't question me. Don't answer me.
Let's move on.

You think you know me, but truth is, you don't

The past two days have whizzed past like a dream. Awakened, but I could feel snippets re-entering the mind whenever I stopped to close my eyes.

Nightmare was the dream to describe Friday. The day that I sat at A&E, gripping my friend's hand tightly while watching her suffer. Helplessness and pain had never sunk in so deep before. Four hours later, I watched another implode, albeit figuratively but nonetheless comparable in intensity, and yet I could not do anything to help ease the pain but to stay quiet. Count four hours more, and there was yet a third friend in pain as unbelievably as strong as that of the first... and they said, close friends' hearts are strung together?

I thought, what is this world coming to? If there's one thing that I cannot stomach, it's to watch others in pain. Stunned and speechless as I was, I allowed my best trait--- naggy-ness to deflate the emotions bubbling inside... which I hope, disguised them quite well...

Glad it's more or less over.

Saturday dawned in the most unlikely fashion after what happened the day before.  Unknown to many, and known only by the ones that I'm close to, I have VERY bad phobia of the masses. I would tremble, I would crumble inside. I flee whenever the spotlight shines on me. Had been bothering me for weeks, if not since the start of this year.

Talking to Justine (made a new friend?) while waiting for my turn helped relieve some of the anxiety as we shared almost the same emotions at that moment in time. Maybe the previous day's events strangely gave me some superficial strength to endure what was to come.. or was it the support from the rest that boosted my morale. For the whole of the 10 minutes which meant the world to me (not in terms of importance, but of fear), I spoke with the ease I had only with close friends during tea-time and I spoke as if I was unafraid. I had no script, or cue cards unlike others. Everything that was in my mind came naturally (though words came out too fast) like a stream with the smoothest gentle current. The audience had morphed to become merely a banner of human faces, harmless and fading gently..

When it was time for Q&A, it was reported that I said "I see" thoughtfully before rambling back in reply. Perhaps it was Prof LSC who was sitting right at the first row, smiling and nodding encouragingly.. that propelled my answer. I'm grateful, and he doesn't even know me.

This I revealed not to many, because partly I'm ashamed of my own innate fears, and because it probably doesnt mean much to others. It does not matter whether any prizes were won, or even deserved (if we want to argue about that somemore). The reward was I think I surprised myself, and as HHL put it very aptly, the satisfaction was immense. :)

Thank you to all who held my hand, encouraged, listened and understood, for you know who you are. :)  And a silent thank you to my preceptor, who watched me crumble and ?triumph before in her most understated ways, and whom I very ungratefully stopped from coming to hospital to support me, for fear of letting her down.

Today is Sunday, and suddenly all seems bright again :)

Q: What's the best thing to do over spilt milk?

A: Row in it! ;p

-Credits to The Little People Project by Slinkachu

Life's Funs and Puns

Just a few (actually more than a few) of my favourites:

"What kind of place is Expectations?"
"Good question, good question. Expectations is the place you must always go to before you get to where you're going. Of course, some people never go beyond Expectations.."


"I never knew words could be so confusing."
"Only when you use a lot to say a little."


"Everyone should have his own point of view."
"Isn't this everyone's Point of View?"
"Of course not. It's only mine, and you certainly can't always look at things from someone else's point of view.."


"Carry this with you on your journey, for there is much worth noticing that often escapes the eye.. and most importantly of all, you can see things as they really are, not just as they seem to be. It's my gift to you."


"You are on the Island of Conclusions. Make yourself at home here. You are apt to be here for some time."
"But how did we get here?"
"You jumped, of course. It's really quite simple: every time you decide something without having a good reason, you jump to Conclusions whether you like it or not. It's such an easy trip that I've been here hundreds of times."
"But this is such an unpleasant-looking place."
" Yes that's true. It does look much better from a distance."
"Well I'm going to jump straight back."
" That won't do at all. You can never jump away from Conclusions. Getting back is not so easy. The only way is to swim, and that's a very long and a very hard way."
"I don't like to get wet."
"But I wouldn't worry so much about it, for you can swim in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry..."
.... *after swimming for ages*
"From now on, I'm going to have a very good reason before I make up my mind about anything. You can lose too much time jumping to Conclusions."


"Infinity is a dreadfully poor place. they can never manage to make ends meet."


"Is everyone who lives in Ignorance like you?
"Much worse. But I'm from a place very far away called Context...It's such an unpleasant place that I spend almost all my time out of it."


"I warned you that I'm the Senses Taker. I'll steal your sense of purpose, take your sense of duty, destroy your sense of proportion.. but as long as you have the sound of laughter, I cannot take away your sense of humour, and with it, you'd got nothing to fear from me."


"You must never feel badly about making mistakes. As long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reason."


"Time flies, doesn't it?"
"On many occasions. I'll take everyone down."
"But what about the Castle in the Air?"
"Let it drift away.. and good riddance. For no matter how beautiful it seems, it's nothing but a prison."


"But I could never have done it without everyone else's help."
"That may be true, but you had the courage to try, and what you can do is often simply a matter of what you will do... So many things are possible just as long as you don't know they're impossible."


"There are many lands you've still to visit (some of which are not even on the map) and wonderful things to see (that no one has yet imagined), but we're quite sure that if you really want to, you'll find a way to reach them all by yourself."

The Phantom Tollbooth - A story full of plays on puns that I embraced very gratefully. A story on life lessons, on the continual quest for knowledge, adventure and the impossible. A story that I was all psyched up to start, reluctant to finish but finished lastly with a smile, not without eyes brimming :)

现代的爱情观

以前的我，曾嫌弃过别人对爱情的期望。

当终于开始有点了解时... 却发现自己很难想象生活里是否再能容纳另一个人。

只因为自己太过习惯一个人...

现在的我，是耐心的等待着。

A Hermit Crab's Story

Excerpt from http://www.xs4all.nl/~pal/hermit.htm

"Usually the entire body of Crabs is covered with a hard, calcified armour. 

The Hermit Crab however lacks this protection on the hindmost part of its body, the abdomen, which is soft and vulnerable.

"It protects its abdomen, which contains such important organs as the liver and the gonads, by inserting it into a gastropod shell. When walking, the animal drags its house along. In water the weight of the shell is diminished by the upward pressure and so the Hermit Crab, in spite of its burden, can zealously run about."

In case of danger, the Hermit Crab withdraws into the shell as deep as possible. In the shell there is no room for two big pincers. Therefore the Hermit Crab has but one. When hiding in the shell it uses this pincer to guard the entrance.

When the crab grows and does not fit in its shell any longer, it looks for a bigger one. The original occupant, if still present, is picked out. Then, quickly and nervously, the crab moves over into its new home..

Sometimes, the Hermit Crab bears Sponges or Sea-anemones on its shell. Besides giving protection, these guests give some useful camouflage. When moving into a new shell, the crab can remove these from the old one and transplant them..."

Am eternally grateful for the sea-anemones who faithfully stick by... and hope they can stay at a close distance wherever I go...

The good is loved, and the bad isn't

Why is it that the smart and beautiful ones are always surrounded by flocks of admirers, but those who lie on the opposite field are always treated like dirt off the shoe?

This is especially evident during festive seasons. If everyone is a star, then why ditch the ones that don't shine as much?

Survival of the fittest, yes. But after polishing, anyone can emerge gleaming a little more, no? You don't need to force yourself to embrace the bad. You don't need to feel compelled to snub them either.

I ain't so bright myself. Heave a sign of relief for me for I have been largely spared from unwanted snobs so far.

Nobody likes to be mediocre if they can help it, so please save your snide remarks. For those who have all the luck in the world to be born a flower, cherish the grace given to you and don't flaunt it too much :)

Plucked it from my own youtube list



This was for Christmas Party 2009. We silly-billys re-wrote the lyrics. Photo slideshow was (regretfully, rather hastily) put together by yours truly. If we had got the guts then, we would have sang the song ourselves live heh.

兔年快乐~~

Perhaps I do know the truth after all



The truth is.. I still don't know a-lot. It seems.
Very scary. Worry keeps flooding me. How do I express myself?
I know nothing is ever enough, but I just feel small. Very small indeed.

Not a good day. Not at all.