The past month has been one that is bittersweet. Sweet because it is one of the happiest moments in my life. Bitter because it is so short-lived. Sweet because i realised how loved i am by so many different people. Bitter because despite all the promises, things still change.
So yes, i am flying off to the States tomorrow (More precisely, i will be flying to London before heading to the States after a few days). I honestly don't know what to feel. Excited? Hardly. Scared? Not really. 依依不舍？Definitely. I am kinda used to my life here in Malaysia. It's hard to accept the fact that tonight will be the last night that i will sleep on my bed for a very long time. It's hard to accept the fact that once again i will be separated from my parents and not get to see them for quite a while. It's hard to accept the fact that we will be in different time zones.
The States will be a brand new journey. And today my dad gave me a few words of advice:" Remember to be humble, honest and to keep your cool at all times when you are in a foreign land. Do not stinge on food and get enough nutrition. Don't stress yourself too much studying. Just do your best and we will be proud of you. Know how to study hard but also how to play hard!" 6 years ago, when i first stepped into Singapore, his advice was "a journey of a thousand miles start with a single step." I guess Singapore was that first step, and now Ohio would be my second large step away from home.
On a different note, the kids made me feel 不知所措when i told them that i would not see them again in quite some time.
“姐姐，你不要去美国啦，你住这里，我的床让你睡，我睡地上！”
“老师，我要补习！”
“姐姐，你回来过后，一定要记得来看我们！”
短短的几句话，却让我觉得无比的心酸，看着可爱的小孩子们，我知道我一定会想他们。是，他们是很调皮，很坏蛋，甚至有时候还真的很没有礼貌，但看得出，他们都有一颗真诚的心。
Things are always unpredictable. 我学会看开了！
I'm flying tomorrow. And my brother's leaving for Singapore next week. Our house is going to be real empty again. I think my parents are going to have trouble readjusting. I guess they will miss us badly and maybe feel real lonely. Sighs.
爸，妈，我会想你们的！
Goodbye Malaysia!
Oh, and i found an article which i wrote in December last year. Guess i'll just post it up here
It is my belief that humans are one of the most
fascinating animals on this planet. Despite the fact that our generation has
grown up with the label “strawberry generation” plastered on our backs, we are
not as fragile and incapable of coping with hardships as implied by that label.
We humans, regardless of our age, are animals that are capable of adapting.
Adapting, and surviving, if times call for it. If you doubt what I say, think
of the number of times you have thought “Shit! This time I’m dead,” or “I’ll
never make it!” or even “I don’t know what I can do, FML!” Recall those moments
and look at where you are now. You survived, did you not?
Five years ago, in this exact month, I was reluctant
to further my studies in Singapore. Mention Singapore and what came to mind?
The 5Cs (that was then, now it has been upgraded to the 5Bs): Condo, Car, Cash,
Credit card and Country club membership. The Ks: Kiamsiap, Kiasu, Kiasi and all
the other Kia(s) that you can think of. I was hesitant, I was worried, but most
of all, I was scared. But look at where I am today? I adapted, I made the most out
of those four years, and I SURVIVED!! I cherished the years spent in Singapore
and if given the chance, I would have done it all over again.
Singapore, that little red dot which we
“affectionately” call our neighbor, is actually not as bad as some people paint
it out to be. The people there, especially the students, are quite friendly and
helpful to us Malaysian students. In my two years in Secondary School and two
years in Junior College, I have found friendships which touched my heart.
People have gone out of their way to help me in times of need. I will always
remember SH, who cooked porridge for me when I was ill; B, who walked patiently
beside as I hobbled to the doctor’s when I sprained my ankle and Mrs Tan, who
always invited us to her house during festivals so that we do not feel
homesick. It is heartwarming to know that in this “mind your own business”
decade, there is still kindness and sincerity in our everyday lives.
One of the things I feared the most leaving here
after Form Three was that I would miss out on what went on among my
(ex)classmates in Malaysia. Not only that, I was afraid that I would not fit in
with my new Singaporean friends as they already have a two-year head start as
classmates. Looking back now, I realized that my worries were unnecessary.
Today, I believe in fate. If it is meant to be, it will be. I’m still friends
today with those who matter, and those that drifted apart, I guess it was just
a matter of time. True friends will not let distance cause a tear in their friendship.
My worries about not fitting in were also unnecessary. I found out that with a
sincere smile and heart, new friendships are always around the corner.
However, things were not always sunny-side up during
my four years in Singapore. There were times when I felt like giving up because
no matter how hard I studied, my results were still less than satisfactory (and
I was used to topping my cohort back in Malaysia). I remembered feeling
helpless, hopeless and hapless, maybe even depressed. This happened so many
times in Junior College that I remember calling home with tears in my eyes,
trying to mask the fact that I was crying as I whined and complained to my
parents. Thankfully, I have parents who are really understanding and they never
pressured me unnecessarily. I remember something my dad said: “Just try your
best, no matter what, you will always be our girl!” That simple line brought
tears to my eyes. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Dad. For always being accepting of
who I am.
Five years ago, if you would have told me that I
would cherish my experience in Singapore and would learn how to love life
there, I might have doubted you. After all, I used to think that nothing could
be better than coming home to a family and to my own private room with my own
comfy bed. However, today, I have come to value the experience I gained and the
friendships I formed during the four years I spent in Singapore. Life has
thought me that these friendships might not be permanent, just like those I
have lost when I made the decision to leave Malaysia after Form Three. But, to
me, it is the process that counts. Even if things fall apart one day, we need
to learn how to let go, and continue adapting, and continue surviving.
I will be flying off to the States next year, and
this time around, I am not afraid at all. I know I will survive.
(The last line holds true, i am not afraid at all. Because like what my dad said:"what will be, will be". I have faith!)
