Good bye my friend

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
—Isaiah 43

Last night a good friend of mine lost the battle with her cancer. I have had a difficult time accepting this, just the other day we were discussing the plans we had made after we beat our cancer. We both had and have stage IV melanoma, and it just somehow doe not makes sense that I am doing pretty well, while her family is mourning her loss. God is in control. No matter how much you think you have every thing going according to your will, it does not matter. Because ultimately we are only characters in the play of life, and God has written the script.
So my good friend, I will say goodbye, and as I fight the beast, it will be for the both of us. If God allows me to win it will be a victory for all of us that have faced the beast. Good bye Tammy my friend you will be missed.

Wow what a ride!

Whew
It has been forever since I last posted. There have been many twists and turns with my cancer journey. Some good and some not so good, but all these hurdles have strengthened my faith in more ways than one can express I guess I can only Praise God for all the experiences I am allowed to enjoy and learn from.

Psalms 40:1-3
I waited patiently for God to help me; then He listened and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out from the bog and the mire, and set my feet on a hard, firm path and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, of praises to our God. Now many will hear of the glorious things He did for me, and stand in awe before the Lord, and put their trust in Him.

Happy New Year!

A lot has happened since my last posting on the 16th. We were prepped and ready for my surgery on the 21st. Everything was done for Christmas, the house work, laundry, groceries, packed and dog arrangements all done and I was on the clear liquid diet for the surgery, everything was ready. Whew! 8:30 pm I get a call from the doctor, they postponed my surgery!@#@! Well I guess this was a sign from God that it should not be that day, after the insurance mess and now this. In retrospect God does work in wondrous ways! On the 22nd we received over 2 feet of snow, yep the dreaded "nor'easter" this pretty much shut down the whole mid-Atlantic area. I cannot imagine Mike trying to get me home after such an intense surgery with all the snow. I think about a possible accident, or how bad it would be sliding off the road after being released from the hospital, especially without extra pain medication.....did I tell you God is awesome. I think sometimes life's inconveniences are truly unnoticed miracles!

22nd of December was my official last day at Moon, funny how you think that loosing a job that encompassed your life for 8+ years I should have felt sad, devastated or even angry. I only felt relief. Relief that I did not have to deal with all the petty issues that seemed so important a few years ago. Relief that I would not have to "play" nice to the office manager that was such a control freak. The last few years of my employment she would take great delight in being as rude, nasty and down right mean. so I say Good riddance. I will not miss the "drama" there. She thought she was doing the ultimate rotten thing to me. But I had the last laugh. It was more of a blessing than she knew. I fear if she would have known that I would still have to drag myself in there day after day for the degradation that she so delighted to make me endure. I feel like a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders!

Kale flew in for Christmas! It is always such a wonderful gift to see any of the kids. We had a quiet Christmas and then spent the 26th at Mom and Dad Gentiles for our family Christmas party. It was such a wonderful day! The only thing that would have made it better would have been to have Krystal, Cory, Ethan, Bryton, Teresa and Gary there as well. Krystal and Cory bought us a web cam for Christmas. What a wonderful gift, to be able to see each other and watch the kids grow!

I had my surgery on the 29th at Johns Hopkins, it was tough but I made it through. They removed 4 more tumors, originally they thought there was only one large one, but after they opened me up there were 3 more. So all of my right inguinal and femoral lymph nodes were removed. Wow did I tell you how bad it hurt and how bad it hurt..it hurt really bad! So I spent New Years Eve and New Years Day in the hospital. (they were awesome 5 stars) I totally recommend Johns Hopkins! After a quick course with the Physical Therapists to learn how to adapt to being home and the challenges this surgery brings. Mike brought me home on Saturday the 2nd and I have been celebrating small achievements. Things like putting on my own pajama bottoms without help, eating solid food, getting into the bathroom on my own and best of all getting to take a shower. Wow you don't appreciate things until you cannot do them. I will find out in a couple of weeks the pathology and if there are further treatments that I need to fight this horrible beast called Melanoma.

All in all this year has started out with a bang! Some who look at things with a distorted view would be very pessimistic, but I have nothing but optimism for tomorrow and the next day. I know God has an adventure in store for me and I can hardly wait to see what the next page of my story will bring!

Happy New Year to you! 2010 is going to be great, buckle in and get ready for the ride!

I am still updating my blog, even though I have blocked it for a short while. There are some people from where I used to work that I do not want them to have any information about me. They would somehow twist my information to suit their agenda. So for now I do apologize.

Today I am trying to think of all I need to do to prepare myself once again for surgery. I get to go on the clear liquid diet again, and emotionally prep myself for this go around.

Tomorrow my surgery is scheduled for 7:30 we need to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 am so I think we will have to leave at 3:00am. Mikes Mom and Dad are coming tonight, they will be bringing Mike dinner and spend the night. Mikes Mom will go to the hospital with us, I am so glad she will be there for Mike. And his Dad is staying at the house to watch the dog. I don't know what I did to get a Mom and Dad as awesome as they are. I am speechless and feel so humbled from the love they have shown us.

My own parents don't ever call or even seem concerned about my health. But my parents told me years ago they put conditions on their love. I am just so thankful to finally know what it feels like to have a Mom and Dad that cares. I really hit the jackpot when I met Mike, not only did I get an awesome husband, but a wonderful Mom and Dad too! So with their support, I feel like I am in good hands.

Another Surgery

I received a call from the Oncology Surgeon at Johns Hopkins Monday. She told me they would like me to have the surgery Friday. She will remove the mass inside the pelvic girdle then remove all of the lymph nodes in the groin area (inguinal node dissection) Then since the primary site had no additional treatment she will be removing all of the lymph nodes under my arm (Axillary lymph node dissection). Also since the kidney surgery was done so recent there will need to be another stent. So my whole right side will be stitched up.

This was stressful enough, with Christmas preparations that need to be done before the surgery. But to throw another log on the fire, I was notified from the pharmacy that the insurance was denied. After looking into what caused the glitch, I found out that my employer canceled my insurance and put me on COBRA without saying a word to me. Well to make a long story short after 2 days of phone calls, tears and worrying, I think we are back on track. I am so thankful the pharmacy let me know otherwise I can't imagine what would have happened. The part that I think made me the most angry with the whole thing was I have been sending my employer the premiums for the last 3 months and technically I am still employed. I think that what they did broke quite a few laws.

Well at least now all I have to worry about is the surgery. I do have to say I think this is the surgery I am most worried about. This one is going to be rough....did I already say that? Well I see that I am rambling... So we will be heading out Friday morning at 3:30 am, we need to arrive at the hospital 5:30am and the surgery is scheduled for 7:30am. The surgeon says it should take 6 or 7 hours to remove the mass but with the dissections I am not sure how long I will be on the table this time.
It will be a hard day for Mike and he has been sick this week, I think I worry about him more than me. Say a prayer for Mike and myself.

Still holding.....

Well not too much has happened since the last post. I have had quite a few tests and it seems that each test that is done opens a door for a new test. I met with my new team of Oncologists today, (well there are 2 ). They sent me to Hopkins for one more test and gave me 3 scenarios of what might be the next course of action, pending the results of the 3 tests that were done today and the consult needed with the surgeon. So here I am sighing and wising I would know what is in store. Maybe I should savor this time of not knowing, it could be a blessing in disguise.

Here we go....again

Quite a bit has happened since my last post. So here is the abbreviated version:

We had the additional tests done, waited for results, then back to the surgeons office, she sent us to the hospital for a biopsy. The radiologist would not do it. She said it was too invasive. So she consulted with my surgeon. After waiting another weekend to speak with someone, my surgeon called me and said it would be better if I went to someone who specializes in this type of surgery.

So I have an appointment to see a Melanoma surgeon at Johns Hopkins. I feel better that I will be going to someone

who actually specializes in my cancer.

Anyway we are off to Baltimore this morning, I am a bit nervous since the Oncologist and Surgeon told me they did not know of anyone in Delaware that could do this surgery. I am not sure what that means, but I translate it to "OUCH".

I am really getting tired of all this, and wished I could get back to some sort of normalcy.

Here we go again!

More Tests

Mike and I went to the Surgeons office on Thursday. She was very informative, before she schedules a surgery she wanted to do another test to make sure we are not dealing with a reading that might be compromised. So I had my test yesterday and will see the surgeon again next Monday for the results. So we are in the waiting mode.
Thursday we go to Philadelphia for another appointment with my Urologist, hopefully all will go well.
So thats about all that is going on in my life.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Here we go again

I am not sure how to begin this post....but you know me to my credit or demise I am brutally blunt. So here goes:
Mike and I received some pretty disturbing news yesterday. My PET scan results showed there is another lymph node mass "most likely reoccurent melanoma" there was also something about the muscle being targeted. So my Oncologist made an appointment with my Surgeon for next Thursday, she might not be able to handle this type of surgery. My Oncologist said they may need to refer me to Johns Hopkins or a cancer specialist in one of the many hospitals in Philadelphia. I am hoping and praying we can do this locally, these trips to Philadelphia and Baltimore are brutal (especially coming home from my last surgery).

Right now we are trying not to worry to much and know what ever the outcome will be is in Gods hands.
We ask for your prayers.

Pet Scan

This morning I had my PET/CT Scan. It was really hard to lie there for 45 minutes without moving, with the discomfort of the incisions, but I made it...whew. All in all the appointment took almost 3 hours. Now its a waiting game until I get the results back. We probably will not know the results until early next week. (at least thats what the radiologist said).