Lousy
I think I mis-treated the uncle... how could I have not thought of it?
In low spirits. Must think of a way to reverse the situation :(
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
From Within
"When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: It’s not a spouse, or land, or a job, or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal."
- The last word: He said he was leaving. She ignored him. The New York Times.
"When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: It’s not a spouse, or land, or a job, or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal."
- The last word: He said he was leaving. She ignored him. The New York Times.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
No-no
I make really bad decisions whenever Im pestered by people... Especially before time of the month.
Here's a reminder to self: think before acting. ._. Dont be rash!! *douse the roaring flames with water*
Here's a reminder to self: think before acting. ._. Dont be rash!! *douse the roaring flames with water*
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
New Rights/Troubled Nights
Everyone thinks that it's cool. Yeah, why not?
Only that the remnants of it overwhelm me when I'm in the shower, and they follow me even as I'm lying down on the bed.
Chasing after good clinical and practical judgement. Figuring out ambiguous situations.Workingfor with two people who are VASTLY different in character and approach. (Admittedly, they are good.). No over-running. No poor/ugly documentation or carelessness in the action plan.
Eagerly trying to perform the above without ending up in a withering mess. I can hardly feel that I'm there yet.
Well, the best part about clinics is: I love them as much as I (ok, just marginally) dread them.
In the next few months, I must strive to be:
Everyone thinks that it's cool. Yeah, why not?
Only that the remnants of it overwhelm me when I'm in the shower, and they follow me even as I'm lying down on the bed.
Chasing after good clinical and practical judgement. Figuring out ambiguous situations.Working
Eagerly trying to perform the above without ending up in a withering mess. I can hardly feel that I'm there yet.
Well, the best part about clinics is: I love them as much as I (ok, just marginally) dread them.
In the next few months, I must strive to be:
- organised and logical
- constantly motivated to improve
- perhaps most importantly, the calmest in the midst of a storm ^^
*Pats self*
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Fresh-faced
Nothing beats waking up to find clear skin glowing at you :)
Nothing beats waking up to find clear skin glowing at you :)
Gone were the days when I shunned the mirror, or when I felt pain that radiated all the way from the face to.. the heart. It is now far from perfect, but it sure didn't come easy, and is certainly more than what I can wish for.
At least I can see myself better now...
Say cheers to fresh-looking skin!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Goldfish
It wasn't easy, talking to the students.
I started talking alot. And I knew I could go on and on. Forever. If they do not mind listening.
What came uncontrollably out of my mouth was my own hopes, dreams and aspirations. They are neither noble, nor impressive. But they were very (may I add, same) simple wishes and desires that I had hoped for back in final year, and also some that I still have deep inside.
Circumstances have changed. Hearts have somewhat hardened. Smiles, have frozen on our faces.
It often takes an outsider to see things clearly. I don't feel any larger than a goldfish looking out from a bowl. Swimming to the left, to the right, only to realise that I've been going around in circles, because that's the world that I find myself in now.
Just like today I was calling an external clinic for a carelessly written Dormicum + Arcoxia 60MG TDS Rx. The doctor wasn't available so I was told to call again in 5-10min. When I re-dialed the number, the clinic aunty shrieked into the phone, "We called back, but your colleague said you went downstairs!!! The Dr was waiting for you!! Now he left the clinic already!"
The days of endless FONs have taught me self-learnt self-defense: "I DID NOT GO DOWNSTAIRS. NO COLLEAGUE OF MINE WOULD HAVE SAID THAT." And I repeated that phrase steadily two times till she got the message.
Don't bloody accuse me of anything unless you've got your facts right first.
I seemed to have sidetracked by a far mile, but yes sadly people aren't just as helpful to one another as they should. Anything can still be a win-win situation even when you have your self-interests, only if you also look into the interests of others.
Just because that it is the norm, it is alright. It is not alright.
The students (or at least one of them) are inspired by the experience. The future that we help create for them, I wish, is one that they can develop in, and realise their own dreams in. I certainly would dread the day that they leave the profession disappointed, wondering why their preceptor had painted such a nice picture, a picture that had only existed in her own fictitious world.
Was she lying? Definitely she wasn't. She hasn't lost heart. Perhaps not at all. But she really needs some people to wake up soon.
It wasn't easy, talking to the students.
I started talking alot. And I knew I could go on and on. Forever. If they do not mind listening.
What came uncontrollably out of my mouth was my own hopes, dreams and aspirations. They are neither noble, nor impressive. But they were very (may I add, same) simple wishes and desires that I had hoped for back in final year, and also some that I still have deep inside.
Circumstances have changed. Hearts have somewhat hardened. Smiles, have frozen on our faces.
It often takes an outsider to see things clearly. I don't feel any larger than a goldfish looking out from a bowl. Swimming to the left, to the right, only to realise that I've been going around in circles, because that's the world that I find myself in now.
Just like today I was calling an external clinic for a carelessly written Dormicum + Arcoxia 60MG TDS Rx. The doctor wasn't available so I was told to call again in 5-10min. When I re-dialed the number, the clinic aunty shrieked into the phone, "We called back, but your colleague said you went downstairs!!! The Dr was waiting for you!! Now he left the clinic already!"
The days of endless FONs have taught me self-learnt self-defense: "I DID NOT GO DOWNSTAIRS. NO COLLEAGUE OF MINE WOULD HAVE SAID THAT." And I repeated that phrase steadily two times till she got the message.
Don't bloody accuse me of anything unless you've got your facts right first.
I seemed to have sidetracked by a far mile, but yes sadly people aren't just as helpful to one another as they should. Anything can still be a win-win situation even when you have your self-interests, only if you also look into the interests of others.
Just because that it is the norm, it is alright. It is not alright.
The students (or at least one of them) are inspired by the experience. The future that we help create for them, I wish, is one that they can develop in, and realise their own dreams in. I certainly would dread the day that they leave the profession disappointed, wondering why their preceptor had painted such a nice picture, a picture that had only existed in her own fictitious world.
Was she lying? Definitely she wasn't. She hasn't lost heart. Perhaps not at all. But she really needs some people to wake up soon.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A Voice to Treasure and Hold
Ironically as it was, he was at peace at how he was living, accepting things as they were as he did not see the necessity of protesting, even if potential danger came his way. If ever things did not go his way, he would say that Luck just wasn't on his side. Fate would take charge, or so he said.
On his sixteenth birthday, the Heavens asked him to make a wish. As a mouth seemed to be the only thing he lacked, he wished one and was granted one!
Initially he used the mouth carefully, opening minimally only when there was nobody else around. The voice came out soft, hesitant but resounding in the silence. He toyed with the idea of opening it more often but wondered at the same time, the significance of it in the presence of others.
He tried it. The results were impressive. Realising that now he has a new voice, he began to practise talking-back very willfully too.
He found that the more he used his mouth, the more his brain stirred and his heart thumped. For the first time in his life, he could think and feel alot better now.Gradually but deliberately, he found more and more things not to his liking and he felt a need to comment. To him, every opportunity to use his mouth had to be grabbed. He did not want to let anyone, including himself, feel shortchanged in any way.
Fairness, frankness, fulfillment. Funny, when did he start to entertain such thoughts? When did he feel so compelled to be heavily involved in decision-making?
Of course with the little experience he had with his mouth coupled with his overzealousness, he more often than not, was more incoherent than others and had trouble conveying his ideas.Others, while amazed, did not take to his new change very nicely. It could be a pleasant sound,when the mouths were in unison; but it could sound pretty disastrous when the other mouths talked back.
"Hey, you used to be tongue-tied. Why aren you speaking so much now?"
The ones who disagreed with the boy, attempted to snatch his mouth away from him. Amidst the fighting, the boy lost hold of his mouth and it bounced to the hand of one of the bullies, the nastiest of them all, who took the chance to crush it before the boy could do anything.
The boy suddenly found himself speechless. His heart bursted angrily but silently, "How could you? Give me back!"
In his fury, he fought the bully to the ground. By the time he managed to grab it back, he found the mouth was slightly bruised and quivering. The voice that came out was whimpering.
The boy begged the Heavens for a new mouth. The heavens took pity on him but would not give him a new one. They did warn the boy to treasure it with care.
Patting his mouth sadly, the boy finally understood. Circumstances could be beyond his control, but the mouth was always in his hand all the time. If not mouths, amazing as they were, could also backfire on their owners.Voices were strong, as long as he reserved his for appropriate times, his would not fail him.
Slowly, his mouth recuperated, and the boy at last found his voice back. More subdued, but much deeper and stronger than before.
That year, he turned eighteen.
That year, he turned eighteen.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Window on my Left
Home. Stretching. Listening to music. Online clothes-eyeing.
The above may sound immensely boring, but to me, it's a very lovely way to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon. :)
I don't socialise, although it may not seem so on the surface. Innately rather boring and introverted, I prefer to just grace the occasion for a little while, and... take off again.
Perhaps just a few years ago, I would have liked my life to be more happening. Programmes every saturday night, outings every weekend night.. yada yada. Now I long for more personal time, with just a few people that I want to be with. Have also grown quieter in the recent 1-2 years.. a return to the pre-U years. With time trickling fast, all the more I don't want to waste time doing things that I don't want to do, spending time with people that I don't enjoy the company of.
This inevitably builds a smaller circle within the small one I already have haha which I know some people are already very disapproving of. Granted, if there were to be someone ready to sail through my everyday triumphs and woes with me and if I could do the same, yes I would give anything to let that happen... But really nobody owes me my happiness, and neither do I owe anyone as well. I'll continue enjoying my self-given freedom, so quit trying to dissuade me from falling into this very warped thinking ;p
可现在你看不见的高空里
可现在你看不见的高空里
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Familiarity breeds contempt
My personality has evolved (and I would say, many times over the years), but the core of me still stays the same. I don't wish to be understood all the time, but at the very least, I prefer to have my existence appreciated.
Attempted to reflect and rationalize all the thoughts while on the plane but the disappointment supersedes every rational thought that I could come out with.
It just didn't turn out the way I had wanted it to be.
原来得容易，失也易
I dare say I understand why it all became like that, but I don't think the sadness associated with the past week can be forgotten. And FYI, this is not about being emo. Like it or not, I'm just acknowledging the more serious side of me.
Stop victimizing myself because... I deserve better. And I would rather walk on alone, if that can bring me more inner peace.
My personality has evolved (and I would say, many times over the years), but the core of me still stays the same. I don't wish to be understood all the time, but at the very least, I prefer to have my existence appreciated.
Attempted to reflect and rationalize all the thoughts while on the plane but the disappointment supersedes every rational thought that I could come out with.
It just didn't turn out the way I had wanted it to be.
原来得容易，失也易
I dare say I understand why it all became like that, but I don't think the sadness associated with the past week can be forgotten. And FYI, this is not about being emo. Like it or not, I'm just acknowledging the more serious side of me.
Stop victimizing myself because... I deserve better. And I would rather walk on alone, if that can bring me more inner peace.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
"How are you today?"
A very random SMS out of nowhere during mid-day. The reply to my reply was "I'm feeling happy today!"
It reminded of some people that I haven't seen for ages. Due to various reasons, not really out of my own voluntary will.
I wondered too, if you are doing well these days. Maybe you, could have been given some good words of wisdom today, when I was fishing in the blind for my starting point. But pride.. and ...? struck me to a premature halt. That SMS was never sent out..
Perhaps self-motivation, is really what I can afford to have right now, if there's nothing else to fall back on. I hate to admit this, but I'm scared.
Friday, April 22, 2011
朋友，是真的分很多种的。
曾经交过的朋友很多，深交的却来得少。
青梅竹马，如今早已失去联络。或许他早已移民到别处，倘若有天我们重逢，他也未必记得我。印象深刻的是移民前曾到他家玩，伯母还讲故事让我们入睡，感觉蛮温馨的。希望你还过得好。
以前的我没主见，也很害怕得罪人。每当与朋友发生争执，选择退一步的总是我，只因为太怕失去。渐渐的，发现这是懦弱的。任由别人摆布，也是愚蠢的表现。如果朋友真的在乎，是不会刻意为难我的。
现在，我身边的人不多，但我却更珍惜。不能说是他们是经过精挑细选的 （我哪有那种权力？），但可以说是留下最真诚的。能经得起时间的考验与各种难题，就只有他们了。知己不可求，与爱情一样，缘分来了自然就明嘹。
我喜欢的歌 《人来人往》，也是我深信的一个道理。把一切当作理所当然是最可悲的。世界上没有永远，也没有永恒。但当彼此都付出，了解与珍惜，共度过的快乐时光还多着呢，你说对吗？:)
曾经交过的朋友很多，深交的却来得少。
青梅竹马，如今早已失去联络。或许他早已移民到别处，倘若有天我们重逢，他也未必记得我。印象深刻的是移民前曾到他家玩，伯母还讲故事让我们入睡，感觉蛮温馨的。希望你还过得好。
以前的我没主见，也很害怕得罪人。每当与朋友发生争执，选择退一步的总是我，只因为太怕失去。渐渐的，发现这是懦弱的。任由别人摆布，也是愚蠢的表现。如果朋友真的在乎，是不会刻意为难我的。
现在，我身边的人不多，但我却更珍惜。不能说是他们是经过精挑细选的 （我哪有那种权力？），但可以说是留下最真诚的。能经得起时间的考验与各种难题，就只有他们了。知己不可求，与爱情一样，缘分来了自然就明嘹。
我喜欢的歌 《人来人往》，也是我深信的一个道理。把一切当作理所当然是最可悲的。世界上没有永远，也没有永恒。但当彼此都付出，了解与珍惜，共度过的快乐时光还多着呢，你说对吗？:)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Twas a good holiday with the Acacians
(why did my hair dry so fast?)
We have managed the initially deemed impossible. Not without minor casualties, but not without smiles either.
As Xinyi says, "we really need to stop underestimating our holidays". When will we ever have a "proper luxurious holiday" in place of all the unplanned adventures we always land ourselves in? No more "荔枝" (leeches) please. Was. Very. Disgusted.
We were just 6km away from the Myanmar-Thailand border.. just the day before the earthquake of 6.8 magnitude erupted in Myanmar. At the time when the quake struck (8.55pm), we were having seafood along the beach. No cause for alarm as Hua Hin was 2.5hours to the south of Bangkok and nowhere near Chiang Rai, but was hoping that my mum would NOT have seen the news and gotten all worried.
I came back in 1 piece :)
Joys and wonders come in all shapes and colours. Like one of the classic Swee moments below:
XT: 我们要带 jacket, 因为晚上会有海风。
Swee: (immediately) 这里有海meh?
Note: we had just moved into a chalet that was mere metres away from the beach and the waves. -_- I fumbled over whether to laugh or cry, and instantly decided to note down this exchange in my phone.
Really enjoyed myself. Thank you to all for being part of my holidays :)
In the part of Thailand that we were in, we found ourselves very attracted to (or distracted by?) the many pairings of middle-aged ang-moh + random Thai girl (the dark-skinned, and non-plasticky types) that we met. Sometimes, the combination came along with a child that was undeniably from their heritage. To give them some credit, the "families" often looked happy enough.
Which brings me to the thought that. Perhaps when I become rich and mighty, I would buy a villa with a seafront view in this little coastal town, and get a 小老婆 to help 打理 the house so that I could invite friends over anytime. A cute big dog would be a bonus. (Why not a 小老公 you may ask? Well, I would think Thai guys have their pride. And I'm absolutely not interested in 包-ing a 小白.)
This kind of 社会现象 is very disturbing, and very saddening indeed. Likewise, we have our Singaporean and HK men getting mistresses up north too. (Guess Chinese men prefer the fair-skinned ladies as opposed to the SEA ones?). But then again, 你情我愿, I guess it's also hardly surprising that men tend to like to actualise their fantasies if they really feel so lonely inside.
From the looks of it, both SEA men and women need to buck up. Hahaha.
Will never feel lonely with these people around anyway. *Big smile*
(why did my hair dry so fast?)
We have managed the initially deemed impossible. Not without minor casualties, but not without smiles either.
As Xinyi says, "we really need to stop underestimating our holidays". When will we ever have a "proper luxurious holiday" in place of all the unplanned adventures we always land ourselves in? No more "荔枝" (leeches) please. Was. Very. Disgusted.
We were just 6km away from the Myanmar-Thailand border.. just the day before the earthquake of 6.8 magnitude erupted in Myanmar. At the time when the quake struck (8.55pm), we were having seafood along the beach. No cause for alarm as Hua Hin was 2.5hours to the south of Bangkok and nowhere near Chiang Rai, but was hoping that my mum would NOT have seen the news and gotten all worried.
I came back in 1 piece :)
Joys and wonders come in all shapes and colours. Like one of the classic Swee moments below:
XT: 我们要带 jacket, 因为晚上会有海风。
Swee: (immediately) 这里有海meh?
Note: we had just moved into a chalet that was mere metres away from the beach and the waves. -_- I fumbled over whether to laugh or cry, and instantly decided to note down this exchange in my phone.
Really enjoyed myself. Thank you to all for being part of my holidays :)
In the part of Thailand that we were in, we found ourselves very attracted to (or distracted by?) the many pairings of middle-aged ang-moh + random Thai girl (the dark-skinned, and non-plasticky types) that we met. Sometimes, the combination came along with a child that was undeniably from their heritage. To give them some credit, the "families" often looked happy enough.
Which brings me to the thought that. Perhaps when I become rich and mighty, I would buy a villa with a seafront view in this little coastal town, and get a 小老婆 to help 打理 the house so that I could invite friends over anytime. A cute big dog would be a bonus. (Why not a 小老公 you may ask? Well, I would think Thai guys have their pride. And I'm absolutely not interested in 包-ing a 小白.)
This kind of 社会现象 is very disturbing, and very saddening indeed. Likewise, we have our Singaporean and HK men getting mistresses up north too. (Guess Chinese men prefer the fair-skinned ladies as opposed to the SEA ones?). But then again, 你情我愿, I guess it's also hardly surprising that men tend to like to actualise their fantasies if they really feel so lonely inside.
From the looks of it, both SEA men and women need to buck up. Hahaha.
Will never feel lonely with these people around anyway. *Big smile*
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Left unspoken
I met you for lunch yesterday.
(Am running late for work doing this, but the thoughts are a whirlwind in my mind..)
Knowing that you would need to think of phrasing your words first before saying, I decided to err... cheekily ask you instead, to spare you from preparing to tell yet another person.
You asked, since you knew 2 weeks ago, why didn't you tell me?
I replied, I'd wait for you to tell me first. And then silently to myself, I said whenever you feel ready. And it's not like you will stay if I go around telling everyone. You have already made up your mind.
You smiled and said, that's a good habit. :)
I remembered the first time I saw you, you hardly looked up from your work. I thought, die. Why does she look like she doesn't care? What's going to happen to my next 9 months?
Now as I think back, I think... perhaps you weren't even awake then heh. First impressions, really don't count.
Thank you for listening to my silly ramblings.Thank you for always offering a different perspective to everything. Talking to you, is like taking a breath of fresh air.
Thank you also, for taking a special interest in my love life T_T.
We were never close, but yet I'd always felt very close to you at heart.
I am actually very sad to see you go, but I wish you all the best, and may you have as many kids as you want in the future soon to come :)
I met you for lunch yesterday.
(Am running late for work doing this, but the thoughts are a whirlwind in my mind..)
Knowing that you would need to think of phrasing your words first before saying, I decided to err... cheekily ask you instead, to spare you from preparing to tell yet another person.
You asked, since you knew 2 weeks ago, why didn't you tell me?
I replied, I'd wait for you to tell me first. And then silently to myself, I said whenever you feel ready. And it's not like you will stay if I go around telling everyone. You have already made up your mind.
You smiled and said, that's a good habit. :)
I remembered the first time I saw you, you hardly looked up from your work. I thought, die. Why does she look like she doesn't care? What's going to happen to my next 9 months?
Now as I think back, I think... perhaps you weren't even awake then heh. First impressions, really don't count.
Thank you for listening to my silly ramblings.Thank you for always offering a different perspective to everything. Talking to you, is like taking a breath of fresh air.
Thank you also, for taking a special interest in my love life T_T.
We were never close, but yet I'd always felt very close to you at heart.
I am actually very sad to see you go, but I wish you all the best, and may you have as many kids as you want in the future soon to come :)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
It was just last week that I said...
活着多好
Heart goes out to the victims of the quake and tsunami in Japan.
10000 lives gone just like that, and probably hundreds of thousands more left distressed.
人类原本就是那么渺小。
All other disputes and conflicts elsewhere seem valueless. So, why fight?
------------------------------
Talk about something happy~
Happy birthday again to the twin cod-fish pisces :)
活着多好
Heart goes out to the victims of the quake and tsunami in Japan.
10000 lives gone just like that, and probably hundreds of thousands more left distressed.
人类原本就是那么渺小。
All other disputes and conflicts elsewhere seem valueless. So, why fight?
------------------------------
Talk about something happy~
Happy birthday again to the twin cod-fish pisces :)
Sunday, March 06, 2011
突然好想
看《常在我心》.
其实一向来活着多好这首歌在我记忆中，是一首很 "sian" 的歌。
太过dramatic and emo = 我不喜欢。在 "Get a Life"里，我也很少听。
可是和《常在我心》拼在一起，就显然不同了。我改变了主意。
可能大家都不多喜欢谈“死”这个话题。
但我感到。。。活着多好。活着，就能拥有梦想。
看《常在我心》.
其实一向来活着多好这首歌在我记忆中，是一首很 "sian" 的歌。
太过dramatic and emo = 我不喜欢。在 "Get a Life"里，我也很少听。
可是和《常在我心》拼在一起，就显然不同了。我改变了主意。
可能大家都不多喜欢谈“死”这个话题。
但我感到。。。活着多好。活着，就能拥有梦想。
來好好給我活著 就似最初 仍然在呼吸都應該 要慶賀
(Get a Life 的版本更赞！)
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Rash-ness
Received a call from a fellow classmate from another institution a few days ago. Wasn't so much of a matter after clarification, but some unwarranted comments... left me rather shattered.
As much as I hate to admit it, I think work has the evil ability to brainwash a person. So much so that they don't behave like they did anymore. Not only did I felt like I was being ?interrogated the whole time, I also watched in dismay at the amazingly distorted image that we seem to portray to the external world.
How ignorant and self-absorbed work has shaped certain people to be. How work takes away innocence and kindness, and leaves people numbed and tired. How people like to undermine others' efforts, to bathe in their own superiority which they could not feel without hammering others down. I admire seriousness in work, but I appreciate generosity and humbleness more.
I quote a line off my purple "fabulous pharmacist" cup: "It's only a job."
Sincerely hope that people stay true to themselves, and not let circumstances erode their good traits away.
Mum cannot stop emphasizing that the fortune-teller's advice for me this year: be less rash and to be more tolerant of people that I cannot stand, for they may rise in importance regardless of how painfully rare the chance might be.
Perhaps I have grown to become a tad more short-tempered these days, but really, I'm no longer the meek girl in the past who never says no to anyone anymore.
If things are not right, I will speak my mind, and not allow sufferings for no reason. Nobody can poke their heads into our lives as they wish.
Heh sound so serious suddenly. But I also won't forget to see the lightness of things in trouble. Must always look for the silver lining.
After all, it's only a job. Luckily I never ever regretted my career choice :) I just hope that the others can feel the same too. Such a small circle, we should all realise that actually, we are all in this TOGETHER.
Received a call from a fellow classmate from another institution a few days ago. Wasn't so much of a matter after clarification, but some unwarranted comments... left me rather shattered.
As much as I hate to admit it, I think work has the evil ability to brainwash a person. So much so that they don't behave like they did anymore. Not only did I felt like I was being ?interrogated the whole time, I also watched in dismay at the amazingly distorted image that we seem to portray to the external world.
How ignorant and self-absorbed work has shaped certain people to be. How work takes away innocence and kindness, and leaves people numbed and tired. How people like to undermine others' efforts, to bathe in their own superiority which they could not feel without hammering others down. I admire seriousness in work, but I appreciate generosity and humbleness more.
I quote a line off my purple "fabulous pharmacist" cup: "It's only a job."
Sincerely hope that people stay true to themselves, and not let circumstances erode their good traits away.
Mum cannot stop emphasizing that the fortune-teller's advice for me this year: be less rash and to be more tolerant of people that I cannot stand, for they may rise in importance regardless of how painfully rare the chance might be.
Perhaps I have grown to become a tad more short-tempered these days, but really, I'm no longer the meek girl in the past who never says no to anyone anymore.
If things are not right, I will speak my mind, and not allow sufferings for no reason. Nobody can poke their heads into our lives as they wish.
Heh sound so serious suddenly. But I also won't forget to see the lightness of things in trouble. Must always look for the silver lining.
After all, it's only a job. Luckily I never ever regretted my career choice :) I just hope that the others can feel the same too. Such a small circle, we should all realise that actually, we are all in this TOGETHER.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
一个平凡人
Took the train to school like an ordinary student. Sat in lecture like an ordinary student. Doodled on the notes like an ordinary student. Struggled with dozing off like an ordinary student.
Only that the whole experience felt extra-ordinary. To me. It was an amazingly exciting ride. Such a druggie at heart, I couldn't stop feeling the trickling of exhilaration down the throat.
I wonder if I can deliver. I wonder if I can rise up to the occasion. I wonder if I can do anything without having to be babied through. I wonder if I can exceed what everyone, including myself, can do.
再平凡的人，能做的到吗。
再平凡的我，能看破一切吗。
Don't question me. Don't answer me.
Let's move on.
Took the train to school like an ordinary student. Sat in lecture like an ordinary student. Doodled on the notes like an ordinary student. Struggled with dozing off like an ordinary student.
Only that the whole experience felt extra-ordinary. To me. It was an amazingly exciting ride. Such a druggie at heart, I couldn't stop feeling the trickling of exhilaration down the throat.
I wonder if I can deliver. I wonder if I can rise up to the occasion. I wonder if I can do anything without having to be babied through. I wonder if I can exceed what everyone, including myself, can do.
再平凡的人，能做的到吗。
再平凡的我，能看破一切吗。
Don't question me. Don't answer me.
Let's move on.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
You think you know me, but truth is, you don't
The past two days have whizzed past like a dream. Awakened, but I could feel snippets re-entering the mind whenever I stopped to close my eyes.
Nightmare was the dream to describe Friday. The day that I sat at A&E, gripping my friend's hand tightly while watching her suffer. Helplessness and pain had never sunk in so deep before. Four hours later, I watched another implode, albeit figuratively but nonetheless comparable in intensity, and yet I could not do anything to help ease the pain but to stay quiet. Count four hours more, and there was yet a third friend in pain as unbelievably as strong as that of the first... and they said, close friends' hearts are strung together?
I thought, what is this world coming to? If there's one thing that I cannot stomach, it's to watch others in pain. Stunned and speechless as I was, I allowed my best trait--- naggy-ness to deflate the emotions bubbling inside... which I hope, disguised them quite well...
Glad it's more or less over.
Saturday dawned in the most unlikely fashion after what happened the day before. Unknown to many, and known only by the ones that I'm close to, I have VERY bad phobia of the masses. I would tremble, I would crumble inside. I flee whenever the spotlight shines on me. Had been bothering me for weeks, if not since the start of this year.
Talking to Justine (made a new friend?) while waiting for my turn helped relieve some of the anxiety as we shared almost the same emotions at that moment in time. Maybe the previous day's events strangely gave me some superficial strength to endure what was to come.. or was it the support from the rest that boosted my morale. For the whole of the 10 minutes which meant the world to me (not in terms of importance, but of fear), I spoke with the ease I had only with close friends during tea-time and I spoke as if I was unafraid. I had no script, or cue cards unlike others. Everything that was in my mind came naturally (though words came out too fast) like a stream with the smoothest gentle current. The audience had morphed to become merely a banner of human faces, harmless and fading gently..
When it was time for Q&A, it was reported that I said "I see" thoughtfully before rambling back in reply. Perhaps it was Prof LSC who was sitting right at the first row, smiling and nodding encouragingly.. that propelled my answer. I'm grateful, and he doesn't even know me.
This I revealed not to many, because partly I'm ashamed of my own innate fears, and because it probably doesnt mean much to others. It does not matter whether any prizes were won, or even deserved (if we want to argue about that somemore). The reward was I think I surprised myself, and as HHL put it very aptly, the satisfaction was immense. :)
The past two days have whizzed past like a dream. Awakened, but I could feel snippets re-entering the mind whenever I stopped to close my eyes.
Nightmare was the dream to describe Friday. The day that I sat at A&E, gripping my friend's hand tightly while watching her suffer. Helplessness and pain had never sunk in so deep before. Four hours later, I watched another implode, albeit figuratively but nonetheless comparable in intensity, and yet I could not do anything to help ease the pain but to stay quiet. Count four hours more, and there was yet a third friend in pain as unbelievably as strong as that of the first... and they said, close friends' hearts are strung together?
I thought, what is this world coming to? If there's one thing that I cannot stomach, it's to watch others in pain. Stunned and speechless as I was, I allowed my best trait--- naggy-ness to deflate the emotions bubbling inside... which I hope, disguised them quite well...
Glad it's more or less over.
Saturday dawned in the most unlikely fashion after what happened the day before. Unknown to many, and known only by the ones that I'm close to, I have VERY bad phobia of the masses. I would tremble, I would crumble inside. I flee whenever the spotlight shines on me. Had been bothering me for weeks, if not since the start of this year.
Talking to Justine (made a new friend?) while waiting for my turn helped relieve some of the anxiety as we shared almost the same emotions at that moment in time. Maybe the previous day's events strangely gave me some superficial strength to endure what was to come.. or was it the support from the rest that boosted my morale. For the whole of the 10 minutes which meant the world to me (not in terms of importance, but of fear), I spoke with the ease I had only with close friends during tea-time and I spoke as if I was unafraid. I had no script, or cue cards unlike others. Everything that was in my mind came naturally (though words came out too fast) like a stream with the smoothest gentle current. The audience had morphed to become merely a banner of human faces, harmless and fading gently..
When it was time for Q&A, it was reported that I said "I see" thoughtfully before rambling back in reply. Perhaps it was Prof LSC who was sitting right at the first row, smiling and nodding encouragingly.. that propelled my answer. I'm grateful, and he doesn't even know me.
This I revealed not to many, because partly I'm ashamed of my own innate fears, and because it probably doesnt mean much to others. It does not matter whether any prizes were won, or even deserved (if we want to argue about that somemore). The reward was I think I surprised myself, and as HHL put it very aptly, the satisfaction was immense. :)
Thank you to all who held my hand, encouraged, listened and understood, for you know who you are. :) And a silent thank you to my preceptor, who watched me crumble and ?triumph before in her most understated ways, and whom I very ungratefully stopped from coming to hospital to support me, for fear of letting her down.
Today is Sunday, and suddenly all seems bright again :)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Life's Funs and Puns
Just a few (actually more than a few) of my favourites:
"What kind of place is Expectations?"
"Good question, good question. Expectations is the place you must always go to before you get to where you're going. Of course, some people never go beyond Expectations.."
"I never knew words could be so confusing."
"Only when you use a lot to say a little."
"Everyone should have his own point of view."
"Isn't this everyone's Point of View?"
"Of course not. It's only mine, and you certainly can't always look at things from someone else's point of view.."
"Carry this with you on your journey, for there is much worth noticing that often escapes the eye.. and most importantly of all, you can see things as they really are, not just as they seem to be. It's my gift to you."
"You are on the Island of Conclusions. Make yourself at home here. You are apt to be here for some time."
"But how did we get here?"
"You jumped, of course. It's really quite simple: every time you decide something without having a good reason, you jump to Conclusions whether you like it or not. It's such an easy trip that I've been here hundreds of times."
"But this is such an unpleasant-looking place."
" Yes that's true. It does look much better from a distance."
"Well I'm going to jump straight back."
" That won't do at all. You can never jump away from Conclusions. Getting back is not so easy. The only way is to swim, and that's a very long and a very hard way."
"I don't like to get wet."
"But I wouldn't worry so much about it, for you can swim in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry..."
.... *after swimming for ages*
"From now on, I'm going to have a very good reason before I make up my mind about anything. You can lose too much time jumping to Conclusions."
"Infinity is a dreadfully poor place. they can never manage to make ends meet."
"Is everyone who lives in Ignorance like you?
"Much worse. But I'm from a place very far away called Context...It's such an unpleasant place that I spend almost all my time out of it."
"I warned you that I'm the Senses Taker. I'll steal your sense of purpose, take your sense of duty, destroy your sense of proportion.. but as long as you have the sound of laughter, I cannot take away your sense of humour, and with it, you'd got nothing to fear from me."
"You must never feel badly about making mistakes. As long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reason."
"Time flies, doesn't it?"
"On many occasions. I'll take everyone down."
"But what about the Castle in the Air?"
"Let it drift away.. and good riddance. For no matter how beautiful it seems, it's nothing but a prison."
"But I could never have done it without everyone else's help."
"That may be true, but you had the courage to try, and what you can do is often simply a matter of what you will do... So many things are possible just as long as you don't know they're impossible."
"There are many lands you've still to visit (some of which are not even on the map) and wonderful things to see (that no one has yet imagined), but we're quite sure that if you really want to, you'll find a way to reach them all by yourself."
The Phantom Tollbooth - A story full of plays on puns that I embraced very gratefully. A story on life lessons, on the continual quest for knowledge, adventure and the impossible. A story that I was all psyched up to start, reluctant to finish but finished lastly with a smile, not without eyes brimming :)
Just a few (actually more than a few) of my favourites:
"What kind of place is Expectations?"
"Good question, good question. Expectations is the place you must always go to before you get to where you're going. Of course, some people never go beyond Expectations.."
"I never knew words could be so confusing."
"Only when you use a lot to say a little."
"Everyone should have his own point of view."
"Isn't this everyone's Point of View?"
"Of course not. It's only mine, and you certainly can't always look at things from someone else's point of view.."
"Carry this with you on your journey, for there is much worth noticing that often escapes the eye.. and most importantly of all, you can see things as they really are, not just as they seem to be. It's my gift to you."
"You are on the Island of Conclusions. Make yourself at home here. You are apt to be here for some time."
"But how did we get here?"
"You jumped, of course. It's really quite simple: every time you decide something without having a good reason, you jump to Conclusions whether you like it or not. It's such an easy trip that I've been here hundreds of times."
"But this is such an unpleasant-looking place."
" Yes that's true. It does look much better from a distance."
"Well I'm going to jump straight back."
" That won't do at all. You can never jump away from Conclusions. Getting back is not so easy. The only way is to swim, and that's a very long and a very hard way."
"I don't like to get wet."
"But I wouldn't worry so much about it, for you can swim in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry..."
.... *after swimming for ages*
"From now on, I'm going to have a very good reason before I make up my mind about anything. You can lose too much time jumping to Conclusions."
"Infinity is a dreadfully poor place. they can never manage to make ends meet."
"Is everyone who lives in Ignorance like you?
"Much worse. But I'm from a place very far away called Context...It's such an unpleasant place that I spend almost all my time out of it."
"I warned you that I'm the Senses Taker. I'll steal your sense of purpose, take your sense of duty, destroy your sense of proportion.. but as long as you have the sound of laughter, I cannot take away your sense of humour, and with it, you'd got nothing to fear from me."
"You must never feel badly about making mistakes. As long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reason."
"Time flies, doesn't it?"
"On many occasions. I'll take everyone down."
"But what about the Castle in the Air?"
"Let it drift away.. and good riddance. For no matter how beautiful it seems, it's nothing but a prison."
"But I could never have done it without everyone else's help."
"That may be true, but you had the courage to try, and what you can do is often simply a matter of what you will do... So many things are possible just as long as you don't know they're impossible."
"There are many lands you've still to visit (some of which are not even on the map) and wonderful things to see (that no one has yet imagined), but we're quite sure that if you really want to, you'll find a way to reach them all by yourself."
The Phantom Tollbooth - A story full of plays on puns that I embraced very gratefully. A story on life lessons, on the continual quest for knowledge, adventure and the impossible. A story that I was all psyched up to start, reluctant to finish but finished lastly with a smile, not without eyes brimming :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A Hermit Crab's Story
Excerpt from http://www.xs4all.nl/~pal/hermit.htm
Am eternally grateful for the sea-anemones who faithfully stick by... and hope they can stay at a close distance wherever I go...
Excerpt from http://www.xs4all.nl/~pal/hermit.htm
"Usually the entire body of Crabs is covered with a hard, calcified armour.
The Hermit Crab however lacks this protection on the hindmost part of its body, the abdomen, which is soft and vulnerable.
"It protects its abdomen, which contains such important organs as the liver and the gonads, by inserting it into a gastropod shell. When walking, the animal drags its house along. In water the weight of the shell is diminished by the upward pressure and so the Hermit Crab, in spite of its burden, can zealously run about."
In case of danger, the Hermit Crab withdraws into the shell as deep as possible. In the shell there is no room for two big pincers. Therefore the Hermit Crab has but one. When hiding in the shell it uses this pincer to guard the entrance.
When the crab grows and does not fit in its shell any longer, it looks for a bigger one. The original occupant, if still present, is picked out. Then, quickly and nervously, the crab moves over into its new home..
Sometimes, the Hermit Crab bears Sponges or Sea-anemones on its shell. Besides giving protection, these guests give some useful camouflage. When moving into a new shell, the crab can remove these from the old one and transplant them..."
Am eternally grateful for the sea-anemones who faithfully stick by... and hope they can stay at a close distance wherever I go...
Thursday, February 03, 2011
The good is loved, and the bad isn't
Why is it that the smart and beautiful ones are always surrounded by flocks of admirers, but those who lie on the opposite field are always treated like dirt off the shoe?
This is especially evident during festive seasons. If everyone is a star, then why ditch the ones that don't shine as much?
Survival of the fittest, yes. But after polishing, anyone can emerge gleaming a little more, no? You don't need to force yourself to embrace the bad. You don't need to feel compelled to snub them either.
I ain't so bright myself. Heave a sign of relief for me for I have been largely spared from unwanted snobs so far.
Nobody likes to be mediocre if they can help it, so please save your snide remarks. For those who have all the luck in the world to be born a flower, cherish the grace given to you and don't flaunt it too much :)
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Perverted thinking
We take much joy in doing what we often rant about. We rant so much about what we find joy in.
The dilemma gets entangled in itself with every twist of events. Life before you is a blur. An adrenaline rush continues pumping and getting you all psyched up in spite of the stabs that the stomach protests against, every single day. Not a moment of rest. Not a moment of kindness. Not a moment of recognition.
But do I care? Probably not very much ultimately.
At the end of the day, what comes to mind is what I have tried. What I may have prevented. What others may have benefited unknowingly from.
And I know I can smile despite everything that threatens to obscure my vision, to block my path, to turn my heart cold.
Why, you ask? Because that's me, you see. Don't ever take me away from me.
We take much joy in doing what we often rant about. We rant so much about what we find joy in.
The dilemma gets entangled in itself with every twist of events. Life before you is a blur. An adrenaline rush continues pumping and getting you all psyched up in spite of the stabs that the stomach protests against, every single day. Not a moment of rest. Not a moment of kindness. Not a moment of recognition.
But do I care? Probably not very much ultimately.
At the end of the day, what comes to mind is what I have tried. What I may have prevented. What others may have benefited unknowingly from.
And I know I can smile despite everything that threatens to obscure my vision, to block my path, to turn my heart cold.
Why, you ask? Because that's me, you see. Don't ever take me away from me.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Exile in the Far Away Land
Passed by Mini Toons and saw it.. My heart sank because seeing it made my gift seem alot less special now.
My IROM/RC patient told me that my cantonese is very 靓. Totally made my day :D
I enjoy my sessions, I really do. The slightly slower pace of the clinic setting allows more personal interaction, and they tend to start revealing more after some warm-up. When they appear more eager to know what I want to say within the 20min time-frame, I start the race with them. Keeping to time has, and always been the challenge, but I'm happy to say that pharmacists are not the bottleneck so far. :) There are some people who lament not taking care of their DM in the past. Some who blame the polyclinic docs (shall not comment further) for not recommending the renal referal earlier until it's too late. Some who give silly excuses (probably still in denial) to refuse every suggestion. Some who nod at everything I say, but who secretly in their hearts, are not going to comply.
All in all, it proves to be very interesting trying to observe what the person in front of you is trying to convey, or trying to hide. MTM seems to comprise more than what its superficial purpose promises, and is probably the essence of what we do from day-to-day. *makes mental note to read up
All in all, it proves to be very interesting trying to observe what the person in front of you is trying to convey, or trying to hide. MTM seems to comprise more than what its superficial purpose promises, and is probably the essence of what we do from day-to-day. *makes mental note to read up
I think of these patients as the start to the end, and wonder if I was able to catch them right at the very beginning, would I be able to help more.
Someday. I hope to achieve that. That day will come.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Waking up early
Many things weighing on the mind.
If I had developed a habit of acting strong, it's time to start kicking it. The fortress that I had gotten used to retreating to, had unknowingly become that large.
自己听了歌竟然有点心酸的感觉。是共鸣吗？
Perhaps that wall is beginning to disintegrate... Well is that a good thing?
Many things weighing on the mind.
If I had developed a habit of acting strong, it's time to start kicking it. The fortress that I had gotten used to retreating to, had unknowingly become that large.
自己听了歌竟然有点心酸的感觉。是共鸣吗？
Perhaps that wall is beginning to disintegrate... Well is that a good thing?
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Sunday, January 02, 2011
1/11/2011
900th Post in the 8th year. Cheers!
2010 has been... different. More tears than the last 10 years combined. More duties than the last 5 years combined. More relationships to cherish. More unsettling feelings to deal with. More weight loss. More joys for friends. More interesting relevations. More reflections. More realisations.
Let's hope that 2011 bring about more new beginnings and more breakthroughs. :)
May I not 苍老下去，"每况愈下". -.-lll
900th Post in the 8th year. Cheers!
2010 has been... different. More tears than the last 10 years combined. More duties than the last 5 years combined. More relationships to cherish. More unsettling feelings to deal with. More weight loss. More joys for friends. More interesting relevations. More reflections. More realisations.
Let's hope that 2011 bring about more new beginnings and more breakthroughs. :)
May I not 苍老下去，"每况愈下". -.-lll
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