It's only after you step away from something, then do you see the ugliness in all its light. 

Only after you taken yourself out of the picture, then do you realize how miserable you are, and how stupid you've been for holding on to it for so long.

Only after you've given up all hope, do you realize how scared you are of being alone. 

Twenty twelve.

Twenty twelve is filled with nothing but regrets, repercussions and goodbyes. I guess it takes something major, to put a person into place and prioritize perspectives. Things that seem so major, still affect me but are significantly lesser. There are thousand of things I wish I could rewrite, but we all know that life is a bitch and the idea of a do-over is nonexistent.

Twenty twelve left me nothing but regrets, leaving me to hate myself for taking things for granted. Never would I imagine how fragile, ugly and frivolous human beings can be. All that's left is me, futilely wishing I treasured what I had, but can no longer have. I guess its only human, to want things to cherish things that you can no longer have. But it is apparent that struggling doesn't yield anything, so all that's left is to be left in disappointing and remorse, until one day you become habituated to the hurt and just give up in life. Life makes no sense, painful things happen and there's no justification or explanation behind it. I guess you're just suppose to naively accept it, and move on with life. Now, if only someone could teach me how to do it.

sun burnt

It's always ironic, how I'm the only one among my friends who doesn't want to get tanner, and the only one who applies sunscreen, but am the only one who gets sun burnt and black.

Sentosa was fun. Played, lazed around and frolic. The perfect life all students dreamt of when they were stuck with assignments, projects and exams. But all good things must come to an end eventually, and the harsh reality sank in that pretty soon, everyone will be going their own separate ways and all that will be left are fond memories.

Life is filled with changes, and you have to adapt. If you don't, you can't move forward. It's something that's inevitable. But I wonder how long it'd take for me to finally come to terms with it.

Red

If only my hair was this red in real life.

growing up

endless.

I get it. It's time for me, or everyone else for that matter to grow up. But it isn't as easy for me as it may be for everyone else.

To me, growing up =

1. Losing old friends

2. Stepping out of my comfort zone

3. Making a change

Making a change is easy. It's the first steps you have to take to make that change that scares me.

I mean, this blog itself is me stepping out of my comfort zone. But I needed to start somewhere.

Life bugs me sometimes. Some nights when I can't sleep I end up getting annoyed with my heart beating. In the dead of the night, the only sound I could hear was my heart madly thumping away, which causes me to focus solely on the sound of it beating, worsening my insomnia. The irony, hating the sound of something that is keeping you alive.

On other nights, I wake up from weird dreams that I have no recollection of and end up wrecking my brains just trying to recall what the dreams were about. I really should get a copy of Stigmund Freud's interpretation of dreams.

Everyone has their bad days, so I'm not trying to be a whiney prat complaining about life. But life has had its surprises like randomly finding a hammy on the pavement with baby, who was screaming madly when I just randomly ran across the road and picked up something strange from the ground when I saw the hammy.

It really took me by surprise when mummy decided to keep the hammy. I guess she could sense my fear of it eventually dying and chose to keep it to give me a push to make a change in my life. So I've decided to take care of him too, and his name is Pompom. I guess his birthday is the 12th of feb since that was the day I found the lucky bugger. He is super cute, even though my grandmother keeps insisting that his a rat because his too big to be a hamster.

Pompom.

I am grateful, because I once again have company when I spend long, lonely, scary nights alone. The noise he makes when he runs on his wheel just gives me reassurance, that I'm not the only person left in the world.