I am still updating my blog, even though I have blocked it for a short while. There are some people from where I used to work that I do not want them to have any information about me. They would somehow twist my information to suit their agenda. So for now I do apologize.

Today I am trying to think of all I need to do to prepare myself once again for surgery. I get to go on the clear liquid diet again, and emotionally prep myself for this go around.

Tomorrow my surgery is scheduled for 7:30 we need to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 am so I think we will have to leave at 3:00am. Mikes Mom and Dad are coming tonight, they will be bringing Mike dinner and spend the night. Mikes Mom will go to the hospital with us, I am so glad she will be there for Mike. And his Dad is staying at the house to watch the dog. I don't know what I did to get a Mom and Dad as awesome as they are. I am speechless and feel so humbled from the love they have shown us.

My own parents don't ever call or even seem concerned about my health. But my parents told me years ago they put conditions on their love. I am just so thankful to finally know what it feels like to have a Mom and Dad that cares. I really hit the jackpot when I met Mike, not only did I get an awesome husband, but a wonderful Mom and Dad too! So with their support, I feel like I am in good hands.

Another Surgery

I received a call from the Oncology Surgeon at Johns Hopkins Monday. She told me they would like me to have the surgery Friday. She will remove the mass inside the pelvic girdle then remove all of the lymph nodes in the groin area (inguinal node dissection) Then since the primary site had no additional treatment she will be removing all of the lymph nodes under my arm (Axillary lymph node dissection). Also since the kidney surgery was done so recent there will need to be another stent. So my whole right side will be stitched up.

This was stressful enough, with Christmas preparations that need to be done before the surgery. But to throw another log on the fire, I was notified from the pharmacy that the insurance was denied. After looking into what caused the glitch, I found out that my employer canceled my insurance and put me on COBRA without saying a word to me. Well to make a long story short after 2 days of phone calls, tears and worrying, I think we are back on track. I am so thankful the pharmacy let me know otherwise I can't imagine what would have happened. The part that I think made me the most angry with the whole thing was I have been sending my employer the premiums for the last 3 months and technically I am still employed. I think that what they did broke quite a few laws.

Well at least now all I have to worry about is the surgery. I do have to say I think this is the surgery I am most worried about. This one is going to be rough....did I already say that? Well I see that I am rambling... So we will be heading out Friday morning at 3:30 am, we need to arrive at the hospital 5:30am and the surgery is scheduled for 7:30am. The surgeon says it should take 6 or 7 hours to remove the mass but with the dissections I am not sure how long I will be on the table this time.
It will be a hard day for Mike and he has been sick this week, I think I worry about him more than me. Say a prayer for Mike and myself.

Still holding.....

Well not too much has happened since the last post. I have had quite a few tests and it seems that each test that is done opens a door for a new test. I met with my new team of Oncologists today, (well there are 2 ). They sent me to Hopkins for one more test and gave me 3 scenarios of what might be the next course of action, pending the results of the 3 tests that were done today and the consult needed with the surgeon. So here I am sighing and wising I would know what is in store. Maybe I should savor this time of not knowing, it could be a blessing in disguise.

Here we go....again

Quite a bit has happened since my last post. So here is the abbreviated version:

We had the additional tests done, waited for results, then back to the surgeons office, she sent us to the hospital for a biopsy. The radiologist would not do it. She said it was too invasive. So she consulted with my surgeon. After waiting another weekend to speak with someone, my surgeon called me and said it would be better if I went to someone who specializes in this type of surgery.

So I have an appointment to see a Melanoma surgeon at Johns Hopkins. I feel better that I will be going to someone

who actually specializes in my cancer.

Anyway we are off to Baltimore this morning, I am a bit nervous since the Oncologist and Surgeon told me they did not know of anyone in Delaware that could do this surgery. I am not sure what that means, but I translate it to "OUCH".

I am really getting tired of all this, and wished I could get back to some sort of normalcy.

Here we go again!

More Tests

Mike and I went to the Surgeons office on Thursday. She was very informative, before she schedules a surgery she wanted to do another test to make sure we are not dealing with a reading that might be compromised. So I had my test yesterday and will see the surgeon again next Monday for the results. So we are in the waiting mode.
Thursday we go to Philadelphia for another appointment with my Urologist, hopefully all will go well.
So thats about all that is going on in my life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Here we go again

I am not sure how to begin this post....but you know me to my credit or demise I am brutally blunt. So here goes:
Mike and I received some pretty disturbing news yesterday. My PET scan results showed there is another lymph node mass "most likely reoccurent melanoma" there was also something about the muscle being targeted. So my Oncologist made an appointment with my Surgeon for next Thursday, she might not be able to handle this type of surgery. My Oncologist said they may need to refer me to Johns Hopkins or a cancer specialist in one of the many hospitals in Philadelphia. I am hoping and praying we can do this locally, these trips to Philadelphia and Baltimore are brutal (especially coming home from my last surgery).

Right now we are trying not to worry to much and know what ever the outcome will be is in Gods hands.
We ask for your prayers.

Pet Scan

This morning I had my PET/CT Scan. It was really hard to lie there for 45 minutes without moving, with the discomfort of the incisions, but I made it...whew. All in all the appointment took almost 3 hours. Now its a waiting game until I get the results back. We probably will not know the results until early next week. (at least thats what the radiologist said).

It has been quite some time since I last posted. The surgery was much longer than expected, Mike tells me I was on the table for 9.5 hours. All I remember is looking at the clock before they put me out, it was 6:00 am and when I was able to focus on the clock again it was 6:30 pm. The only thing positive I can say about this last experience is , it's over. Wow, I knew it was bad but never expected this. I am so sore all over, even the roof of my mouth is bruised. But I am on the uphill swing, I can feel myself feeling stronger each day. I think the recuperation time would have been easier if I was not coming out of a year of cancer treatment, and my immune system is so hammered. We knew it would take longer than the typical case before I went into this.

I needed to postpone my PET/CT scan this week, so they rescheduled it for next week, I am positive it will come back clear. I will need to keep my life stress free in order to stay cancer free. I am so looking forward to getting some normalcy back into my life.

Can you tell we are getting a bit nervous?

Yup.. beneath the cool exterior lurks a quivering scaredy cat....

You would think I would be getting used to this but I think each time it gets harder to go under the knife. We saved the worst surgery for last. (well next to last).

Trying not to think too much about tomorrow. And trying to remember all I need to take to the hospital and things that need to get done here, before the fun begins, is defiantly not my idea of relaxation.

Ohmmmmmmm chanting is not helping either.

I cannot believe it has been 2 weeks since I last posted. It has been a long 2 weeks. We went to Philadelphia to see the surgeon and get scheduled for my surgery (pyloplasty). The surgery should last around 8 hours, and I will be hospitalized for 3 to 5 days. So woo hoo another great adventure for Mike and I. I think it is easier to be the one going under the knife rather than the one having to wait in the waiting room. I get to sleep through the whole thing. The fun will begin on tuesday with the pre-op prep, then off to Philadelphia on Wednesday.

So here is the positive side, with Gods protection this will be the last surgery, and I can be on my way to starting to feel strong and healthy. It has been so long since I have felt healthy, I can only faintly remember.

Here are some of the things I am looking forward to:



Eat a good meal without nausea,




Be able to stand without back pain,










Exercise,









Go for walks,







But Most of All LAUGH

Oncologist

Yesterday we went to see the oncologist. I had quite a few questions, on the maintenance of my Cancer. He did say it will take 3 to 6 months for all the side effects from the treatment to subside. They are scheduling me for a PET scan, I am not sure when that will be, but I do not want to celebrate too much until I get a clean scan. I was very happy to think I don't need to go to the Oncologist for 3 months.

So its the weekend! Raining and a good day!!!

I am a SURVIVOR!!

Last Day!!!!

Today has finally come. I sometimes thought I might never make it through the treatment. But woo hoo it is over. I have another surgery this morning, (stent removal) I am so looking forward to being able to walk again without pain. Maybe now I can focus on getting some muscle tone back. (Before my big surgery in Philadelphia) . I am not sure when that will be so right now I am savoring the completion of my treatment. I still have one more injection this afternoon. And then I will ask you all to say a prayer of thanks.

Off to the hospital!

142 over.......2 more

Did I ever think this week would get here?

It has been the longest year of our lives, I sometimes think of how much worse this cancer could have been. People with stage 4 Melanoma usually don't make it. I have been so blessed, I know I have had a miracle and a whole legion of Angles in my corner. God has been so kind to us. I have so many people that have given me such support and encouragement, without all of you this journey would have been so much more difficult.
So to my God, Thank you! To my husband Mike, thank you! To my family, thank you! To my neighbors, thank you! To my friends and co-workers, thank you! To my Cancer com padres Marsha/Jackie and Chris. All of my doctors, surgeons, oncology nurses, thank you!


I hate naming names because you always miss people and I can't be held accountable, I am still suffering the side effects of the Cancer drug. But you know who you are and my heart is so full of Love and gratitude! Your prayers and encouragement have meant more to me than you know.


The end of this journey is almost here. 142 down ....2 to go

136, 137, 138.................almost there!!

Can you believe it? Only 2 weeks to go! I am wondering what it will feel like to be "normal" No fatigue, body aches, headaches, nausea, fevers. And maybe to get a full nights sleep. Wow it has been so long. I was looking back, I started my infusions back on August 18th.

I was telling Mike how some years in your life seems to get lost in each other. But others are monumental and I have to say this has been one of the monumental ones!

138 down.........6 to go!

133, 134, 135........almost....almost.....there

Today is the end of my 45th week, you know what that means? 3 left!!!! I cannot believe how slow the time is passing. I feel like life has stood still during this past year. It has been more of existing, not living. But there is finally an end in sight.

I have learned so much through this fight with Cancer. Even though we think we are in control, over our lives, health and finances. We have no power over our existence. God has total power over everything, He is the creator of all that is known to man. Every thing we see and can dream of.

All and all this Cancer has been a blessing, without facing my own mortality, I would have never discovered what is truly important. I heard a speaker talking about our existence on this earth. He said picture 80 grains of sand - this represents our years on this earth. We strive to make those 80 grains happy, comfortable and prosperous. Without regard to anyone or anything, yet we forget the ocean full of sand that represents the rest of eternity. We need to think about the ocean full of sand rather than the small handful of 80 grains we tend to cherish above all else.

135 down...................9 to go

130, 131, 132.....can almost touch completion

But you know what they say....almost only counts horseshoes and hand grenades. So I am still not done....it is getting closer.
Last week was a bit difficult, after working only 3 days at work and side effect days at home for 9 months, I started working all 5 days at work. I knew it would be a little difficult to get back into the swing of things, but with the strength of God and a good husband that makes sure I get to bed early enough. I made it through the week. I know it will get easier as time goes on.
132 down.....only 12 to go!!!!!

127, 128, 129......getting closer

Well this last week came and went and that means one more week closer to being finished. I went to my Oncologist Thursday. I am doing pretty well, still a bit of anemia, but I have had that all along. Thank goodness for Mike, he keeps things going around the house so I don't feel too tired.
Just when I think things could never get worse and start feeling sorry for myself, I meet someone else with more troubles than myself. Then I realize just how blessed we are. I know this sounds crazy, but I am so blessed to have gotten Cancer. I have learned so much about God and myself and what is truly important in life. I think we put much too much emphasis on stuff and forget to appreciate the true blessings.
Well I have 5 more weeks and then well I might just celebrate with feeling normal again. Hooray!
129 down........15 to go!

124, 125, 126 done.......

I am officially down to 6 weeks of treatment left. I think this will be either the longest 6 weeks, or it will fly by. No medium ground. But I can tell you with the final 6 weeks left. My side effects are pretty manageable. I think I am building a tolerance and changing the times of my injections have been helpful. I seem to experience the worst of my side effects during the night. I only wish the beginning of my treatment had been this manageable.

I still have plenty of muscle aches and fatigue. But it is something I can deal with unlike this past 42 weeks of injections. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

126 down........18 to go!

123 done.....Freedom isn't free

Happy Independence Day!
We are so lucky to enjoy the freedoms so many have sacrificed for us........let us never forget. 123 done......21 to go!

121 & 122 over....

OK well I am down to 7 more weeks of treatment....woo hoo!!
I think I will celebrate. Not sure what I am going to do to celebrate. Since I can't have a drink, I guess I will make potato salad.






122 down....22 to go!

120th over....

I am sorry I haven't posted for such a long time.

It has been pretty stressful this week. Sometimes I think stress is more difficult to deal with than the side effects. I am getting used to the side effects, (they still are there, but are getting manageable). Or maybe I have had them for so long it is beginning to feel "normal". I just wished Mike would be able to find a job, I know we both would be able to smile a little more often.



But other than that, things are moving along. We have such wonderful supportive friends and family. Thank you all for your prayers and kind wishes.



Life is good!

Another Surgery Thursday....... 117 over

Well I had yet another surgery, the health care people were joking with me I could do the surgery myself and not need them. Everything went pretty good this time around. Maybe I am building up a tolerance. I am so glad I didn't have any complications like the last time. My port incisions are still pretty sore, but I feel like I am on the mend.

Down to 9 weeks of treatment....I am so optimistic about the end finally coming. I think I am going to try a new approach to my injections, I am going to try to start giving my injections at work so the side effects can hit me and hopefully be over by noon the following day. As soon as I get it figured out I will be done. (what a good thought) Anyway. I will let you know how the work injections go. Hopefully there wont be a high fever until I get home.

So today is Fathers Day, and I want to say Happy Fathers Day to all you Dads!

I cannot help but think of our Father in Heaven, and all he does for us and how we should be grateful for all he does for us. Thank You !

114th injection over

Wow, what a week. I am not going to tell you it was awful...but I can honestly say it was not good. Being home bound is bad enough but with all the rain and stormy weather we have had, I think I could easily sink into a depression. On a happier note I am feeling much better just some bruising and of course the stitches and bandages left. I will be going to see my oncologist and surgeon on Monday and hopefully will get a release to return to work. Of course Tuesday is a side effect day so I won't be able to go in until Wednesday.
Thursday I have another stent removal and replacement so back to the hospital I go (I still think they should give you something like frequent flyer discounts). The recover time on this one should be minimal. (hopefully)
I gave myself my injection early today, figured I would try to get over the side effects early.
And the weatherman actually says we might see some sunshine soon...I will believe it when I see it. Another word for weatherman.....liar. Just kidding

So I am now officially down to 10 weeks of injections left. And it cannot come soon enough.

114 down ....... 30 to go

111 done..back among the living.....i think

The surgery went OK. I am still really sore. The last few days were horrible. I think it was much harder, with my cancer treatments on top of a surgery. I did not even think about that. I was not even sure what day it was or where I was.

But on the positive side I am thinking a bit more clearly and the swelling is going down. I had to give myself an injection when I came home from the hospital and then again last night. The side effects are still there, but one good thing about pain I have been experiencing is I can stop focusing on my cancer treatment side effects.

See there is always a silver lining.

111 done.................33 to go

Just waiting to go to the hospital.....Time is not my friend today.

Here we go again........... 109th

Here we go again......

This morning we went for blood work, then off to see my surgeon. She wants to get this port out asap. I still have some of the contrast trapped in and leaking out to who knows where. So I have surgery scheduled for Wednesday. The surgical nurse will call tomorrow and set up my time. I have been running a low grade fever since Friday. It is hard to know if it is side effects or a possible infection. As I was waiting for the surgeons scheduler I received a call from my urologists scheduler, wanting to schedule my stent surgery for the 18th ...arrghhh.. this is feeling like last years surgery schedule.

After that we swung by the oncologist to let him know what was happening. And then I am looking forward to my injection this afternoon.

So that is all I know except my neck and port site is killing me and very swollen. Ouch.. :-(

Radiology..................108th

So here I am today....... not ANY fun. I had a routine flush appointment at the Cancer Center. As they were injecting the saline, it hurt like hundreds of needles being stuck into my neck. They sent me down to Radiology... again. To make a long story short, I have a crack in the tube in my port that feeds into the Carotid Artery. They called and got me an appointment with my surgeon for Monday. Then get my bloodwork done at a different lab, since I could not get the labs done.

Back at the Cancer Center they were not able to flush out the contrast so they told me to pay attention to any unusual symptoms.

I am home now and just gave myself another injection. So once again another icky weekend.

Time keeps marching on.......107th complete

Time keeps marching on................
Very Slowly.

It seems like the more injections that I finish, the harder this is becoming. The muscle and joint pain has been very bad, I can handle the fever, headaches and fatigue. But the joint pain has been something I have not been able to accept. I think the hardest part is, most time the pain is so bad I cannot sleep. So it just seems like a vicious cycle with the pain and fatigue. I am so looking forward to someday getting a few hours of uninterrupted sleep without waking up in pain
So today I will continue on my Interferon Journey.
Hopefully the end will come soon.

37 injections left.....

Memorial Day 2009 ....REMEMBER

Memorial Day has become a day of picnics, parades and of course we cannot forget the day off from work "the unofficial" start of Summertime fun.

But I think we have forgotten the real reason this is a holiday. So below is my tribute to all those who have given so much, so we might enjoy the picnics, parades and the day off.

Please take a moment and reflect on this somber day.

3rd stanza of American the Beautiful:

O beautiful, for heroes proved

In liberating strife,

Who more than self their country loved

And mercy more than life!

America! America!

May God thy gold refine,

‘Til all success be nobleness, and ev’ry gain divine!

Memorial Day

PoemKelly Strong

I watched the flag pass by one day,

It fluttered in the breeze.

A young Marine saluted it,

And then he stood at ease..

I looked at him in uniform,

So young, so tall, so proud,

With hair cut square and eyes alert,

He'd stand out in any crowd.

I thought how many men like him

Had fallen through the years.

How many died on foreign soil

How many mothers’ tears?

How many pilots’ planes shot down?

How many died at sea

How many foxholes were soldiers’ graves?

No, freedom isn’t free.

I heard the sound of Taps one night,

When everything was still,

I listened to the bugler play

And felt a sudden chill.

I wondered just how many times

That Taps had meant “Amen,”

When a flag had draped a coffin.

Of a brother or a friend.

I thought of all the children,

Of the mothers and the wives,

Of fathers, sons and husbands

With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard

At the bottom of the sea

Of unmarked graves in Arlington.

No, feedom isn’t free.

THANKYOU

102 last post .... for awhile

I think this is going to be my last post for awhile. I do not get any comments on my posts so I feel like this is probably a waste of time. I will occasionally check back and post once in a while. Thank you for those that have supported me.

Lynette

101 fever with a vengenance

My side effects have been brutal. Sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me going is knowing I only have 43 more injections left. It feels like the closer I get to being done, the harder it becomes. Tomorrow will be a better day. (I hope)

101 done .......43 to go

100

I think I should be more excited but all I can think about is there is still another 44 injections left to go. (very depressing). I know I need to be more optimistic about my treatment getting closer to being finished.

One more closer.................

99 ... happy mothers day!

I am a bit late wishing all my "Mommy" friends Happy Mothers Day!

I am so very blessed, to have the most wonderful kids & grand kids. Thanks for the wonderful day! Krystal, Cory, Kale, Lisa Ethan and Bryton. I could not be more blessed than to be honored to call you my kids!!!!

I have a new schedule for the next series of surgeries. The consult went very well and we had many questions answered. We will wait until after my treatment for the permanent fix. So in the mean time I will have another remove and replacement the end of June. Then a final removal the end of August. After a 30 day adjustment we will have the permanent surgery this will be a 3 to 4 day hospital stay. So it looks like we will be getting this done the beginning of October.

98.......

Boy are my side effects rough. I am not sure what the deal is, seems like I have a break from side effects and then after a while they hit with a vengeance. I am still suffering from a fever and terrible body aches..............such is the life of an interferon patient.

This morning we go to Philadelphia for an appointment with another specialist, (urology). We will see if he can fix my kidney permanent. I am not sure if he will want to wait until I finish with my cancer treatment or do yet another surgery. So it will be interesting to see what this consult brings.

98 done ........ 46 to go

97 over.................

Did I tell you I am tired of the rain?

Well I am I NEED sunshine! I suppose you guessed it... it is still raining. The weather matches my mood. The side effects are not good same as always... I need some sunshine in my health too. soon...very soon (I keep telling myself)

97 done.....................47 to go

95 & 96............2/3rds there!!!

I am pretty late posting I suffered from some pretty severe side effects on Thursday night and Friday. I had a fever and terrible nausea. As soon as I feel like I can track my side effects and learn to monitor them. They do something totally out of pattern. Well Friday was a bad day and as soon as I started feeling a bit normal. It was time for another injection. But on the up side Today I am 2/3 through my treatment.. HOORAY! This is the beginning of Melanoma National Awareness Month . Trust me if anyone reads my blog and chooses not to use sun block (especially people under 18) you are flirting with a horrible consequence. And don't think it cannot happen to you, it happened to me and has not only turned my life upside down but everyone I care about too. It does not just affect you but your friends, family, co-workers. Please - PREVENT SUNBURNS and over exposure!
OK I will get off my soap box. But I only say these things because I care, and trust me this is not a fun thing to endure. With the onset of summer and fun in the sun, please remember to apply sunblock.


96 down........48 to go

94... done.....

94 injections over.....ha I just realized my blog must look like the old song 99 bottles of beer. Only this should be 144 viles of interferon. I know it sounds pretty hokey.

I cannot believe how the temperature has been so out of control. It feels like July. In the 90s this week and last friday there was frost on my windshield.

94 down.........50 to go

93 over...whew

Friday was my monthly visit to the cancer center, and my oncologist. I also hit the urology office for the records to take to the new doctor in Philadelphia. Whew what a busy day. My Oncologist was very happy with my blood counts.

We went to Rehoboth this weekend for the Italian Heritage Club. ( Mikes Mom and Dad are members). John and Bernadette joined us, we then went to the boardwalk. There was a Little League parade, Mike sat there cheering on each team, it was funny watching the kids get excited as he cheered for him. (You would think he was at a Phillies Game or something) As the parade ended the last car was a police car so he yelled at the very end GO...Cops!. The officer looked over and gave him a thumbs up. It was pretty funny. err maybe you needed to be there.

There was a World War 2 exhibit - that was very informative . It is good to remember how our country stuck together then. Pretty different with all the idiots in Washington. I think they have forgotten just why they are in office. But I won't use this as a political forum.

We had lunch and headed for home....whew I was wiped out. Glad Sunday is a day of rest.

93 done..........51 to go

92.... over

Today is a sad day. Our sweet mama robin was viciously attacked and killed by the evil cat across the street. The cat ripped the nest out of the holly tree tore up the nest and half ate the robin. I have never seen such a vicious result of an animal attack.

I don't know whether the cat is to blame or the cats owner. That cat uses our front flower beds as its personal litter box. (really stinks)We have talked to her about the nuisance but she simply says cats will be cats.

Is that what Jesus said love thy neighbor. Does that mean her cat too?

Side effects were manageable, though I suffered from a rough bout of nausea.

So.......92 down .......52 to go

90 and 91.... done

The weekend was absolutely wonderful! I posted a album called a day without Cancer. We went to Fenwick Island and Ocean City, spent the day with John and Bernadette and Otto too. Ellie and Otto played on the beach we walked on the boardwalk. Ate good food and laughed a lot. It was truly like old times. Wow I almost forgot what it feels like to be a normal person (without cancer).

Today started out pretty gloomy and rainy but the sun came out and it ended up being a very nice afternoon, if only the side effects could go away with the rain, then life would be a good thing. This robins nest is in a holly tree right outside our front door. Every time we use the door the mama attacks. That is new ... we have an attack robin. She does a better job than our German Shepard Ellie.

91 down........53 to go

89.........getting closer

The sun is SHINING!!!

I was startled seeing the bright light outside.

How I missed it.

Side effects are manageable today,

I think the sun shining seems to be helping to ease the "evil" side effects.

89 down...................55 to go