Extending and Receiving Hospitality

 We've spent a lot of time with Muslims, both overseas and in the USA, for almost two decades. Someone was asking me the other day about how to interact with a Muslim family during a visit, and so I decided to write down a few things I've learned over the years. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I hope it will be helpful to others as they build friendships with Muslims at work and in their community.

1. DO bring a gift if you are visiting your Muslim friend! Some ideas are good quality chocolate, American style cookies, or flowers. Avoid products that contain pork or alcohol. If you are bringing any food, I recommend something vegetarian unless you have access to halal meat (an animal that has been slaughtered in accordance with Islamic law) or you know about the dietary habits of your friend. Some Muslims are more strictly observant than others regarding that.

2. DO watch for cultural cues. Some people will take off their shoes at the door, some don’t. If you’re in doubt, ask your host! Normally men greet men with a hug or even kisses on the cheek, and women do the same with women. However, men and women will greet each other with the phrase “salaam alaikum” (Peace be with you) and perhaps a slight bow of the head. There usually isn’t any touching involved between the sexes. However, we’ve noticed over the years that many Muslims have adopted American or European norms, so a man might shake a woman’s hand, for example. Another possibility is that during meal time, men and women might eat in separate areas. Be aware of your surroundings and take your cues from the host. 

3. DO be open to a visit that might last longer than is typical in the USA. Again, this is not a hard and fast rule, but I recommend that if you’re going to visit a Muslim family, keep the day or evening free so you’re not rushing off to the next event in two hours. Coffee or tea usually signals the end of gathering, and it can be seen as rude to leave before that.

4. DO extend an invitation for them to visit. Some Muslims will be curious and readily accept, and some might be hesitant. Reassure them that no pork or alcohol will be served if they come over. Maybe even ask where you can buy halal meat if you want to barbecue.

5. A few dont’s:

1. Feet should stay on the ground. Don’t point the soles of your shoes (or bottoms of your feet) at someone else. This is considered rude. Things of importance are never placed on the ground. You will never see a Quran on the ground in a Muslim’s house; it will be high up in a place of honor.

2. Tread carefully when talking about politics and other sensitive topics. Your friend might ask you what you think of what’s going on in Israel and Palestine, for example. This is a great time to ask questions and only relate personal experience, not make blanket statements about one side or the other. Our goal is to continue conversations, not slam doors.

3. If you’ve finished eating, don’t clean your plate! Leave a little bit of food on it to show that you’re done.

4. Don’t be afraid! God has given us a spirit of power and love and a sound mind. I can’t tell you how many mistakes I’ve made over the years while visiting Muslim friends, but that never deterred our relationships. Muslims are people with individual personalities, hopes and dreams. They are the neighbor that we are to love as ourselves.

Vacation Bible School in Madrid

 After not having VBS in 2020 and 2021 due to the pandemic, we finally restarted the program this summer! It was great. The kids were engaged, and we had a good mix of kids from the neighborhood and from church. 

 This year we had 12 children ages 4 to 12 years old, and we studied the cosmos and the Creator who made it, and how our God cares for his creation and especially how he loves us. Our verses for the week came from the Psalms:

When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
4 what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?

Psalm 8:3-4

I've attached some pictures below. Can you pray for these kids, that they grow in their faith and know God in a deeper way?

Summer vacation

 Summer looked a little differently than we had anticipated back in January. Conferences were cancelled, visits were postponed, and many ministry activities were suspended due to the pandemic. I'm sure it was the same for you.

Nevertheless, after being locked down in Madrid for three months, we decided it was time to leave the city for a brief respite. We travelled to our little pueblito that we go to every year, then stayed up in Asturias and pet sat for a family that was visiting family in another part of Europe. It was great to get out on the open road and drive through the mountains, go to the beach, and play games as a family. We also took some day trips to surrounding towns.

Here are a few pictures from our time out of Madrid. We start back to school, work, etc. next week, so I'm glad we got to get out for a while.

Croatia Reflections

Last week I had the pleasure to attend a conference for women involved in full time cross-culture work. Over 100 women working in over 30 different countries came together for four days of worship, prayer, laughter, and tears. For many of us, this was the first retreat that we had ever had, for ourselves, without any other co-workers/family members present. It was only us. One hundred fifty women singing to the Lord, immersing themselves in the Word, and having time just to BE.

 In our average day-to-day activities, dealing with difficulties with other people, with the government, with our city or neighborhood– these things are just a part of life. It’s part of being human, and of living in a sinful and broken world. But as someone who has lived both overseas and in the USA, I can tell you that wrestling with these issues on the field magnifies their intensity. In addition to dealing with a stressful situation, I’m wading through the murky waters of cultural nuance that I don’t fully understand. Sometimes I get tripped up in the language, and people laugh because I’ve just said something SUPER inappropriate (I can usually laugh later, but at that moment I feel humiliated). Sometimes tragedy strikes in the USA, and I have no way to go back to be there for my family or friends. All of these things build up over years and years, and to have a safe place to unpack all of that, in an environment where people GET IT, is golden. They know where I’m coming from. They know we often pour a lot of our care into the people around us – our spouses, our kids, the people groups we work with – without a lot of time for ourselves. They know we often feel forgotten when we’re not visible to our friends and family in the States.

 Anna, our speaker who served for ten years in an incredibly difficult, war-torn country, talked about courage on the field. Our first session, Courage when the Well Runs Dry, particularly resonated with me. She started with a question: “What if God asked you to have a ministry like Jeremiah?” Jeremiah’s ministry spanned about 20 years, and he saw the rise and fall of five kings in Judah. He was actively persecuted, betrayed, witnessed the fall of Jerusalem to the Babylonians, and overall, saw very little fruit. Whatever steps forward the Hebrew people would take during a particular time frame, such as when Josiah was king, they would immediately take about five steps back. Jeremiah’s ministry was dry. But spiritual dryness is not always from sin, or a lack of spiritual connection, or simply not doing enough. Sometimes it exists to drive our roots further into the ground, to draw on the deep water that lies there below. We need to lean into the dryness, and walk with the Spirit and be filled with it. Keep going when the well runs dry.

 Our newsletters are often filled with the good things going on in ministry, what I like to call our highlight reel. What isn’t seen are the stories of failure, rejection, and hurt. We don’t share about the periods of spiritual dryness, of feeling like we're standing in a desert even though we are faithfully spending time in prayer and God’s Word. We don’t talk about when we’ve invested time, money, and energy in a supposedly Christian family, and they turned out to be lying to us about a lot of things. Or meeting with someone, discipling them for months, only to have them disappear off the radar forever. Did they go back to their home country? Move to another city? For every “success” story we have, there are probably ten stories about failure. But we keep going because God has called us, and He is good. So for those of you experiencing this period of dryness, I say to you: COURAGE. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the presence of faith. His Word will not return void (Isaiah 55:11).

2018: Bringing (my) Blog Back!

I've noticed over the years that, as social media sites like Facebook and Twitter have become more and more integrated into our lives, I post less and less on my blog. And I miss writing. A little bit. Sometimes, a quick sentence or two suits me just fine. But today, I'm compelled to write a bit more. Things have changed over the past five years (which is when I wrote my last REAL blog post). We've been in Israel, then back in the States, and now we're overseas again. Spain, to be exact. I never thought I would end up in Europe, but this is where God wants us, and this is where we'll stay for the time being. Here's a little recap of 2017: January: Got new passports, began the process of applying for visas to live in Spain. February: I attended an amazing conference for women, put on by Crescent Project. March: Met with Aaron, our Team Leader for Light Madrid. Brainstormed about church planting in Spain and what gifts/ resources we can bring to the table. Kids started playing soccer and baseball at the YMCA. April: Visa appointment at the consulate. Paperwork is completed and submitted for processing. May: Receive the news that our visas have been approved! Pick those up and buy our tickets to Spain for the end of July. June: VBS, camps, and a visit to my grandparents up in Oklahoma. Duane got ordained to the deaconate. Started packing and sorting through our lives for the past four years (it's a lot more difficult than it sounds)! July: Packing, movers, commissioning service at our church, saying good-bye to friends and family. August: We arrived in Spain! Like most of Europe, August is when people shut down and go on vacation. However, paperwork rests for no man! Trying to get our residency cards and finding an apartment. September: A month of beginnings! We move into our new apartment, kids start school, I start language classes, Duane starts work at the cathedral. October-December: Finding our groove in a new country. Figuring out cultural differences. Learning a new language. Here are a few pictures:

Our life in the Middle East

I gave this talk at Tezel Oaks Church of the Nazarene in late 2016.

Disney World