Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The long and short of it.

Just as the curtains fell on an inspiringly awesome concert, I'm psyching myself up for another - Jason Mraz. 17 March 2006. Esplanade concert hall. 90 friggin bucks. Ever wondered how you could do scat, jazz, rap and pop all at the same time? Well, Jason can surely show you how. The 'rojak-ness' of his melodious tunes, the laidback attitude and scruffy hair, the all-alluring voice. Oh man, I'm being catapulted to euphoria just by the mere thought of seeing him 'live'.

It's 6 days since my job interview. I have, by now, gotten over the disappointment of it all. On hindsight, I believe the job really wasn't meant to be. Just thinking about the traffic jams that will lead to the office were a headache on its own. Plus the late nights and weekends that I'll have to spend at work would mean less time in church and with family and friends. To top it off, I have zero experience in sub-editing or atas food critiquing. I do however, remember how painful the rejection felt. I once did an IQ test which said that I am someone who can do almost anything in life and succeed in it. I don't know how true that is, but I know that this is the career path for me and I was prepared to give it my all if I had landed the job. Uncle Mike was one of the first people I smsed after receiving the news and this is what he said to me..."Oops!? Never mind, He knows better than us. There were times when I had wanted something very much, but was disappointed with the outcome. Then, He gave me something better. So thank Him!" Of course, considering my state of mind then, the last thing I wanted to do was thank Him. In my heart, I know He would eventually give me something better. But meanwhile, having to deal with an unexpected and mundane future really makes me cringe. So for now, it's back to the waiting game for me.

The story about the paralytic who was healed when his four friends brought him to Jesus had always struck a chord in my heart. Although there are so many miraculous healing stories in the gospels, this one's different because it also talks about friendship. Before the youth mass started last Sat, I was seriously pissed off with my brother who refused to help me carry my guitar. (I was already carrying my own bag and my laptop bag.) So as I brought a heart filled with frustration into church, I remember kneeling before God and praying that He will remove this anger from me. Then came this segment during mass where we were supposed to bring someone to the altar and pray for him/her. And when my bro turned around and signalled for me to join him at the altar, my heart kinda melted. *Awww...* Well, to begin with, I totally didn't expect him to think of me. And as the two of us were kneeling before the cross, everything fell into place for me. For that moment, I was put into the shoes of the paralytic, feeling so numb and diseased, brought before Jesus so that He could heal me. And who better to bring me to Him other than my dearest bro. This was my prayer to Jesus – "Lord, help me to love my brother..." I know I do love him but somehow, it's just hidden behind layers of frustration, lack of communication and taken-for-granted notions. I supposed a little brotherly love is a good thing.

What is the similarity between having a bunch of good friends and falling in love? Ans: It makes you glow. Aren't we humans such relationship-desiring creatures? Recently, I got reacquainted with an old friend and I made a new one. Also known as my 'cyber buddies', Gab and Hermie have been lighting up my days with our daily online chats and talks about office crap, church babble and basically everything under the sun. Last Saturday, Hil, Matt, Gab, Hermie, Lyn and myself had an impromptu bbq-cum-board games night at Ben's place. On one hand, I missed spending the Saturday evening with MPM. At the same time, it was such a refreshing change of environment. I guess I shouldn't be saying this, but I don't think I should feel guilty about enjoying the evening. I really did enjoy myself and felt so free - in the sense that I didn't really have to worry about how I behaved or what I said because...truth is, we are all a bunch of young adults.

Change is inevitable, even though we may fight it sometimes.

Posted by Jo at 5:37 PM

Monday, February 13, 2006

Corrinized

Yesterday was the 15th and last day of the Chinese New Year. Instead of spending the evening having yu-sheng with my family, I found myself all snuggled up in the NUS Cultural Centre, lost in the sounds of a talented and inspirational locally-bred singer.

I have never considered myself to be a true-blue Corrinne May fan. In fact, I felt the slightest degree of cognitive dissonance the moment I sat myself down in that hall. But of course, throughout the performance, I found myself immersing deeper and deeper into her music that eventually, I wished it would never end.

Such a soul. Such a voice. Certain songs found its way into my heart and really tugged at my strings. In all, I'd give the concert an 8/10 rating. To top it off, I'm glad I shared the evening with Jac, Addi, Rach and Hil.=)

Posted by Jo at 9:33 PM

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Hung up

When I saw Madonna sprancing around in her 1980s tight-fit costume, I was partly amused but mostly squeamish. After all, she is 48, married with two kids and certainly looks like a 'has-been'. To be honest, I was even surprised to see her at the GRAMMY awards. But as I watched on, I found myself enjoying every bit of the performance. From the virtual images of the Gorillaz to the perfectly choreographed dance steps, I was slowly but surely turning into a fan of hers once again.

Of all the American award shows, I love watching the GRAMMY mainly because of the star-studded performances. Apart from the minor technical hiccups, everything was a class act. This may sound a little over-the-top but the GRAMMY was, to me, the epitome of musical entertainment.

But hmmm...wait a minute, out pops Mariah Carey, U2, Paul McCartney and of course Ms Ma-Ma Madonna herself. Have we been transported back in time? Has the GRAMMY turned into a tribute show for the industry's 'has-beens'?

Incidentally, I myself feel like a 'has-been' this week, ever since stepping down from YC. But after watching the GRAMMY awards, I think I've woken up my idea...While doing the things you love, there's no such consequence as a 'has-been'. The passion in you cannot be suppressed, not by time, not by circumstance. Similarly for me, although I'm no longer serving in the YC, it doesn't mean that life stops there. In fact, just like these performers, I ought to continually perfect my craft. After all, a light, no matter how bright or dim, cannot be hidden under a bowl.

Posted by Jo at 12:07 AM

Monday, February 06, 2006

Closure.

The past week left me feeling very disillusioned. I was barely out of the CNY mood when work struck me hard. It was the last days of my office term and I was frantically preparing for camp and AGM, so much so that I've been either too tired or too busy to "officially" step down. Or, in my words - To have closure.

Nevertheless, the weekend came and left. Although I often spoke about how I've been waiting for this day to arrive, it was rather difficult leaving behind something which I've put my heart and soul into the past three years. The weekend was an emotional time for me. I may not have shown it but a part of me was eating itself up slowly. I'm already beginning to miss it. Somebody pls shoot me. Shucks.

It truly is a very bitter-sweet feeling. As I look back on the past three years, so much has happened and so many things I wish didn't happen. So much I look upon with pride and so much I wish I could rewind and start over.

Oh well, enough said. This entry will be my closure as I look forward to a new chapter in my life. And what better way to end it off then to share with you my closing address which was prepared for the AGM (This is the uncut version. I had to shorten due to time constraints.)

So, here's me, the ex-president of the youth council, signing off for now.
_________________________________________________________

Good afternoon everyone. My name is Joann and I am the president of the youth council...The outgoing president. That is probably the last time I'm going to introduce myself that way because today, you will be electing your new president.

For starters, let me tell you a joke. Make sure you laugh...Why did the chicken cross the road? (Get some answers from audience). Ok, the chicken crossed the road because it was on its way to the AGM. (Laughs). So welcome everyone to the Youth Annual General Meeting 2006!

Before I continue any further, let me introduce to you two very special and important groups of people. The first is the outgoing batch of YC leaders. (Get them to stand. Clap.) These are your leaders whom I've been working with for the past two or three years. The people I've journeyed with and fought with. Some of them I know, have put in their heart into this movement. And today, we want to pay tribute to them and remind them that their reward is great in heaven.

The second group of people I'd like to introduce are all the "energy bunnies". They just came back from camp and are all passionate and eager to lead this movement. Can I invite all the XPLC leaders to stand. (Get them to stand. Clap.) Don't worry, everyone will get a chance to meet the nominees who are standing for elections when they give their presentation later on. And in case you don't get to meet them upclose and personal, there will be a photo-taking and meet-the-cabinet ministers downstairs later. (Laughs) I've been told to add in some jokes to calm the nerves of the nominees.

Anyway, on to something a little more serious. I remember the day I was elected as Vice-president of YC three years old. There was a little ceremony here in the attic and our then Spiritual Director Fr Andrew, came around to light the candles of the office bearers. That was a special moment for me because at that moment, I felt God's call to be the light of the world. I still have that tall white candle at home, sitting in the middle of my little altar. This morning, as I was doing my last minute preparations, I opened my journal and found a small blotch of wax on one of the pages. And underneath the wax, there was a scribbly note written by myself which says, "Lord, let this be my commitment to love and serve you faithfully." I'm glad I kept my promise to Him. And today, I'm really glad to be passing this light to the next generation of youth leaders. Seeing them at the XPLC camp has reassured me of God's presence in this movement.

If you ask me what is my biggest contribution in the YC? Frankly, I'd say nothing much. Apart from the usual activities and events, I really don't think I've done enough. But there is one thing which I'm glad I did - I put my entire heart and soul into this movement. There were nights when I would go to bed, crying myself to sleep. Some nights, I would be so angry that I'll sleep with a belly of frustrations. But of course, there were nights when I was so happy that I'll be praising God in my sleep. I know that some of the outgoing leaders will share my sentiments because I've seen the efforts that they have put in. So my dear brothers and sisters, if you should learn anything from us, pls learn to give it all. Give all your heart because you'll have nothing much to lose.

As I conclude, I would like to share a bible passage with you. I know that some of you may have heard this a gazillion times, but pls allow me to share this with you, for the last time. This passage has guided me through the ups and downs in the past three years. It has given me strength to continue and through this, I know that God has been with me all the way.

"Be shepherds over the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it as God does: Don't do it because you have to, but because you want to. Don't do it out of greed, but out of a desire to serve. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will be given the unfading crown of glory." 1Peter5:2-4

Thank you all for your support, guidance and prayers in the past three years. I pray that you'll continue to support the new batch of youth leaders.

Thank you.

Posted by Jo at 11:06 PM