|
*those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves*
|
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
oh no...dilemma...thought for sure i was gonna get kicked out of 'S' but mr lee thinks i should stay on...and i don't know whether i should...i mean...if i do...i'll be doing 3 levels of chem y'noe...and there are my other subjects to worry abt...like what if i get dumped in remedial for all the other subs too?? then i'll just die...sigh...i don't know...really stressed out over this thing...and i have to decide soon...don't wanna get some U grade for S cuz i drop it late or something...ugh!! how?? sigh...feel even worse now after talking to sir...really surprised at the amount of faith he has in me (ok maybe now it's HAD)...like he was asking me how come i did so badly and i felt even more guilty cuz it's not like you're lousy all the way and he just gives up on you and doesn't give a damn if you do badly and you don't care either cuz you've always been doing badly kinda thing...it sucks to have someone put so much faith in you and you end up disappointing him...and he's a damn nice teacher too...i mean...know some class ppl don't think he's that great but i really think he's a good teacher...other than the fact that his suaning is wah seh...today was classic man...
sir: why did so badly? spend too much time on wilson is it? me: WTH?! sir!! but we're not-- sir: REALly meh...aiyar none of my business also...you're not in my civics class...anw this kinda thing can be good also what...motivate each other to study... me: *rolls eyes* OFF yeah...he's the only teacher i know who'd suan ppl like that (and never get sick of it, apparently)...since the start of last yr can...like hello??? ok back to the chem business...surprisingly my dad wasn't TOO pissed with me...sure...there's still the usual "better wake up yeah" routine...but was quite relieved that he was quite lax with me...sigh...why does everyone think chem is my best subject? it's not! in fact it's my worst subject..did the worst for it for j1 common test and promos...which brings me to the question which has been on my mind since forever--WHY AM I TAKING CHEM S? Monday, March 29, 2004
i'm sorry mr lee
sigh..don't really wanna talk abt the depressing part of the day...hm...which means i can't talk abt the day at all cuz it was mostly depressing.. think i've discovered the cause of my mood swings today...hahaha...sorry ppl...if i affected any of you...wah but it sucks...miss being deliriously happy already... yay! got to see kristy after sch today...she looked quite happy...hope she likes the present...which is LONG overdue...haha...think her birthday is a very special day for me cuz 2 of my best friends are born on that day...=) blessed day... suspicions coming back...and i'm quite scared...because...i don't think i can be that selfless....sigh... Sunday, March 28, 2004
oh please please PLEASE let ms poon go easy on us tmr....just got back from a HUGE dinner with the councillors...had a grand total of like...4 ppl? (thanks to pansy's clumsiness...tsk tsk) yn ay kristy clara and me! was really really nice to see them again...esp clara! haven't seen her in such a long time...haha! still the same old amusing clara...=P talking abt sausages and shredded eels...lol! man...really miss them...and those council days..making the grad night souvenirs at clara's house...haha! it was damn fun...guess it probably DID look like some drug party...with all the syringes...hurhurhur...ahh...good memories...*grins*
ooo!! i got my box...FINALLY...and it's HUGE!! gives one the false impression that whatever's inside is just as big....sadly it is not...haha! the poor thing looks so puny inside...had to stuff those tissue-kinda wrapping paper to fill up the space so it won't look so conspicuously empty...tsk tsk..and it's not even that nice a box...but was the only one big enough so had to get it...10 bucks can...for a BOX!! heart pain... LOL! got accused of being a "vile mindbender"...wth...ok sian liao...shall cut the crap Saturday, March 27, 2004
i am fat but happy...*grins* hm...maybe it's true that fat ppl are jolly...
decided to walk the long way home today...not cuz it was too dark to take the short cut but cuz...i dunno...sometimes it's just nice to walk alone at night...with the moon and the stars for company...=) not that there were many stars...but all the same...it's the tranquility y'noe...yeah...good time to think abt stuff...hm...i love my neighbourhood...despite the fact that it's so inaccessible...or maybe it's precisely because it's so inaccessible...haha...nice and quiet (that is, when the nbrhood dogs decide to shut up)...sigh...wish singapore wasn't so bright...then we'd be able to see more stars...like that time at my granduncle's place in aussie...could even see the satellites...and the whole of orion...God's beautiful creations =) the young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. it is a waste, for silence is pure. silence is holy. it draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. this is the great paradox. Friday, March 26, 2004
COMMON TESTS ARE OVER!!
ok first things first...happy birthday to hwee ying and shane!! hope you had a good time celebrating...*winks* yay! quite happy...despite the fact that the physics paper was....ERPS...yeah that's it---ERPS...oh well...i'd be quite happy if i can pass...considering i didn't get to study much yesterday...went to support wilson at his finals...OMG! the sports school is HUGE!! it doesn't even look like a sch!! sheesh man...hm...thank goodness lingmin was there....so wasn't THAT extra...haha...was so afraid i'd jinx it...like back in ny with the sball and bball finals...and it really looked like it towards the end....lingmin was laughing at me cuz i got so kancheong...and my hp was like wet =S (ds disease...) anw they won so yay! congrats!! *grins* sigh...feel so relieved now that the common tests are over...intend to have a slack-packed weekend before the stress starts again...yay! going out with the councillors on sunday...lm date overdue by like...3 months i think...haha! called clara just now...haven't dialled her number in damn long man...lol! so long that i couldn't even recognise her cute brother's voice...no more cheeky "hello"s...LOL...sigh...miss weixin and ruomei.... was reading lindy's blog that day...she made a good pt...why can't we love God the way we love another human being? well...i guess it's like what they taught us in catechism class--God is in everyone of us...so technically...loving another person is loving God too...i mean...it's just like Christ said...you gotta love one another as He loves us...and i believe that the ppl around us and our relationships with one another are kinda like God's way of showing us His love...He's physically not there to give us hugs and shoulders to cry on...so He sends His special angels, otherwise known as our friends, families and loved ones, on His behalf to be there for us...loving those around us is kinda like being instruments of His love (if i may borrow a phrase from simon birch)...the only way you can prove your love for Him is by loving those around you...because that's what He wants us to do...so we shouldn't see it as loving another human being more than we love God because we are actually loving God by loving other ppl...yes...my thoughts for the day...haha! think abt it... ok...enough of trying to act thoughtful.... Tuesday, March 23, 2004
this is thy hour, o soul,
thy free flight into the wordless, away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done, thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best, night, sleep, death and the stars. [ you're the best listener that i've ever met. you're my best friend, best friend with benefits. what took me so long ] Monday, March 22, 2004
breaking...back's breaking...neck's breaking...brain's BURSTING...=S ok that's just scary....but yeah...you get the idea...breaking from mugging bio...breaking cuz i'm breaking...ah...wth am i talking abt?
surprisingly i didn't dream of chem just now...hahaha...usually my subconscious would work out the answers to all the questions i didn't know how to do (and this time there were plenty of such questions) and i'd wake up feeling damn pissed....but this time it was like...a totally unrelated dream...nice nice...*grins* can't wait for friday...ice cream, here i come! hurhur... Friday, March 19, 2004
man...i swear...the world is full of pesky, annoying and STRANGE kids...today was having lunch with wilson at macs when this strange strange STRANGE kid suddenly plastered himself on the glass window right beside us...scared the hell outta me...looked exactly like one of those starving somalian kids (minus the kwashiorkor)...anw turns out he was just being an irritant, like how ALL kids these days seem to be...heng we didn't like...throw food at him or something...and mind you, we had PLENTY of food to throw...wilson is really damn good man *clap clap*...felt full just WATCHING him finish everything...
anw went back to sch after lunch to mug...so much for sch having less distractions...was trying to read my charged particles notes when a whole bunch of interactors came playing with some wheelchairs...they looked so ridiculous, HOW CAN I NOT LOOK?? [ and why are there strange loud explosive noises outside my house at this time of the night??? must be the nbrhood kids man..it's ALWAYS the kids...if it's not the idiotic nbr's dog, it's the kids... ] and the weather was TERRIBLE...so hot!! was hoping it'd rain while we were studying but no...it just had to rain on the way home...suay piece of crap...wad's worse...had this fat stinky person (nothing against fat ppl yeah...but omg...this guy is a winner) sit next to me...was trying to inch away but the window was in my way y'see...anw got so distracted trying to breathe that i almost missed my stop...heng my dad was around to fetch me from the bus stop...or i'd have gotten drenched and this paragraph of kb-ing would be much much longer hahaha! was reading yn ay's blog just now...her march 17 post is hilarious...go read...link's on the left sighs...what did i do wrong now? =( Thursday, March 18, 2004
leah's out...no surprise there...quite glad they didn't touch jasmine...not like they have reason to anw...hurhur...
i refuse to talk abt studying today =) hm...getting a bit tired hearing ppl going on and on abt love...well...here's the question: what IS love? i mean...the only kind of love i know is that between God and us...but even then sometimes it gets a bit iffy...think ppl our age tend to get confused between infatuation and love...and honestly-speaking...sometimes i don't know the difference either...i guess infatuation is when you like being with someone cuz it makes you happy...love is kinda the same...difference lies in that you're happy because you have the ability to make someone else happy...am i making sense? (hurhur! emilia TRYING to make sense--not something you see everyday...) yeah...ppl really shouldn't go around proclaiming love if they're not even sure if it IS love they're feeling...some guy by the name of john mcnaughton once said "maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself" and i suppose love works on the same principle...maybe that's why adults fall in love and adolescents get infatuated...well..SUPPOSEDLY anw...all the same...don't go around saying "i love you" to ppl if you're not mature enough...it's an insult to love i may have the gift of inspired preaching; i may have all knowledge and understand all secrets; i may have all the faith needed to move mountains--but if i have no love, i am nothing. i may give away everything i have, and even give up my body to be burned--but if i have no love, this does me no good. love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but rejoices with the truth. love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fails. loves is eternal... ...meanwhile these three remain: FAITH, HOPE and LOVE; and the greatest of these is LOVE. - 1 Corinthians 13:2-13
man...jasmine trias' voice is WHOA....good stuff man...and fantasia just rocks...hurhur...i've decided that they're my 2 favourite =)
bio's the bane of my existence!! if i could, i'd drop it and take chem s as my fourth sub instead...amount of time spent on it is NOT proportional to results so like...why bother? sighs...anw...on a whole mugging's been kinda..well...INefficient...hopefully will be more focussed the next few days...not like i have a choice anw...hols are ending soon!! despite all the depressing one-on-one time with the stack of notes and campbell, been really happy these few days...hm...think it could be the excessive consumption of food? hurhurhur...nah...of course not...*grins* maybe pansy's glow is spreading...lol...speaking of which...lm date after common tests!! yay! can't wait... ooo...got a whole bunch of cds i wanna buy...but can't really decide what to get...wad say you? there's the love actually soundtrack...or the super fresh cd (is that wad it's called? aiyar...the compilation lar..the one ian has)...yeah...advise me!! oh well..not like i've got time to go out and buy anw...shall wait until after common tests =) btw...do you know hmv is selling goo goo dolls' gutterflower album at $9.95?? like wth?? too bad it's not the dizzy up the girl album...that's still their best... sch tmr =( wad a waste of time... Wednesday, March 17, 2004
long long LONG day today
let's see...started off with chem in the morning...think chee keong was quite pissed cuz so many ppl didn't turn up...and like...lots of ppl were late (myself included--late by like...5 min?)...amazingly, i survived that wretched 2 hours of tutorial...all the while dreaming of my egg mcmuffin, which i got to eat after chem...went for breakfast with wilson weipin and sir, who drove us there...hurhur...yup! so quite happy...then after that went back to sch to mug with wilson...didn't manage to finish what i wanted to complete =( but i guess it's more than what i would have done had i gone home instead..anw...after the intense mugging session (ok at least I felt it was intense) went to meet the slc gang for dinner at marina before going for huang cheng...hey seriously...the ghim moh mee pok man is still the best yeah...speaking of which...was quite pissed cuz he decided to kai dian on the day i wasn't hungry...kns... huang cheng was ok lar...guess i was too tired to really appreciate it...and it didn't help that the whole thing was in chinese...hm...anw yn ay and i felt last yr's was better...oh well...good job, nonetheless...general comments? haha! the second play was..well...unrealistic...tho like loke said, it was one of those "feel good" plays...but like i'm sure you'll have ppl falling in love, then breaking up, then getting back together again so easily lar...haha..get real...eh 1st and 3rd plays were all right...3rd was quite amusing but by then i was pretty much half-dead...so missed certain parts...but yeah...sets were zai...and good job with effects...=) anw got back not too long ago so yeah...a sleep-deprived emilia is not one you'd like to see...esp when it's a hungry one too.. green today in more ways than one Tuesday, March 16, 2004
someone motivate me to study!!! =(
nvm...tmr WILL be a more productive day...hopefully chee keong won't end so late...i want my mac's breakfast!! oh well...i'm sure he'll be able to finish it in 2 hours max...IF some ppl just decide to shut up and let him teach...bitchiness is on full today...but wah lao...if anyone decides to deprive me of my breakfast...that person is gonna get it yeah...you don't want to mess with a hungry emilia... hm...how come there are some ppl whom you just can't get sick of? guess "familiarity breeds contempt" doesn't always apply huh...*smiles* Sunday, March 14, 2004
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GIANT SPIDER ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
eh shit lar!! i'm damn suay!! yucks...hate spiders...and this one was HUGE lar! oh man...my heart is still beating damn fast...spider's dead but its spirit is still haunting me....ugh!!!!! shit i'm damn hum..and i got scolded for screaming...like HELLO?!?!? i can't help it!! you would scream too if you were as arachnophobic as i am lor....kns....oh man...damn scared...sure tio nightmare tonight....*wails* why did God have to make spiders?? ok...i'm too distraught to say anymore...
think i can just give up on doing med in uni...haha...went for nus open house today with wilson...was quite impressed with the speaker...whoever he is...and saw practically the whole world in that small room...haha! mich and her bf...my nbr...my twin...the whole world wants to take med...
the day was quite fun...playing around with the fans in nus...haha! then going to orchard to pig out...and i really mean pig out man...had a mini-binge-fest there...after dinner wilson and i bought this tub of ben and jerry's (yes...i do know it's called ben and jerry's...haha) which was deceptively small....1/8th of the way thru we started doubting our ability to finish the entire thing...lol...anw we did...well...wilson did most of the work...hurhur...can feel myself getting fatter...tsk tsk...but damn high now so wth...haha! man...i love this song...lyrics don't make much sense but i love it all the same...thanks for sending it to me =) ...when i fall in love i take my time there's no need to hurry when i'm making up my mind you can turn off the sun but i'm still gonna shine and i'll tell you why because the remedy is the experience. it is a dangerous liaison i say the comedy is that its serious. which is a strange enough new play on words i say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on so shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end. i won't worry my life away i won't worry my life away hey you...don't worry so much ok? *smiles* Saturday, March 13, 2004
happy days are back...
haha! reminds me of that really ancient show my sister loves to watch--'happy days'... wah...late day ended late...2.5 hours of physics tutorial...wah lao...almost died...but had ice cream to cheer me up after that =) ice cream is good...happy stuff..(jen and berry's...HAHAHAHA) then while waiting for my mom went to play risk with wilson, weipin and mr wong...man...mr wong is really amusing...ganging up with wilson to kill weipin...lol...somehow in jc the student-teacher gap seems to be non-existent...and like...wth? we have tutors being afraid of students? but understandable i guess...i mean...i am quite scared of the yao zong person too...in a "awesome" kinda way...and to see the chem tutors consulting him during chem s...that's just scary... actually...rj is full of such fwah ppl...like 3L's got silvanus...man..that guy really deserves respect man...even mr lee refers to him as "the brain"...wonder how it feels like to be so brilliant...sigh... *yawns* time for bed (stupid daikin advert...) Thursday, March 11, 2004
so it begins...
i love rainy days...=) even though i always end up freezing to death in the ts and lts...and wilson, being the super nice guy he is, will always lend me his sweater/windbreaker...*grins* today the rain just refused to stop...thank goodness had my dad to fetch me home.. hm...there are many things that eat at me--not being able to kb...having to tahan ppl's lame antics...listening to cmi ppl haolian...hearing stupid out of pt questions during tutorials...but do you know what eats at me the most? GUILT...sigh...i still don't know if i did the right thing...actually...i'm not too sure exactly what i did...but apparently it was something bad enough...sigh...feel like crap now...really sorry...didn't mean to be so erm....bastardly...yeah...sigh...why can't i do the right thing for once?? the right COMPASSIONATE thing.... sigh...oh well...back to tutorials... btw...i think that 'heya' or wadeva song is DAMN IRRITATING [ love is not a matter of finding the right person but rather creating the right relationship. the important question is not how much love there is at the beginning but how much there is at the end. ] Wednesday, March 10, 2004
he falls for you for one day...and then goes back to liking her
was thinking abt that lousy song...wad's it called? end of the world? yeah...it's really cheesy...i'm sure you guys have heard it before...i don't like it, really...but it brings back good memories..=) it's difficult to put into words just how much i miss my best friends....thinking abt those craptastic days when kristy would always start crooning "why does the sun go on shining??" whenever i get so low would just make me laugh...(and ppl like my maid would get freaked out...seeing me smile to myself)..haha..but yeah...i really miss her...sweaty palms and all *grins*...it's ppl like her that i can genuinely say i love...i'm so blessed...may you all be fortunate enough to find friends you can truly love...=) i don't think i should be blaming you...and i don't want to...it was my fault i got into this situation...just got too carried away, i suppose...as usual...=) you see...thinking too much is detrimental to me [ it's the bitter taste of losing everything i've held so dear ] sarah mclachlan's voice has got to be the most beautiful voice i've ever heard Tuesday, March 09, 2004
byebye high-ness...
ok first things first..HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEIQI!! hope you like the present my day wasn't that happy...definitely not as happy as the previous few days...oh well...i knew it was too good to be true...it was all just my imagination, wasn't it? why why why?? what went wrong?? sigh...and YOU!!! why do you ALWAYS have to get in my way?? thought i got past disliking you but noooo...just had to come back huh? actually...i think i'm just being bitchy today...so yeah...cut me some slack yeah...let me kb a bit...do you know how terrible it is not being able to kb to anyone?!?! only can kb to manda and ds but they're never around...=( so yeah...i'm forced to come here and kb to all you ppl who don't understand what the hell i'm talking abt...but cannot help it lar...keeping it all in just eats at me...ugh!!! and the whole you-know-what thing is driving me nuts lar! i don't know what to do...*weeps in despair* i don't want to be mean...but i don't want this to continue either...ahh...screw it... gp common test tmr...let's just flunk it man! all right... [ the cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall ] Sunday, March 07, 2004
hey i finally completed my essay! feel damn good abt it...(that i finished it...not abt the quality)..hopefully it's good enough for mrs lim...feel so bad abt it being late...sighs...so yay! it was a productive day afterall...didn't get to finish everything but at least i did SOMETHING...all the same...gotta pia tmr...bet chem s will take up the whole day lar...wth...
was looking through my big photo album...oh man...i looked so toot last time lar...wth....haha! actually....i think i still look like how i did back in pri sch...different in ny cuz of the short hair...man...i'm never gonna cut my hair to that length again man...NEVER...anw...that aside...i kinda miss my friends...even my pri sch ones...in fact i miss IJ on a whole...and i guess i miss ny too (except the tieh part of it)...i miss mrs seah....she's the only teacher i know who could actually TEACH english....and mrs chang too (life without decimals is pointless...lol)...so strange rite...the trend...ij...then ny and now rj... hm...why do i always piss ppl off without knowing it?? and why do i keep getting strange bruises?? wah lao! sometimes i can't stand myself for being so weak... have you ppl thought abt what you're gonna do in the future? feeling kinda lost...i mean...i figure i'll be going to uni after jc...but WHICH uni? wad if i screw up my 'a's?? and ok...even if i don't and i make it to nus...wad course am i gonna take? wad am i gonna do AFTER i graduate? sigh...so directionless... ok enough scary talk... Saturday, March 06, 2004
sighs...this week of sch has been nice...=) dunno why i've been so high these days...actually...i THINK i do know why i'm so high...but let's just shhh...hurhur...some things are better left unsaid...
hey weiqi dear...i hope you're feeling lots better now...really sorry...my attempt at cheering you up seems to have made things worse *sheepish* sorry for being such a lousy friend...for not being able to reciprocate the c&c you've shown me =( sigh...i shall try harder... lalala! i feel like a bubble...lol...about to burst but i don't want to cuz i don't wanna come down from where i am...(oh dear...the crap is back) yeah...i have an annoying (uncontrollable) habit of ruining all the good things that come my way...so...i'm just gonna be extra extra careful this time...*grins* thank You for hearing my prayer... [ you can't have scones without the strawberry jam ] Wednesday, March 03, 2004
hey man...ns men have it easier than i thought....hahaha! went for learning journey to tekong today to check out the bmtc...WHOA...facilities are pretty good man...i mean...i'm sure they get tekan-ed and all...but hey! at least you get a decent training ground...one that's not falling apart rite...yeah...and when you compare it with the old days (as we always hear our fathers kb-ing abt) it's way more slack lar...don't have to starch your uniform until it stands on its own...hahaha...ok shouldn't say so much...after all i'm not gonna be doing ns...hurhur...
bad thing abt today's trip was that it ENDED SO DAMN LATE lar!! like hello??? ppl are tired y'noe...walking around stupid tekong for like...*thinks*...2 hours or so??? and not everyone's as fascinated as jerold is...lol...stupid boy was so taken by the food ration thingies..sighs...wad can i say...that's jerold for you...lol... lalala...i'm really happy these few days...getting over the whole * thing...and like...just being around my friends...normal friends...good friends...best friends...special friends (hehe..really honoured) *grins*...haha...it just gives you such a nice warm feeling....sigh...contentment =) [ expect the unexpected ] That's All I can only give you love that lasts forever, And a promise to be near each time you call. And the only heart I own For you and you alone That's all, That's all... I can only give you country walks in springtime And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall; And a love whose burning light Will warm the winter's night That's all, That's all. There are those I am sure who have told you, They would give you the world for a toy. All I have are these arms to enfold you, And a love even time can't destroy. If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear, You'll be glad to know that my demands are small. Say it's me that you'll adore, For now and evermore That's all, That's all. someone send me this song!! |