Grasping at straws

A couple of days ago (wednesday), I watched Troy with my buddy Shermann. Troy was a good movie. Not as good as GLADIATOR, but good in its own rights of course. Brad Pitt put in another good performance yet again. After which I stayed over at Sherm's place and watched American Idol. We then proceeded to this Nasi Lemak stall to pack a couple of packets of nasi lemak and tea. The supper was GREAT! After which we watched this movie called "van Wilder, Party Liasion"

Throughout the night, we talked about stuff. About NUS, the sisters, FAIZ and WILSON. Apparently, when sherm went to resolve his issues with wilson a week ago, things did not actually go as planned. Sherm feels that there is still something amiss and after talking about it, I had to agree with him.

Somehow, I felt that things around Sherm and me are falling apart. Its like we are standing on this narrow perch of a rock fighting off the orcs. First it was Faiz, now it was wilson. Watz goin on? Indeed Life is not without problems. But simple things like communication between friends and upholding shared beliefs and principles must be maintained and not become problematic issues.

And then there's Ling. *sigh* I was telling sherm that its better to be single than settle for something less and suffering unneccessary problems. Faiz with that juggernaut of his girlfriend is definitely a sight for sore and pus filled eyes!

WHY IS THAT BUGGER NOT REALIZING HIS OWN POTENTIAL????

With his charm, wit and intelligence, he can surpass what shermann and me have achieved with our own lives. Instead, he dropped out of Poly, picked up smoking, hanging out with friends who are ok with his downward spiral into self-inflicted hell and of course... his disgustingly fat, ugly and bitchy girlfriend!!!!

As i tried to find the reasons for his current form of existence, the truth that came out was just as hideous as his untimely choice of his "other" half. Misplaced priorities, lack of discipline, low self-esteem, misdirected focus and a bad environment of friends were just some of the causes.

Shermann and I decided to talk to Faiz about what we currently feel about him. Though, we are fully prepared to fail miserably, see faiz go back to his old ways and even push us away for our frank opinions which will probably be unappreciated by him. Although we are doing this in an attempt to correct the issue called "FAIZ", we are also attempting to hit a second bird with the same stone. To ease our own conscience that we had tried and to finally put the matter at rest. To have done the final act of true friendship to a fallen brother.

Back to LING, she replied on wednesday when i asked whether she was free on thursday for a movie. She told me she was actually free on tues and wed. THEN WHY IN THE BLAZES DIDN'T YOU TELL ME???

On Thursday 1500hrs, she msged me that she will not be able to make it and maybe next week. She said she will call me.... I am still waiting for that call. I am seriously unable to comprehend her behaviour towards me. Am I intimidating her or do i disgust her? She does not push me away, yet she does not treat me as a friend properly. Is she dysfunctional or am i turning into a self-whispering lunatic?

Life is getting more puzzling as i am entering the final reaches of NS. Somehow I do feel that I am grasping at straws in some of the aspects of my life. Yet I take comfort in the fact that my life is stable and that if i wanted to, i can jettison those parts in my life that i feel to be deadweight. But strangely, I am hanging on to these "deadweights" because the emotional attachment is just too great. I just hope that future circumstances don't turn me into a machine....

Fortnight of Hell

Its a Tuesday... 2 days into the Fornight of Hell. Well maybe I am exaggerating a little. Einstein's theory of relativity. A matter can only judged big or small when its compared to another matter. Or something like that..

Haha!

Well actually, Life in SMI NSRTW has been heaven. 8 to 5pm everyday. Stay out everyday. I can have canteen breaks anytime I want (when there's no work of course), 2 hour lunch break. Not to mention great colleagues and superiors. So obviously there is a cause for worry when my weekend this week was going to get burnt (sunday included). Not to mention a 24hr guard duty next week and a trip to saikangville with the bastard Warrant Fong on the following friday and saturday!

But I will weather through this. I have been through worse mayhem in the army the past 2 years. This fortnight will be a walk in the park. On a brighter note, the safety boards that hardkore (yong youxin) and me had been doing were finally completed today.

I went for a run with Warrant Letch. An easy 5k run. But the layoff from running (a few months) did not actually make the 5k as easy as it should have been. I need to get back to running if i want to get my marathon dreams a reality.

At 5pm today, mangamma jack smsed me asking me when and wat movie i was going to watch. I said it was up to her liking and convenience. And it comes as no surprise that i did not get a reply. Sometimes its a wonder why I am still bothering. Then again.... I guess it does not really matter whether i bother or not. Things happen for a reason. I may not have to understand all of them. I just got to accept that they are there...

At it again!

Well what can i say? I am blogging again. After a long respite, (not to mention the fact that my previous blog got defunct thanks to my not using it for more than a month), i have, yes indeed, decided to blog again. Well enough of the theatrics.

One of the main reasons why i decided to go for it again is due to that time of my life.
Yes... I am close to ORD. Freedom from NS. Though this calls for some form of celebration, I have to admit that it is rather sad as well. In fact, i am going to miss NS as i prepare to enter the brave new world of NUS!

As such, in the early hours of Monday morning, I stand in this limbo of TIME. Kind of a "Neither here or there" feeling.... I plot the number of days towards my 5 week bloc leave and effectively after that....ORD. Well almost... i still got a week to go in between.

Nothing much happened today, the final day of my long weekend. (i came back home on thursday night for the weekend). They had a Muppets Christmas special on tv tho i cannot understand why it came out as christmas is more than half a yr away. Not to mention PATRIOT later at 10pm. Damn good show might i add! Just realised that I did not got on any of the days of my long weekend, but then again it comes as no surprise since i am mostly a home boy.

helped my dad fix the toilet bowl. WOW! LOLZ! Actually i did not do much though i got myself dirty and all. Not to mention the rust. But nothing some good old detergent could not fix.

I cannot help but lament at my financial situation. I got 150 bux in my a/c and 35bux at hand. Well it might seem that i am quite solvent (at the present moment). But its only been one week after payday. I guess i have to make some maneuvers to get myself to weather through this month. Mum promised me that i need not contribute to the family anymore from july onwards. My "300 a month to the family coffers" will be ending in july. But somehow i am taking all that with a pinch of salt. The family financial situation had always been JUST above subsistence level. The capricorn in me had me decided to start making contingency plans.

And the only thing I can do. Get a job. Hopefully from june. My dad told me i should try a security guard job. After much deliberation, i guess i do not have much choice. I could not get a tuition job. And the guard job pays somewhere in the region of $1200 for a 6 day work week, 12 hours a day. Not so bad... money is money and the economic situation is not exactly something pretty to look at. maybe i will do weekends in june and full time in july. I will stop as i make my parlay into NUS in August. After which i have to assess the situation in NUS before deciding on another job.

But on the bright side, at least i will get paid my the Army till August. I will be getting at least 450bux on Aug 10. so job or no job, there will still be cash. A (at least) grand total of 1650 bux in the nex 3 months. I also started making plans on the stuff i want to get. First up, a pair of contact lenses, a new PC, Cable TV and clothes (a pair of jeans at least and some cheap T shirts). secondary level will be a PDA and a IPOD. But those 2 gadgets will be strictly on a secondary level. Get em when in a "absolutely able to afford it" situation.

All this planning has somewhat settled my mind. It gives me a goal. And a rough idea of the "what's going to happen" and "what is happening" scenarios. I cannot help but smile. A rueful smile nonetheless. It never falls into plan all the time. But at least the basic planning is done. More room for improvisation when the situation changes. And as they always say.... the only constant is change!! =)