Happy Boxing Day!

Hehe. Here to update my awesome christmas!

After work on Monday  i took godsis's ride and waited for my godbro to finish his stuff before traveling back to the chalet.. We were pretty late so there wasn't a lot of food left. I missed out satay and some batches of nicer chicken wings, but i ate more sotong then usual. Hhhahaha. I drank wine, and then quite a bit of vodka. Everyone was high and happy, the older kids were all playing with face paint. I didn't join them cause of my skin allergies. Gifts was exchanged and we headed out for food and more drinking at around 2am . End up somewhere with macs and bottle of gin. Didn't get to drink much cause no one was in the mood, it was raining so we left early. Headed back to the chalet at 4am plus.

Bathe and slept at 6 before waking up at 9. Help out with the packing and headed home. Had another bathe and ate noodles before going to catch my sleep. Overslept and was late for Christmas potluck at don's house, end up not doing salad cause they say the food is enough. Had a good time at don's house with the steamboat, chit chatting and some drinking. Exchanged presents and headed home early cause don wasn't feeling very well. Reached home at around 1am.

Slept as soon as i got home and woke up for work this morning. Work at office today is kinda hard to pass cause of the lack of sleep and the more then usual drinking.

Spending this christmas with three celebrations with my dear ones, had great gifts, did lots of chatting and drank so much more than usual. Loved the times and present that i recieved for this seasonal holiday and hope that everyone else enjoyed it too! :D

Merry Christmas!

Hehehe. Not doing much in the office at the moment since i'm having a quiet moment cause i'm the only one around... Updates in a bit before resuming to my work. :D

Thursday, I was lucky to  catch a glimsp of my whatsapp msges that made me realised that it was the day that i'm suppose to meet up with my sec school mates for our pre-christmas meet-up. If i didn't i would have to go in my uniform and without a present. hahah. Cannot imagine how would that be like. Met the girls( and guy) at somerset 313 for F.I.S.H, the same place we had for jiayi's belated birthdayy. The food was so so and decided to stop somewhere for drinks and chit chat. I suggested coffee bean at OC and we headed there. Ordered drinks, chit chat, took pictures, exhange gifts and had lots and lots of laughter till we forgot the time and it was 11 when we leave the place.

Friday was super ultra boring, i spent the night at home, playing with mum's ipad mini and 'packing my bag for chalet' after being nagged for like umpteen times. Watched Tv and listening to old people gossip and made me so annoyed i almost pulled my hair out. Ohwell.

Satuday was spent at home slacking as well. Didnt manage leave the house as when i wanted to leave its already late, and its been raining all day. This is also the first time in my life i've had an allergic reaction.
To what? i'm not so sure myself. I've eaten at home the entire day and never eat anything i haven't eating before. But i started to feel itchy on upper parts of my body.

Sunday morning was spent waking up early, having  a good breakfast at Coffee bean and getting some things for the chalet at NTUC. Went to see the doc when i got home and was given medicine to eat and to apply on my rashes. (Starting to regret not choosing injection over medications -.-) Dropped off at citysq again to collect yuan's grimes concert ticket. Head home, ate lunch and meds and slacked around till people came to pick us up to head down to the chalet. After that all was boring as we were doing nothing in the chalet cept watch the kids play with my ipod touch and the ipad mini. Dinner at foodcourt and yuan came. Walked around a bit after dinner and headed back to the chalet. Only to head out soon as yuan said she was hungry, ended up sitting down and chit chat cause she couldn't couldnt decide on what to eat. Headed back cause yuan's parents wanted to leave and i was lucky to be able to hitch a ride for supper before heading home.

The entire day was kinda boring/tiring and i felt super itchy all the time it was so annoy. ohwell.
Merry christmas to youuuuu!

Over-dued Updates

Been more that a week since i last updated on my daily life, was a tad busy and many events going on so i didn't have the time to sit down and update all that. But since I'm already here, shall do some updating.

Started with last Tuesday, which i was planning to shop for don's present  after work on my own at vivo. But a random text from hf and i've got company for the night. Had dinner at Soup spoon, walked around for a bit and found quite a few ideal gifts for our long list of Christmas gift list after settling don's present. But hf didn't have money with her so we arranged to meet on Thursday again at vivo. Chit chats and laughter with hf cheered me up from the stressful and frustrated week. Hahhaha

Wednesday was 12.12.12. Originally had no plans, but yuan suggested to meet up for dinner. I wasn't dressed up so suggested to meet after dinner since i already promised my mum i'll be home for dinner. Got delayed a bit and met yuan kinda late. Surprising to find her waiting for me at the library ( i swore i've never seen her reading a book of any kind, so imagine the shock i had when she told me she was waiting for me in the library).After meeting her, i borrowed books and we walked around, had some food. Then we settled down somewhere to sit and chat. We chatted till we forgot about the time and rushed down to the mrt to catch our trains. Heard announcements that the last train to dbg is arriving and we contemplated to make a run for it. But then we realised that the train to dbg was for circle line, and my train should be to harbourfront instead. Walked to the purple line only to hear the announcement that the last train to harbourfront has left. i was like giving the shocked-but-sianed face and left the station to take a taxi while yuan took her train home. On 12.12.12 was the first time i entered a train station, tapped in and didn't take a train. hahahha

Thursday was meet up with hf again at vivo, managed to get most of my Christmas shopping done which made me a really happy girl! Dinner at Carl's Jr and walked like all over vivo, going into many shops and walking repeated all over the place to look for the shops that me and hf wanted to go to. Brainstormed for gift ideas for our exchanges and i was pretty glad that i managed to help hf settle some of hers. We even kept annoying each other about how we are not getting the other person for the exchange, or we would have bought so and so. hahhaha.

I camped at home on Friday night reading the books i borrowed on wed, spending the night in my quiet world of fantasy. Work on Sat morning and then Don's party at night. I was quite lost on my way to the place as i wasn't familiar with Orchard and they were doing lots of renovation on the roads. So i was going in circles and circles and got pretty frustrated. Took me quite awhile and i managed to get myself walking in the right direction of the hotel. Had hf to pick me up from the lobby cause i had selective sight and didn't see the sign to k suites at all. Reached and it was pretty crowded. The place was pretty good and had quite a few entertainment.There was Wii sports, billiard table and the karaoke system. Was pretty bored cause all the stations are occupied so we just sat around chit chat a bit. Then was photo taking and cake cutting. Then someone ordered vodka and shared some with us, so we were playing 5/10 with the vodka till it was finished and then played with orange juice cause there were no more alcohol left. And i was freaking cold due to drinking the diluted iced orange juice. Mich wanted to leave so i left with her. Head home and read a bit before heading to bed.

 Saturday got woken up early due to idiots chatting loudly in the kitchen. Lazed in bed till everyone left the house, and then i sat in the kitchen to do some reading .Did some last minute packing and travelled out to meet yuan at boonlay mrt and had swensens while waiting for kw to pick us up. Reached camp Christine late
in the afternoon and sort of help out around. Camp fire this time was different, special in some way and bad in another. The first thing was that there was a proposal, which is the first of so many camps that i have been to witness a proposal in camp during the camp fire. It was pretty sweet and romantic, but my personal thoughts would be that it would be even more sweeter if it was people that the couples both knew cause it felt to me for the bride to be that she's being proposed right in front of a bunch of strangers. Touched and felt the love for the couple nevertheless, and hope that they stay happy together for the longest time possible. The second thing was that one of the guys slipped and fell. He broke one of his fingers and had to be sent to the hospital. This was the first time there was such a serious injury during camp, the other thine was a cut that needed stitches but it didn't seems as bad as this.  I was pretty shocked cause i wasn't around when it happened and i was at the hall when they brought the person in, lying down frozen on a stretcher. Everything seems so serious and felt very very bad when they shooed everyone out of the hall and people started standing outside the hall looking really worried and frightened. After cleaning him up and letting him recover the shock, it seems that he was pretty much hurt only on the hand and no where else, he was also very kindly assuring everyone that he was fine, though we could all see the pain that he was enduring.  Only when he came back to the camp with his hand in the cast and looking alright was i able to put down the heavy feeling i had all night. Bathe and walked around the camp for some reminiscing and then headed to bed at 4am cause yuan was took tired to stay up.

Woke up at 8-ish and packed up, helped around the camp and headed back to sbm. Wanted to help with the packing but there was nothing much to be done. Slacked around waiting for decisions to be made and i got tired of waiting, so i told yuan i wanted to leave. Waited a bit more for a ride out to the station cause yuan was too lazy to walk all the way out. Had kfc and we both headed home to wash up and put our things down. Met up with yuan again after her phone is charged. Walked from dbg to raffles city before settling down at SMU for some cheap and good pasta. drank some and chit chat for the rest of the night. Headed home early as we are both exhausted and want to sleep badly.

Yesterday went by pretty badly and i didn't wanted to mention, but it was after all an experience therefore i think that it is worth noting down and learning from it. I woke up seeing tweets that sounded pretty bad between my two friends and i tried to intervened, hoping to make peace between the fight that seems like a misunderstanding. Things because pretty nasty and my words fell into death ears, i was ignored, unfriended on fb and unfollowed/blocked on twitter. Felt that i did a pretty bad job but i believe that i have done all i could. I'm gonna put things at the back of my mind and let things be since there's nothing i can do about it. Was not really sad, just disappointed with people's behaviour.

So that's how my eventful week went by. Looking forward to the Christmas season, with chalet just this weekend and potluck at don's hse on Christmas day. Hope to have a blast and end this year better then i can expect it to be. :)

I'll never forget

the look that you gave me during that night at the bonfire.

Your face glowing from the fire, the slightly-shocked sneaky smile you gave me when you knew you made a mistake. And how I smiled back at you because I knew too.

That's a memory of you that I'll never forget, and maybe that's the reason why I love bonfires so much..

Short update post

Cause I'm still very sleepy and unable to concentrate on my work.
Haha. Lame excuse.

Ohwell make this very short.

(I kinda realised that this is gonna be not-very-short, so i saved and came back to it later on. I didn't spent very long on this at work okayyy)

Friday night, went out on my own to shop for birthday presents and christmas presents and got myself insanely stressed out. Walked the entire night only to settle with one of the many. I was so worried that i couldn't get a good gift for my friends so i end up being fickled minded, choosing and choosing over again. I got so sick of myself so end up not getting anything else and went home. When i reached home, i decided to discuss the gifts with my friends, hf offered to go shop with me! So we arranged to meet after work on sat to shop for it.  Managed to get one more and also kinda settled for the other. So imma happy girl! End up not going for the camp briefing tho. Went home to rest cause i wasn't feeling very well.

Sunday was kinda awesome. Woke up and realised that i have nothing on all day. End up going down to ECP with my little nieces and nephews. Sis was nice to come by and pick me up. So i rushed to eat and change then waited patiently for them to come. Upon reaching, we walked all the way to the bicycle, which was damn far and i have to drag lazybum eden along. I have no idea why in the world my bro-in-law would drag a lousy bike and a lazybum so far down to the rental shop. Ohwell. Badly planned move. Walking there was tiring , and when we manage to rent bikes eden couldn't ride the one that was brought along even after pumping air into the wheels, so i tried dragging the bike along the one i rented. And end up falling and having both bike crash on me. Mehh. hurt my feet and and my arm. Slowly cycled back while bro-in-law dragged the bike back. Came back and cleaned my wound, only to realize a scrap on my toe and a deep gash under my little toe.  So my feet hurts slightly when i walk, but cycling was okay since i was only using the ball of my foot. Spent the rest of the afternoon double biking with rachel, blow bubbles and lazed around in the tent. Hahha.
The kids came home with me to have dinner at my house and that's how my weekend went.




I realized i've been easily stressed and panicky. Got myself so upset for nothing. I must learn how not to take up everything on my own and assume all the responsibility i guess. I should let people take some responsibility and also let them have the chance to do their part. I must let go also, so as not to make myself feel bad over things, or to strain my relationship with others. Sometimes when i get so caught up with my thoughts and thinking, i tend to overlook people's feelings and consideration. I'm afraid one day, people will get angry with me for that. I need to learn to let things be so that i don't impose myself on other people. One step at a time.

Kinda sadddd.

That my readers stats are like binary numbers.
ohwell.

Updates,
Life been pretty boring, me camping at home to use the laptop after work everyday. Watched The Vow last night and cried like a baby. Hhahah. I was partially easily emotional due to lack of sleep though. Ohwell.

Only one lovely evening was spent out of the house. Met up with some seconday peeps for a dinner gathering where i managed to pass one of the girls her belated present. Dinner-ed at Plaza's Pastamania late, cause the meeting was at 8 and some of them were late.

I was pretty upset/angry earlier that day. Because people kept bailing out on the gathering last minute. At first only one mentioned that she wasn't able to make it , so i was (too)happy that its gonna be a quite big gathering. But one by one, they had reasons and excuses for not coming. End up there was only four of us.
So i was disappointed and frustrated. Till i met them and we had a nice chat all night. Talking about the past and school life, we had so much fun and laughter that night. I'm glad i didn't cancel it out of anger when i thought that only one person would turn up.


Right now I'm having a headache thinking of what to get for gifts.
So far, i have like two 21st presents and three gift exchange to get. Excluding personal Christmas gifts to my beloved ones. I'm gonna have a lot of problem with the birthday ones, cause they're both guys and no one else seems to be chipping in any ideas.

Speaking of this. Something came to my mind today. While walking around with Mich after the Psy concert, we went into this shop and i suddenly rmb that afew of the people's birthday is coming so i started looking around for gift ideas.Mich asked me : "Why are you always the one to get the presents?"

I didn't realise that it was me who was doing the shopping for gifts most of the time, and that it was me who initiated and planned most of the gatherings with my friends. I can't say that the rest aren't doing anything, there were times that people took charge, but it was more often then not that i was the one doing it. I know everyone is busy and everything, but as time goes by, I kinda felt that i was taken for granted.

But then again i must be thankful for the times where i need not do it and for the fact that i have friends that do stand out to do things sometimes, that i have friends to do such things for and the fact that I've got added advantage by being the one to do the gatherings and getting the gifts cause my preference is definitely taken into considerations.

However, its always nice if people don't assume that I'm definitely going to do it and don't take me for granted while doing so..

Super duper tired.

but i'm here to update my super tiring but extremely fun, activities filled weekend!

Thursday night was planning to proceed with our skating lessons, but we found out that the time table for december is crap. So ended up not signing up for the lessons. Was very very disappointed, so we changed the plans last minute to watch Rise of the Guardians instead! And yuan was right, the movies did cheer me up much. It was pretty good a movie ( i know i always say the movies i watch are good, maybe i have low standards but to me, they are really really good in my sense) that is appealed to the kids and the adults, esp the young at heart. Its the type of movies that bring out the inner kid in you no matter how old you are because of the storyline and the really good graphics. Hehhhe. I'm secretly in love with Jack Frost but i think that Sandy (Sandman) is the most awesome character in the movie! If you haven't watch it yet, do try to catch it cause i think it is worth the watch!

Friday was boring, but the weekend was fantastic!

Sat was the 1st of Dec. Beginning of the month and i started it with a facial appt, hehhe, nothing special but i hang out at Marina Parade to run errands for my mum and managed to find an Ipad Mini for sale there, after going to like 5 electronic stores. I was super duper happy, but had to wait for my sis to finish her facial (so qiao, she had facial that day too) before actually deciding on getting it. The wait for my sis's response cause me to sort of like delayed my plans of the day so i had to rush home for a quick dinner before rushing right out again

To my first ever pop idol concert! My first concert that is not musical or instrumental genre! Hahah
I know i'm a "mountain tortoise". I just don't find it worth it to spend a few hundred bucks listening to one person sing for a few hours when i can buy a good headphone and cd with that value and enjoy it at home, okayy. The reason i'm going to this one is not because its my favorite idol or something, but because it was free and i wanted to experience what's a concert ambience really like. So the concert i went was...

Psy's free performance at the Mbs with company of Mich by compliments from her mum!

Hahha. It was really short ( 3 songs only) and the songs i was not familiar with, other then Gangnam Style. And it was an outdoor performance so it was really warm. But the ambience was pretty good with the crowd and actually seeing an idol dancing and singing on stage (albeit abit far).  We've gotta the VIp tickets so we were actually in the front section of the crowd, just that we were late so the front area was occupied. Everyone was pretty hyped especially for gangnam style and i could see quite a few Koreans that actually went down to support their fellow countryman  The kids were especially enthu. Hahha. After the show, me and mich walked around and then to TCC for some food and drinks, and to rest our feet. Had my favourite Tobiko crayfish salad and some mushroom spagetti which was not to my liking and Mich's parents was kind enough to send me home!

Reached home at 12plus, bathed and waited for my hair to dry. And my hand was itchy enough to take out mum's ipad mini to configure and dl games. So i end up sleeping at 2am

Which i totally regret in the morning, cause i promised mummy to wake up early to have mac breakfast with her. Woke up at 830, which mummy was starving already, went for Macs, then some grocery shopping at the NTUC before heading home. Took a short nap at home before having a quick lunch and the heading out again, to meet up with my sis and family. Yuan was late, but she did joined us after we met.

Finally carrying out my promise to bring the kids to ice skate! Had a good time today, the kids were pretty fast at picking up skating though they had their fair share of falling as well. Lucas didn't enjoyed as much as Eden did because he ended up having blisters on his feet. I think its because his socks was too thin and the shoes were not properly fitted. But we ended up all having a great time. Had hot chocolate and cheese cake at the Starbucks cause the kids were freezing from their soaking wet clothes (from falling down on the wet ice) and we were kinda hungry. Walked a bit at the Cold storage before heading home.

Jessie and family headed down for dinner ( under invitation of granny) so the house was full of people and super noise. Watched the kids play outside for a bit and wanted to let them play kinect, but it kept updating so the kids kinda got distracted. Then after dinner was ipad and all the smartphone playing till they head home. All of them left pretty early cause my bro-in-law is going overseas tmr and when one leave, the rest kinda follow suit.

Super super super tired, from the lack of sleep and skating today. But this weekend was pretty awesome, with the movie and the concert and skating with the kids. I hope the rest of the month is filled  up with activities everyday like that. I wouldnt mind the tiredness if that's the case. hahahhaha.

I'd wished I could stay as a kid forever.

The forever strong backing of your parents,
the ability to believe in everything,
the freedom and creativity of mind.

No fear, no worries, no burdens, no limits
And unhappiness is always just so temporary...

Sometimes I feel like...

I'm stuck between two worlds, belonging in neither of them.

Its like there's two me that wants to be me, but neither can be them fully and they cannot merge as they are totally different sides. Between the good and the bad, the introvert and extrovert me, struggling to strike a balance that I cannot see.


Maybe that's the reason why i contradict myself so often..

Happy girl!

Well sort of..

Its only been two boring days at work since i last updated, so there's nothing much to update. Other then the two dresses that i ordered last week from ASOS that came in yesterday! Hhahahha. I mention that its of sorts because of the two i ordered, i can fit into only one cause the other one is too big. heheh. I was being very kiasu to order two different size, so that at least one of them fit me. I was hoping that if the bigger size would fit me, i'll pass the smaller size to jo. But end up i can fit the smaller size one, so the bigger one is giving me a headache. Hopefully i can give/sell to someone else if i can. Or alter it so that i can wear somehow. Ohwell

But then again, I'm happy! My first online clothes purchase. I guess its a baby step to things i don't always do. And to alter my stick-in-the-mud thinking. Improvement is on the way!

Happy girl once again!

Tiring weekend..

But decided to come in to post a bit while waiting for my hair to dry.

Many happy things that happened, gonna give thanks at the end of my updates. So updates first!
Starting with Friday i guess, since there was nothing on Thursday.

Friday after end work i went to meet up with Yuan at city square mall for dinner at Aston  We catch up a bit before she left to meet other people while i meet up with Jovin to watched twilight. The last part of the saga was unexpectedly good. Firstly because its been so long since i read the book, so i didn't have much expectation of the movie. Then its because there were unexpected twist to the movie, that was slightly different from the story. I was so shocked at what was happened in the movie that i literally heaved a sigh of relief when it was revealed that it wasn't true. Hahhaha. Nevertheless, enjoyed it very much. I feel that twilight is not too bad a series/saga, although the actress and actor's acting might not be that good, i think that its criticized so badly just because people want to have extreme views for it. Like either you are a crazy twilight fan or you think that its terrible waste of time, people using it as an insult all the time isn't helping either. Walking home from city square for the first time so late at night. After bathing and having to wait for my hair to try, i only went to bed after 1am.

Only to regret it the next morning. hahahha. Woke up at 930, leaving me with no time for breakfast and little time to prepare for the mini singing competition at SBM. Was slightly late, but still on time enough cause the event started slightly later then planned. Overall, i think i fared pretty badly in my point of view because i was so panicky and nervous the minute i stepped up onto the stage that i'm practically trembling and stood rooted to the ground once i started singing. The stress from having to sing so close in front of a panel of judges makes me so nervous that i forgot to take in breaths between lines, causing me to have no air to finish the lines. Drawing of lots that made the arrangement for me to sing the english song before the chinese song was a disadvantage for me, because my english song was tougher. Out of breath for english, and singing wrong paragraph for chinese, I guess my performance wasn't up to par. Plus the pressure that i face, and the pretty good competition, it was expected that i wouldn't win anything. But i was nevertheless slightly disappointed.
It was a good experience overall actually. To have the chance for trying out at a competition, at least i get a feel of the atmosphere and to know the things that i know i am lacking of in my singing.

After that i rushed of to city square again, this time to get Rachel's birthday present, and also to grab some food because i haven't eaten anything since i woke up and it was like 4 when the event ended? After eating and buying present for the birthday girl, i decided to head home for some rest cause i was feeling exhausted. Took a short nap and headed to jessie's house for dinner and the party. Watched the Haunted Mansion on miotv and had dinner before bringing the kids down to the playground, where i watched them play till i forgot about the time. Only brought them up at 11plus going midnight i think. Hahhahaha. Headed home to bath and slept.

Was suppose to wake up early to drive my dad to some clients place, but i overslept and mummy didn't wake me up. Dad was kinda impatient and wanted to get it done early, so they left without waiting for me to wake up and wash up though i was woken up by their talking while they were about to leave. Fell back and asleep and woken up by mummy at 11plus. Wash up and brought mummy to Marina square, walk walk a bit before meeting with second sis and had lunch at Secret recipe. Walked to millennium walk to get mummy's belated birthday present. Wanted to get her an Ipad mini, but it was both sold out in the infinite apple re-seller and Harvey Norman. I think its sold out in Singapore  knew that it was long time when it just came out, but i didn't expect that its still sold out after so many weeks. Ended up at Coffee club drinking coffee and me eating oreo cheesecake while waiting for bro-in-law to come and pick us up on the way home with the kids. We bought Twelve cupcakes too, because there was an outlet just next to the coffee club.

Came home and watched the kids play monopoly deal, and then switched on xbox to entertain them after my sis gave up on playing monopoly deal with them. Played a bit and then jessie they all came over for dinner. The kids ended  up playing kinect till dinner time and the hide and seek after dinner. Cause i needed my nephews to cool down after bathing, i made the kids play origami with some brochures i took from the sistic counter. We folded paper planes till it was time for them to go home. Took a bath and here i am blogging about my eventful weekend.

These few days, my gastric was being weird cause of me mistreating it with not eating till 4 yesterday and skipping breakfast today. But then, now my stomach is like in a forever hungry/full state while i can eat without feeling full and being without food for long without being hungry. Just hope that the pain won't be too bad when it comes. >.<

As mentioned on the beginning of my blogpost, i wanted to give gratitude to many things that happened recently and observations i made from around me. Partially cause thanksgiving just passed, but i'm not at a country that celebrates it, i think that it is a pretty good chance for me to give thanks especially when i see so many things that i don't usually see recently.


The first thing i want to give gratitude to is the chance that i have to see the bunch of kids around me growing up. Starting with yesterday at the playground, where i saw erwin playing with the kids. He used to be its loner little boy that plays with his own things, but the boy i saw at the playground was different. He was willing to play with the kids way below his age group, and willing to give suggestions on games when they were tired of the old ones but was not unhappy or angry when the kids didn't get his game and found it "lame" and boring. He gave chances during games and was patient to teach some of the kids on his skateboard when they said they wanted to play. This was a side of him that i never saw, and i'm appreciative that i get to see him in a new light, with his little acts of maturity. The second person that gave me this feeling was Rachel and the things she did this two days. Yesterday, she was able to share her birthday cone with meimei and also did not throw tantrum when she didn't get what she wanted at the playground later on. Today, i saw that she was trying to feed meimei dinner when she refuse to eat when her dad was feeding her.  She was also pretty considerate while playing with the rest today.

Its been quite some time since the last gathering and since i last interacted with these kids, but it never fail to amaze me while watching them play, and grow in ways that i never expect them to be. I've always been motherly and i guess that's how it feels when your kids grows up as you grow old. Hhaha.

Other things that i'm appreciative of, but no elaborating on includes :

- the chance for the competition
- my dad repairing my laptop charger
- that all my papers are over!
- the free marine life park tickets from sis

and last but not the least,
that everyone around me is well and happy

(though on the side note, Zhixin dislocated her knee and hf's mum was hospitalized due to an op she had to undergo all in a few weeks ago. These happened when i was having exams, so i realize it till later and didn't show much concern to them. I sincerely hope that they are well into their recovery and that whatever that was troubling them would give them no more problems in the future )

Something broken.

I think something broke in me
I  heard the shatter from within
But it can't be my heart
Cause it was long broken .


No it can't be my heart
Cause what's broken cannot be undone


You left me so long ago to die.
i never thought that I'll survive
My heart did break. but i didn't die
though I'll never ever feel alive

So why do i still feel the pain,
that's searing me inside.
why i still feel the tears,
rolling down from my cheek.
If its you, i believe, that I've long forgotten
Then why do i still feel so lost.

i didn't except to see you
ever again in my life.
i never though that we'll meet
under such circumstances
but i still remember the promises,
you made when we're together

You said you''ll never die before i do
so that i wont feel so lost,
that you'll be by my side

till death do us part.



Some random feelings that appear out of nowhere and i just have the urge to pen it down.
Call it a poem or lyrical verses as you like,
I'd just wished that i could phrase it better.

Freeeeedom

YAYYYY! My exams are over! I'm free! Hahhahaa.

Freedom of sorts actually. Ohwell. But i still got work everyday. I guess i just have more free time at hand to do the things i wanna do! Updates first.

Saturday i had work, then rushed all the way to school just in time for the paper. After the paper, i got stuck in school for a bit. Cause it was raining heavily, so i stayed in school to charge my mac book instead. Was super hungry and warm, there wasn't air-con where i was sitting at. Plus there were weird people singing some parody out loud to record. I'm just surprised that they aren't a bit of embarrassed or something. If i wanted to do recording, i would have done it at home or at least somewhere less public.

Headed to clementi mall since it was the nearest area with a library. Had a really late lunch at Ichiban Boshi, scalded my hand with the extremely hot green tea that was served to me. Luckily there was a really nice waitress that went to get some aloe gel to apply, so it wasn't too bad afterwards. Camped at the library from 5 to 8, three hours straights to revise for my paper on Monday  Hhahha. The only reason why i could so effectively mug for the paper? No wifi connection at the library, with no games or any source of entertainment on my mac book  Plus the fact that i have an event all Sunday, so i wont have any more time to do revision since i have work on Monday and paper is at night. Had Baskin-Robbins one for one scoop before heading home. Cause i was so satisfied with my mugging that when i reached home, i plonked into my seat and started watching tv. It happened that I have the movie se7en recorded, therefore i just switched it on to watch without thinking. Ended up having a hard time to sleep at night. Hahhahahha.

Sunday I had tickets to member's preview of RWS Marine Life Park Adventure Cove all thanks to my sis. She actually redeemed the tickets to bring her kids there, but unfortunately the preview happens to fall during her overseas trip to Genting. So i get the tickets instead. Managed to get shermaine and michelle to go with me, and we had a blast at the place. It was like wild wild wet, but so much nicer. The first thing we did was to visit the snorkelling attraction. That was one of the best attraction, because you get to snorkel in a pool filled with fishes. The pool was quite deep, but the fishes was brilliant. It was just too bad that i couldn't wear my glasses, and that my goggles fogged up a bit so i couldn't see much clearly. It was sort of a reminisce of my trip to Langkawi where i went to an actual marine life park where there were fishes and baby sharks in the sea and we get to snorkel in. After that was water coaster rides which was not bad. Then was the wave pool where michelle had a blast sitting in the tube getting splashed by the waves when i pulled her deeper into the pool. Then there was a adventure river which is similar to lazy pool in wild wild wet. That was pretty cool because its a long ride and there are things to see on the way. We will pass by a "bat cave" , waterfalls, and the stingray aquarium where we just stopped in front of the pool when they were feeding the rays so that we get to watch them up close.
That are mainly the highlights of the place. There were tanning beds and more coaster rides which i think is a really cool place to hang out all day with friends.

Monday and Tuesday were spend mugging and taking my paper. And then today is a normal working day. That's all my update is till then.

I'm currently listening to Adele's Concert at The Royal Albert Hall on xinmsn's catch up tv. It was pretty good except that the audio is sometimes a bit unclear and muzzled as if someone covered the mic with something. Her vocals is pretty good and strong, just that her genre is limited by it as well.

Speaking of Adele, AG's a great fan of adele and he's coming back this Friday  Along with Raymond daddy. Kinda missed them for being gone for so long, but I'm never gonna admit to them. Hahhaha
Hope that they are enjoying themselves at Australia right now, cause their army stuff should have ended and its R&R for them. Should be seeing daddy this Saturday at the singing competition at Sbm. Must remember to bring the phone cover i got him to pass it to him on sat.

I've got a short meet up with darling Yuan and then the Twilight: Breaking Dawn part two movie date with Jovin on Friday night and then singing on sat and after that Rachel's birthday party.

I cannot wait to fill up all my time with event and activities now that i have no school!

And which, yuan's doing her internship at Artbox. Hope that she's doing well there and coping with the new routines, which i think is good for her. But then again, one man's meat is another man's poison.

Just got trolled by my nephew using my sis fb account to chat with me. Hahahhaha.

Life's been hectic.

And tightly scheduled between work and school.

My exams are giving me hell, with not enough time to revise and that when i do, i cannot focus to do the max i can do. Took yesterday off and gonna take tuesday off , papers today, monday and tuesday.

I swear that I'm gonna enjoy myself like crazy. Or at least  have decent rest. Hahhaha

Doing something i totally shouldn't tomorrow, but i don't want tickets to go to waste. Hopeful we go early and end early, then I'll have the evening to do more cramming. How i wished i didn't have to work on monday.

Ohwell. Wish me luck for the paper later! >.<

Cramming

like I've never done before.

Sat was unfocused, so i did most of my cramming after i come home in the afternoon from suntec city. When to suntec to have my hair done is some salon my sis helped me by some groupon with. Highlighted my hair red and shorted my grown straight fringe. After lunch at pepper lunch, i headed home and started to cram.
The entire afternoon till night. I only stopped to go to bed at 1 which i know is pretty early, but i got work the next day and i was afraid i get too tired and black out during exam, which was at 4 on Monday.

Work was pretty hellish on Mon, with me getting in later then i planned due to the stupid bus and minor crisis happened here and there and i was the only person in the office that's actually doing things (other than my four bosses, but they're bosses, so they don't have to deal with the "minor" stuff). Managed to survive till 2plus which i then head down to school. Did some last minute cramming in sch before entering the exam hall. First time being in my school's grand hall, like any hall, freezing inside. Spent my first 15mins dazed at not sure how to answer the questions and the rest of the two hours writing like mad till the last minute. Answered all the questions, just not sure if its to the point and what the examiner wants. Ohwell.
Side note : I can literally see the guy sitting in front of me shivering and shaking while waiting for my paper to be collected. Hhaha

I doubt i'll score well for the paper, just crossing fingers i don't fail.

Met up with Liyuan and Xinyi for dinner but we end up drinking at Switch and the eating and drinking at 7eleven. Chatted a bit and xy had to leave. Left with me and yuan where we talked some more but had to leave in time before the last trains.

Tuesday, which is today, i woke up early and accompanied mummy, ahma, hazel, godma, and my godbro and sis to watch movie at the newly opened GV at city square! Watched Ah boy to men and had lunch at the foodcourt, accompanied them shopping ali ttle before heading home. Tried my best to start early to study for my Saturday paper, but it wasn't very effective as i didn't do a lot. Need to be able to focus more!





Torn between doing what i want to do and studying.
Mehhh.

I've always been the

type of person that believes that you should treat someone how you want that person to treat you. So I've always tried my best to be the peacemaker, or worried about offending people all the time. And make many stupid decisions at times just because i didn't think twice what i was doing other then believing that if the same situation was reversed, i would hope for someone to do the same for me.

But then i also realized that not everyone appreciates or need what i was doing. Maybe they would have thought that it was better that i didn't help or do what i did. A few people around me had made me feel like what was doing was not appreciated, or rather, unnecessary. I guess i might be doing more then i should and made me think twice about doing such stuff again. Therefore i'm keeping opinions and my concern for a little while. Just chilling and worrying about my own world. I think that's what i should be paying attention on. I've always been worried and thinking about this around me, maybe that for a change, i should care more on my feelings and thoughts. Probably that'll be more productive and useful, for me and everyone else around.

But then again, i do wish to let them know that although i stopped showing doesn't means i stopped caring at all. Just stopping what i might have done, but i'll still be here for them, whoever, whenever as long as they need me to...

Sometimes i wished..

That i'm the kind of girl that have lots of friends, that go to lots of fun parties, doesn't always worry about everything and never get disappointed by people because I'm too busy living my life the way i wanted.

I wanna drink hard, party hard, live hard and care less of what other people do/think/feel about me.

I don't know why..

I think that blogging helps me a lot. I don't know why, but the period while i wasn't blogging I'm always feeling  very negative  I guess blogging as a therapeutic effect on me. Just by writing done things, even the most mundane life, i feel that i literally put down a part of my unseen burden on this little space of mine. And allow me to clear my thoughts, to sort them out externally away from my mind. Maybe all these sound crappish. And its still weird that i feel like I'm pouring my heart out to unknown strangers that may just get the kick out of reading about my boring life. (but i also do know some of the people that actually cares are reading this, or i would have kept a private diary book instead)

I just dislike how my weird mind works sometime. Ohwell. Its a mind of its own. hahahha.

Coming in to say something also, idk if i should say it actually. Shall just state it briefly.
I dislike the feeling of helpless. Not being able to be actually there for people i love. And also not being able to help them when they're facing trouble or feeling down. It always makes me feel so useless and stupid for not being able to do anything and just watch things happens. Although most of the time , i'm probably being overly worried or making a mountain out of a molehill, but that's my emotions running on overdrive, which is most of the time. Its cause i care, but i can't show it and it frustrates me that sometimes, the things limiting me is me and nothing else.

Sometimes i wished that i can remove invisible walls that are around me, that made me so limited with my actions, and build a barrier between me and people sometimes.

And i need to stop worrying over everything and let things be..
So that i don't get any more of such overwhelming and unnecessary emotion tsunami that leaves me tired and breathless...

As promised.

I'm here to update and blog. Haven't switched on my laptop at home for so long. After facing the com all day at work, coming back and think about facing the com again for the rare few hours i have at home. Sianzxz.

Hmmm. Let's see. Last update ended with Halloween.

My first Halloween party was okay. I dressed up as a gypsy as it was probably one of the easier costumes i can think of without doing and buying much. There wasn't much activity and i aren't good at socializing  so i was kind of glad i have things to do by helping out around. Justin's place was a bit hard to find cause its my first time being there and i'm not familiar with the place, and i probably would have gotten lost if hangqi didn't leave the building while i was walking past, or i would have just walked past without looking. The decoration was awesome, thought the lighting wasn't sufficient enough to feel the atmosphere. I was being frightened twice because a guy was wearing a scary mask and likes to stand quietly behind me.  I sat at the entrance most of the time collecting money and had June to accompany me throughout the night. It was interesting to see everyone all dressed up in all sorts of costume. Helped to clear up and walked home.

And totally forgot about revision lectures on Saturday. Spent my day at home doing my stuff. Sunday was my dad's actual birthday, so we had reservations at Shang-ri La The Line buffet restaurant  The variety was quite big but i didn't try all of them. Stuck mainly to my usual salad, sashimi and cold prawns. And my beloved dessert section, tho it wasn't very fantastic. hahhaha. It was pretty good for a buffet i guess. Just that lousy Jovin had upset tummy till the next day, i guess her weak stomach cannot stand eating raw oysters. hahha. It was my first time trying, so i only had one. Didn't really like shellfish, so i don't really enjoy the taste also.

Monday to Thursday was normal days at work and home at night. Except for one night where i went out to meet up with yuan to hangout a bit at plaza. Friday night was spent shopping for zj's present with lionel. Headed to plaza to wait for lionel while he queue and collect his iPhone 5. Had dinner at taka before heading to shop for the gift. Lionel was nice and treated me to dinner, though it was cause i had to wait for him to collect his iPhone  I guess that it was lucky of me that i asked lionel to shop with me for the present or i would have gotten a huge headache from choosing, cause all men's wallet looks almost similar.  Decided on one and we headed home early cause i wasn't feeling very well.

Saturday was work at home and then headed home to wait for peeps to come to my house to play kinect. End up only huifang and zhongjie came, but both late. Had a few games and we headed down to City sq to meet up with sher, mich, jack and yeeling for dinner. We had trouble looking for a place to settle down for dinner and everywhere was long queue, so we settled at a new place that had the least crowd. It was a pancake restaurant and the food turned out pretty alright though the service was slightly slow. Don came late and we went down to basement to find a place to cut cake, sing song. Had polariods taken and we were kinda stuck there deciding what to do next. We ended up siting there to discuss about Christmas till  late and i didn't join them at Don's house cause it was too late and i have activities early the next day.

Sunday was spent at USS with mum, hazel, second sis and family. We manage to take most of the rides and the queue was quite okay. The only disappointing thing was that it rained slightly at the late afternoon and the parade was cancelled. I badly wanted to see the parade, but after going to uss twice, i didn't manage to see it at all. Managed to take the transformer ride for the first time and even took it twice. First time at the Monster Rock show, which was pretty nice cause it was comfy and the music was good. Donkey live show for the first time as while, but the donkey was not as witty as the one in US, so it wasn't up to my expectation. Managed to catch the Madagascar crate ride, it was closed the last time i went. Went up the Dino soaring kiddy ride cause eden wanted to sit. Repeated stuff i did was the mummy ride twice, the galactic battlestar once each,  lost world's rapid adventure, canopy flyer, Shrek 4D and Waterworks. Lunch again at the Lost world's foodcourt, but i had noodles this time instead of chicken rice. Had dinner at suntec city before heading home , exhausted after the long day.

Then it was back to normal working days and that's all the updates that i can remember. Hhaha.

Its been raining so often and it seems like the sky always like to start raining at the moment where i leave the house or office and halfway to my destination, raining not big enough to make the lazy me open the umbrella. So i walked in the rain till i reach the bus stop. So I've been having cold-like symptoms without actually having a full blown sickness. But i remember there was one morning that i felt giddy and weak that i actually went back to sleep and only enter the office in the afternoon. And i think i'm getting chronic pain on my right shoulder due to sitting at the desk and using the computer all day at work. Gastric has been funny ever since the day i took dumpling for lunch at work, and the super late dinner with lionel. Had to have my meds everyday for the past few days. My period came the day at USS so cramps was really bad the next day cause i was drinking lots of cold drinking at USS. I guess i haven't been taking care of my body, or doing things that i'm suppose to be doing.

I haven't actually start on my revision yet either. And the first paper is on Monday. ohwell.

It's been...

more then one week since I last posted, and I promise I'll update soon.

So many activities and me not feeling very well. I'm sort of like being dragged by the currents in the river of life, can't really stop to take a breather or to pause and reflect. I'll do so soon, as soon as  I can take some time out to sort out my thinking and also to reflect on the things I've done.

It wont be too much longer. Sorry to make you guys wait..

Sorry..

For taking so long to post. I see that there are visits daily despite me not posting, so it must be kinda annoying to come into my blog and keep seeing my last post and no updates. Sorry once more!

Good news is my moodiness and emotional stuff are gone!

Shall update first.
Spent the entire sat on idiot's birthday (and looking for games for my nephew.) Met up with yuan and we did stuff for idiot's birthday. One idea led to another and we decided to surprise the birthday girl after midnight at her house, since she lives so close to me. It was tough thinking of what to get for her. But planning the surprise was not so easy either. Birthday girl was hard to locate earlier that night so we were afraid we couldn't catch the birthday girl when she reaches home. Some mis-communications and some hiccups later, we were at her house with her gift, a cake and a balloon. Chatted a bit before wishing her happy birthday again and seeing her in less then 12 hours time. It was really bumpy ride throughout, finding a hard time to find what we want, to arrange to meet up, the stupid fujifilm shop that made me so mad, having a first real long conversation with unknown is mind wrangling and arranging to surprise idiot at her house at the right timing but it was a good one and hoped that the birthday girl liked what we did and the efforts that we made being worth it seeing the smile on her face despite being in her pjs. Hahhaha. She was pretty glad (and lucky) we didn't bring a cam cause i couldn't find one.

Sunday morning woke up and accompanied my mum with some errand running before heading down to idiot's house. Accompanied Eden to go present shopping (because i couldn't find a suitable xbox game for his birthday present) but had a hard time cause he didn't have a clue what he wants and when his mum picked something out for him, i realized that its similar to glass deco, a kind of handicraft i used to do when i was young. Seeing that the set that was available only had four colors  I told him that i would find the set that i used to play with that has many many colors. So we left after searching through toy'r us and metro without getting any gifts. Played kinect with the kids when i reached home and then cake cutting which ended my weekend.

Monday and Tuesday normal working in the office and home after work. But i went out after work on Wednesday to shop for the gift i promised my nephew. Went to bugis BHG and kino to search, but couldn't find it after searching everywhere, so i thought of Art friend and the first outlet i could think of is at orchard. So i rushed down to orchard just in time before it closes, but they don't have it either. Tried searching the entire kino at ngee ann city with no results either. Gave up and headed home.

Thursday (which is today) spent half the day at home doing my own stuff and settling my online registration for next sem. Headed out in the late afternoon to bugis again, cause i realized that walking distance from where i was the night before , there's a art friend at bras basah complex. Had a lovely dinner at TCC before resuming my search for the Glass Deco thingy. Tried Art Friend, which i found out that they have something similar, but the colors and stuff are all sold seperately in large bottles and was pretty expensive. So i looked around first. Tried another art shop nearby, which I FINALLY FOUND THE BRAND THAT I WANTED. But the sets they sell were really small and only had a few colors as well. Therefore i tried Popular instead.

AND THEY HAVE IT. Omg, you don't know how happy i was when i see the small rack of Glass Deco stuff. Couldn't believe i didn't think of my favorite book store when i was looking for art sets. I almost thought that i would fail my promise (Something that i dislike others to do to me, therefore i try my best not to do it to others) to eden for not being able to get him an awesome art deco set and have to end up spend 30 bucks on the (lousy)four color set that we saw at toy'r us.

That made me a really happy girl tonight. Hahhahha.

Sometimes I'm really easily happy and contented, like a good meal and some small daily miracles can usually make my day. That's if i'm not PMS-ing, or being moody and worrisome. hahhaha


More errand running tmr with mummy and i can't wait for my first Halloween party tmr night! :D

Mixed Feelings..

I'm over thinking, way way way too much.

About family, friends and myself. I need to stop worrying, stop caring so much. And to know that whatever i do or don't do won't change the situation or how the inevitable might come. I hope I'm worrying over nothing and everything ends up to be just me over-thinking all the situations. I. Need. To. Shut. My, Mind. Up.

ohwell. Plans-not-going-my-way part two continues. Friday night at home sucks when you have three elderlys gambling at the dining table and i had an unknown frustration to scream at them to shut up so that i can watch my tv in peace. Should have changed at headed out. My mood made me feel that going anywhere alone is way better then staying at home without a peace of my mind.And was planning to skip work to go for school exam workshops today. But realized that no one is tending the office, so changed to go for the afternoon one. But then my dear yuan says want to meet up. But she didn't tell me meeting at night or in the afternoon. So i'm guessing afternoon, since we got quite abit of things to do. Gonna run my own errands after work until she wakes up and contact me. I hope that she don't wakes up at like 4 or 5. Then i might totally regret not going for the workshop. But then again I'm not so sure whether going or not is good in the first place.

I need to learn to think win-win. I always comes up with bad  propositions with myself and negates every single solution. Maybe that's me weighing my pros and cons. But my cons are always way way way more then pros. ohwell. Need to get rid of this habit.


Issues on my mind right now :

- What to wear to darling Xinyi's 21st tmr. The theme is uniform but i dont think i have any of my school uni still intact or wearable. They're prolly too big for me already. Shall find something uniformish to wear tmr.

- Presents to settle. A few birthdays coming and I have yet to settle presents. ($_$)

- Decide if i should go for revision seminars. There are four coming right up. One for each of my mods.

- Contemplating on going for the Halloween party this coming friday. Cause plans for USS is shifted to another day. Feel like going but i've got stupid reasons nagging me at the back of my mind, plus i've already declined the event on fb. Mehh.

- Deciding on songs for the singing competition I'm joining at sbm. I need to decide on one mandarin and one english song. Need to sit down and sing to try all the songs i wanna sing. And people to listen some of my records to decide which of my songs sounds better


Many other things but i can't find words for them to put them down.

I've been feeling moody, angsty and frustrated easily. And have really bad thoughts, judging people, ideas of wanting to 'pay back' people their own medicine. Wanting to do nothing. Worrying over every little thing.

I think I'm PMS-ing
And sorry to those that I've been neglecting, ignoring, grumbling to, giving bad attitude to.
Its just me being stupid.. :(


被世界遗忘的女孩。。。

Broody me...

Was planning to head to bed early after my show. But decided to come in a blog first before sleeping, cause i'm trying to cut down personal time at work and blogging seems to take up a lot of time.But I'm afraid that if i leave my thoughts in my head for too long, they go to places that i dont want to them to go. So i guess its best i put them here, before i lose them elsewhere.

Updates since monday.

Was early for my last seminar of the semester. The bus was super fast, so i was really really early. Skipped dinner and camped out in the lecture theatre using my mac. Was paying attention to the lesson despite having my mac with me and having internet connection (So proud of myself), so it wan't time wasting (though the lecturer was still reading off the slides -.-)

Tuesday was normal work day with dinner at home. Had activities after work on Wednesday.

I attended this workshop by the SCWO on Discovery of Self through Art. Learnt some stuff regarding the art therapy, but i find that it wasn't informative enough, prolly because the talk was to the general public and the therapist couldn't get technical or delve deeper into the topic. And the questions but the audiences was somewhat unhelpful, cause she couldn't answer without being technical and she didn't really get their qns i think, so she just talks in round and round. The way she phrases some stuff was also not very fantastically done, prolly she was a good therapist but not a good public speaker.

Some pointers i gotten from her talk that i think is helpful :

- Our mind and body are wonderful things, they are able to self-learn (grow) and self-repair as long as you give them the suitable conditions to do so.

- Acceptance is often the key to many things, once you've learn to accept them the problems usually solves themselves.

- In art therapy, its not the meaning of the art that is important. It is how the person who drew them that interprets them. This is because a lot of things are situational and changes as the perspective of the person changes. You cannot determine a person's mindset just through looking at the art alone.


The talk did made me consider being a therapist or a counsellor. Might be worth thinking and mulling over. Ohwell. Texted yuan before the talk cause SCWO was around her school. Was trying my luck to see if she's free to meet up or something. Cause she's been really busy with her stuff lately (and me with mine), so we haven't been meeting up for quite sometime. It happens that lady luck was with me as she was doing work somewhere near her school as well.

Met up with her to chat a bit and update each other about ourself. Passed her a disney tin box i bought for her cause she loved disney so much. It seems like she's been really busy with lots of things in her hand. She seemed to have looked so much thinner and frail. I've realized that there are some changes in her that i didn't see it till now. Been feeling slightly guilty about not showing her concern and getting busy burrowing my head in my own stuff. She's facing some problems right now i guess, just hopes that everything turns out okay for her. I'm just really sorry that there's nothing much i can do for her. No advices or help i can offer, i'm feeling like a lousy cousin right now. All i can do is wish her all the best, and hope that she grows with wisdom and strength and everything will be alright.


Then coming down to today where my usual thursday personal day is. I'm starting to like this personal day a lot.

Today was a rather upside down day for me. Been broody all day, and the weather seems to playing games with me. Woke up early to go jogging, but it was raining slight, so my plans were delayed. Walked all morning cause it was too slippery to jog and came home just in time for lunch. Was planning to take a nap and head out to study, then it rained again, spoling my plans. I took a longer then expected nap and headed to city square to study instead.(I think i lost my coffeebean card when i went jogging in the morning): Headed home for dinner and plans after dinner was cancelled so here i am blogging after my 9pm show...



An activity at the talk made me think a lot of things. And i can't help but feel helpless about things around me. There's so many issues going on, esp with people around me that i love. They're all facing problems one way or another, and there's nothing i can do to help them at all. I feel so lost about myself also. I can't help but wonder what in the world am i good at. I've been so focused my own life that i've neglected people and brushing people's problems away. Now that i've stopped to think, If i was there helping them when the issue started could i have done anything? And if i have understood the situation and not being in my own world could i have given better advice or suggestions? It suddenly dawned me that, just this short period of time, things changes very quickly without me realizing. And i'm afraid that if i were to lose focus again, the next time i look up, people i cherish and things that i love are going to disappear one way or another. This thought is terrifying to me at the moment, literally bring chills down my spine.

I also realize that i'm starting to ramble and my readers would not make any sense of my ramblings. I guess that its another one of my  bad habits, rambling and panicking over things and being stupid about some things.




Without realizing, i've just delayed my bedtime by 45mins just for this post. I hope i have effectively transfered all my rubbish to this little space of mine, and didn't bore my readers out. How i wished i have someone i can talk to all these about, without worrying how that person would judge and without telling people things i cannot tell. Sighs.

Nights.

Massive headache

seems to be making its way to me in a bit. Lacking of sleep and thick thick coffee is kinda screwing me up at the moment, bbut without coffee, i wasn't functioning at all in the morning. i'm coming in to blog cause imma good girl and finished up most of the work at hand. And also all my assignments and discussion boards. First year of my part time uni life is coming to an end with a little more then a month left. Last lesson tonight and exams next month. I wonder how i'm gonna fare overall, with my assignments and dbs all moderate passes. Ohwell. Can't think very well right now.

Last night sometime weird happened when i was leaving Le'toile. The minute i stepped out of the cafe into the street, it started pouring. Like literally the minute i stepped out. I panicked a little, cause i don't rmb if i had brought out a brolly. But luckily, i did. Walked a bit in the sheltered pathway cause it was too heavy for my mini umbrella, but in less then 10 steps time, the rain stopped. So i didn't use the brolly at all. --.--

I've always dislike technology and electronic gadgets in some sense.
Listing out some here -
-> Short shelf life, they always spoil after a short while.
Why can't they make one that is good and durable, simple and easy to use? I don't always need the latest model or one that comes with the newest system. Just one that is useful and lasting.
-> I have no idea what went wrong when things go wrong
Like for example, Hazel's iphone. I was trying to be nice to help her update her iOS. But screwed her phone up. I guess its got something to do with it being secondhand and it being an apple product. And my harddisk, which i couldn't figure out how something that i have used less then 3 times can be spoilt. Apparently, something inside was burnt. And whenever i have error messages on my lappy, i don't understand the errors half the time. Its like i do what it says, but its not resolved. ohwell.
-> I lose the freedom of being able to walk in the rain. Its like we carry our handphones and mp3 around, so we can't get wet. And i have my macbook with me last night. So walking home in the rain was impossible.

I've got many more reasons hidden at the back of my brain, but i cant think of it now. Ohwell
Its a love-hate relationship with it. Can't do with it, can't do without it. hahhaha


Stayed up till 1plus again last night, struggling to finish my db but taking so long cause i dont know how to tackle the work at all. hahaha. Super tired at work this morning, and muddling my way through till now.
Luckily last week was a productive week or i'll be in piles and piles of trouble right now.

Had a really heavy teabreak cum dinner and will be leave for school soon!
Last lesson! OMG, time flies...

Le'toile Cafe

At this very nice and cosy place near my house. A cafe that i'll never know, if darling Xinyi didn't tell me its existence that there's such a cute little cafe in like few hundred radius from my house that i've lived in for my entire life. Hahha. This really tells how unfamiliar i am with a place i've been living in. Can't wait to try the food, cause i'm literally starving.


Updates first.
Stayed up till 2am last night. Yeahh, my last post stated 130am, but i dilly dallied till 2 before really hititng the bed. Alarm was set at 1030 this morning. But i totally dont remember hitting the snooze button, only waking up to my mum's phone call at 1130am asking me to head down for lunch. Woke up and  packed up before heading down. After lunch, i was made to accompany my mum to chinatown for some errand running. Did quite a bit of shopping with her, buying some necessities and also a pair of really cheap heels. Headed back after lots of walking and some shopping. Took a nap the min i was home. Super super tired. Hahhah.

Woke up feeling refreshed after a nap to an empty house. Everyone else left for a vegetarian dinner, one that i used to go to every year. I guess this year was an exception, cause i'm here doing my work instead. Sat down and switch on the tv for a bit cause it was too early to head out for dinner and i watched a movie while removing my nail polish. It just happens that there's this show that is just starting when i switched on the tv, so i watched the entire show before leaving the house. The show was about a really good and determined surfer who continued to surfer competitively despite losing her arm to a shark  while surfing. She struggled a lot because of the huge change in her life and almost gave up when she realized that she couldn't cope with the changes. The promised artificial prosthesis that was donated to her was of no help because there where too little remains of her arms to assist the arm in doing anything. She then decided to volunteer and help out overseas at thailand in the tsunami struck area, where she saw many people that suffer worse fate then her. The waters took everything from the victims of the tsunami and they were left with absolutely nothing. Families and lives were lost, whereas she still have her family and everything else that is to be grateful of. She was inspirational and started teaching the people to surf there. It was hard at the beginning because everyone was not willing to enter the waters, something that took away everything they once owned. But a little girl was persuaded by her and stepped into the waters, bringing a smile on everyone's face. She then came back home and had a renewed determination to do what she wants to, to surf competitively. I was crying like mad the entire show , from the losing of her arm to giving up on surfing. In the end, she didn't win the competition because the wave was late and the surf didn't count. But she was happy and contented with the results. I can't help but feel so much for the show, and i dont know why but i watched many shows about surfing yet know nothing of it. I guess its the attraction to the ocean and the sea, the represent so much of what i want, the freedom and peace but also poses the many dangers that one would have to face out in the sea.

Headed out of the house because when the show ended, it was pretty late. Tossed a coin (Yeah, i still do that often) to decide if i should head to city square for dinner, or try out the cafe that xinyi introduced. Turns out that i'm fated to come here and find out what a wonderful place this is. Hahhaha.
Gonna have to leave soon tho, cause i need to rush to city square to get somethings for my mum before it closes. Hahhah.

The food was okay, though i didn't get what i wanted cause they didn't have it. Ordered something else recommended by the waiter and it turns out alright but not much to my taste. Had a pot of chamomile to go with it and here i am writing on my blog and sipping tea. Hahha.  I definitely will come back here again during the day time to feel the difference in ambience.  Though i have to remember to bring a long a jacket cause i'm freezing like crazy in here and my fingers are going numb.. Hahhaha. :D

Shall continue doing my work with the little time i have in this awesome place for tonight..

AHHHHHHHH

Super shiok feeling the freedom being all alone upstairs with peace and quiet as my best friend. Missed the feeling of having the entire house to myself. But then again, it doesn't feel like my house now cause its so messy and has things lying around everywhere.  Ohwell. Gotta be thankful for what you can have.

Even if its only for one night.

I'll try to finish all my work tonight, seeing that i have all the peace i want! Should have headed upstairs since this afternoon, but i forgot that no one is upstairs till mum mentioned it during dinner. Ohwell. Better then nothingg.. :DDD


Hehhe. Went for a short trip to city square to get some food. Cause i'm hungry and its gonna be a long night. >.<
So imma happy girl right now with food and drinks. Life is goood! (At the moment.) hahaha





Mehhh. Me having really bad block nose and only half way through my assignments. And its like 12am already. I woke up before 6, so i'm like awake for 18 hours(minus the 20min nap i took in the afternoon). Surprisingly that i'm not terribly sleepy, but the block nose and uncomfortable ness is making me distracted rather easily and wanting to head to bed even when i'm not dead sleepy.



Its 130am and i've finished one assignment. Gonna do the other one tmr or something. Braindead already. hehehe. Gonna head to bed. Nights.

And safe journey for my two friends who are going for overseas exercise to aus for 6wks. And one that's already there and heading back soon. Hope they all be well and safe! :D

Mehh.

My discussion board due tmr and on Monday, but I've yet to start on it yet.  Been staring at the com all day on Thursday and today. Super unproductive. :(

Updates for the past three days. Thursday's as I mentioned, was super unproductive, and also wasteful cause i practically did nothing all day at home.

Friday's work was normal and I had special activity at night.
I saw a scrapbook making workshop for SP Alumni so i decided to sign up and try. Surprised that it was free of charged but soon regret once i stepped into SP. I was late because of work and also traveling time. So by the time i reached SP, it was nightfall already. I've almost forgotten how scary SP can get when it gets dark,Got myself pretty lost due to some construction being done in a part of SP, blocking the path that i remembered to the library. And when i finally found the library, i couldn't locate the place called Innovillage, which was something new to me cause it wasn't there when i graduated. I walked round and round in the creepy and dark SP, with few people to ask for directions, and most of them didn't give clear instruction or didn't know where is innovillage. I even approached one that wasn't a student, and i think i sounded pretty rude, cause when he mentioned he didn't know the way to the innovillage, i presume that he was just being unfamiliar to the school and asked for directions to the library (cause i know that innovillage is near the library). He then told me that he wasn't a student. -.- After walking quite a bit and up a long flight of stairs, i was at innovillage. There was food provided, but i was late so i didn't get to eat and luckily there was problems with the mics and projector so when i reached, they were just starting the workshop (Giving up the mic and the introductory talk). I was pretty amazed to find that the materials for the scrap-booking was all being provided and also the tools were all placed on the table, though we do need to share for the lack of scissors. I learnt a few new tricks for scrap-booking and brought home two very nicely step by step introduction to scrapbook making layouts. Walked around a little bit in school after the workshop before heading for home. Visiting some of the spots we used to frequent in school brings back memories, and how some places don't look the same anymore, due to renovation and reworks of some area. I'm wondering what happens when the places renovates until it became somewhere i wasn't familiar with. There then wouldn't be a chance for me to revisit this places and refresh my memories of my poly year. ohwell.

Only when i revisits my memories do i realize how much i'm afraid that i'll forget all of them some day..
I always look at places and things and memories just keeps appearing from within, bringing me lots of joy and also missing the times I've had.

Ohwell. Woken up by my mum damn early to go for some cc event. Slept barely 5 hours  so i was yawning all morning. Headed home earlier then the group cause mummy was rushing for work, took a short short nap and then stared at my com till now.



Counting down deadline for discussion boards in less then 24 hours and another in less then 48.
I think I'll start on it tonight.



I also kept a hopeful eye wishing that i could chance upon my luck and get to see you back in school that night, but i guess i was asking for the impossible.

我在你心中， 永远没有重要的地位。 
而我永远比你在乎对方。。。

Long update

coming right up, so don't say i didn't warn you. But then again, no matter how long, my beloved readers will still read, right? :D Hhehehe. ohwell. Haven't got the time to switch on my lappy at home or blog in the office, therefore i've noted down things i wanna blog and that's the reason why this is gonna be a pretty long and wordy post.


Starting with monday, where i finally brought lunch to work again! It was nice to have home cook food for lunch and need not travel out under the hot sun to get food. But then again, pros and cons. I dislike how my food get scrutinized while eating and also blatant stares from my aunties, who has the bad habit  of staring not-so-unobviously at my food, or at me eating. It gets pretty annoying or uncomfortable sometimes. :(

Then was at night, where i tried to made an effort to go to bed early. Cause tues is a long day for me, having classes after work. But i got woken up by something my dad did and was so angry that i came out to tell him off. And gotten a good scolding in the morning for raising my voice at my dad. It made me feel pretty bad for a bit , cause i'm sure daddy didn't purposely wanna wake me up. But this was not the first time he did it, and i was just falling asleep when he woke me up so i was really really angry. Didn't really remember much what i said and then just went back to bed. Mummy made me feel so guilty in the morning, bringing up the fact that he was sick and his memory was getting worse. ohwell. That was a bad way to start the morning..

Other weird things that happened that day was that there was a call to the office from a lady witha strong american accent insisting on speaking to the manager to complain about something that she refuse to speak a word to other then the manager and was sounding super pissed. She wouldn't speak to anyone else and it just happens that my manager wasn't sitting by her desk just to wait for her call. Bad attitude and accusing people on my side that we have bad attitude, i was glad i didn't get to receive her call again maybe cause i left the office early for school. But then again, she most probably called back and made my sis upset with her rubbish cause my sis seems to be upset that night.
And on the bus to school, someone was applying an ointment with a very familiar smell. If i didn't remember wrongly, it was a type of ointment that one of my primary school mate used to use and likes it a lot.

Today, i realized that i've got a bad habit of saying things that i probably shouldn't say. Caught myself saying things that its not suitable to say quite a few times this few days, probably that's the reason why i'm not very good at keeping secrets.
Saw a man with disability this morning while i was on the bus. He was not in a very good shape, and needed remote controlled motorized wheelchair to help him get around. I was trying very hard not to stare (cause it was rude to stare, esp when people like him with such deformities would probably get stared at very often) but i couldn't help myself because i was pretty amazed with his confidence and independence. For people like him will definitely get lots of rude stares and also unable to be able to travel on his own, seeing that he doesn't have much control over his actions.
Saw an ironic post on fb which is not convient for me to comment too much on, but then again just pretty amazed at how people are able to see the situation of others clearly. Yet unable to make the same conclusion with the same situation when it comes to our own. I guess it's what the chinese saying always meant, 当局者迷，旁观者清.

I've also come to realize that a good friend of mine was undergoing some major changes in her life. I couldn't really help much, but seeing that she could talk to me freely about it, I believe that she's gotten past it and is strong enough to go on and face any problem that she might have because i see that through the turmoil she has grown with wisdom and did not allow the situation to break her. I'm really happy for her.

Another event that came as a surprise was a phone call from Alvin late last night. He asked me if i wanted to join for singing competition that is held in sbm. I'm still having some thoughts about it and didn't really want to commit, but alvin's pressing on quite tight (i'm not even sure why, cause he's already got participants in his hands and its not like there's no one to compete with). Need to think twice, cause i know my singing is not there in some sense but the good thing would be that there's no rehearsals that'll eat up my time like monster, cause this is a competition. I'll just have to decide my songs, find the mmos and appear on the day to sing. Sounds easy, but worrisome me got lots to think about.

Speaking of worrisome me, I've come to realize one thing, after chatting with my friends. I realized that sometimes the importance of the item, or the value of something that i view, is very different from people. Similar to the phone and data plan, I find that spending money on such things are not a must have and if i could do without, its better cause the money doesn't come from me. I admit i do save a fair bit and also spend a fair bit, but spending money on stuff like that just doesn't seems worth it for me. Unless i have the spare cash, which is close to impossible, seeing my spending and savings eat up my entire salary, such things are extravagances to me which i will have to save (apart from my standard savings) and slowly  bit by bit get enough to pay for such things. The value i see on spending my money putting a huge chunk into an untouchable saving is not without reason,  it is a habit since young and also the worrisome part of me working its habits. I've always gotten this feeling that one day, I might need to depend on myself and also to have to be able to support my family. Its like a bad omen thinking, but i always wants to be prepared for the worst. I may not be able to be earning big bucks, at least i have a dependable saving and also not overspending right now, cause what i'm spending could be what i need to survive on in the future. Call me Ms paranoid,  but these are feelings and thoughts that are instilled in me so deep, I've probably got to dig my own heart out to change them. Its not that i'm counting every single cent and not willing to spend them. I just dont want to waste them on things that i don't value, that might not have that big of an importance to me in the future. I dont have a mum that tells me to follow my heart, to spend as i wish, to hold importance to my future because it all seems very unknown to me. But then again, i still do wished that i had the freedom (from my own heart) to do the things i want to do.Nothing is pulling me back, expect for money and my thinking, but that's how it is to me. Choosing a part time deg and spending on only what i think is necessary are things i do to cope with my own thinking. But i still will grumble of stuff that i want but couldn't have. It is ironic in some sense and also very contradicting for me, but its how it works for me. So i guess i shouldn't mind if i act miser or let people think i'm stingy. I'm just different that way. And i don't know how to let people understand how i feel.

Ohwell. Shall talk about things i like to spend money on. FOOD!
Had the ice cream buffet at Swensen's Ion Orchard today with Jovin, and was pretty proud to say that i've accomplished 16 flavors and 13 toppings with her (all in small amounts) and was really really full at the end of the day. I've also had a nice time chatting with her about dancing ( a passion i'm starting to lose) and singing and also many many other things. I had a really good time and my first time experiencing an ice cream buffet!


And i was planning to wake up early to do some exercise tmr, but seeing that its 1am now and i just finished blogging my super long post, i doubt i'll wake up in time for anything other then seeing the big sun rising all the way up in the sky making it too hot for me to do whatever i want. Me again, with my thoughts and action contradicting. That's just how i roll. hahahhahaha.

Good night, peeps. And thanks for sticking around for the entire super long and wordy post.
Love ya! :D

Pretty unexpected...

Last night's unexpected sms from Mingying leading to an unexpected afternoon with some of my primary school mates that i least expect seeing and chatting!

Stayed up last night to rush finish my assignment so that i can have the afternoon free, i slept late and woke up late this morning. After (super duper) late breakfast, i headed out to city square to remove my gelish and walked around a bit. Realize that many things have changed in the mall, shops closed down and new ones open in their places. Can't wait for the cinema to be open, but is pretty sad that popular has to close down. Toy'r us that opened in the basement was super super big. And i saw really cute squirrel mascot walking around to take pictures with the kids. Two food courts are close, and heard that food republic will open in place. I'm glad i'm not a food court person (though i should quit this habit since i need to spend less) and wouldn't really miss them. Had sushi for lunch and milkshake after, so i was super full when i arrived at bishan Junction 8. Met up with Yonglun first and then Mingying came. Went to Thai express to sit and we chatted for quite a bit before Linjia came. The entire afternoon was talking all about meetoh and our classmates, which we keep trying to bring back memories of things that had happened and also to update each other on what's going on with our life.

I think that the meet up went amazingly well, because we weren't like awkward or had lack of topic to chat about. Although the guys did veered off about army once in awhile, but they were nice to notice that the two of us girls felt left out cause we have no idea what they are saying. Had a really nice chat cause it brings back so many nice memories and also allow me to remember more of the stuff. You know how bad my memory is. One really nice thing was that i cleared up the fact that i did saw the halo rainbow above meetoh before. I've always thought i did, but it was so unclear and unreal to me that i thought i dreamt it instead. Hahahha.

Then i rushed home for dinner and was suppose to meet up with them again at night after yonglun is done with his things. But we were all busy or tired, so didn't. Hope to see them again soon. Hehhee.




I was quite glad i made it to the meeting today, the past me probably might make up an excuse saying i have gotten assignment unfinished and couldn't meet up. But i didn't and went ahead despite me worried that the meeting would end up badly or that they have a bad impression of me. Super proud of myself in some sense, but then again, its not that a big deal. hahahha

Tired and hungry

Tired from walking so far with my macbook the entire day today and hungry cause i had a real early dinner as i didn't want to eat at home (but wanna head home early so had an early dinner) Had a short nap, one shorter then i planned cause of the noise outside my room, but it didn't seems enough.

Last minute (unexpected) plans for tmr appearing out of thin air and that means that by hook or by crook i have to finish and submit my assignment by tonight. Ohwell. Shall find food and find focus. Chop chop finish then i can sleeeeeeep. But then again, you know how productive i get when the tv is on and everyone is still awake. Its eleven already, but my dad's not sleeping yet cause of some chinese show on the TV. Go and sleep alreadyy! :(


I. Need. My. Absolute. Peace. And. Quiet.

CBTL

Currently at suntec's coffeebean right now. Using their free wifi which was pretty awesome, except the fact that the connection is not very fantastic. Good enough to surf but not let me listen to music from youtube. Hahhaha. Ohwell. You can't ask too much from things that are free.

Gonna spend some time here trying to do my report while enjoying life a bit. Drinking tea and watching the people walk pass me, on with their own chores. It makes me feel like time is stopping for me right now, when everyone else is busy fighting against the clock by rushing to their next appointment or going shopping and heading to a certain place. The tall towers outside makes me have a feel of a different surroundings. As if there are people in the office building busy with their work.  Hahhahaha. Just being very out of myself right now.

Shan't wander too far and resume my report writing. I hope i get it done and over with soon.
Or at least before my macbook battery die, because i dont see any power points around.

Hhehehee. :)

Its weird...

cause its going 1030 already and no one else is at the office yet (other then me that is). Awfully quiet and slightly eerie though it would have been great if i can camp here all day to do my work and stuff, provided the phone don't ring or it'll be annoying like hell.

Yesterday was at Jessie's house, celebrating richelle and da yi's birthday. I was hiding in the room the entire night, playing with clay and made some really really cute animal figurines. Hahhaha. They were meant for the kids, but it was so hard to make and so sticky, so the kids always have then ended up sticking and mixing the colours all together.I had a fun time making the animal figurings, it was tough cause we were making small small parts and i aren't that good at handicraft. Had to repeatedly make some of the parts so that they are proportionate. hahahhaaha.

Hahaha. Its 11 and no one is here yet. I doubt anyone is coming in liao. Planning of events later, going to suntec to collect something, then probably find somewhere to sit down and do my report.

I need...

A place that :
- is quiet and peaceful
- i can be alone or with someone who would make sure i do work and not get distracted
- supplied with wifi/internet and power plugs
- has food and drinks ( or sells them cheaply)
- i can stay the entire day (or night)
- nearby my house or somewhere that's convenient to travel to
- i will feel welcomed to go to anytime


In short I'm looking for an impossible (or dream) place to study so that i can feel motivated to do work and not get distracted by noise and a hundred other things.
I know its impossible, or that rather i'm looking for the impossible.
Its a really bad habit of mine, picking on things to be perfect when its just me who don't want to accept whatever that im having or unable to do the things i want.

I needs Words on my mac so that i can use it for school, but i got no money to get the programs (or rather, not willing to spend). Its getting troublesome that i can't finish my work on my mac cause i can't format the report with paragraphs and header/footers.

And i realize i have the habit of phrasing things in a different way from the way i think. Its so habitual and natural for me. Maybe its because i afraid of how the other people will interpret my words and judge my thinking, for my thinking can be really weird (something to do with family and the way my thinking is being brought up) and i always think i'm very weird. Hahahaha.

Random note to end this.
My readership statistics on the blogger homepage is really weird. I see that there are people tracking my posting for when i post more frequently, the readerships shoots. Its disturbing for me, cause if there are more readers then i expected, it feels like i'm holding a one way conversation where i talk to someone i dont know that is there, cause i only know two of the readers that is always reading my blog. (My paranoid self is worrying right now, cause idk who else is reading my blog and i might indirectly write something that offends that unknown reader and that person in reality get angry with me or something and i wouldn't realize thus losing a friend without even know) I hope you guys that are reading my blog understands that this is a platform for expressing my thoughts, happiness, sadness, anger and everything else. Don't hold me guilty for whatever i wrote here and know that i always love you no matter what! :D

Seriously, I love every single one of you that sees this post (other then those that accidentally got here or someone that dont know me personally, then i just like you and thank you for reading my blog) cause you made it a point to visit this personal space of mine where i post the things i dont know how to say out loud and that i can't find other ways to express. Maybe it was for entertainment you're reading this, but i appreciate it much (and dont know any other ways of expressing this gratitude). I try to love everyone that i come across in my life ( you might think, yeah, just saying for the sake of saying right? but i'm trying) no matter what they do and i might forget them after sometime, or not do anything obvious that shows that i love them, but i'm thankful for all that i meet and hope they love me too!

My first day off for revision

And i have yet to start on it, cause i don't have a conducive environment yet. Waiting for the people to leave for their daily task before embarking on mine in peace, preferably alone and somewhere really quiet.

Having today off gave me the time of a morning to simmer in my own thoughts. Of how i wished i wasn't working and is studying full time. Then i would have all the time i want to pursue of the things i wanna do that is forever on my never ending list. I wanna sing, write, dance, take photos, wander and spend time on being impulsive. To break free from the frame that have gotten me so restricted and so boring. To stretch my mind, and my creative to what it's worth. I'll do it someday, just not now i guess.

But I'm afraid that i'll push this off so long that i'll forget what its like to be free and to have the adventurous spirit in me dying as i grow older...



Recovering slightly for my flu and cough, and when i heard hazel's voice this morning when i just woke up, i thought i was dreaming it that she's back. hahahha. Happy to see her back!