morning lights;

I wonder, which is worse?
An idiot who's a real idiot, or an idiot who knows he's an idiot but refuses to anything bout it?
Hahahaha, screeeewww. Paveeee! I think both you and I know the answer right. ;]

It's 00:21 right now.
And my heart feels so.. empty. The wings of my emotions feel heavy. Like a pure white dove, fallen into a puddle of black oil. Try and try the dove to fly again, to soar into the skies that it loves; but somehow the reminiscence of being caught and struggling in the black oil clings on.

I am like that white dove. Crippled. I don't can't fly anymore. :(

Lately I've been feeling so insignificant.
It makes me wonder; if I disappeared from the face of this earth tomorrow, would anyone even bother enough to notice?

Today I was officially told that TRIALS are on the 1st of September.

it somehow felt strangely comforting.

Youch, something just bit my thigh. Must be some dumb ant.
I have a new love! =D

The Adidas Tropical Passion cologne! Love the scent. Ask Julian. He knows the scent. =D


Oh. And guess what I discovered bout darling Yee Ming.

He could seriously pull off as an Edward Cullen clone if he looked a bit more orang putih. It's the eyes. I'm pretty sure it's the eyes. ;)

After taking this photo, I seriously wanna grow taller. MUCH taller. DHARR! I wanna join in your mission of growing taller already laaaa. =/

*ahem* Chi Hoe and Kien Yoong caught in an intimate moment. Time to look away people.

And todaaayy, we had our last high school Chem experiment. ;(
Saponification! [producing soap]

Dharr kept saying it looked like lard. Eeeekkk.

Dharr and I being jakun over the bubbles that formed from our self-produced soap. Hahahah.

Okay people, I think I will be seriously abandoning my blog like Kye Li soon too.
Don't miss me too much ayte? ;)

She was sitting in a familiar room, yet somehow she was close to being hysterical. It felt like her world was falling apart; the feeling was of one who was alone. Then, she heard a voice she knew well speak to her. Suddenly, she had a place to rest her head - against him standing beside her.
What's wrong?
At that moment, she couldn't help it any longer and broke down, blurting out everything in words she knew she would not even remember after that. To her amazement, his eyes turned glassy and red too as she spoke. And when she was done, tears ran down his face.
I am so sorry. I didn't know it would turn out like this.
And crying too, she wiped his tears gently with her fingertips.
It's okay.. It's okay.....

And after a few moments of that scene, he said,
Wait for me okay? Wait for me.

And with tears still in her eyes and a final brave smile, she said okay.

***

Dreams. They can be so bizarre nowadays that they can get this close to breaking your heart when you wake up. Bleh.

I have been so useless for the past two days. Both of the days I got home from school so darn tired that I dozed off at 10 at night only to wake up much, much later to go brush my teeth and go back to sleep. =_= Last night I woke up at 3 to go back to sleep when mum was waking up to exercise =___= And now I'm at home and supposed to be studying now but here I am blogging. Tsk tsk, Laine. XD

Yesterday before Subash, Dharr, Mel, Jeff and I went for lunch at Pizza Hut nearby Jusco. It was our "final meal" before Jeff went back to NS camp and left for Singapore to study for 4 whole years. He drove us there in his dad's black City. =D

Jeff, all the best okay? We'll definitely meet up again some time. ;)
Eh, we forgot to take photos! =s

And to darling Juls.

Hang in there. You know we're all here for you.
No matter how many times you obsess over Cheng Xi. ;p

Yesterday while Pn Juliana was talking bout inheritance and Mendel's cross-breeding experiments, Ian and I compared hands.

I wonder if his hands got too much of growth hormones. Maybe he secretely has gigantism. AHHA. It's so BIG. It's even bigger in real life!

My darling Yee Ming and I stayed home today. =D I'm his inspiration to study for this trials because he wants to beat me. Awwwwhh, I told him that I don't mind as long as I get to inspire him. HAHA.

It's only 12.51 p.m. and I'm drinking coffee to keep myself awake.
I'm sick of doing the class layout. =_=
I want to study.
I need to get my priorities straight.
Mum bought me a new dress. =D

I'm such a good actress that sometimes I surprise even myself. HAHA.

I think I'm a selfish person.

Alright, here's the situation. All this while, I'd been hoping a certain someone would be okay - not taking everything too hard and etc etc. And then all of a sudden, I realised that I'm not okay and because of that, I don't really want that someone to be okay either. Does that make me selfish, self-centred and conceited? =s That I want someone to feel the same misery that I feel even though at the same time, I want that someone to be fine and carefree?

I'm torn in between wishing for your best happiness and resenting you for everything that has happened.

I don't know what to think.

Wait. Wei Gin's right. I shouldn't think so much. Hahahaha.


Happier noteeeee! Yesterday after Subash's class, Josh and I headed over to Low Yat! Well actually it was just supposed to me, Ee Von and her boyfriend but then somehowww I managed to drag Josh decided to come along for lunch! =D
So this was like the phone conversation between Joshua and his grandma. XD

Joshua : Ah maaaaa. You cooked already ah?
*grandma's line*
Joshua : You cooked already ah? Oh. You want me to eat at home ah?
Grandma : Your wish.
Joshua : You want me to eat at home ah?
Grandma : Your wish la.
Joshua : You want me to eat at home ah?
*grandma says something and I'm laughing my head off already because he asked the same question THREE times*
Joshua : *semi-laughing* If I don't eat, what will you do ah?
Grandma : I'll keep for dinner lah.
Joshua : You'll keep for dinner ah? *I laugh again* Okay lah, I'm eating lunch outside.

LOL man. SESAT GILER.
We ended up at Nandos Sungei Wang for lunch and having nostalgic moments of eating there with Hakim. =s

Awwwh, gambar ni cantik, Joshua! <3!

After lunch, Josh took a taxi homeee cause he had a lot of BM tuition homework to do. :p
And after waaaalking arounddd for a few hours, I came home with this...

My very own external hard drive! 250 GB for RM 200. Not bad kan. =D And it's sooooo pretty! Love the colour. ;)

Eheheh. =3

And...

A new Epson printer/scanner/copier. =D

Overall, satisfied with my day's shopping!

Oh, I actually find myself quite semangat-ed to study....
Until I actually sit down and start studying of course. =s

Oh btw I saw a cute guy yesterday! HAHAHA. And he looked at me! XD


I miss you, I miss your smile.
Miley Cyrus - I Miss You.

David Archuleta - A Little Too Not Over You.
vds
It never crossed my mind at all.
It's what I tell myself.
What we had has come and gone.
You're better off with someone else.
It's for the best, I know it is.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside,
And I turn around.
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.
Not over you....

Memories, supposed to fade.
What's wrong with my heart?
Shake it off, let it go.
Didn't think it'd be this hard.
Should be strong, movin' on.
But I see you.
Sometimes I try to hide
What I feel inside.
And I turn around,
You're with him now.
I just can't figure it out.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.
Don't remind me, I'm not over it.
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth.
I'm just a little too not over you.

Maybe I regret everything I said,
No way to take it all back, yeah...
Now I'm on my own..
How I let you go, I'll never understand.
I'll never understand, yeah, oohh..

I really wanted this Seed dress. But Mum said it wasn't worth the money. :( It was almost RM 100.
Girls, I just realised we have to start stocking up already on clothes for college next year.

I am considering quitting blogging. At least until SPM is over.
What do you guys think?

And oh yes. I got my P license. Finaaaally. :)

Sometimes, it gets so hard to breathe. I thank my constantly blocked nose for that.
It's frightening and yes, I am scared.

I've been thinking bout people. And the more I thought bout it, the sadder it became.

Why are people nowadays so selfish? So self-centred and conceited? Why do people only think about what would benefit themselves? From the everyday working people to the politicians to the professionals to even the basic fishmongers in the markets and the little food stall owners by the roadside. Even they are thinking of every possible way to benefit themselves and obtain the most profit possible from the public by selling their items at the highest price that remains within the "reasonable range". They don't even care if they used the lowest quality of items. They just want to profit.

People manipulate each other just so they can get the best out of each other. Or they use each other as company. And when they're done or bored? They walk away, just like that.

On the outside, people smile at each other. They can work, congregrate, celebrate and mourn together. But on the inside, beyond the pretentious masquerade, who's to know what is really going on in their minds?

I have lost faith in mankind. And sadly, I might just be everything I just listed down too. After all, I am part of "people".

Honestly, this is not even half of what I really have caught up inside of me. I can't express myself as well as I could before. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't. This is how time has changed me. And with every experience that passes by, I lose that ability even more.

I don't want your sympathy. Really, I don't. That's the last thing I want right now. I know that although you may care today, someday you'll pick up your feet and get a move on. And maybe I don't blame you. I was the one being so stupid and blundering my way into something I did not fully know and understand. Putting myself out there in the battlefield to be vulnerable to countless dangers despite already foreseeing what was to come. Now the pain comes and goes. But when it's here, it's really here.

I don't want your sympathy.


Last night, I spent my time staring at the ceiling in the dark again. This time I stared at the faint rays of light there that came from the streetlights outside. This time I stared until those faint light rays faded by themselves,
and all I could see was black.

I'm back in KL and officially sick.
I'm gonna start hoping like mad now that it's NOT H1N1.

Hi people! I'm currently in Genting Hotel in my big biggggg room WITH A COMPUTER AND INTERNET CONNECTION.
Will post photos when I get home. The room is awesomeeee. =)

Hahahhaa. I just had a nice warm bath in the bath tub just now. Something I have not done in ages.
And for that blissful hour.. All my troubles seemed to subside. My heart didn't throb as much.

And the world seemed better for that one blissful hour.