I kinda told Danner I wouldn't post this, but as it has had a major affect on my life, I couldn't help myself. This is suppose to be a journal, too, so I'm just documenting a major life event. So Tyler and I got special sneak peek tickets to Harry Potter 5 last night. So cool, right? We were so excited, we left the kids with Danner and drove to a theatre up north. We got there two hours early to make sure we got in. At about 6:10ish Tyler calls Danner to check on the kids. All I hear Tyler say next to me to Danner on the phone is, "You're kidding, right?" And then he walks away from me. I had a tiny bad feeling, that grew into a huge one when Tyler came back (he wandered away from the noise to hear better) and told me, "Danner can't find Lainey." My heart stopped. Tyler (although I love his enthusiasm for HP and his calm assurance that everything would be fine) thought we should stay in line and wait to hear from Danner. I however, started running to the car. I have never known panic like that, in fact as I'm typing tears are forming in my eyes and my hands are shaking... I'm serious.
I call Danner to see if he's found her, I tell him we are on our way and asked him to call the police. Apparently, she had wandered out the front door while Danner was making her dinner. Danner had already driven around the block and hadn't seen her. My worst fears are all being realized... I was hysterical. We get in the car, I'm balling loudly. We pray. We drive. I start calling everyone in my cell phone from church and ask them to come and help Danner look. After 3 or 4 calls Danner calls Tyler's phone and says he's found her on the next street over. Thank goodness. Looking back I don't know why I would doubt that anything differently would've happened. Danner guesses she was missing for about 20 minutes. She had walked outside without her shoes and walked all the way up our street and all the way down the next one. She is my daughter, obviously, so she was also hysterical. We stayed on the phone with her for the 45 minutes or so that it took to drive home because she would break into tears if I mentioned getting off the phone.
She's fine, I'm fine. It's all hunkey dorey. Poor Danner was probably freaking out as badly as I was. And honestly, it could've happened to me, I'm sure. So Danner, don't feel bad. Really. 20 minutes is a long time for a three year old to wander off, though, and I was so far away which didn't lessen my hysteria. This whole ordeal really wiped me out, and when I crawled into bed I was sure I would fall asleep quickly. Nope. My eyes had a little more juice to squeeze out before they shut for the night.
Can I share with you my thoughts that came to me while I couldn't sleep? Danner said one of our neighbors immediately started helping him look for her. Thanks to good neighbors. Our neighbor also said later that a swarm of minivans showed up so quickly. Thanks to good ward members and friends. And some (Danner and Tyler) might have thought that I was overreacting, but thanks for not saying so, and continuing to not say so (and don't ever say so. I'll probably always be a little overprotective when it comes to my kids).
I also thank my Heavenly Father for the wonderful organization of this great church. I'm so glad to live near others, others willing to come at a moments notice. I wasn't surprised that there wasn't a moments hesitation when I asked some friends to go to our house, but that is another thing that makes this Plan of Salvation work. We are not meant to struggle alone. We are not meant to endure and strive and work through this life without our brothers and sisters to sustain and support and search with us. Isn't that great? Its no wonder that depression affects more and more people because technology is cutting out human interactions to a greater degree all the time (for example, self check out at the grocery store). We need each other.
I'm also so grateful for prayer. It's not even that it calmed my hysteria. I was 45 minutes away... sitting in a car... I'm not the type to solve a problem sitting down, and I couldn't help look for her. But I could pray. I'm grateful that prayer gave me something to do when there was nothing to do. I'm grateful that I could ask someone who knew where she was to protect her.
And finally, I'm grateful for the insight about our Heavenly Father that I gained from this. As I realized the depth and magnitude of my panic, I thought of how our Heavenly Father must have felt the moment He realized that we would not all be with Him again. He, being omniscient, already has a good idea how this life will play out for his children, but there must have been a moment when He knew that our birth on this earth would separate some of us from Him forever. As a parent, I can't imagine the anguish He must've felt.
Even today, it all seems a little melodramatic, but I can't even begin to describe the fear and anxiety I felt... I'm so glad its over. And I'm so glad I got to tuck her in last night and tell her that everything was okay (and that she should never do that again!). I guess we need to put the knob cover back on the door... Thanks for reading this excessively long post! And please someone tell me you've lost your child too, so I can feel like this is a little normal!
