morning lights;

Wednesday, 26th March.
Judo today after training for our sprint event. Practised passing batons and then went through the actual event twice. Aileen burst into fits of laughter because she claimed we looked funny. Haha.

So, came late for judo. Saw Jonathan standing there and so in the state of my tomato-red-face, I quickly got into my gi and apologised to Jonathan-sensei. So fine, I joined in the running on the stage and we ran and ran and ran and ran. And lots of other torture-some exercises on the stage. Duckwalks, obscene push ups, stamping.. If you were there at the Skylite, you would've seen it all.

And Jonathan-sensei teaches us a trick technique for a throw that involves the swinging of the hip. So he told my Form 3 partner to hold his hip and being perfectly normal, she hesitated. And then he said, "Hold my hip!! I know it's a bit sexy, but it's okay. I'm not enjoying it."
Omg, wtf. Yes, you may say it too. WTF! LOL.

And then when he was about to go home after refusing to help us carry the mats (because according to him, he's not paid enough), he started saying "Byeee!" to everyone. And he even turned to where I was standing, and trust me I was standing pretty far off, and waved at me and said bye in this cheerful way.

And almost bursting into laughter, I said bye too, leaving Kee Thai and me laughing our heads off together while carrying the mats.

Oh yes, I love judo. XD



Thursday, 27th March.
Went to school with the Shirtliff tee over my head and on my body. Headed to the Stadium Bola Sepak Kuala Lumpur in Cheras for SMK Puterijaya's Sports Day. Laughed at the stupid ads on the radio on the way there in Puan Angela's Satria car. Haha. Not to mention, the extremely lame songs. ; ) You know what I mean, Aileen, Yee Vonne and Hamizah.

Okay, I owe people birthday wishes.


Firstly, to Aileen, who turned 17 on the 18th of March, 2008.

Okay, I've finally found enough time to blog bout the Selangor Open.
Hahaha.
So.
Pictures. x)

"ATTENTION TO ALL GUYS:
PLEASE DON'T LIKE ME.
I AM TOO MUCH OF A MESSED UP PERSON.
TQSM."


Note : Please check out Max a.k.a. Hon Herng's web to see the relevance of this post.
http://www.maxhoh.webs.com
Lol.

Had dinner with my grandparents and my aunt's family today after Subash. My 18-year-old cousin is back for holiday in Malaysia since he is studying A Levels in UK.

Oh, and fyi, he's the El-Hanan I was talking bout earlier? Yeah. x) Hanaaaann, you've grown thinnerrr though you still look as great and fit as before. ; p Bet tons of girls are going after you. Oh, right, I don't have to bet. I'm pretty much sure. x) Wish I got a picture of you though. ; (

So, while we were eating, this cat came up and kacau-ed us. Lol.
Did I mention I love cats?
Okay, I gave the cat a bit of meat to nibble on. And then it kept sitting there staring at me pleading for more.
Man, I've heard of puppy eyes, but kitten eyes?

It had been a long day. She sits silently at the back of the car with her eyes closed and her head rested against the car seat. Like almost every other day, it had not been an easy day for her. Her mind had been so clogged up only moments before that now, she cannot even remember the pain the confusion has caused her.
Am I afraid of you?

It is no doubt that she is exhausted - both mentally and physically. But somehow, her mind would not go into the familiar temporary yet blissful absence that came almost every night. Somehow, she would not fall asleep.
No, maybe I'm just afraid of the possibilities of what might happen.

The car begins a slow ascend up a hill. She finally opens her eyes and looks at her surroundings. Nothing much is different. Her eyes rests on the outside world. The houses look quiet. Undisturbed. Then, she lets her eyes travel upwards towards the sky. Grey clouds that were threatening to burst into rainpours were everywhere.
Okay, no, I'm just confused. Yeah.

The car continues to ascend up the hill. Tiny drops of water appear on the windows of the car. And suddenly, in the midst of all the grey clouds, she sees sunlight. The area of the sky in which the sunlight pushed through is cloudless. But somehow, the tiny drops of rain kept falling. Somehow, the sight of the moment must have been beautiful for she sits staring and not even stopping to blink.

The raindrops had looked like snow.

She finally stops to think. And she realises ;
Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful. But if that is so, why isn't it?
She has no answer.
And the thought disappears.
Maybe I don't believe. Yeah, that's it. That has got to be it.

I'm so tired of life.
I practically hate it.
I'd give anything to run away and just forget.
What's this post about? Me complaining again? Uh-huh.
Not really. To say that you're different sometimes.
Oh yeah, you don't know what I'm talking bout.
I'm not worth it, maybe?
I wonder if you realise you're different.
I mean in school.
Yeah.
There's too much to think about. Yay.
I am currently confused.
What was I upset about?
I was angry at life.

Yeah.
Okay. I'll stop crapping..

Yay, today was a holiday.
Yay, there was no school.
Yay, it was a day off.
I didn't even really manage to gain back the sleep I was deprived of anyway though.
I slept at.. what? 2 a.m.? Woke up at 9.30 a.m. =_= For some weird reason, I couldn't sleep again.

So, I just got back from dinner at that Sakae place again. You know, the ones with the football posters?
Yeah, that one.
So, my parents were talking with my grandma and grandpa as usual. Okay, before you all can really understand what happened, you have to understand that I have a cousin named El-Hanan. Hahaha, okay, so here goes.

Mum : Yeah hor, today is Nabi Muhammad's birthday hor?
Grandma : Yeah.
Me : Har? It's his birthday today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Do I have his number? Hmm.. No, I don't..
*everyone stares at me like I'm completely crazy*
*Ee Von starts laughing like a mad hyena*
Me : Whaaatt??
Mum : Aiyooo, *in Hakka*, that's why I say she's soooooo blur. Stupid like nobody's business.
*Ee Von keeps cackling*
Me : Whaaaaaattttt??????
Mum : Whose birthday did you hear me say??
Me : El-Hanan's birthday? *confused look*
Ee Von : HAHA, you said you wanna call Nabi Muhammad in his grave and wish him happy birthday, Ee Laine!!!
Me : OH, NABI MUHAMMAD IS IT???
Ken Xhen : STUPID!!!

Hahaaa. Okay, very stupid. I know.
Okay then later on, we were watching this Chinese show on tv at that Sakae place. So the title displayed was "Twin of Brothers". So, the so-called twin brothers came out and this happened.

Ee Von : They are actually twin brothers you know.
Me : Nooooo, they're good friends.
Ee Von : Whaaaaattt? Prophets??????
Ken Xhen : STUPID!!!!! Good friends become prophets???
*I start cackling like a hyena too*
Me : Oh no, Ee Von, I think we've been affected by Prophet Nabi Muhammad's birthday. HAHAHA!
*Ee Von starts cackling along too and Ken Xhen stares on disbelievingly*



HAHAHAH.
You should be laughing.
; )


You know you mean a lot to me.

You know I don't want to lose you.
And I sit here staring at your name.

She knows you are one-of -a-kind. She knows she sometimes feels the same way too.
But she knows she's not ready - that she is not prepared.
But the way you spoke to her when she told you how she felt..
Wow, it was like you were ending your friendship.
You don't sound the same. You sound hurt.
And now, you make it seem like you don't want to listen.
Not at all, just not anymore.
And the funny thing?
It hurt her.

She knows you are too good of a friend to lose.
She knows you are too special to lose.
She knows her days without you are going to be difficult.
She knows.

She knows things are most probably going to be different now.
She knows she'll never laugh or cry at your side now.
She knows that you'll never look at her the same way now.
She knows.

And she never expected these tears to come,
When spoke about it to someone.

But, what else does she know?

She knows there is so much about her that you don't know,
But if you did, would you still feel like so?

She knows that she doesn't want to hurt you,
But she sees that you aren't really trying anyway.
She knows that she can't be selfish,
But she thinks she is anyway.
She knows you have probably set your mind by now,
So what was the point of putting this down?

"yeah, so, even in the end, i end up losing, i still manage to let you know."


I must not, I cannot, and I will not be selfish.
But I do wish things didn't have to be this way.
And maybe...
You deserve better.

While you were busy watching Korean love dramas on your birthday, I was busy running around and working my muscles off in dojo. And I'm sorry my blog wish is late, but...

Had dojo today, and it was more of a physical torture session than skill learning. Kind of a disappointment considering the fact that what we need now are the skills and not the physical strength. Selangor Open's this Sunday and it's a bit too late for physical strength training, am I not right?
Erin was my partner and we tried applying whatever was being taught. Found out we were reaaaally lost. And the method taught only worked when I simply let her throw me. =_= So. Yeaaah.
There goes the feeling.

Came back exhausted.


Her head is throbbing. Everything around her seems to be moving. She keeps staring at her laptop screen for a while and then decides to rest. She heads for her bed and slowly reaches for what she had abandoned for so long. And for the first time in a long time, the tears came rolling down her face. Only a drop or two, but still. Tears.

I'm telling you, I'm OBSESSED with kids. XD

Just when you think you're special, someone proves you wrong.
And, just when you think someone is special, that same someone proves you wrong too.

I get home. All through the trip home, I was tense. I could tell that my expression contained anger and I was holding what my friends would call "the stare". But did I care? No. And I swore under my breath that had I been practising throws, the person who I might have been partnering would be very sorry that he/she/whatever had partnered me.

I pick up the phone and dial Dominos' number. I watch as my brother and his friend play PS2 football joyfully, without a care in the world. Finally, the call is connected and the rough voice on the other end says, "Yes, hello and good afternoon, miss. How may I help you?" Great. I state my order and bossily tell Mr-Dominos-Man to make sure the pizzas are not dry like how they were the last time I ordered from them. He ensures me by saying that I can actually call and ask for a replacement if that happens. Fine.

Finally, I place the phone back down on the receiver. I go upstairs and drop my bags on the floor next to my bed and head into Mum's room to use her bathroom for a shower. The shower is turned on and I step under the running water. And barely noticing, I continue muttering and cursing as the warm water runs down my back. I pick up the shampoo bottle and after applying a large blob of it onto my hand, I start scrubbing my hair and head. I feel tiny strands of hair in between my fingers as I rinse the shampoo off my head. I drop the fallen strands onto the floor. I do not care. Yes, I don't. I don't even notice the number of bad words I have used. I pick up the sponge and start soaping myself. I scrub my left arm hard and in a matter of mere seconds, a large red patch appears. I told you I do not care. You're all the same anyway.

I come out of the bathroom and get dressed.
I am not listening. I don't want to listen.
Pizza arrives and the pizza man hands me my ordered items. Great. Mr-Dominos-Delivery-Man is afraid of my dog. Ha-hah.

After eating and watching my brother do the silly things he usually does, I feel better.
You have work to do. So, learn to live and let go.
I still want to throw somebody.
Bad. ; )

Woke up eaaarlyy today because there was judo training in school. It was supposed to start at 8 thirty but since there was no way Ee Von was going to wake up that early just to send me, we left the house around 9 thirty for school. And guess what. She took a wrong turning, and we ended up having to take the longesssssttt route everrr back to the Bandar Tun Razak roundabout, only to realise that the road leading back to the Shamelin was CLOSED. And then we had to take another road which was soooo jaaaaammed, back to the Sg. Besi highway which we could've taken had Ee Von not taken the wrong turning in the first place. God.

Anyway, finally reached school around 10.15 a.m. The 2007 Form 5 batch was around too because today was SPM results day. Rushed in and saw Alex and others. Wished him luck and then I raaaannn to find the judokas. Hahaha. Found them practising mine marie ukemi. Involves jumping over people lying down on the floor and the first person I saw lying down on the floor was Chuah. Nyahaha. Tried my first throw today! Wheeeee. And had my first randori session with Chuah too. Randori's kinda like ermm.. a mini fight in judo? No idea how to describe. I bet my arms will ache like mad tomorrow.

Then we headed over to Erin's place to do our BM project. Ordered Dominosssss for lunch and I spread the love of the Classified Chicken pizza to more people. Namely : Erin, Dharr, Nurul, Chi Hoe, aaaannndd NIK! Yes, she turned up!

Went out with Ee Von today for some "quality sister-to-sister bonding". LOL.
Went to Leisure Mall for lunch at Kenny's and then headed to Popular to buy booookssss. (Okay, don't say eeekkk.)
Then went to this hairdresser nearby because my dear mother wanted me to have a haircut and Ee Von wanted to colour her hair. So fine, we went there. Ee Von made an inquiry of the pricing for dying hair. It was about.. RM 155? So, we called my dear mother to ask her if that was really the standard price because my dear mother dyes her hair there too.

I watched as Ee Von talked to her and then began giggling a bit. I was like.. =_= Next thing I know? She's saying that we're leaving. Huh? Irritation began. So when she got off the phone, she told the shopkeeper that we changed our minds and we walked out. I demanded Ee Von tell me what my dear mother said and she told me that my dear mother wanted us to leave as a sign of protest because apparently that hairdresser didn't dye her hair the colour she wanted it to be and didn't cut her hair the way she wanted her to. So, she wanted us to walk out because it was a sign of her protest.

Can you believe that??

So, we drove all the way to Cheras to specifically go to that hairdresser (okay, fine, besides getting my books), only for her to say that we were leaving because she was protesting??

Unbelievable.

So, we headed over to Mid Valley instead to do a bit of shopping. I didn't get anything for myself except an adorable chain from Diva. We ended up going back to another hairdresser near our house. Okay, so I've neveeerr had my hair cut at that hairdresser and so I had to sit on that chair for over 30 traumatising minutes wondering how the hell I'd look after the haircut. After all the trouble, I look pretty much the saaaamee only that my hair is more layered now and it's thinner. And my ponytail doesn't look as bouncy anymore.

CONCLUSION : I SHOULD NOT HAVE CUT MY HAIR. SHEESH!

Lol.

It is today.
The time has finally come.
No, I shan't cry anymore. For I have cried too many tears.
I will respect the decision made and I will thrive to adapt.
I will prove to everyone that I can survive.
And that I will survive.

After today, I won't be the same.
After today, I will be a different person.
I will be stronger.
But no, that does not mean my inside will change.
I will have the same emotions.
I will have the same compassion.
I will have the same desires and wants.
But I will be stronger.

And when one day where things are looked back at,
I can only hope there will be regret.
And I can only hope there will be this reminiscence.
But I can't keep waiting.
I won't throw the rest of my life wondering.

So, hopefully.
One day, I will be able to completely look back and say,
"You are a thing of the past,
Don't you live in my present,
And don't you dwell in my future either."

If goodbye is what is wanted,
I shall accept it.
Hopefully, I will survive today.
And become all the more stronger.


I.w.a.l.u.

So, turns out I'm alive and the scolding from T.E.W. wasn't so bad. In fact, it was barely scolding. It was actually, "You better buck up, Ee Laine. 5 days of CNY holiday is not an excuse."

And that was it! Be surprised. Be very surprised.

So what did I do on Friday? Don't remember. Barely anything I think. And yes, Friday night was the night Mr. Tuang Hon Weng claimed that my laugh sounds like Barack Obama. Yes, THE Barack Obama. Thank you, Hon Weng. o.o

Went to dojo for the first time with Erin today. I feel sooooo accomplished because I completed the warm up session of running non-stop, tiger walking, duck walking and stamping the floor repeatedly. Okay, I know it wasn't the full blast but I think it's an accomplishment. I taught kids how to break falls since I didn't have the uniform (called gi)and more or less learnt a throw that I have yet to try. =_= But oh well, dojo was funnn. XD

After getting some 100 Plus from 7-Eleven because Hon Weng said it'd help reduce body aches, Ee Von and I headed in the direction of home. But that wasn't without stopping at Guardian first because she needed to buy facial masks. LOL. So, I headed to the shop next door which just soooo happened to be a bakery.

Haven't been updating again, I know.
Found out my overall position in class. Horrible. I have never been that low before. Never. Yes I know my marks are good compared to most others. But compared to those people who managed to obtain a higher percentage than me.. I'm obviously not good. No offense to others. But, seriously. Yeah. After delaying for ages, I finally decided to tell T.E.W. aka my mother about my results. Listed all my marks in a long sms and sent it to her. Her reply was, "Compared to others?" "Erm.. Actually.. Bad. But when I asked, they said they used the CNY holidays to study.."

"CNY HOLIDAYS WAS ONLY 5 DAYS!!"

"I know but they got to study more than I did I guess.."

And there was no reply. So I guess she's saving it for the second she steps into the house when she gets back from work today. Please wish me luck and hope that I am still alive tomorrow. Yeah, I know I'm exaggerating. But all the same, to all my friends out there, I just wanna say that I love you guys and please take care of each other when I'm gone. ; (

Dread.

Had judo yesterday and learnt groundwork, namely how to hold people down after performing a throw on them. My partner was Wei Lin, and boy, is that girl strong. We took turns and I tried to break free from her hold first then she tried to break free from mine. I managed to break free once although she didn't. Nyahah. But then again, she took it easy on me I guess.

Got friction burns on my right elbow and right foot. Explains the icky white bandage on my elbow that just wouldn't stick. Hurts like madness. But oh well. No pain, no gain. Hopefully I can go for dojo this Sunday. Especially since I might be killed today. Or in more sensible words, especially since T.E.W. is going to be upset with me after I told her my results.

Anyway. Check this out.

Okay, okay, credits to Yee Vonne too for she was Shirtliff's Tent AJK too! ; )

I can't say how much of a relief it is that tomorrow is a holiday. I really need the break.

1st. March, 2008

Sports Day! And boy, when we all got to school, it was raining and raining and raining. It wasn't too heavy rain but it was certainly going on and on non-stop. Sat at the skylite until 8.30 a.m. or so before we finally had to move to the field despite the rain. So, yes, we got wet. And being the rain in KL, slight dizziness overcame me and Ruz. Sob. Hahah, but after a while, it went away due to my overwhelming nervousness. Lol.

Rain finally ceased and kawad started. Shirtliff was so awesome. Their movements were so synchronised and their tabik hormat was so unique. And then it was like, Oh, *toot*, it's time for 100 meter already?! Okay, became time to completely freak out. Did warm ups and stuff and after watching the under-15 girls and boys run their 100 meter races, it was our turn. I swear my heart was thumping like crazy when I stood at the starting line waiting for our cue to start running. Okay, fine, the gun was shot and so I started running like crazy. Barefoot. X) The ground was so completely icky and wet but it still kinda felt nice after some time. Okay, back to running like crazy. Ran and ran and then halfway reached this huuuugeeee puddle of water and mud and when I passed it, I actually slipped a little but regained my steps and tried running forward even faster so that I would pass the icky area of mud and water. =_=

Finished second. ; ) First was Syahirah from Green (eh, she had SPIKES! Hmph.) and third was Aileen from Shirtliff too! Yaaaayyy. ^^

By the time I walked back to the tent, it was time for 200 meter already. What the hell right. Haha, so we got sent to the starting line for 200 meter. I knew I was freaking out again but this time I hadn't actually prepared myself mentally to run yet when the guy said, "Ke garisan, sedia, *BANG*!" So I was like, okay, just run. HAHA. Started sprinting at the 100 meter starting line.

Finished third. Syahirah got first agaaaaiin and this time, Aileen got second. Nyahahaha, we rock, Aileen. =D

Rested for a while and then it was 4 by 100 meters. This event was kinda worrisome because our first runner, Hamizah had just run 400 meter before that and we were worried that she'd be too tired to give us a headstart. And Yee Vonne had a cramp in her foot. >.< style="font-weight: bold;">awesome! Hamizah gave us the headstart we needed and Yee Vonne maintained that lead and was really fast herself too when Hamizah passed the baton to her. And when I got it from Yee Vonne, I ran like hell la. Nyahaha. Finally passed the baton to Aileen and Shirtliff under-18 girls team managed to maintain our lead throughout the entire race.


Yippee, gold. We were so ecstatic, we started hugging each other like crazy. Nyahaha.


Prize giving time was kind of a letdown. Shirtliff didn't win kawad and Shirtliff didn't win for the best board. Okay, I shall refrain from doing any commenting here. I shall respect the public. But Shirtliff did win Best Tent! Credit goes to our Tent AJK, Aileen! ; )

Before the prize giving, this was what the score was like.

By the time it was prize giving, we knew Shirtliff had been in third place. But in the end, we found out that somehow we were last, losing to Cooke by ONE mark after the best kawad, best board and everything else was announced. Again, no commenting. Haha. Maclay won overall champion and Bevv got Olahragawati for under-18 girls and Syazwi got Olahragawan for under-18 guys. Congratulations!

I missed my 100 meter prize giving because I didn't hear my name being called. =_= Had to literally hunt for my medal after that. Thanks Shukran for being so observant and telling me that Syahirah had taken my medal. Yes, I know, I owe you. =)