Preordained

Spiritual post now - sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but it's what I've been working on lately. 

Ok, so about a month ago we had a lesson on Alma the younger. Our teacher said that she and her husband were discussing her lesson. She was talking about how Alma was the prophet and was praying that Alma the younger would become humbled and converted. And her husband said, yes that he was praying for his son to have a mighty change of heart, but that also Alma the younger was preordained to become a prophet himself. This was just a complete side note to her lesson. But, you can't believe how one word can have such an impact. Preordination. 

We've all been sent here preordained to do something while on this earth. I don't know about you, but ... ok, here is a glimpse into my inner psyche ... skip to 🐞 if you're not interested. As I was saying, I don't know about you, but I often wonder how I got here. I am a mother of two. I live in the burbs. I drive an SUV, do carpool, cook, clean & constantly try to find what I am good at. Please don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my life. But, growing up I always knew I was different from most girls my age. I felt like my path was going to be more exciting - or just more unique. I felt like I was meant for something more in this life. But, now I'm here and it feels so average. I don't feel like I am doing anything more special. In fact, I'm not as clean as her. I'm not as involved with my kids as her. I'm not as professional as her. I'm not as good at being a good mother or wife as her. If anything, I feel less than average on most accounts. 🐞

So, here is my project, as of late. I am trying to find out ... what am I preordained for? 

Where to begin? My patriarchal blessing. I'm awfully private and so I don't think I want to air a lot of what was given to me. However, I will say that part of me was disappointed in the apparent advise I was given. Pray, read your scriptures, ... pretty much everything we've been taught our entire lives. But, then I read it again & I got a bit of an aha moment. I was instructed that as I read & study the scriptures prayerfully and faithfully "they will guide your life". Not exactly the answer to my question. Not exactly. But, almost?

I have to think that the Lord in his infinite knowledge knew I would ask this question. And he knew he wasn't going to ruin the surprise for me. 😂  But, he was willing to give me the breadcrumbs to follow. Good thing is - I love me some bread! 

More building

2017 is my year of self-exploration. So these past couple of month I have done some fun, new things. 

First, I went to a movie by myself. I'm a social being and so it's surprisingly difficult for me to go do things by myself. Ok, I can go shopping by myself. I can run errands. I can eat lunch by myself (if I have a book or something). But, going to a movie? Sounds uncomfortable. But, I did it. I sat in the back. And, surprise, surprise - I was the only one in the theater. A friend told me that it doesn't count now that they heard I was the only one in the theater. And then recommended I go to a tearjerker of a movie. No thanks!

And, last month ... shhh ... I got a lock pick kit. And I also got some transparent locks so I can practice and learn. I've been able to pick 2 out of 6 so far. It's an art! Difficult to master, but fun to try! 

Isn't that like life though ... difficult to master, but fun to try. Wow. I don't typically think of life as "fun to try". I would say I mostly get stuck at the "difficult to master" part. Maybe I need to flip that on it's head. Which team are you on? 

Brick #1

I mentioned earlier that my New Years resolution is to break out of my typical patterns and try new stuff. So, this past month I started taking a class on ... Anxiety. Sounds super exciting, huh? It's been super interesting though. 

My best friend started taking this class with her child. It's a two piece class - one for the children and a seperate class for the parents to help support their children with their anxiety. My friend and I got together the night of her first class. She brought her slideshow printouts full of info and very clinically asked me to explain the symptoms I get when I have anxiety. I said the four prominent symptoms and she then showed me her printouts, which showed my answers at the top of the list. She then told me I needed 4 of 13 symptoms to be diagnosed with panic disorder. So, Yep. I think that's me. I already knew this, of course. But, it's now more official. 😊

It started after I had Zaida. I think that can be common. I've heard of lots of my friends who worry a lot more after having children. It's just a lot more to think about. And it also gives you a lot more to lose. Which in turn, gave me a lot of fear of something terrible happening. 

I'm grateful to go to this class. I am the only parent in there without a child in the companion class. But, it's helping me a lot. I think just hearing all the definitions, physiological symptoms, coping mechanisms, etc. really helps me to feel a sense of normalcy about it. 

I'm also grateful that I can recognize that my children are not showing signs of anxiety. I was concerned that I might be "training" them to have anxiety somehow. I'm glad I'm learning how to combat those behaviors even before they become an issue. 

I'm grateful I have wonderful friends who love me and support me - even through my kind of crazy.  😊

And I'm grateful I started with this first brick. I think this year is going to challenge me. I'm going to need to be brave. And trying new things will probably give me some anxiety. So, it was actually a brilliant way to begin my year. 

More bricks laying in wait ... Excited to see what they build. 

Trumped

This week, we got ourselves a new President of the United States. And, because of this great country, which affords me the right to free speech, I have a few things I want to say. 

1) I am proud to be an American. I'm so grateful for the political process and for the ability for each of us to make our opinions known. And, you know what? The country spoke and decided who the new president is. So, I don't understand why people are protesting. I have more to say, but why?! I just don't like it. Do people have nothing more to do then walk the streets yelling about stuff?

2) I'm proud to be a Mormon. The Mormon Tabernacle choir represented at the inauguration! Compared to some of the other performances, we blew them away! Great job!

3) I'm proud to be a mother! As I was watching the inauguration, Robson came into the room. I told him that we have a new president. He said "yeah?" I said, "we have a new President of the United States." And he said, "ok". Then I asked him if he knows who the new president is. He responded, "Donald Trump". 

My 5 year old son knows who the new president is, why doesn't half of the country know?!

Sliding through life

Ha! I wish. 

However, today I did slide down the mountain on my skis. It's been about 13 or 14 years since I skied last. 😁

I, of course, had that apprehension about going, but we had a great time! Today was Robson's first day of skiing!!! What a champ. He did so well for his first day. His teacher said he had a "great attitude!" And told me he had "confidence". What a compliment! 

I think that was the best part of my day. Everything was great (minus that dumb fall), but that one word "confidence" made my day! I instantly hoped that I had played a part in building up his confidence. And I am so proud that he tried something new and did it with confidence! 

It's funny, because I think we all hope and pray that our children will grow up to be better than us. But, then when they actually do? ... my heart is just so full! And Zaida is in her second season of skiing and she is amazing! My legs were sore after a half day of skiing, but Zaida was so energized and excited to go out skiing with the big kids (aka Dad, cousin Chandler, Uncle John and Aunt Shay). She just hopped on the ski lift with no reservations. Ready to go!!

I learn so much from these kids. I wish I could walk into a new experience with that kind of confidence & no reservations - just anxious to get going! Excited and sliding through life, not worrying about the potential falls. 

Next run, let's all confidently, excitedly hop on that lift & enjoy the ride!

I am a brick

Even a brick wants to be something.

I am a brick! Of course, I am something. But, I want to be something more. 

This year is a building year for me. 

New Years resolutions have always been a little funny to me. I've never really set goals for myself. Of course, I rededicate myself to those things I'd like to work on at each new year. But, I've never set official goals (with deadlines) for myself. This year I am not only a brick. I am also going to be a bricklayer. 😊

My stake has set a yearly goal, with a number of sub-goals that help achieve the main goal. So, my sweet little family and I talked about the stake challenge and went through each of the bullet points. We discussed what we can do as a family and we came up with two goals, deadlines & rewards attached. I'm surprised at how happy and excited the kids are about these goals. We printed out charts to track our progress. And they are excited to color them in with each step of our progress. 

Not only do we have family goals this year, but I made individual goals for myself this year too. What?!? I know, right?

I am breaking out of my pattern & creating new ones. Funny thing is, I have created a "daily schedule" that I'd like to be able to stick with. It won't always happen, of course. But, it's a guideline for me. 

But, what I am most excited about is I am going to try new things this year. I plan on doing something new once a month for the year. Some might be new hobbies, but it might just be something simple that I've never had the nerve to do before. Whichever it is, I am excited to grow and hopefully surprise myself just a little. Next year, I'm hoping this brick will be a little more accomplished. 

Advent-ure continued

Advent Day 3 - we had a super busy Christmasy Day today. First we had our wards Christmas Breakfast, where a special visitor came. Robson is adorable - he gets "star struck" or shy because when Santa asks what he would like for Christmas Robson will freeze up. Then when he walks away he gets so sad and disappointed. Breaks my heart. Good thing we can send a letter to Santa. 

Then in the afternoon Zaida and I went to a Christmas concert at the high school. It was really a great concert. Zaida got a good snooze during it - she took the directors advise to heart ("sit back & relax")!

Robson had a soccer game where he "almost got a goal". 

And, to finish off our day, we got to do dinner and some shopping with Aunt Angie!