Taking A Step Into My Life

9:22 PM

Friday, May 22, 2009

Can I get out from my rigid life?

please.

Sometimes, I dislike the way I think.

It's so rigid that everytime I feel creativity is drifting further and further away from me.

Sometimes, I loathe the way I speak.

It's too direct.

So direct that sometimes it hurts people whom are close to me.

Too straight forward that my intentions/concerns are convey wrongly.

Sometimes, I don't like my expressiveness.

Everything is shown on my face.

How can i improve myself to be a better person?

10:55 AM

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I went to the supermarket with my boy last Sunday.
Out of the sudden, I was reminded of this dream that I dreamt of when I young.
When I told my boy, he laughed.

It goes like this..
When I was young, I always tagged along where ever my mother went.
So on a particular morning, I went to the wet market with her.
As usual, there are lots of fresh vegetables, fish and meats available.
And not forgetting those stall vendors who shout till their throat hurts in order to attract customers.
So my mum and I went to the vegetables stall.
As a curious little girl wanting to feel the texture of every vegetable.
I looked around and saw all the different vegetables.
I felt that I was spoiled for a choice.
But I need to ensure that i was not "caught" red handed by my mum.
And I saw this round, smooth, soft, small, orange/red vegetables.
Perhaps a little cute looking. LOLS!
So I decided that I wanted to pick up...
A few tomatoes!
Of course, it's the time that I use my tiny little fingers to feel them.
"Wa~~ Tomatoes feels so smooth."
That's what I told myself in my heart.
At that moment, I was happy and in fact very satisified.
Most probably it's due to the fact that my gratification was not delayed. XD
HOWEVER!
On the same night...
I dreamt about tomatoes..
Can i say they are "haunting" me because perhaps I "molested" them with my tiny little fingers?
LOLS!

The dream goes like this...
I was drying myself using a towel after my shower.
I still remembered vividly that I use a white towel.
First, I dried my hair like how I always did.
Then, I dried my body.
It was at this moment that I realised..
The white towel was covered in the colour of the tomatoes!!
I swear I was freaking out in my dream because why and when did my body produce colour substance??!!
AND!!
It was the same colour as the tomatoes just like what I saw in the morning!

Call me silly, naive, innocent or perhaps stupid.
After this dream, I had this thought.
"Don't touch tomatoes anymore. Because they get de-colorize and the colour substance will enter my body straight."

Hmms. Hilarious right?
But until now, though I dare to touch tomato,
But as much as I prefer....
I don't want to touch it.

11:26 PM

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Out of the blue, I feel like reading non fiction books to enrich my knowledge.

I have never done that except doing assignments, research or projects.

I felt like a frog in the well because there is this sense of inadequacy.

I should really go and borrow books from the NLB on monday or tuesday.

This is my first step in stepping out to achieve my one of my aims.