A Week in Auschwitz, Luckily it Ended Well

First I would like to say that Jana is a nice person. Second, I hate her guts. I know she thought that she was doing me some favor by letting me stay at her home for the week so that her family could go galavanting around without a care in the world. At first I was ecstatic to watch Jana's home for her and take care of Brewer & Pickles but alas, I AM a moron for thinking that things could go so well! Here is a fun list of events & situations that took place while I was at Jana's home.

1. Pickles decided that she didn't like to be tied up and so she some how broke her leash and then chewed it into smithereens.

2. Brewer must have made a deal with Pickles, because she then proceeded to chew Brewer's collar off so that they were both free to fancy a walk through the yard, tearing up whatever they could get their mouths on.

3. I was going to clean the yard up but I fell deathly ill with strep throat and was barely able to pet Brewer on the head. I don't know if this is just a coincidence but Udine, Jana and I were the only ones to receive this horrible fate (I'm 98% positive that Jana gave it to Udine and I just for laughs!)

4. While I was laying on deaths door I thought I would pass the time on the computer. While I was on the computer Brewer bumped into it and it wouldn't work. For me it was unfixable and so I spent my time staring into the eternal bottomless pit which I thought would soon engulf me (no, I'm not trying to be melodramatic, this is an actual event!)

5. I missed the first 25 minutes of LOST because the DVR didn't tape all of it (stupid DVR, if it was a person that didn't tape LOST for me, I would have beat them until their mother failed to recognize them!)

Anyway .... that was the scenario until I located some antibiotics and realized that the pit of eternal darkness wasn't going to engulf me. Things started to look up when I thought that I could go home for the weekend. Even though it was a short trip I enjoyed myself. LaNell, Dan and Sam where kind enough to let me come along. Since we didn't leave until Thursday night, the trip lasted well into the midnight hours. You know what happens when people start to get tired, they get a little crazy!!!! I must admit that I didn't realize how knowledgeable LaNell is about bears. Anything that you would like to know about them and more, Master Brown has stored away in her cranium. For some reason the subject of bear mating calls came up and so Dan and Sam decided to act it out. All I have to say is that I woke up the next morning thinking that I did 2,000 sit ups (lets be honest, the chubby girl is not doing any 2,000 sit ups!) I laughed so hard that I almost had another pee my pants story. I would just like to say that I would pay money to see Dan and Sam yell these so called mating dialects out with real bears to see if it works :). Other funny quotes that were presented include:

"I would like to stop in Battle Mountain".... "Tough titty" ... "Lets hope not." Yes all three statements were said by 3 different people.

We got to lock arms with each other and sing We Can Be Together Forever..... isn't that special!

LaNell tried to exercise in the car to her ridiculous music (yes she did try to get the rest of us to join her but it only ended with Tubby 1 & 2 and the Chubby Princess looking at her in disgust.)

Other cool things that happened when I was home:

Sean Robertson got his mission call to the Houston, Texas Mission speaking Spanish. I have to say that I was very shocked but I am very happy for him. He will be a great missionary! Good job Sean.

I fell on the pavement because everyone had their bags on the ground and so I tripped on one of the straps. The great thing about it is LaNell was near me and could have prevented me from falling but chose instead to move so that she could watch and then laugh. Thanks for the help Nellers!

It was great to go home and visit family and friends!

Easter Isn't Great For A Chubby Girl

Here is good ol' Sasha right after she did my hair. I do have to say that the smile is fake! In fact I thought I was going to cry when I saw that I looked like a zebra. I actually like my hair now but for some reason, my hair didn't react the way it should to the hair coloring and so the red was really red and the brown turned black! I don't by any means blame Sasha, she is a great hair dresser but when a person like me gets shocked, there is a reason for it! Anyway I like Sasha so much, she has helped me out of a couple of sticky situations, the most current event is when I called her at 11 pm (I know she doesn't go to bed early,) to ask her if I could sleep at her house because I had just moved and couldn't find the house that I was supposed to be staying at (I know, my sense of direction hasn't improved much since high school haha.) She was more than happy to help. Thanks Sasha, you are the best!

Here is Easter Day. The day was actually great, the only thing I hate about Easter is the candy. It should be obvious to people that I like candy but the problem is that I eat all of it in like 3 days! The Hancocks and the Youngs gave me Easter baskets, thanks you guys, you are great even though I will probably gain 5 pounds this week! Right now I live with one of my old missionary companions Brittney Young. Her family has been very gracious in allowing me to stay at their home. They have been very kind and I enjoy being around them. For Easter dinner I went to Than & Erica's home. If anyone hasn't sampled some of Erica's home cooking, you really are missing out! Even though I threw one of her meals up in her bathroom I still love Erica's food. I also like to go over there because Than is constantly cringing at my comments. Yesterday I was told to shift my mouth down to a PG rating. Sorry Than, my filter is in repair right now.

Another Hero I Will Add To My List

I love this Maxine character! This is what I will be like in 30 years and I couldn't be prouder of myself if I could reach this level of intimidating sarcasm! I think that I will put one of these awesome quotes up once in a while since they please me.

Not a lot has been going on so I thought since Angelee never does memory Monday anymore that I would take over this one time (Hope this doesn't offend you Pilar.)

Since I'm stealing this tradition I thought I would honor Angelee by sharing an experience that I had with her in high school. One day Angelee and I decided to hang out with each other after school. We went to Angelee's home and found out that a bunch of the guys were going to go to the church to hang out and rollerblade, this sounded fun to us. The problem was Ben. He wouldn't take us and neither one of us had a driver's license so we were upset. Angelee decided it would be a good idea to hide in the car under a blanket unbeknowst to Ben. We climbed in the car and covered ourselves thinking that we were so sly but after several minutes we realized that Ben wasn't going to the church first and so signs of suffocation and heat stroke began. I thought that I was going to die!!! The funny thing is, we both knew if Ben caught us before he got to the church he would have straight up pitched us out of his car and so we waited. I am surprised that we didn't get caught because its not like we didn't take up a considerable amount of space and I know the blanket wasn't that large. The other trigger was listening to Angelee rattle off something funny that made me want to laugh such as, "we are going to die Mikila!" "I better start writing my will, can you see a pen or pencil anywhere?" "Mikila, I'm sorry that I told Than that you had a crush on him, please forgive me!" Ben probably did hear all of this but could have possibly have been amused so he said nothing. Finally we got to the church but Angelee and I were too scared to get out of the car so we waited a little while longer until we heard some screams. Correct me anyone if I'm wrong but I think that it was Jed Hancock that hurt himself but I just remember some blood and a gashed open arm. We decided to jump out to look at the commotion. I just remember Angelee trying to tell Ben that we had walked there from her house. Good times!

The other funny story that I thought about was with the Hughes. I don't know what it is about toilet papering a house that makes me feel so exhilarated & accomplished but I used to love it (and probably still do but I am now too chubby to do an adequate job and still run away fast enough!) So one evening I was spending the night with Carrie and Anika and I wanted to go toilet papering and so I talked them into doing the Reynolds house. For some reason I was feeling extra mischievous and so we not only took toilet paper but we also brought maxi pads, tampons and ketchup. We did our dastardly deed, the place looked like a high school girls bathroom by the time we were finished. That was fun but here is the funny part. Everyone hopefully can remember that the Reynolds gate is fairly large and tall, its also locked up at night. For some reason we had no problem getting over the fence to get in but had a lot of issues getting out. I remember Carrie and I getting over without too many problems but Anika got caught on the fence, I think she ripped her shirt so Carrie and I were laughing pretty loudly. Anika started to get worried because Carrie and I were not helping her after she asked us to and so she started yelling. All of a sudden the lights came on, Carrie and I start to run and Anika finally got herself over before Reuben came out screaming like a half crazed lunatic. Good thing he didn't catch us because he started yelling about if he caught us he would get his rifle out and shoot us! So out of spite and amusement we showed up the next day and papered their house again without getting shot at :)

I'm On Protest!

Before I jump into my protesting I do want to say that I'm excited for this weekend! Conference is my favorite time of year and I love it. I hope everyone takes advantage of it and watches this instead of watching March Madness (this is more of a caution to myself!)



Moving on .......



Its come to my attention that there is a numerous group of people that would like to see Michael Robertson start a blog. I tried to coax Michael into this while I was home but my pleas fell upon deaf ears. Michael I know that you have said that you have nothing to write about but I will beg to differ! Here is my list of subjects that I would like to hear about:

1. BYU, yes not a great time right now but football is just around the corner!

2. The doctrine of Kolob according to Frank Gomez.

3. Ward activities that include the attendance of Tina Bacon and Cross Eyes

4. Weddings that are held in your back yard

5. Moments in Elders Quorum

6. Dealings with the wonderful employees at the 7V

7. Video recording of you trying to grab objects with Jana's handy gadget

8. Tea & Scrumpet parties put on by Rosalinda.



I feel like I have giving so adequate ideas for you to start with. Everyone else should throw in some ideas.

Fun Times in the Ville

This is why I love Oroville. I can't imagine what Carrie's in laws thought as the "Carrieokey" group proceeded to give their rendition of I Am A Believer. Luckily they aren't jerks like I am and so they thought the musical presentation was wonderful. I have seen enough of these to appreciate that I grew up in the ghetto but thinking upon these monstrosities has made me wonder if we don't all belong in the crazy house.

Happy Day for Carrie! Carrie's wedding reception turned out nicely and the cultural hall looked great. I did try to pay Angelee off to go grab the ribbon around Carrie's waist and wrap it around her head, I guess my offer wasn't enticing enough.

How cute is this! The sole purpose of this picture was to show how healthy Princess Chuck is! The other day Maree suggested another name that I like very much, Chucky Rose. I kind of feel bad for this poor child, she is going to have a brother that hates her and everyone will make fun of her, I hope this girl is going to be a lot tougher than her mother. Pilar, you might want to invest in a pair of numb chucks for her.

I have had a nice visit with some old friends including the Draper family. I have a lot of fond memories with their family and enjoy catching up with them. Everyone knows I usually don't like kids but I must admit that Mia's kids are very cute. It was great to see you guys!

There are several things wrong with this picture! The first thing is the fact that I had to put a diaper and clothing on this giantess kid. I happened to be racing against Audrey Bruce who has changed thousands of diapers and put who knows how many clothes on children, it was completely ridiculous but I guess everyone got a good laugh out of watching me put a diaper on a kid while I was blind folded. The second thing wrong with this is this stupid doll. Apparently the doll is sacred because Angelee brought it straight from Brazil, there wasn't enough room in her suitcases for the doll and so the 20 year old attached the doll to the outside of the suicase. Nice work Pilar!

This event was probably the highlight of my trip! Look carefully at the crumpled piece of paper. Its probably not a good idea for Michael, Angelee and I to play nertz together due to Maree telling us that she could hear us at the edge of the universe. So anyway, we decided to play cards at Maree's home; tempers raged, hands were slapped, (yes, Angelee slapped Michael's hand at least 4 times!) cards were dashed (this is where there are blanks on the page.) It does say that Michael won both games but it also states that he cheated twice and so everyone can make their own observations.