Misconceptions about Mormons: Sleeveless shirts

While we’re on the subject of dress and grooming, I’d like to talk about modesty for a bit. Not being a man, I haven’t had to field too many questions about not wearing facial hair, but I have gotten questions in the past about why none of my shirts or dresses are sleeveless. In our church, we place a great deal of value on modesty, believing that our bodies are sacred gifts from God and that we should care for and respect them. We also recognize that the way we dress can affect the way we act and the way others act toward us. So we don’t wear clothes that are low-cut or super tight or see-through because of the influence those kinds of clothes can have. Just as most people don’t want their little girls parading around in skimpy clothing to be leered at and ogled (I’ve never heard anyone complain that child pornography laws are too strict!), we don’t think God wants that for any of His children.

Now, going back to the question of sleeves, I admit that I’ve seen sleeveless shirts that I would say are pretty modest. Just the arms are showing. So why can’t we wear that?  This is just my opinion that I have reached after thinking about my own life and my commitment to following the dress and grooming standards of my church. I think that by saying, “Avoid sleeveless shirts and dresses,” we are setting a clear boundary to follow.  Trying to be too specific about what to avoid often invites people to look for gaps. “Oh, they said no strapless, but this has spaghetti straps, so it’s okay,” for example.

Ultimately, we want people to be able to make good decisions about their own modesty because they value their bodies. We don’t want to give a 5,000-item laundry list of things people can and can’t wear. So we teach principles, such as respect for our bodies, and give guidelines to help people understand how to live those principles. By avoiding sleeveless shirts, I am also avoiding other clothing that fails to reflect the way I feel about my body or the gratitude I feel to God for this gift.

Misconceptions about Mormons: Facial Hair

Last week, I was with a group of friends and family when one of them asked if it was true that Mormon men are not allowed to have beards or mustaches. A few jokes were made (of course; I mean, beards and mustaches are always ripe for a mocking), but then I said, “Ok, wait, just for the record, does everyone understand that that is NOT a real thing? There’s no actual ban on beards and mustaches for Mormon men?” And I actually heard a few say, “Oh, really?” Yes, really. Mormon men are not prohibited from wearing facial hair. (Neither are the women, if you want to be technical about it.)

So let’s talk about where this idea might have come from. It’s true that full-time missionaries and BYU/BYU-I students are prohibited from wearing facial hair as part of their dress codes. But the general population of the Church is simply asked to look neat, clean, and modest in appearance. Many men therefore avoid facial hair, believing that a clean-shaven look is…well…cleaner. (A belief I share, by the way. Facial hair is gross.) Plus, it seems like these days, often beards, goatees, mustaches, soul patches, etc are worn by those trying to make some sort of anti-conformist or rebellious statements, which also doesn’t fit with the idea of being neat or respectable in appearance. So, many of our men just avoid them.

Misconceptions about Mormons: "Mormon"

To get this series started, I'm going with something very basic. For the record, the term "Mormon Church" is just a nickname that other people assigned us long ago. The actual name of our church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe it is Christ's church, so we feel pretty strongly that His name should be in there somewhere!

Misconceptions about Mormons

Last weekend I was with some friends that I've known since, basically, forever. One of them told me that recently she had a co-worker who was Mormon, and it was so cool because she had someone she could finally ask questions about the Church. I said, "Wait, how long have you known me??" She laughed and said it would've been weird to ask me.

So, here we go, folks. I'm just going to lay it out for you. I will not think it is weird if you ask me questions about my church. In fact, I welcome it, especially if you've heard things that you think are weird or confusing. I'm happy to explain, and if you still think it's weird after I explain, that's okay. But at least you'll have the whole story!

Feel free to ask questions in the comments section if you don't have any other way of contacting me. If you have any personal concerns about anything I say, just mention in your comment that you don't want it published.

The ICU & Me: A Series of Unfortunate Events

Previously on "Baby & Me: Our Story"...
I was admitted to the hospital with pre-eclampsia for a supposedly 6-hour stay that ended up extending into days and resulted in the delivery of my baby several weeks early by emergency C-section. Part I of our story concluded with his birth, which was one of those indescribable moments that I cannot possibly begin to describe! I can say that thinking back on it still fills me with wonder and intense joy. Now we continue...

The Black Belt and Baby went up to the NICU once my surgery was finished, and I was taken to the ICU. We had always planned on me going there for a day, no matter how my surgery went, just so I could be monitored closely in case any complications arose with my lungs. I remember that my mom and sister-in-law were in the hall waving as I was wheeled past like a very sick parade float. I also remember that my mom took pictures of me and The Black Belt, and I thought, "Oh, these pictures are going to be just awesome..." (And they are!) While I lay there in bed, my mom and The Black Belt told me about Baby and what he looked like and how he had grabbed The Black Belt's finger when he offered it. I wanted to hear every detail and listened hungrily as they told me about the baby. MY baby. Amazing.

Baby & Me: Our Story

Dear Friends,
It's been a while since I've written, and my life could hardly have changed with greater impact since my last post. As you recall, I was going along, enjoying the joys and woes of pregnancy, counting down as the weeks grew fewer and fewer till it was time for our baby to arrive!

Then I started to notice that my feet were swelling. It got worse and worse, and what I had not previously known about swollen feet is that they hurt a lot, too. I showed my doctor on a Friday in April, and he instructed me to stay off my feet all weekend to see if there was any improvement. By the next day, there was a slight improvement, but it didn't last. So I went back on Monday, and they checked my blood pressure. Then they checked again. Then they had me sit quietly for a while, and they checked again. The third check earned me a fast-pass ticket to the hospital. My doctor said I'd go for 6 hours to see if being on bed rest there brought it down, and if it didn't, I'd have to stay overnight. I wasn't happy about the prospect of staying at the hospital, but surely things wouldn't come to that, I thought, so I went to the hospital and checked in without running home to get anything or take care of any business that needed attention. The Black Belt joined me, and soon my doctor arrived (he walked in right as I was coming out of the bathroom, of all the timing...) to tell me that my blood pressure was still high, so I needed to stay. I was okay with that until they brought me dinner. Wow. Talk about embracing sterotypes. Hospital food really does suck!

Anyway, just so this story isn't 18 pages long, I will tell you that it was a rough night, with The Black Belt sleeping on the lousy pull-out chair and me with the blood pressure cuff going off every hour and nurses coming in to make sure I was still alive, or whatever they were doing. Amazingly enough, this did NOT bring down my blood pressure, so the verdict was that I for sure had pre-eclampsia; I was going to stay at the hospital; and we were going to have to start preparing for the possibility of delivering the baby.

How Can I Help You? But Not Really.

Can someone please explain to me the POINT of an answering service? I have encountered several of them through various doctors and medical offices. Each time one answers my call, they say, "Such-and-such's office, how can I help you?" I tell them what I need. And then they say, in an almost exasperated tone, "Well, this is just an answering service. The office isn't open right now, so you'll need to call back when they are."

So WHY are they there? One might say, "Because that way, when customers call, they don't get voicemail or no answer." But if the result of speaking with an answering service is the exact same result I would get from no answer whatsoever, then I ask again--what is the point of an answering service??