You may beat me, but you're going to have to bleed to do it

I have a thousand reasons to keep training and million to just stop, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.

For what it's worth

Ever wondered about the meaning of life? Or rather, your purpose here. Simple as it may seem; a four letter word - LIFE. But the meaning is so complex, it might take a lifetime of effort to figure out what it really means. It has defeated the finest minds of the millenia, and still puzzles those who seek to find it(including me).

This has been both bugging and obsessing me for a while. I am by no means suicidal. I just have this sudden curiosity to why people and things live and exist.

I've visited a few web pages and forums to try and find others' opinions on the meaning of life. But I just can't completely agree with any of them and I’ve come to a slightly nihilistic conclusion that there may not be an ultimate meaning for being alive. And that maybe we're here just to make up the numbers. Although I want very badly to be proven wrong, I want to find out that I’m wrong, to find an explanation which I can agree with.

Then again, maybe there isn't a universal answer which could apply to everyone. Or maybe the answer is constantly changing. Like when we feel like we’ve found it, and suddenly everything goes downhill and the answers we once knew are now obsolete and we have to find a new answer. I don't know.

I need an answer badly. Maybe I should go meditate naked under a tree for 10 days.

When push comes to shove

Recently during trainings, I've been trying to push myself to the limits, to give 110%, or even 200%. But it sucks to find that you're not improving after all the effort you put in, after busting your muscles, and leaving yourself shagless after every training.

I want to get bigger, and stronger. But it seems like my body just doesn't want to/can't supersize. My biceps still remain at a pathetic 13 inches (yes, I measure my biceps. go ahead and shiver in disgust) after months of training and busting me biceps.

Maybe I'm over training, I don't know. But I feel like i'm under training most of the time instead. My lips turned purple while I was doing endurance training at the gym yesterday (funny thing is, your lips are supposed to turn pale and not purple). I hope this is not a sign that something bad's happening to my body (protein overdose maybe?), or maybe something even worse. If anyone has an answer to this strange phenomenon, please enlighten me.

I think all this talk about 'you reap what you sow' is bull. I've been sowing and sowing but where's my pot of gold man? All I got was a pot of corn flakes.

The Unconfident

A side-quest in a very big role playing game called life.

The minishow.

The one who'll just always be there, wanting to get on stage, but in the end fading into the darkest corner of the room.

The overshadowed one.

The one who's just there - no more, no less.

Just you wait

The desire to win

Fight when others fold, pursue while others retreat, conquer while others quit, and make right when all else goes wrong.