morning lights;

and all that dreamy nonsense. ;)

She breezes through life,
And all she has to say,
Is that life seems to be so long,
But there doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day.

She thinks back on all of the times,
That she laughed with old friends,
But now all she can think of,
Is how their friendships never lasted till the end.

She sits at home quietly,
Wondering and watching the outside world,
Envious of everyone else is she,
For the freedom they have that should have been hers too.

She knows life must be appreciated,
For not many are like her,
She knows God gave her life,
And challenges should never be a bother.

Yet, she is confused,
She wants to run away,
She doesn't know what she's doing wrong,
Because she's just doing things her way.

She wants to grow up,
Although she's just a kid at heart,
In the end, she'll be free,
And she'll no longer be torn apart.

Till then, she hides in the dark, hoping for a miracle,
She knows God is listening,
But He's telling her "Patience!",
As long as she keeps her faith in Him,

It is but freedom that comes at last.




Whoa, I actually can't believe this. That guy from Dell is a pure genius. He troubleshooted with me and my sister over the phone, and voila! My connection is fixed! Azri, that's his name. The first guy I troubleshooted with was Travis and he just told me to reformat my computer. Stupid Travis. Azri's gonna get promoted and you're gonna be stuck as technical servicer. LOL.

So, alright, over the pass few days, what happened? Alright, on Monday, Mum, Ken Xhen and I went to town to search for computer games and just walk about. Went to this building called S & M and suddenly my brother sees tamagotchi! *evil laughter* I've been wanting one for quite some time now. Okay, I know not all of you know what a tamagotchi is.



Introducing to you, May!
She's even bigger now btw. This was taken a few days back.

Okay, so basically tamagotchi is a cyber pet. Lol. So, I get to feed May, wash up after she poos, play games with her, give her medication if she falls sick, off the lights when she falls asleep, and make her read books. It is currently already 4:41 AM in tamagotchi world. XD

(She was only 18 bucks! I mean, the ones in Toys R Us were like what? 69.90?!)


After that, we went over to Central Market where I borrowed Dan Brown's Deception Point. To the point where I've read it, it's been really exciting and I suggest all of you people out there who have really nothing else to do to go and borrow or buy it. ; )

Later that night, we went all the way to Awana in Genting Highlands just for a buffet dinner. =.=" Was having a throbbing headache and I had to survive the entire car trip up the winding roads. I'm alive! =D After dinner, we went to a sort-of-bar and ordered some funny fruit juices. Mine was called Awana Special. Consisting of pineapple and orange juice and coconut cream. Funny mixture I know, but surprisingly good. I wanted cocktail and tequilla but parents said no. ; (

I like this. This was on a rock by the pond in the Awana gardens.
Haha.

And so, the sister smiles sweetly and the brother smiles geekily.
(Gosh, he'd kill me if he sees this.)

Awana Special's very own promoter. =D

That's basically everything. =.=" Went home after that. Thank God the headache pretty much went away by then.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


Scratched.



Exasperation! My connection has been crappy for days now. Only once in a while does it "allow" me to go online. Right now is one of those sacred times. =s Geeeezz.

Over the past few days since I've last blogged, I've become hooked onto Counter Strike. ; )
And I prefer being on the terrorist side. *evil laughter* I have no idea why. And usually I use SMGs or more easily known as mini machine guns. Headshots kill the opposition with a single bullet. Cool eh?

No, I am not weird for liking Counter Strike. So what if I'm a girl? I like shooting. I like action.

Watched Hitman last Thursday at Leisure Mall. What was his name again? The hitman himself? Timothy Olyphant. Hahah, from some angles he's like whoaaa, way hot but from some other angles, he just looks plain cold and evil. Lol. See? I like guns and action.


Don't miss your chance to catch Hitman. XD
I'm bored.

Wanted to blog about this for some time. But I'm only getting around to do it now. Since last.. Sunday, if I'm not mistaken. Yes, steamboat for dinner near my place! Lol. Okay, so there's this grocery shop next to the restaurant and it had these you know.. those vending machines with small toys for little kids? You put in the coins and this plastic ball container comes out? Yeah. So there was one with this description saying that it contains "magic crystals" that would grow and multiply once you put them into water.

For some reason, I was attracted to it. LOL.


So, my brother and I approached the machine and got our eldest sister (who happens to be 21 years old) to change a buck for two 50 cents. Ken Xhen was actually embarrassed to approach the machine saying that it was only for little kids. So, my sister and I wearily approached the machine, put in the coin, and VOILA! Magic crystals!

Okay, I know I'm kiddy. Hmph.

And off we skipped back home, filled two plastic containers with water, and inserted the small coloured crystals that were no bigger than this full stop --> .




45 minutes after insertion.
They look fuzzy. XD


After 2 hours..
Witness the growth! *squeals with excitement*



5 hours after insertion.
Look, they're cute!! And they're getting bigger!



The next morning at 9 am!
Aren't they just soooo pretty?

And the best part is that they'll keep growing and multiplying, growing and multiplying! And they're like.. jelly-like crystal balls and they're soooooo nice to play with! Lol. Okay, I am being jakun.

Moral of the story :
It pays to be kiddy sometimes. XD



After sooooooooooo long, I finally went out on an outing! Location : Mid Valley. People : Hon Herng, Mizran, Yik Fei, Yi Rong, Faisal, Yish, Jon, Chan, and me. Note : Chan and I were the only girls.

So Chan and I reached around 11.45 am after she and her mum picked me up from my place. Very grateful, Chan. Very. =) Then we went for lunch at the food junction. Oh shoot, I just realised I forgot to take a picture of my carbonara! Daaaaang. Okay, forget it. =s Chan and I planned to go for Kenny Rogers but since the guys exclaimed, "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" as though Kenny Rogers was as expensive as dining at a Shangri La Hotel, we ended up in the food junction.

Our movie was at 1 pm. "Balls of Fury". It was about ping pong. Okay, I know it sounds lame, but it was actually nice! And you could laugh on and on at the silly acts. And there are cute gay guys. ; ) And it's not like I fancy gay guys or anything, but when you watch it, you'll see what I mean. Haha.


We're girls. We were born to camwhore! =D


Okay, so the movie ended. We walked out in fits of laughter. And we all agreed on bowling! Wheeeee. It was 10 bucks for 10 games (meaning 10 bowls). Meaning one buck for 2 bowls. Gee, come to think
of it, it IS kinda expensive. Whoopsie. >.<>s. Thanks, Hon Herng, although we DID insist we pay you back. So, we bowled. HAHA, Chan and I suck! Okay, but I beat Chan! Sorrreeee Chan, I don't mean anything by this. ;p

Eh, Chan and I were aware that we suck and that we embarrassed ourselves. So, don't be mean. Aaaaand, obviously, the only two girls got the lowest scores in our alley. ;(
And yes, Yi Rong won. You can stop denying you're a pro now, Yi Rong. You too, Ho
n Herng. And the both of you can stop bickering about how the other is a pro and that you're not yourself. Seriously, you guys need an ego boost or what?


The scores. Didn't manage to get the final ones on film though.
Man, I lost to Yik Fei by
that little!


Ah yes, the bowling alley was pretty. It looked like a disco!



Oh, this is seriously bizzare!
Unintentionally taken using my camera's night mode.
Whoever holding the camera must have shook.
But I like the effect.



Oh, same bizzare-ness! Look at Faisal and Yish's faces!
Bad camera person. =p

Then, Chan said her mum was coming so we returned our shoes and said bye. Thanks Yi Rong for the cute souvenirs from Aussie. Chan and I went downstairs to get her maid the earrings she said she owes her maid. And suddenly out of nowhere, Hon Herng asks us to meet him and Yi Rong downstairs at Mc D's. Fine. We go there. And we get ice-cream, courtesy of Channie. Then, we get the earrings while Yi Rong and Hon Herng watched us. Which WAS pretty funny.

And then came the mac 'n' cheese! .Oh.my.gosh. Kenny's! At last!
Yes, I am aware that Chan and I can eat a lot. Bleh, don't comment. =D


Could you please say heaven?


Oh yes, indulgence. X)


I didn't say it was heaven for nothing. ;p


This, I love.
And yes, her, I love.




Candid my foot, Chan. XD

Then, Chan's mum came. And we went home. Chan got a new puppy! Her dad named it Amber and I'm expecting to see pictures soon Chaaann.

And yeah, thanks guys for the great outing today.
And Chan and I have concluded that you guys aren't such a bad bunch after all.
XP







I've finished my layouts! All 5 of 'em! And on time! =D

So now, I get to destress? Lol.


ANNOUNCEMENT
Current status of A & G members (safe/unsafe for communication purposes) :
1. Chan Ee Lyn a.k.a BOSS -
SAFE!
2. Sheau Hwa -
???
3. Tee Kye Li a.k.a BABI -
SAFE!
4. Phillip Liow Heng Chun -
apparently, he wasn't even stressed.
And, he hasn't done his layouts either.
SAFE!

5. WOON EE LAINE -
SAFE!


;)


Went for the Ed Board meeting in school today. It was kinda fun, besides the fact that..



CHAN GAVE US FIVE LAYOUTS TO DO BY SUNDAY!



Lol.
Forbid me from murdering Chan. ; )
Okay okay, Chan is nice. She said it's okay if we really can't finish on time.
So, thank you Chan. HAHA.

Meanwhile..

CAUTION :
In conjunction with the layouts assigned to each of the A & G members, they will be potentially cranky until and only when they have finished their assignments.


List of potential-cranky-people to watch out for :

1. Chan Ee Lyn a.k.a. BOSS
2. Sheau Hwa - quiet Form 2 girl
3. Tee Kye Li - babi
4. Phillip Liow Heng Chun
5. WOON EE LAINE.


This is an official warning.
;)




I keep wailing and complaining to myself everyday. But as I went through everything in my mind, I realise that it is not their fault, but it is mine. And maybe, I don't deserve to be loved. I don't know.




Apologies :
The font sizes in the previous post are all outta place, I know.
Blogspot's crazy. ;(



Didn't update for a day. Didn't think there was anything interesting that happened.

I updated the song on this blog. =D

Today, Mum brought Ken Xhen and me to The Summit in Subang USJ to see some exhibition called "The Lost City". It was kinda cool. We watched a ten-minute video clip on ancient civilizations and I actually found it interesting. Lol. (Form 4s, don't groan, because I know you guys are already freaking sick of "tamadun"s! XD)

After that, we went to the exhibition part with all the artifacts from ancient civilizations such - Egyp
t, Ancient China, Angkor Wat, Maya, you name it. We even learnt how the Egyptians mummify people. Haha.


Meet my friend, Mr. Fako-Mummy.

Apparently, in order to mummify a person, (I shall attempt to recall the entire process) the Egyptians cut a small hole by the side of the corpse's body so that they could pull and suck the internal organs out. Then, a tube is inserted into the corpse's nostrils so that the brain can be sucked out as well. The organs and the brain are put into jars and are put into the coffin along with the mummy. Sweat? Oh yeah. But interesting. XD What next? Hmm.. Oh yeah, the body is covered with some salt called natron which helps to errr.. preserve the body or something. And I think I heard a part about how raisins were scattered on top of the corpse as well to harden it? Okay, that sounds soooo stupid. So, kids, think twice before you eat a raisin next time? But I am not entirely sure the lady said raisins though. So, it's still okay to eat raisins. XD Oh, also something bout how they stuff sawdust and linen into the body through the hole they made earlier so the corpse will look more life-like? Then the body is wrapped in linen along with the spells in a "Book of The Dead". Sounds cool eh?

Another "pretty" face?

Cute China horseman artifact.

Ooooh, fancy. XD

Okay, this one is just plain freaky. =s

Moving on, we went to Adventure Walk where cameras weren't allowed. So sorry guys. ;(
We were given 3D glasses before we begun the walk and the attendant-in-charge there asked if we had any health problems like asthma or hole-in-heart. And I said, "What on earth could be inside there that could possibly give us heart attacks?!"

Okay, when we got in, it was a 3D jungle, which was pretty awesome because everything seemed to stand out and when we looked at our feet, it looked as though we were walking in water or something. The sound effects were completely freaky and the lighting added to that scary effect too. And whenever we touched something icky, we'd squeal. Lol. And the worst part? We were the only ones there. So, yikes. Haha, then the 3D area ended and we went to the Egyptian area, and then we got scared by this stupid guy in black. Then we entered this bridge kind of thing called "The Transporter". The door behind us closed, and then the entire bridge started shaking, like up and down, and then it got faster and faster. Ken Xhen looked at Mum like, "What the hell?" Me? I laughed all the way. Then, we crossed another REAL bridge. Bloody hell, the sound effects were like "Stop right where you are." But you know what we did? We just walked straight ahead. And guess what?
They sprayed water on us. Mum was the wettest cause she was in front. LOL.

And we got out safe and sound! Hahaha. But the whole thing was really kinda short, and it was 16 bucks for students. Mum couldn't stop going on and on and on about how they conned our money. =.=" Oh well.

My feet hurt. Stupid shoes. We walked around for
ages.

So, people, visit The Summit in Subang USJ if you think 16 bucks isn't too much. It WAS pretty fun. =D


_____________________________________________________________________________________

Unwanted,
Because
he loves her the most,
And she loves him the most.

Unwanted,
And I have a reason to be angry at each one of you.
Don't you rub it in,
And don't you mock me.

It's like all of you want to push me down,
And tear me up.

Till there's nothing left of me.
So why make me suffer?



I hate the way,
You always look at me as though it's always my fault,
As if I am the cause of misery.

I hate the way,
You always accuse me for nearly everything that goes wrong,
As if I made it all happen.

I hate the way,
You use your sharp words in every single thing you say to me,
As if everything I'm doing is wrong.

I hate the way,
You lock me up in this house,
And keep me within these four walls all the time.

I hate the way,
I always have to keep my thoughts to myself,
When deep inside, I'm longing to scream at you.

I hate the way,
I will never be good enough for you,
Because I will never be perfect.

I hate the way,
That I hate you but still love you,
Because you are indeed, my mother.

Would you believe I woke up at 8.30 this morning to sounds of completely horrendous drilling and banging? The stupid renovation two houses away has been going on since forever. Long before even PMR! Sheesh. Go awaaay, stop disrupting my sleep. It's the holidays for crying out loud! Don't you think I deserve a break?!

Anyways, I gave up trying to sleep at 10.30 and got out of bed. Had breakfast and indulged in..

CALCIYUM!

Eh, it's not for kids only kay! For those of you who actually don't know what Calciyum is, it's a yogurt that is supposed to help kids grow taller or something. But it's niceeeee..! And anyway, we're all still kids if we're growing right? Right.



This one's vanilla-flavoured. Oh, yum.



Haha, I am indulging! X)



Okay, back to serious business.
Human rights.

So, my sister, Ee Von and I were sitting at breakfast this morning when the topic of my brother, Ken Xhen always scolding the maid, came up. I mentioned the fact that he is mentally abusing her and he retorted by saying that as if I did not as well. I raised my voice and said that if our maid is closest to anybody in my family, it would be. And suddenly, Ee Von and Ken Xhen started laughing at me and Ee Von said that, "Hahah, Ee Laine, you're like a mother to her. Oh no, that's not right, daughter. Oh, maybe not, godmother!"

I didn't see what was so funny. I finished the rest of my breakfast quickly and in silence and went back to my room.

Here's the thing people. Treat your maids right. Sure, they might not be the brightest of people, but people make mistakes and they learn from them. You can't expect them to know everything naturally right? Come on, even you didn't. Count the number of times you got yelled at by your parents because you did not know something. Seemed unfair at times, right? Well, think of your maids the same way. Just because they're working for you (and obviously underpaid), that does not make them your permanent servants or slaves. Our maids are actually helping us out in the household for a monthly income that is definitely insufficient to provide them with the comparatively lavish lifestyle you and I are living.

Okay, fine, maybe one of my maids ran off with my handphone last year on Valentine's Day, but maybe she was just a bad egg.

I believe,
Treat them right and they'll treat you right.

They are humans just like all of us. They have as many rights as you and I do.



Boredom has become the new "in" thing now that it's the holidays.

So, I suggest playing Wedding Dash or Diner Dash! They are highly addictive games which are rather simple but nonetheless, fun and occupying. Basically, it's bout running weddings or restaurants. In Wedding Dash, you get to plan the wedding, namely pick the food (appetizer and main course), wedding cake, and honeymoon destination based on a short description that will be given. Then, many many many many many guests will come, and you'll have to seat them, bring their wedding gifts to the bride and groom, serve them their appetizer, main course, and finally, cake. Sometimes, there will even be disasters that you have to take care of.

In Diner Dash, however, you don't get to pick the food. It's basically bout the same as Wedding Dash because you have to seat the customers, take their orders, hand in their orders, serve them food, get them to pay, then send the dishes for washing. Sometimes, you get to decorate the restaurant too and make it look pretty and stuff. ;)

But I still say that Wedding Dash is nicer. You guys can download it using Ares, because that's what I did. But I guess BitTorrent will do too.

So, have fun!


WARNING :
This game is stressful!


_____________________________________________________________________________________


Don't promise "forever" if you can't give "forever",
Don't promise "always" if you can't give "always",
Don't even take "forever" if you can't give "forever",
Don't even take "always" if you can't give "always".

But more importantly, don't ask for "forever" if you can't give "forever",
And don't ask for "always" if you can't give "always".

Because you're just wasting time.
And all you'll ever cause is hurt.







NOTE TO PUBLIC :
I AM NOT A LALA!!





School is officially over for all the Form 3s! Today was the last day, so everyone brought cameras and started camwhoring from morning till afternoon where they all went home.

And, I hereby officially announce that embarrassed myself in front of ALL the junior Form 1s today before recess because we UBS members had to "entertain" them. So, we danced the UBS theme song, "Reach for the Stars" by S*Club 7. Yes, I danced. In front of the ickle juniors. They'll never look at me the same way again. Instead, they'll see the monkey prefect that I am. *evil laughter* Is that a good thing or a bad thing, really? LOL.

Since we had pretty much nothing else better to do right after recess, Yin, Kye Li, Aja, Afzan and I commenced something I'd like to call.. Project Lala. When I say lala, I don't mean the seafood lala okay. I mean the people type of lala. You know those type of usually-Chinese girls or guys who dress all weird and out of place? And they just love to camwhore. Okay, I'm not saying camwhoring is a total lala thing, especially since I camwhore too. But their form of camwhore is just.. plain freaky. They have this kind of expreesssion that just plain freaks normal people out. But I bet most of you know what I'm talking about anyways. To some, they know more commonly of lalas as yong sui (Cantonese), masalah muka (BM), and face problem (English). These terms seem familiar? XD

So.
Attempted group lala picture 1 :

Ridiculous you say? Oh yeah. x)

Attempted group lala picture 2 :

You're allowed to scream now.


Individual lala pictures :

Kye Li aka Babi

Yin

Aja


Afzan



Okay, NO laughing! I'm serious!

Ee Laine
I said NO LAUGHING!


Stopped? Good.
So, lets put our hands together and close our eyes in a silent prayer that we are not actual lalas. And let us pray for those with the yong sui, masalah muka, and face problem-ed syndrome. Let us all keep in mind that they indeed are victims unlike us, the more fortunate.
Amen.

=D


Joy to the world, for I AM normal. XD

Towards the end of school, things got pretty emotional. Especially when they played the song "Wait for You" by Elliot Yamin. The song holds much meaning for many of us, myself included. Here, I'd like to say that Kye Li, don't worry. Everything will be alright. I'll be here for you. Always.

See you guys next year!
Play nice!
Not to mention safe. XD


And school comes to an end for the year 2007 for all the Form 3s. Man, I'm gonna miss you guys over the holidays. Especially since The Evil Witch (aka T.E.W.) is barely ever gonna let me go out. Btw, T.E.W. is my MUM. Yeah.
So, I just wanna say some stuff to you Form 3s. =D

3 Amanah-ians
As far as I know, you guys have been great all year long. Thanks for all the times you had my back and I'm sorry if I ever yelled or snapped or shrieked at you in the process of my bad moods this year. HAHA. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, and yeah, just thanks for all the fun you guys put me through!

Erin - The girl who sits next to me.
You, Bitchuah! Haha, you've sat next to me all year long and when I needed someone to bug, you were there. Haha, and when I needed someone to discuss or someone's homework to refer to, you were there too. So, wahahahahaa. And throughout this year, Nik, Dharr and I watched as you transforrmeeeeddd from the boring Erin to the Erin you are now. Yes, people. Erin actually
screams now. Stay fun, Erin!

Nik - The girl who sits.. ermm.. diagonally in front of me.
Well, you've screamed a lot all year long. And at times, I screamed along with you. And it was fun! Haha. Keep screaming and you'll always be heard. Especially by me. We'll get into even more mischief next year! Form 4! Love.


Dharr
- The girl who sits in front of me.
You and Nik are just as loud. But I love you both all the same. OH, sorry for all the times we took out your bag strap and hid it! Haha, sorry, but it was just damn hillarious! Especially the time where you said, "The next time we go for KH, I am going to PATERI my strap to my bag! Hah! See how it can go missing!" I remember laughing like crazy. Next year, we shall attempt to steal your strap again. So, beware.

Kye Li - The class monitor.
One word. BABI! Hahaha! Screaming and laughing at the top of her voice. One day without babi, the class will be real quiet. So, it's no fun without babi! And, she's just so bully-able. Everyone loves our favourite babi. Good luck with JY!

Julian - My guy best friend.
You've been my guy best friend since Form 2 and I really appreciate all the times you made me laugh. Conquer the school, future head boy. I'll be right here supporting you. ;)

Jet - My brother and friend.
Jet, you've always been there to listen when I needed you to and when you needed me to listen, I hope I managed to do the same. Thanks!

Yin - My darling and friend.
Although she looks tough on the outside, Yin is a real softie on the inside. She has a soft spot for things regarding friendship and sincerity and I love you for that, Yin!

Everyone else in 3 A
Best of luck to all of you and I'll be praying that we all find ourselves with straight As on PMR results day!


People outside 3 A.
Mel T
- The phlegmatic one.
She's always been the neutral one, never taking sides when it comes to arguments. She gets influenced easily as she is the phlegmatic. If we're hyper, she's hyper. If we're emo, she's emo. If we're stressed, she's stressed. But Mel, you're just lovable, aren't you?

T.A.K.E. - The rebellious.
Rebellious yet loyal. You guys have always stood up for me and when I needed a shoulder to cry on, you guys were there. I appreciate it and I
know we'll be friends forever.

Josh & Jay - Brother & Sister-in-law x)
Both of you have been awesome and in difficult times, you both were so worried bout me, you almost forgot to worry bout yourselves. I'll always be here for the both of you.

Hakim - Long lost brother?
You whacko, though I haven't been talking to you much lately, I still love you bro.

Yi Rong - The complexed one (LOL)
Excuse the label, Yi Rong, but I think Josh would agree to it too. Haha, anyways, thanks for being such a great and caring friend. Appreciate it. A lot.




Form 5s, you guys will be leaving school and I promise you, we'll miss you like crazy. Yes, Alex, like crazy. You stupid idiot, you were the first senior I cried over! Gaaaah. Emounited rules!! XD Special thanks also go out to Ebbe and Jeff too for they've always been the best counselors. Kok Peng aka SESAT, I'll always remember you. Lol!

No matter what comes in our way, I'll always remember all of you, Form 5s and allll friends. Love you guys lots! =D

I am exhausted. Lol. Or at least, my legs are.
Bathed Benz today. XD Messy business, I tell you. Not to mention furry!

And Benz says, "What is she doing?! *mumbles irritatedly*"



This picture is kinda blur. But he looks cute. x)



LOL!


Conclusion :
I love Benzie. And you should too. x)



This blog needs to be upgraded. Haha, it looks so boring. But I'm laaaazy.
Today's post is going to be about you.

Okay, maybe I hurt your feelings by not saying those things straight to your face. I was wrong to have said them to others when you weren't around. But I was having a bad day, and I was feeling kind of cranky, and things just came blurting out. Especially since once again, I felt left out as the both of you jollied off without me, just like many other times. Yes, I am sorry, and I apologise again.

But you know of my disapproval of the way that you sometimes treat him. You know I do not like it. You were very aware. Both you and her, especially since sometimes we sit down and talk about things related to this. I only did not say everything that I thought straight out to you because I didn't think it seemed appropriate. Especially since it'd hurt you. Yes, I am sorry.

Right now, as I look at your online personal message on MSN, it says "again, she acts indifferent as though I HURT HER." Okay, this time, it's true that I'm the one who hurt you. And yes, I.am.sorry. But you know what? There were so many other times where you hurt me which I didn't really notice. I let them go by but now when I think back, I do notice them and for some weird reason, only now do they hurt. And I wonder if you noticed.

Back in the days of primary school, I never kept anything from you. And I am quite sure that you didn't either. But somewhere along the time line of our friendship, something changed and now, I barely tell you anything. And I'm sure that you don't either. I don't tell you things because I don't feel comfortable. Or maybe it's because you always seem to be caught up in your own world that I didn't feel telling you would help. Also, you'd rather confide in others now. Others whom I barely know. The calls lessened and now, it's very close to never. It often makes me wonder; was I the one who changed? Or was it you? Because nowadays, I am but barely significant to you. Whether I'm there or not, to ME, it doesn't seem to really matter to you. Something changed, something that made me feel reluctant to share things with you. And I don't know whether it was something in you, or something in me.

I'm not saying we don't confide in each other at all. Yes, we do. But it just isn't the same as what we had back in primary school days. When you did ask me about how I was doing and stuff, I didn't feel that relief that you actually wanted to listen and that you are there for me. I more of felt.. uncomfortable. Like somehow, inside I closed up and I didn't feel talking to you was something comfortable anymore.

All the times you walked off with other people. It never really bothered me. I just thought you liked walking and jollying around, having a good time. I never minded. And there were times where you'd pick other people over me. You didn't exactly shove me away, but you did pick others over me. I never really minded. I just silently thought myself - "Maybe you're happier with her. Maybe I'm not as good as her. Okay, fine then." Oh, don't get me wrong. I am not referring to just one "her", but many.

Back in the days where I was upset over my broken heart, I cried a lot. Everyone knew that. The only person who was really there for me, listening to me each and every time I needed someone to, was Josh. And sometimes, Jay too. Even you both barely seemed concerned enough to talk about it let alone get me to talk me about it. And you both were supposed to be my best friends. She seldom even talks to me.

I didn't know how to tell others how I felt but when I did tell you and her, you both just ended up telling me, "He's not worth it, Laine. Screw him. There are a thousand guys out there waiting for you. He's not worth it."

Each and every time, you both told me almost the same thing. You expected me to get over my heartbreak in a month, and I obviously did not. You knew very well that I couldn't do it that easily, but yet you pushed me. I only felt stupid and small each time I confided in you both. So, soon, I simply cut back what I had to say. Yes, the both of you asked but I barely went into details. And I noticed that I had closed up even more.

On the outside and as a label, we call ourselves best friends. But are we really now? Are we actually being best friends? Or are we simply acting? Are you doing your duty as my best friend? Am I doing my duty as your best friend? Was it something I did that made you change your confidence in me? Something I said? Anything that changed the way we were back in primary school? Is it my fault?

We've been "best friends" since Standard 2. And this year would be our 8th year of friendship. Next year, it'd be the 9th. Nine whole years. Wow.

Are we throwing that away?

And right now, as I'm typing this post, I realise that right now and right this second? Maybe I really don't have any best friend(s). Have you realised that I'm not really your "best friend" anymore? If you did, how long ago did you realise this?

The only things left for me to say is that I'm sorry. For everything and anything that I might have done or am doing that is hurting you. I am really not asking for anything from you. But if you'd like, can I just have my primary school best buddy back?

Being insignificant, wow.


Okay, first things first, don't get me wrong. I don't believe in reincarnation and I'm Christian. I'm just using the phrase here because it seems suitable. After all, my blog did die and is now being restarted all over again. Kinda like.. reincarnation, isn't it?

Okay, my very first post!
Haha, *evil laughter*. Am I supposed to be excited? Maybe. Okay, I am not plotting anything evil with this blog. It's just a place for me to help pass my time until I find something better to do. But more importantly, this blog is for me to express my feelings and stuff. Check in occasionally to see what's been happening lately too. :D

Anyways, I hope my blog will help you pass your time if you're bored too and does not make you even MORE bored than you already are. Haha. Cheerio people!