Saturday, June 30, 2007
One more week to...
Posted by Jo at 11:17 AM
Thursday, June 07, 2007
For sure You do
When I wrote my previous entry, I superficially glanced through the knots in my life which needed to be untied, without ever really meaning to put any effort into untying them. 10 minutes ago, it suddenly struck me that I have a big knot which I have been reluctant to do much about.I have been going through a rough patch at work for the past months because of the behaviour of one colleague which has never failed to get on my nerves. Well, to cut the long story short, it's complicated. Not as straight-forward a problem as it seems and therefore, I doubt there is a straight-forward solution for it. There were many external factors and events which snowballed to what it is today and no matter how hard I try, I'm unable to fully articulate and express my experiences. So I don't expect anyone to understand what I'm going through at work. As such, I don't appreciate being judged for feeling the way I do.
The struggles at work brings with it a lot of prayers: Me asking God what to do next, what is the real problem, and how do I deal with the situation. But deep down, I knew it'll take a miracle for me to truly let go and let God.
Well, it turns out that this colleague of mine is leaving the company, much to my relief of course. Some may argue that this is a temporary remedy of my problems and I haven't really solved the root problem and hence, I may face a similar issue in future. I have pondered on this, and it has bothered me. I desperately wanted to be honest with myself, but in the process, I think the entire situation has made me more confused and uncertain about myself. Well, at least until everything made sense 10 minutes ago.
Little did I know that all this while, I have been asking God to untie this knot of mine through my constant prayers. And guess what, He did! He did by removing this soon-to-be-ex-colleague out of my life. He did by allowing me to let go of my grudges without having to engage in any blood bath. He did by stopping me from doing or saying anything that could have made things worse. He did by giving me the grace to fully let go and to be at peace with myself and with my colleague.
Being the person that I usually am, you may probably think that I'm paying lip service. Knowing me, I probably am, for the sake of creating a perfect follow-up entry to prove a point on my blog. But being the person that I am now, someone who has taken a keen interest in reading the bible and learning more about God again , I would like to believe that I have become a better person, a more forgiving and less judgmental one. I'm not claiming to be the perfect role model. But for the here-and-now, I just wanted to put it on the record that indeed, I have untied my knot. Sorry, correct that. GOD has untied my knot. And for that, I feel thankful and liberated.
