match made in heaven

wahhh

I'm so happie today..... thanks to ammz.... =) hahaha.... wad a pleasant surprise after guitar yesterday.... well all i can say here that amm is a great organiser... hahaha.... n how well she understands me =P

sometimes i tink it's better this way.... it's all fine wif me. maybe it's hard to open up too much....or maybe it's not time yet. but as long as i'm happie..... i dun mind. esp after chatting online last nite.... i duno. i dun wan to jump to any conclusion... never give urself false hopes.... n remember... diff pple interpret words differently.... not everyone tinks like me. i may be juz oversensitive u noe... as all cancerians are.... wow i really believe in my horoscope. dun wan to sound too superstitious... but oh well it really works for me....

i'm a family-oriented person, i'm emotional (maybe too much), i keep things to myself, i admire pple who r much more capable than me.
went to read woon teng's blog.... abt wad she said abt pple with a cheerful composition usually r the ones who bottled up their thoughts too much... am i one of them? but dun tink i'll ever tink of suicide... i dun bear to...coz i havent seen many things in life.... but i feel sorry to hear the news of the suicide of the rj gal..... haiz... pple nowadays haf so many problems....how to deal wif every one of them?


but to end this entry on a cheerful note... hahha..... was smiling the whole time yesterday....wad the.... desperately wan to share wif someone.... but den again... i dun really reveal many of my secrets to anyone....hahaha...

that ray of sunshine keep teasing me..

i'm blogging everyday.... coz i'm upset. sad that things aren't turning out the way i wish... jaime asked me wad's rong... but i cant bring myeslf to tell her..... sorry.... coz i cant tell anyone.... not even my closest frens.... the problem doesn't lie with them, but with me. im that kind of person who lives in dreams..... they r the places where i feeel the happiest, most carefree. i dun like my life, no matter how i hate to say that....

everyday i tell myself that everything'll be alright after a good nite's sleep.... dreams at nite bring me refreshed hope to look forward to life with renewed strength. but sumtimes they give me TOO MUCH hope.... that i haf to try convince myself...." that was all a dream, nothing else, but fleeting thoughts running inside my mind when im asleep" so far none of my dreams, good or bad, haf come true.

there seems to be no point pursuing it anymore..... often miracles only happen in stories. i said b4, i put in my effort already... but it doesn't work... not this week. i'm so frust (short form for 'frustration', taught by ili). it's hard to give up, even when all becomes so clear that there's no use probing any further.....though i noe i shld... to make myself more happy... but i keep hanging onto the tiniest bit of hope....cant let go. not until all the riddles r solved....

today our pw suffered a great blow.... may haf to change topic bcoz our us-china one was too broad.... couldn't find a focus. meanwhile i'll go tink abt it.... all my troubles r getting out of hand..... feel like breakin down any moment...n to think i said a week b4 that jc life's the best yet for me...
either i've been in space or i've juz been cheating myself all this time....

maybe i'll go practise guitar soon..... teacher's day's not that far away.... i better not malu myself again =(

all fellow earthlings...y make life so difficult

y did i keep a blog in the 1st place?
now i'm addicted

someone told me that i'm not writing much of my personal feelings down here.... which i SHLd haf... but i duno.... i dun trust my blog too... whooops. actually it's not private at all.... n pple may juz stumble over this... n poof..... lal my secrets will be revealed... after sum soul-searching today, I found out that how ordinary i am. not that i din noe abt this in the past.... but it's like i din tink much abt it till now....
haiz.... ordinary looks, grades, attitude, personality, .... my life too.

n i tot that they always say how unique each n every individual is..... i guess it depends...i hope i'm not wallowing in self-pity... but really.... i always dun seem to do the right things at the right time....n sumtimes words juz dun come out of my mth

n i realise much later that i've been stoning open-mouthed or pouting into space for like ages....
that i look sianz more than gloomy...
well maybe tt's a good thing
never show ur emotions too much
coz it affects other pple too......

uncertainty creates mystery
n mystery is exciting...
but the wall it builds btw us
each brick juz covers everything up

i want to break thru the wall
me alone... i cant
i need ur help too
i haf faith tt we'll find a way thru
but a disturbing thought in me,
says u may juz leave me
to the paradise on the other side

only by ur presence do i feel safe...
do i feel tt all's worth it

No one waits forever...

like the bus story xingni sent us..... wad sumthin abt luv is like waiting for a bus..... though it's really quite confusing..... but it makes sense.... only in drama serials... u'll see couples chi1 chi1 de2 wait for each other.... even if they cant be together... they wish to be together in their next lives....

how touching....
but does it really happen in real life?
FATe?

I'm confused... i wish i noe more.... but i dun.... i wish i noe wad to do... but i dun
i wish i can show my real self.... but i cant...... I cant pretend all the time.....coz i juz cant bring myself to do it

meanwhile i envy all those who haf their significant other....
n soph's email said that i belong to the most dreamily romantic species (according to birth signs)

but wad's the use....

....
cant believe it... i juz woke up!!! it's almost 12 nooon lohzzz....coz nobody called to wake me up -___-zzz n last nite i slept at 2plus to finish econ independent learning.... stooopid econ.... but quite happie that it's almost done.... hahhaaha coz my grp members all very "sei" one..... so i'll go eat my garlic bread now.... whoops it's even beyond brunch leh....

juz bot swimsuit yesterday... argh.... so ex leh... rem the last time i bot was like so long ago.... when i can still buy those young teenagers' ones.....argh... not really looking forward to swimming tmr... somehow i dun feel at ease swimming wif the class.... n there's high possibility that i'll get tanned again..... kk lah stop complaining liao

today jaime n kenny got band perfomance at botanic gardens.... haiz tink i not goin.... got lots of work to do..... esp when i wake up SO late today... whole morn is gone.......arghhh... wish them gd luck for the performance later!!! =)

arghhhh.... my nose is abit sunburnt!!! i hate my "tan" look -___-'''

had pw today... somehow i feel that i cant contribute much.......coz i noe really little abt project work.... i mean the group work i did back in st nicks were all simple n do-able..... the biggest thing i tried was the youth science festival thingy.....( that maths proj gave us lots of headaches though).....den now this pw thing is so....how to put it?.... so serious n the topic is big n cheem..... i can only do the research part but analysing is another thing......sighz.... feel abit bad coz i dun give any bright ideas to the group.....like i've been slacking........ haiz hope things will get better

boo....QR says she cant see my blog...hahahaa...shld i be happie? coz it's really quite lousy (in terms of looks....aha) but today wasnt bad....in fact quite goood Mdm Toh told us a story abt her fren during reading period today.... found out that she looked quite affected by the whole thing..... stoopid Wols me din realise that wad peishan later said shld be true.... tt she was juz telling us her own life story.....

i feel terrible when i recall wad she asked us:

"do u tink that my fren is stupid?"
"Did she make the right choice by not aborting her first baby?"
n i wince at the thought of her
telling us that he slapped her friend..............
yet she has forgiven him...

=) cant stop smiling today.....hahahaha crazy hoh.....tt's me.... coz i'm very very happie =)

highlights of the day~
--- melinda's visit!!!!

yay~ so glad to see her mel again.....miss her alotz... bot us lots of chocolaty stuff for our class...so nice lehz.... but eating them made my stomach so bloated... den we went cozy corner to eat chat n rot aha =P got lots of things to tok abt.... like updating her on all our class scandals......wooo hooo......

--- thankfully i passed my chem blk test.....whew!

--- bio lect wasnt that bad wif mag tan behaving rather crappily today.... whooops.....n the usual gp n econ tut were not tt bad.... heeee

but the bad thing was i din get to buy any swimming costume =( coz there wasnt much to choose frm in j8......

(ant: got a big bowl of fruits in frnt of me.... wonder how i'm goin to finish them alll??????)

heyoooooo............

CIP finally over liao...shld i be happie?? juz noe that i'm goin to miss sembawang for a while... got so used to goin there on saturdays... including that day when we had flag day 21stjun.... wad a memorable day....collected lots of $$$ hahhahahaa..... anw though the turnout wasn't that great.... could see tt it can be considered a success liao....ahahhaa..pls dun blame publicity!!! we tried out BEST liao...muahhahhaaa....yaaa.....but the bad thing was we wasted lots of food...nobody wans to da bao home...coz kind of disgusting ritez??? tried to interact wif some of the disabled youths...they seem very independent.....feel quite happie for them =) n they very the FARnie lohz....still got compete wif each other like whose wheelchair more ex n lighter -________-''' i guess diff pple take pleasure in diff things....

like ME..aha.. i enjoy observing pple..coz u can find out alot frm juz tt...... n u can catch all the "HEY HEY" scandalous things!!! so fun lehz..... n of coz, lidat can be more sensitive to other pple's feelings... though i always either guess wrongly or too WOls to react ...how sad

saw my class jersey =P in the laundry basket....aha i really luv it alotz although it's abit the too big -___- but how can u expect men to haf size "xs" it's juz all rong lohz!! but very cooling lehz... the sembawang hall very stuffy....n YA we got to meet MELINDA!!!! she's still the same cheerful (n lame n bhb) old self....so happie.. n most prob she's goin to visit us tmr in HC!!!!yay~... after dis we may haf to wait for a long while b4 we can c her again....haiz....


yaaaa....AMMz gave me this big red heart shape cushion today....=) luv it lotz......got my name sum more.....represent my magnanimous heart....muahahhahaa......how well she noes me!!!...ok lah stop being crappy liaoz...

lemon tea's still my fav drink =) yummmmy........

hmmm... how does dis new layout look? looks kind of untidy to me but nvm...
juz back frm cip.... today abit sian diao...joan n brenda look so NOT pleased wif everything...guess everyone's stressed eh... hopefully everything'll go smoothly tmr!!! 71 CAn do it ~yay... lame lame**



^_^ oooo 0000 oooo ^_^

wad a mian2 qiang 3 smile...tt's wad i've been giving pple these few days... cant say that i'm depressed... but somehow i tink things can be much better.....Fate's gone to entertain her other clients..she's left me all alone n i cant do much myself w/o her...... anw juz borrowed"a leap of luv" frm sharon.... got so absorbed in it i nearly tripped n fell... n ya my stoopid sandals spoiled liao...kind of disgusting... ar ar haf to use superglue to stick it back....wad the... of all days....

abt the book hoh... says sumthin abt meeting THE ONE in ur life... the one u luv the most... n the only one..... hmmmm....got me tinking... seriously i never really believe in these things.... they say, ur heart, not anything else will tell u when he comes.... but how? n how much possibility that he feels the same way as u do?.... i duno only time will tell i guess.... it's kind of sad... but looks really do play a big part.... n so does compatibility..... so complicated.... i never understand..... can sumone teach me???

teach me how to luv.... teach me how to be giving.....how to stay the same no matter wad happens...even when i juz feel like running home n cry...

(sorry i sound so depressed.... but this is really not a good time ...)

6 plus in the evening.... it was raining

suits my mood pretty well.... i was depressed... ps asked me y... i dun really noe how to ans her.... it wasnt really bcoz of math blk test ( i needed only 1 mark to pass btw....arghhhh!!!) .... mood swing i guess.... no strength to tok or even smile....hmmm

ya i did a stuoopid test while standing in the rain (of coz i had my umbrella wif me...hahaha -__-''').... was waiting for the traffic man to turn green.... but wait so long still haven turn yet.....den i noticed that actually nobody pressed the button tt's y.... so i waited for other pple to press..... but no, everyone who passed me juz dashed across the road.....when they saw no cars approaching.... they din even bother to press.... one by one they moved past me.....w/o turning back..... i stood there n stoned until i finally pressed the button myself....(it was kind of dangerous to jaywalk anw to me) ok lah this story makes no sense..... but wad i found out was...

pple wun wait for u...
u urself haf to make ur own move
so that u can live life w/o any regrets...
but how?
not everything's as easy as pressing the stooopid button -__-

haiz.. anw to summarize this week's events...eh ok i try to be more cheerful now =) it was an ok wweek lah.....lessons R still as boring as ever.....ya we got like 2 new tutors...ms wang's nice but she's real particular abt punctuality...whoops.... aiya but today hoh b4 bio prac i really needed the toilet mah....tot that mrs foo'll never finish making her announcements-__- make me squirm in my seat...ahhahaa.....but speaking of mrs foo hoh... i kind of miss her bio tut...ahaha,.,, y ar..... i found out that her "so-called" punishments for not bringing tut are really useful....as least i noe wad's shotgun approach by now...... pressure reallly makes u go forward eh? ya our math tutor's kind of weird weird aha... still prefer lui..... but come to tink of it lui's part of the reason i haven been doin my tuts.....aiyoooo... who to blame but myself ritez??

duh.....lalala.... went dentist on tue n met up wif huimin...hahaha she changed to PURPLE coloured braces.......ar ar..... how come pple like coloured ones so much?? beats me lohz.... i still stick to my boring metal mouth braces..... natural natural mah...yaa.....den she gave me bdae present!!! yay....~ can hang over my small window it's a wad-do-u-call-that..... like a cloth pple hang over doorways? very cute lehz...aha.....but den i tried hanging den the wind keep blowing it off..... waste my BLUtack n maskin tape .....N i wan curtains in my room!!!!!! MUM says she'll..... eventually...hahahaa.....dun wait until when i very impatient one.... oh ya.... still haven finish yet... den me n huimin went to go walk walk at pasar malam..... muahhhhaahhaha..... kind of wu liao....we went o experiment wif some of the toys on sale......but it's kind of sad that business doesn't seem to be well at all,.... maybe bcoz it's a weekday? but still....hmmm


n i got dis horrifying news today that we r goin to do swimming for PE frm next week onwards......ARGHHHH.......i dunhaf swimming costume i dun care..... guys never mind mah....as for gals....aiyo....actually i like swimming one leh....but not as a class -___-''' n we cant pretend that we haf cramps every wekkk....arghhhh... how to tink of a new excuse every week????????

tt's all for now....now i go chat on MSN liao...~yay hope can cheer myself up~ n i wan to change this layout.....

haiyo.... wad am i doin here??

when i dun even noe how to use this thing....juz tryin out...but it looks so plain i feel so guilty...y didn't i pay attention to com lesson in my sec2 life?? ans: coz the whole class was obsessed wif neopets at that time.....needless to say... so was i...aha ^_^

juz went to ili, qr, n dennis's blogs...hmmm i enjoy reading this kind of things leh....kind of prepares me for bed...hahahhaa.. no lah i dun mean that they r bOring or they put me to sleep......hahaha but it's like i feel a sense of wen1 luan3 after reading.... like i've got to understand my frens better.... guess sum things u can never find out in sch....aha ya.... den rite.... they all got diff writing styles... interesting..... juz recalling wad happen 4 the past few days....anything worth remembering????;)

ohhhh ya..on sat we went to find nemo.... like finally ritez? heh heh... so nice leh...i'm still a child at heart i guess...hahhaa.... ya den got ili a 72cm bear!!!! hahahaa...farnie that she asked qr was the brown colour supposed to rep hcjc??? -___-''' as usual we stood at the sembawang mrt n stoned till 2 trains had left...hahaa... tt's juz us--- culture of 03s71

but den i muz say i've had a wonderful 1st half of 2003 wif my class.... it's the best class i've got so far honestly.... 1st/2nd intakes dun matter.... really memorable things haf happen.... n sumtimes...when i'm bo liao ( like stoning alone during one of the bus journeys to sch) i'll juz tink abt all the special events in the past few mths....never enjoyed my life so much b4 (whoops tt's an exaggeration... but aiya...WADever) thankew thankew pple!!!! surprises n shocks too..... emotions i've never had b4.... CNY, mel, class chalet...cip.......all this i'll really cherish these moments.....

n msn tooo.... i luv goin online.....hahhaa.... ya cont'd wif last sunday...we went star-gazing AGAin..hahhaa... den we toked n toked......quite fun.... but seems like there r LOTS OF SECRETS everywhere... all i duno one...haiz.....suan4 le lah..... i'll NOT go n find out....after all secrets r to remain as secrets i guess..... juz like sum things r better remain unknown.....sighz

hmmmm gtg liao...late late... yay tmr i can borrow bk frm peishan.... luv story!!! hahaha.. i need a touching story!!!!! to ...eh enrich my borin life......sian diao =P