what does xD and lol mean after all that

AQ

Yoo hooooooooooooooooooooo

They won

And why am I so pumped up about it?

The last hurrah

I suppose I got what I wanted, finally being able to be part of a team that emerged champions. But is the victory all that sweet? To me, it is bittersweet.

I suppose yes, not performing your best on the day it all matters is always disappointing. But nevertheless, I am content with the fact that I gave it my best shot, so definitely my personal loss cannot and will not overshadow the victory that we as a team acheived.

Rather, as much as this is a mission that has been successfully completed, it is nonetheless a mission that is completed. It is THE END of my time in RI Tennis, and as much as I always say how I look forward to 'retirement' and the end of regular CCA trainings, it is definitely a sad farewell that I bid. Your CCA gives you that sense of belonging. A place where you know your presence and effort counts, a place where you are part of a entity small enough to feel initimate and close to, but nonetheless an entity that you know is and will always be bigger than you. And I really wonder how the rest of the year will be, without this fixture in my routine, which is really really more than just that.

It seems so fast, these 4 years that I have spent in RI Tennis. Sure it was tough, and at times I just couldn't wait for it to be all over. But in the end, somehow, it just resolved itself. As I mentioned before, it all becomes worthwhile when you become part of that entity that is more than just a CCA, a team with a common goal.

I can remember extremely clearly, my first training. That day, it rained at Farrer Park, and so Coach called and told us to stay in school. When he arrived, he sat the whole CCA down at the Stadium Steps, not the stadium steps itself, but rather the steps just in front of the long jump pit. It was second closest to the railing. I still remember. And after some bantering, like saying to a Sec 4, "David, your brother ah?", when he found out that the Sec 4 and I shared the same name, he said this "...(to the Sec Ones) Welcome to 4 years of hell!" And then we proceeded to do interval training round the track.

There is really so much to say Goodbye to, a ton of memories, feelings etc. To the Sec 1 to Sec 3s, I guess being in a CCA like Tennis is challenging, where the physical aspect is a bitter pill to swallow, the competition a yearly marathon, and the way the team functions a bizarre puzzle. But I guess the challenge is where the fun is. Challenge makes us all become a team with a common goal.

And that is just beautiful.

And I guess I would like to thank Walter for being a whacky and passionate Captain, who figured out how to manage a team of very diverse individuals, and lead the team through the minefield that lay between individuality and unity. Shanan for being a vice-Captain who in his own way, showed what effort and determination meant. Syl, Chee Jun, Yan Cheng Jie and Nick for inspiring us with their "into the brew" tennis which brought the CCA "intense glory". Christopher for showing us what to breathe tennis meant. Lionel and Ryan for giving Shanan and I regular heart attacks. And Joseph for always showing concern in his quiet way, together with Chief Umpire Ganesh and the rest of team, who supported us and provided regular amusement with their odd idiosyncracies.

And definitely thanks goes to Ms. Kuang and Mr. Chua for working so hard behind the scenes, and for having that knack at sensing the intangibles. Hmm? Last but not least, Coach for working us like mad, and steering us, both as a team and as different individuals, through to victory.

Oh, and definitely all the prefects and supporters who came down too, and cheered like MAD.

Thank you.

And for those who are feeling nauseous by now and think this is some kind of normal Sec 4 Bullshit, you have been devoured by cynicism and so I guess another blog would be more for you.

Maybe

This week has certainly been a mad week, a week filled with challenges, disappointments. Revelations? Maybe.

I suppose adaptability is a useful trait, being able to see things in a new light, to realign yourself to new developments. But, well, keeping true to what you think is right, what you think is possible, isn't that an ideal trait too? Being stubborn? Maybe.

I am? Maybe.

Things just happen so quickly, they are gone before we know it. Only long after do we realise how much we treasure them, how much we should have just stopped to appreciate them.

KOH said at the start of sec 3, and i remember this clearly for some reason, that we should treasure our sec 3 year, because it would turn out to be the best of our 4 years in RI. I remember some people mused, saying isn't sec 4 the best, when we can take the helm in leading the school? Mr. Koh disagreed. Wisdom? Experience? Maybe.

Do I miss KOH, who people are actually happy to be rid off. A purportedly intellectually arrogant menace? OR an adult facing his own struggles after facing those we face now? Maybe.

Just maybe, if we try hard enough and wish upon a star.

2/1/2003

And that was 3 years ago......

she

why

Friends

A man's spirit can be dampened by many things, and these are generic, they affect everyone. Doing badly for a test, being ditched by your girlfriend, being scolded by someone you love or respect, all these generally cause people to feel sad and depressed.

But only a few things can truly eat at a man's spirit, making him drained and weary of life. It will not destroy a man's life, and in spite of how much we complain about our problems we at school, we really experience few things that have the potential to wreck us forever at our relatively young age. But nevertheless, problems and issues that have the potential to drain us emotionally are always present. And these are not generic, they vary greatly from person to person.

When I appear stressed and depressed, many people assume that it is due to the workload. I can safely say that that is at best a secondary cause of my weariness. Work can never be finished, and it will always remain part of our lives. There is nothing to be depressed about, nothing to lament.

What really gets at me is the entire question of friendships. I have always believed that friendships have only one requirement for them to be true friendships, i.e. trust. I must not only be able to trust what you say to me is genuine and sincere, but I must also be able to trust that you will remain a true friend, a friend who will always be there for me, support me, be frank with me, and basically be someone who looks out for me, who protects my interests almost as though they were his own. I have always believed in this. Indeed, I may not be the perfect friend, neither the most diplomatic in words nor the most sensitive at times, but I always strove to be a true friend, to do the hard things and not the easy cosmetic ones. I have always strove to tell the truth all the time even when it is hard, and i have always strove to support and protect my friends without hesitation. I have tried to fulfil my own criteria of what is a good friend.

I stress that it is my own criteria, because the perception of friends in society, or at least the community in which I go about my life, is somewhat different. In fact, I suspect that a more precise term for friends, would be transient aquaintences of convenience. Friends are now mere tools for manipulation, be it through false promises or otherwise. Friends are people you want to associate with to be popular, to have some semblence of a sense of belonging. Friends are now people who your ally yourself with against a common enemy. Friends are someone you just hang out with, without any emotion below the skin level. Everything is indeed a facade, a means to a selfish end, everything is transient, rational and materialistic.

Perhaps, what depresses me and makes me weary is this. The sight of perverse friendships, mock sincerity and sly manipulation. It used to irk me, but now I am used to it, it just happens so often. And one cannot help but to be suspicious, to play this poisonous ball game. I am lost and I do not know what now is the yardstick for a friend. Who is my friend? What is a friend?

Disillusionment. "That's what friends are for" may soon be Musical toilet paper.