Dreams to fuel passion

A whole new begining for me.

My life is about sleeping in the middle of the night, waking up in the wee hours of the day. Painting my nails blood red, tying my thick layered hair into a perfect bun, doing up my perfect canvas. Having stacks of notes is what i had to read and revise everyday, loading infos like cream of mushroom is for JCL, local mixed nuts is for YCL, mint tea is serve during flights to DXB/IST.

I almost dont have a life now, with so many things to do in so little hours. But you know what, i enjoy every single bit of whats going on and happening to me right now. Every single little bit. I love what i am doing, i am looking forward to my future. =)

And donning on my very own kebaya almost every other day. =) =) =) =)

Haven been updating for donkey times, i cant be borthered. Maybe when im in a very good mood, i will.

Im having period, gumache n i have to work till 11pm.

CB.

Of Exgirlfriends

Im ultra super sensitive to that word. I simply hate exgirlfriends.

But i dont show it out. I acted cool, way too cool, until the other party though thats nothing about it. Wrong!

How many of you can torlerate when you bf/gf tells you stuff about what they did together, the courting period, what gifts u give or recieve from e exs, (which you guys nv did or experience.) Agrhhh! Its torturing!

*ROARRRRRRR*

Any form of contacts with the ex-es are usually keep hush hush, and even if the bf/gf tells you, it will only be just a small part of it? No? Admit it. Im guilty of this too.

Why are we girls so jealous of exes when guys don’t really give a hoot about ours?

Normally i will just keep when any of my exs talk about their ex-gf. Until when i begin to feel that he kinda trying to hint something or compare me to her. Or worse, take me as a sub. The feelings sucky. Thanks WH for that. That shadow is still hovering over my head since many years ago.

How many heartbreaks must we go through before we finally find our one true love?
Forget it, for theres no one true love.

There only two kind of men, one that fools around before marriage, and the other keeps mistresses after marriage.

Which one are you?

Fourth day of school

and its been rainning daily.

Miss June is hungry, tired and cold.

Poor me.

I have 5 bookmarks, reading card n badge to design. Done the latter two, left 2 bookmarks to go. But ive run out of ideas...i dont know what the kids like!!! *wails* Had 'dolphin' as the theme, as they are supposely to symbolise 'intellectual' and well, urm, unisex.

My new year resolution:

1. be more concern towards my family, more time for mum.
2. cut down on my phone bills.
3. cut down on shopping.
4. save at least 300bucks per month.
5. attend my pilates classes regularly.
6. sleep before 12am. (yes, im always deprive of sleep)
7. be more responsible, active in work. More motivation.
8. stop slacking.
9. curse less...knn.
10. earn more money.get a ipod nano (by the time i save enough $, think there will b a ipod nana.)

Yup, that should be it. Realistics one.

***

I asked him,

'whats your new year resolution this year'

'hmm, to love you more.'

'HUH? to love me more? isnt that what you ARE SUPPOSE to do?'

!@#$%^&* Where to find this kind of great guy, u tell me.

Disappointed

Just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, doesnt mean that they dont love you with what they have.

Cant you see? Dont you understand? Im tired. Tired of this nonchalant relationship.

Strive for Success

"Greenview Greenview
Hand in hand
We'll strive for success
A better future
For you and me"

This is what i use to hear 8 yrs ago, for 4yrs, every tuesday. We, my friends, peers and i used to laugh at the 'childishly-tuned' school song.
But boy, how i missed it now.
Give me that tune again, i will sing it out loud proudly for you.

For Greenview Sec, is where i hold most of my memories. Good and bad. Where i had part of my life lessons learnt, the hardway.
Where I lost and gain friends - friendship that are for life.

My first pickup line "wo ke yi ren shi ni ma"?, my first number exchanged.
My first pager - 95424338 (haha, u can try paging me now.)
My first friend made in a strange place. Everyone was so lost.

The ah lians hated me. I dont know why.
Xialan, they say. ???

My first stare. DIAO SI MI DIAO!? I dont even know what is "diao" at that time lor.
Puh-lease.
My first slap, my first 'chuey tai ji'.
My first toilet-fight, almost. Heng ar.

It was then i first realise what friends are for.

Later on, i had my first to say 'DIAO SI MI DIAO?!'.

My first crush, it keeps accumalting since then.
My first 'stead', my first cry.
My first heartache, leaving me too shattered. I thought i will nv be able to love again. All guys are jerks.
My first kiss, my first *ahem, u know what*.

My first time handling 7 subjects at a go, my first test failed, my first exam failed.
My first dropped-out subject, i hated POA.

POA, holds my first ever record breaking mark in class - 4/100. Smart.

I had my first touch on Ionic Bonding, Covalent compounds,
POTASSIUM, SODIUM, MAGNESIUM, FE2CO3,
They, my new toy, made me cringe. Till now.

My first made-ms-seah-cry-in-the-classroom,
My first right-in-front-of-mr-poh-ah-long's-and-tan-peh-hock's-nose cheating experience. It wasnt me alone, the whole class did it too.
My first class skipped, my first pon-tang school.

My first $2.50 a day pocket money, always wasnt enough. Vv had to blan-ja me.
I like stall no.3's mee soto. Uncle Steven's drink stall.

My first ECA, choir. I love my girls, and we were best sistas ever since. My first performance. My first NDP'99 performance. It ended up hurting most of us. Sep said 'we should have listen to Amy Tan, to stay away from the army guys.'

My first peeing session in the block with Sep, while Vv 'watch water'.

My first talent night, A go-go girls!
We've came in 2nd! =)

My first issue with the Principal, Mr Pika-Chew.
Ok, Andrew Chew. Issues over my 'ex-stead' and results.
That wasnt the ending, the discipline master, Mr Ho likes me alot too.
I kept having, not issues, but subscriptions with him.

My first 'june, come here, take off all your earrings, bangles, anklets',
'Im gona send you girls to the salon to have your hair dye black',
'Wipe off your makeup',
'Your ring',
'Unpick your skirt, NOW!',
'Write 1000 lines, I-Will-Not-xxxxxx' for me and i want it written by tomorrow,
'Wheres your badge, june?'.
'No coloured bra allowed, girls',
'You again, im gona EXPEL you!'
'June Chia, June Chia of 4e5. Report to the office right now' - EVERYDAY during silent reading time.

The ultimate, ' i want you both to shave off your nail polish in 10 mins time'.
How to shave off nail polish sial?

My first 'love' letter, obviously a prank.
First stalking our crushes, going ga-ga over them, 'passby' their class room while going to the 'toilet'. Taking the same bus as them, at the same time. 6.45am.
Even to that extend of getting the same colour Outdoor bag as theirs. Ive got white, sep got red, Vv got yellow.
Wrote his-es and our names on our tables, swearing on our undying love for him-es.

"Rahman loves me".

1-177155-4, 512-1314-3344-7374-9394.

My first 12 panadole with Coke, and Marlboro Menthol Light, mentos mint, at 6.30am, scare Sep to hell. I puked the whole day.
My first wrist slashed.
Monkey see, monkey do - Sep, she was even hiong then me.
My first rumour of myself hit me hard. Soon, my world came crashing down. It was my first to develop mild depression. Sep was there, held my hands and walk through the battle with me.

My first enemy made.
Ironically, we became best of friends at the later part.
And more ironically, my first friend met, we, best friends became strangers, again.

I first understood-ed and saw what true friends really are.

My first urine-taste-like E-33. Then came Strongbow, Vodka, whatever alcoholic drink/mixer we could get our hands on, in the mini-mart.
My first whisky in art-class. I turned red n got high.
My first 3 pratas at one go...Ant had 4 i think.
Our first honey-chicken eating session in the middle of English period.

My first major 'O's,
'O' levels. 6 sub. I passed all!
My first math & sc exam passed!
My first graduation ceremony. I miss my peers, friends, teachers.
My crushes too. Hee. =P

My first life-turning decision made.
LaSalle-SIA.

Had so many my first in GVSS, how can i ever forget this wondeful school?
While some of us would rather forget that we ever studied there, there is no doubt that the school has given us a sound education both in mind and body. Life long learning skills.
I dont think there is anyone whom can touch their heart and say that they have no recollection whatsoever of their friends and teachers in Greenview.

A young school, full with gangsters, ah lians, ah bengs, having gang fight in school during every schooldays. Police cars petroling, parking outside, sometimes inside the school compound every single day.

We even had a temp police koisk right outside the school.
How cool was that?
Rem that infamous school riot we had, between the malays and chinese, that shook the whole GVSS.
Astortion, threatening, caught pupils making out in a block, murdering, hitting teachers, u name it, we've got it.

Who would believe a school like this, is now a SAA Academic Value-added school? (But only after my batch has left, duh!) I have to admit, thanks to Mr Chew.

I love Greenview, and am gona take this part of memory through out my life.

I am proud to be a Greenviewan. =)

Dont Judge.

Im feeling lost again. *For goodness sake, when will this feeling fade away, Daddy?*

Mum's health hasnt been very good, dad's too - muscle pull. They have been going to the doc regulary, but it doesnt seems to have much improvement. What have the useless doctors been doing?! My turn too, back ach, since LaSalle days till now. Its like a on-off, on-off ach, esp when im lacking of sleep. Left shoulder.

Oh ya, previously closed down the blog, due to some reasons, but then i decided to re-start again, this time, i will be more discreet in what i write. Since whatever ive write here is free for people to read, then you shall know very little of me. Unless you pay.

Talking about pay & money, Ive cut down on my shows - to two times a week. I cant afford to waste my health. 金钱不可能从未赢得足够. Was having this conversation with a sales rep few weeks ago, while he was driving me home. We were talking about work, when he told me "wo men zhe me yang de zuo gong fang shi, shi zai mai ming, bu shi zuo gong." We work as if we were selling our lives away.

I agree.

Just look at the sales rep - gotta drink mugs and jugs of beer, liquor (whatever the company's selling), to entertain client/customer/pub & club owner/kopitiam owner/events etc, after a day of work, almost everyday. Be our 'bodyguard' when we are out on roving, be our chauffeur to send us home. Sometimes, even our hero (scapegoat), helping us to the evil mugs when customers/clients insist us on drinking. The way i see them drink, wah, peifu them. They drink beer/liquor like plain water, like that, like very delicious.

Actually we, 'the girls' - the models too. Mai ming. Dont see us always wear pretty pretty, sexy sexy, entertain clients/customers, serving, promoting, stand there look pretty, take pictures with cars etc. Like vase job, but its not easy too, though it looks easy. Depending on what kind of promo, event. Esp the shooter girls, they drink like theres no tommorrow. Most of the time we try not to drink, esp when theres no commission. Anyway, we were told that we are not allow to drink during working hours.

Look, for example, imagine you are working for shooters, if one shoot $2 comm, you will have to selling at least 50 shoots for that day, to make it one hundred. (Im not talking about the basic yet.) Within the 50 shots, customers will sure get u a shot to drink with them too, so lets say for a night, u might have to drink 20 shots? 20 shots. If u r workin 3 days a week, monthly, can u imagine how intoxicating it is for your liver? And i know some siao eh will just deliberately buy a or two dozen for you to drink. And if you met 2 tables of siao eh like that, ho seh, u die for the night (Yeah, i met, but i never die). Plus all the late nights, smoke in the clubs, and if you have a day job, or if u r a student...on top of that, we have to deal with targets, crude jokes, difficult people, sleazy rude customers, which show no respect for us woman, how tough is that? But i have to admit that the money is good. Which, that explains why so many girls are willing to work this line, and even, hard to get out off. The money is simpy too good to turn down, for a day.

Im tired of hearing this. I know, of peeps, even my own friends, judge US, as without education, our job scoop, enviroment as sleazy, sex-orientated. Im telling you its not. U know what, you are the one thats without education. Time to widen your perspective, children! Call us whatever you like. In simpler terms, we are just higher paying waitress (of cuz nt as high as stewardess, n we dont get privilleges like them), higher paying promoters, higher paying flyer-givers, higher paying vases, higher paying dancers, higher paying servers. And NEVER SOCIAL ESCORT. Its a far cry away. Most of us, we are degree or dip holder, students from NTU, NUS, SIM, SMU, working to pay their school fees or just simply for extra cash. You will be surprise, there are stewardess, teachers, lawyers, miss spore, bankers too. And i know them personally.

Dont ever look down on us, cuz we have as much education as u do (even higher for some), and we can/are getting payment higher then u do. So, shut up.

You wouldnt know how it is like, unless u try it for yourself. Dont judge.

Miss June says, DONT JUDGE.

Im back

Re-started this again.

***
Chatting to someone that i have mixed feelings with. What shall i do?