well, it's fairly obvious most blog walkers just walk

Why so?If they had, they would've seen what I said below about my feelings about blog walking. Whee. I DON'T WANT to read your newest entry especially if that's the only thing you say on the shoutbox.

One of the benefits of blogwalking is 'Generally, most bloggers are interested to know if people like their blogs, and appreciate your visit. They are likely to do a visit to your blog either out of curiosity or just as a courtesy.'
Right. That's kinda true. But not if you make that kind of visit to my blog. If you want me to go to your blog and read, at least extend me the same courtesy. Or at least, stop writing the same things. That's what's irritating me.

Rant over. Ok.

I need someone to teach me not to care. Because I care too much, things which people do can hurt me. I genuinely hurt when you do. And I hate that you're unhappy, so I try my best to cheer you up without pushing you. And the thing is, sometimes the people I care for, don't feel the same compulsion to care back. Which is not surprising, after all I can't expect you to care just because I do, but it does makes one feel...well, hurt. Sometimes, they say or do things without thought to how it could potentially wound not just me, but any person. I care too much. And it's killing me. The other party hurts, and you try to be there for them. Sometimes in the end, it means that no one is there for you. Because when they are unburdening to you, you listen. And since they are hurting from their own problems, you can't voice out your own so that you don't add to theirs. Picture this scenario. You are telling someone about your worries and problems that weigh heavily on you. Then once you finish(or sometimes even before then), the person goes 'That sounds terrible. Cheer up. Hey, you know what? I lost my phone the day before and------' and so on and so forth. It feels like the other person doesn't actually listen. I know that people will say things like 'so?does that mean you keep all to yourself?' or 'are you stupid?pushover much?' but there's a difference. It's a borderline difference that is in that grey area between black and white. You care, they don't. It does sound pathetic, like complaining and I get that. But it can feel like a sacrifice. And too much sacrifice can eat away at you bit by bit. At times too, the other party takes out their anger on you, not directly, but sort of. Is it because they don't actually care that they feel no compunction saying things that hurt? They might have not meant it, or is it that I take things too seriously. I don't know. I don't have the answers. I don't want to voice out those feelings above to my friends. I don't want them to think that I don't want to listen to them or that I resent them for it. I don't want them to feel like they have failed or think 'since she thinks this way, might as well not tell her'. I don't resent them for it. I just wish that it's not just me. It's really very hard to unburden to someone who doesn't care. And while I don't usually take too much to heart your words, at times, I also weaken and what would usually not hurt suddenly stabs in with the force of a thrust. But then, you don't notice or know. And that's when a smile truly hides away everything.

Emo time over. Cute kitty time starts.

and a very very very cute cat picture I saw.

that kitty is so so so cute. But Toothless of How To Train Your Dragon is cuter. Don't have a certain screenshot of him I want to take yet but~~~all in due time.

And today I had a shock. A friend on mine is dating another friend(whom I know less well actually). And I only found out today. It wasn't that I had never thought it wouldn't happen between them. I mean, I teased her about it months ago. It's just kinda a shock that she didn't tell me. Like how things can come as a shock even though you kinda anticipated it. Needless to say, I was bursting with questions. But it was neither the time nor the place. So I shall save my questions for later. Bleh. Going to bed nao.

I cannot stand the art of that bloody artist

Ok, it's rant time. I.HATE.GOONG. The manga i mean. Not that I like the drama either but I hate the manga. The normal art is so-so, rather unique and does have its own beauty...BUT..the author just HAS to add in stupid faces at the wrong times at the wrong places on her characters. It's like, she's trying for humour, but failing epicly. Like, instead of laughing...my face is like..bleh..trying too hard hey woman?..lemme give you an example below from that manga

 example 01

 As you can see, the art is originally normal, quite nice even. THEN cue sparkly eyes..which is the herald for major epic fail at humor...which leads us to the next page

Cue stupid face. Which is just disgusting. Look at that sniff sniff sniff nose. The, how do I describe it, hideous facial features. And then I have two more examples..below

 At the top left hand corner, you see her caricatured face. Which I wanted to tear apart. And it goes back to normal for the next few panels...until....

 BLOODY HELL..do you see what I mean? That face is just..disgusting. disgusting disgusting. Let me try and explain. When I read comics, obviously they caricaturise(is that even a word?I think it's supposed to be caricature but meh) faces in a lot of them BUT most of the time, they're cute..like a few examples I shall show below. But this manga Goong?It feels like they cheapen the value of the art with those caricatures. It's really really ugly do you know that? Reading it and coming across those exaggerated faces makes me feel dirty and put off. The two types of art just clash together very very badly, like...er..Neon pink and squash yellow? It just doesn't MATCH dammit. Hell, you probably don't agree with me or you probably even LIKE those 'drawings' but I sure as hell don't and I don't mind saying it. To each his own.
The examples I chose came from Mirumo de Pon. It's more of the classical shoujo style with sparklies, lots of toners and detailed lines. It was the only one I could think of for a counter example.

 The face near the bottom. The nervous, blushing, tiny eyed face. My point is, it blends very nicely with the original art without overdoing it.
 Next

This one has glee, joy, smugness and shock. Is it overexaggerated?No, is it clashing? No.
 Final one

Shock etc etc etc. Does it make you feel like neon pink and squash yellow? I don't know about you, but it sure doesn't for me. I rest my case
 Oh wait. There is kinda one more example of a Korean manga (coz Mirumo de Pon is Japanese) that has stunning art but doesn't resort to hideous gags to get its point across. Check out Bride of the Water God. I love the art. Example below

This is the artwork from Bride of the Water God. Super gorgeous. The story is killing me though as there is no ending yet....and the suspense is murder.

This is the artwork from Goong. As you can see, both have nice artwork(I personally prefer BotWG..Like Duh) but the distinction is that one has epic fail gags and disgusting in-between artwork.

One rant down. Let me think of some more. Meanwhile I shall announce.

 GAIDEN OVA 2 IS OUT. Made me cry I tell you. It was just so sad. And it wasn't even till Tenpou's story yet. Just Kenren's. I still prefer the manga better coz the manga is epic and as I said before, one of the best manga I have ever read. The way emotions are handled, relationships are built, the story telling...it was all so beautiful. What makes it so so freaking sad is that, you know from the beginning that the story would end in tragedy because its a prequel. I look forward to the day that Saiyuki Reload Blast finally reaches the point where all their past comes into play.Although I know that Sanzo will never be how Konzen was. I loved the father-son relationship between Goku and Konzen though. Sanzo might be Konzen's reincarnation. But he isn't Konzen and he can't act like him. Oh the beautiful beautiful Gaiden. I might even make an entire post all about Gaiden. Characters, story, relationships..etc..but that's for another day. Btw, I'm not a fan of yaoi. Not at all. Maybe the tiniest hint of shounen-ai...but even then no..I think what draws me is not shounen-ai(which I don't like) but the closeness of the relationship, that intimacy between two people that doesnt have to translate to you know....say for example, Prince of Tennis. Heck, I love Fuji and Tezuka interactions, I squeal when I see pictures where they are both inside, laughing or smiling, or just enjoying the breeze. Like being the close friends they are. But give me a picture of them kissing, or God forbid, making out....I run...in the opposite direction. Something about it just doesn't sit right with me. I love it when deep friendship is portrayed. But not more than that. Lemme show you a few of Tezuka and Fuji. Or wait, just one would suffice since I want to use the other's in my still-under-thought Gaiden post.

 There, they're both studying in the library. Nice and happy. Great friends. Yay.

Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro. Firstly, anyone who first begins reading it, might be put off by the art. Or just feel weird. I was, I admit. The art is really unique. For me, I have not seen any other manga artist who draws just like MTNN's artist does. But if you continue reading chapter by chapter, you begin to appreciate the uniqueness of the art, you begin to realise that its actually reaaaaallly difficult to draw the way the person does. And then finally, you see the beauty in the art. You begin to think Neuro is hot(which he is btw). Sure, there's some disproportionation at times, but you get used to it. Plus, it just suits the ambiance of the entire story.

And after I wrote this post,  I went and re-read the entire MTNN series again. It's still as good as ever everytime I re-read it. Took quite awhile to get thru 202 chapters in a few hours. But I did it. And I remembered again why Neuro is one of my favourite characters. Sometimes in the series, you forget that he's really sadistic but then one bad guy comes along and does something that Neuro doesn't like, say for example, killing people and thus killing any chances of puzzles forming. THEN we are reminded once again that Neuro is a sadistic and powerful demon, with emphasis on the sadistic.

Well, that isn't what he usually wears but it looks good on him. I couldn't find a satisfactory one of him in his normal clothes though.

Here's another when he was in a ponytail and stole. And looking great. The only sad thing is that he only wears these when his power has been drained really badly. Which doesn't happen often. Pity that.

And that is kinda how he looks normally, with that misleading bright smile and supposedly innocent mien. To contradict that, that scorpion creature belongs to him, just fyi you know.

HAHA!I guess that's as long as the post is gonna be today. I'm tired.

I decided to make this post from before(12/10) permanent instead of temporary. SO.rewriting...

I have three pictures that represent my(supposed) views towards facing a problem. Why supposed? Coz I don't necessarily follow them. HAHA

Firstly, we have Perseverance. You have to persevere, in order to work out how to solve that problem. If you give up halfway, it's never gonna get done. Therefore I present Perseverance. The picture is a leeetle strange. Would you persevere in the face of a huge....er...is that a tornado or a cyclone?..well, whatever, it had to be either one..or even a hurricane. I vote tornado. Anyways, I would run if I had to face that thing. Perseverance in the face of that cannot be labelled perseverance. We normal people call it stupidity.

Say hi to the cute dust tornado up there. HI.

Next, we have CHARGE. Once you have figured out how to solve your teeny problem, it's time to charge and fix it! Not to dawdle..or procrastinate...or go on facebook(hehe..guilty). And here we have a picture of a cute kitty, stampeding its way through a nice green field of flowers. ARE those flowers?Hard to see from the blurry edges. Such determination on that small face. There must be a mouse or two somewhere in the grass. Or fish.

 Finally ACHIEVEMENT. When you've fixed the problem that is being such a pain, you feel a sense of achievement! Or, if not that, relief that you got it over with. That's how I feel most of the time anyway. The picture is very boring by the way. If I get an achievement for every basket I throw, I would be so successful. And my aim isn't all that accurate.

ANYWAYS. its GRACE WONG'S BIRTHDAY TODAY. She is now 21. Same as I am. And she can't deny it any longer. She persists in saying that she's nineteen. In the words of a friend......'PSH...LIES' She can't be born in 1990 and still be 19 in 2011. Unless she went back in time. Or did plastic surgery.
...............ok...that didn't make sense at all. Back to topic. HAHA, I hope that she doesn't get 'sabo' today. 'Sabo' as in sabotaged. Like an initiation ceremony into the revered ranks of those who are one and twenty. Last year, she was water-ballooned. And screaming, 'NOT MY HAIR!'
But when all is said and done, I really do hope that she has a memorable birthday, a really great one. I liked my birthday, but I know better than anyone that mine can't compare to hers in some aspects.
Here's how her last year birthday splashing looked like

 

The one throwing the balloon is me, just so you know. Of course, in the actual thing, there were more people, but I don't have the space or time to draw them. Drawing Grace and I are sufficient. Its kinda amazing how she and I and two other guys have known each other for the 21 years we have existed in this world. Grace, Gabriel(one of the guys) and I have known each other from the time we were born. Probably even before then. We maintain that we skyped while we were still unborn. We conveniently ignored the fact that Skype didn't exist then. We even have pictures of our mothers taking a picture together, all heavily pregnant with us. Amos( the last guy) came a bit later. He's the oldest out of the four of us but we knew him a little later. Still, the guys are idiots. I say that with the utmost affection.

I made this for Kan's birthday!

Well, this is the only place I can save it since my bloody computer won't let me send any pics to anyone via facebook msg. MEH. How I wish I knew how to Photoshop something.

AM COMPLETELY..FRIGGIN...PISSED OFF

I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. My WoW folder has completely and totally decided to be a stuck up sfdkjgvbkhabhb...and is now beyond repair. I can't access WoW..and I can't get in..or do any bloody thing. I am this close...THIS CLOSE..to saying f-and so on...AAND..my brother can't bring his laptop apparently coz its too FAR...SOME FRIGGIN BIRTHDAY THIS IS...i hate it currently. WHAT THE HELL..........

Well, not about Beauty and the Beast after all

Just a random post i guess. I don't have the energy to invest right now in a whole detailed B&B post. Consider me lazy. Totally random, but blogwalkers.........I don't quite know what to say about you lot. I don't want nor intend to be mean or anything, but if you are gonna walk on someone's blog, please don't leave the same message everytime?Or perhaps say something relevant? Unless its an automated thing or something..then I don't have any comments. BUT to see the same(if not slightly different in wording or language) message everytime i check my blog, can be a little...irritating. Especially if I might be having the mother of all bad days. Makes me think to hell with checking blogs. But like I said, if its an automated thing, I desist. Not your fault anyway, and I can understand people wanting others to check out their blogs.

Haven't been in much of a good mood lately. I can't tell if its just random mood swings or a build-up of other problems. I suspect the latter. Which makes me moody at best and downright annoyed at the worst. Which is putting it rather mildly. If everytime you hurt, you can see some injury of some sort, it would be so much easier coz you know what and where you have to treat. But when there's no visible evidence...makes it rather tough to pinpoint the problem.

Well, the main point is, I'm not in my best condition. I need a break=.='''...from everything and everyone.  Best way would be to go home where my parents are. Which ain't possible now. Maybe on my birthday I will go on a trip by myself to somewhere I've really wanted to goXD..sounds much more promising. At least I have something to look forward to. Yay!

I'm not completely sure what that Chinese character means(and I'm supposed to I think) but the expression is good enough

I will be so so so glad to go back to Brunei when the year ends, where everything is much cheaper, the food better, I know where I stand there and most importantly, where my family is. Home is where the heart is after all.

Quotes.

You know, out there, there's like so many sweet quotes. A heck lot. Some of them make me cringe. Some of them make me stare. And some of them just make me go awww..or they give me the 'flash'. I believe that's what Emily of New Moon called it. A strange beautiful feeling that you only get when you see or hear or think certain things. It's called a flash because, it comes upon you just like a flash of light, brief but beautiful. And remains a memory. I saw one earlier, and one part of the quote was something i felt was meaningful
--->
"When I say goodbye, promise me you won't cry. Cause the day I'll be saying that would be the day I die"

It's not the words as much as the sentiment behind it that makes me feel something. It's a promise, that the only goodbye said will not be a goodbye made of changed decisions or something that is short term, but rather that it will only be said when things beyond human control happen. I didn't explain that very well, but oh well, at least i know what I meant. One could argue I suppose, that the person could die tomorrow, which is true. But most people do not expect to die until they grow old, and that's what makes this promise so beautiful. It's promising the rest of their life, no matter how long it is, to be with the other.

And there's another, it goes like this

If I could be any part of you

I'd be your tears

To be conceived in your heart

born in your eyes

live on your cheeks

and die on your lips

Okay, its nice. Really. It caught my eye. But I didn't like it a bit for one reason. If I wanted to be a part of the person, I really wouldnt want to be their tears. Reason being, the major reason tears come into someone's eyes would be because they were very sad, and they hurt. I wouldnt want to be something that made a person sad, if you can understand what I'm trying to say. However, I am not saying that it is not meaningful or nice. It is. And I do like it

I made my own version of it though.

If I could be a part of you,

I would be your laughter.

To be conceived from your heart,

Born of your joy,

To live in your eyes,

And die on your lips.

                            - James Lucian Caldwell-

                                                                                                                    © Carol



Copyright claimed:D:D..today at 05/09/2011. I made it earlier than that, but who cares. Who's James you might ask. Well, he's a character I created specifically to say that. Imagination rules. But, I really do like my version better, not just because I made it, but I would rather be someone's joy. I want that someone to be happy. Aaaand..bad at explaining again. Haha

Anyways, still havent slept.I mean, I did sleep in the time between my previous post and this one. I just haven't slept yet today. 7.12 am, doing assignments...and taking a break to blog:D..which i reaaaally shouldn't be doing. And Kimberly isn't responding to anything, I've called, msg-ed and fb posted. She has tests this week. Three in fact. And I get that. Just wish she would respond so that I know she is alright at least. sigh. AND I WANNA TALK TO HER....

I should totally not sleep and continue doing my assignment..which I'm gonna do for say..another hour. Then i'll sleep for awhile.

And I just saw another quote. This one is definitely a 'flash' one depending on your personal preference. But for me, it holds a lot of feeling

 I had a dream last night. You were there. I tried to hide you but they came to take you away. I tried to wake myself up to stop the pain, I never did. But I want you to know, I died fighting.

I can't explain this one. It's up to you if you get the feeling.

There's a few more below

1. If ever I was given the chance to start my life all over again, I would rather not accept it. Why not? Who knows? In that second start, I may not have known you at all.

2. I used to wonder why I can’t seem to find the right person. I even asked God why he wouldn’t allow me to commit myself to anyone. It took me years to know the answer. God wanted me to wait for you and you alone.

3. Someone asked me a while ago to give him one good reason why I love you so much. I smiled and said, 'Because there's no reason not to.'

Oh..this is a LOL one...I mentally facepalmed. I thought it was supposed to be some reassuring quote.

 If you find yourself in a dark room, walls around you are red and blood comes from everywhere, don’t be scared. You’re inside my heart.

And this one is strange. Not that its strange in the sense that it makes no sense. But its just..strange. It's strangely poignant too.

Peterpan came one night and invited me to Neverland where I can never grow old. I was about to go but I refused cause I thought of something better to do. That is to grow old with you.

Call me a romantic but *shrug*. I'll probably be waxing lyrical about Beauty and the Beast on my next post. God knows I feel like it^^

Headache killing me. Need sleep. Still a zombie.

RAWR~

i am DYING..DYING...damn university

oh my GOSH...the deluge of assignments is just MAD..just finished one on monday and didnt know i had one more due oh..today?until like..2 days ago.WHICH-IS-NOT-ENOUGH-TIME.i can't absorb anything in such a short period of time so i know what i've written until now is just CRAP. for some weird reason, i was under the impression that the report i mentioned was due NEXT WEEK. ohemgee..i am so fricking dead. when i discovered that fact on wednesday, i already had, two quizzes due wednesday and thursday, one chinese assignment gone wrong(mixed up the dates), one peer review AND a poster project due on Monday, a language quiz later in about..oh..5 hours?not to mention the other homework due next wednesday AND the two midsemester tests that i have next wednesday and friday. So officially screwed now.

I.AM.SO.SCREWED.

I am THIS close to just screaming like an idiot. i have no idea how im going to cope. And what's worse, i know there are people who would look at the stuff i have to do and go MEH..just that?oh gosh, you may be right, BUT i didnt do statistics..so i have no effing idea what the statistics in my report are supposed to be like. t-tests and what the blah blah blah. If my language is a bit short and annoyed now..yeah, well, i have reason to be. and i havent slept. At all. And not planning to until i finish the report. Which would be about 15 hours from now. And then I'm going to conk out like someone just took a cudgel to my head. I'm not even going to play WoW. <----that sentence just guaranteed that the earth turned square. Go look. You probably need your eyes checked if you can't see it.

On a whole other random note. Yesterday's sunset was just WEIRD..beautiful, i admit..but weird. The sun was red. like..really red...this red..but much brighter. And what was weirder was that i could actually see the sun setting..as in, see it moving down really quickly. It's not like other times where I look, the sun doesnt move but when i look away and look back, it moved. It was like moving before my eyes. And just to clarify, Ive never seen that happen before, so pardon me if it's only me. It was still freaking cool. It went below the horizon in like..10 seconds..give or take a few.

I'm too tired and lazy to correct any grammar mistakes such as apostrophes and capital 'i's..Truly, I dont swear much, except in my head without thinking. But something an acquaintance of mine said before really puts my thoughts in perspective. My thoughts regarding all that work i have to do. 'There is not enough middle finger in this whole world to express just HOW MUCH i HATE -insert object/occasion/whatever you desire to put -'
In my case, it's my assignments. Heck yeah there isnt enough to express how much I hate them. I wish someone would blow up my university. When I'm not there.

Zoning out like a true zombie...

It's 2011

okay...i havent touched my blog in an entire YEAR or more..but what can i say, i was busy..and blogging just had to take a back seat. This is just to prove to myself that I haven't given up on my blog since i can't really blog due to exams. Boo and a thousand bullfrogs.

EXAMS..a word i hate very very very much. gosh, i gotta go back to studying. exams tomorrow. bummer. For some weird reason, Kim's famous 'coconut-head' is running thru my brain...

This...is me...

meh...